Since childhood, the mind chose bright.  Ignore the darkness; view the light.
Blame yourself, and make it right.   Prove your worth.  Here on earth.

Age advances, still not swayed.  Heart so caring, it paves the way.
Padded feelings, locked away.  So imperfect; it’s hard to stay.  Here on earth.

Cry for love, but don’t let in.  Once exposed, you’re ******* again.  
Judgmental mind, expectations tall; yourself and them, doomed to fall.  Here on earth.

Slice the vein. Blood freely flows.  Scream in pain.  Let no one know.  Much easier to let them go.
Isolate.  Deny your hate.  Create your fate.  Here on earth.

I see your heart; pure or not.  You cannot hide.  I cannot stop.  
Your tear is mine; so deeply real.  I try to flee.  Your pain I feel.   Here on earth:

The aging mind; whose thoughts can’t find.
The child wails; as evil impales.
Cancer thrives; please don’t die.
Old age ensues; so sure to lose.
Anarchy spreads, the souls are dead.
Wrong is right.  Condone the plight.  
All weary from the useless feuds.  Just spare from me your platitudes.  HERE ON EARTH.

Truism is commonplace.  Cliché, banality; the human race.
Do not attempt to state my pace.
(Did you figure out the redundant place?)  

Do you care enough to read my face?  Are you smart enough to avoid the bait?  Or, weakened is it just too late? Here on earth.

You sit upon your judgment throne, then glare in awe to be alone.
With loving hands you clench the the stone to crush the skull of the unsuspecting clone.  But you don't know.

You remember to aim when your both alone.  Crying justification as you gnaw at bones.  For a fleeting moment, you realize and revel.

Your saving grace?  His book you quote.  You crave the taste.  It coats your throat.  Forgiveness, that's your cruelest joke.  But you don't know.

How does it feel to lay sin aside; for convenience sake, to let it slide?  Only when it's you to hide.  Blessed by God and never-ending bride.  But you don't know.

Propane oozes to fuel the heat and warm the frostbite of your feet.  You leave your door wide open.  Still you cheat.  Victim or villain?  The two compete.  (Born elite?).  You don't know.

Far too late to eradicate.  Just cover your spoils with heated debate.  Cringe while you shoot what you procreate.  Not dead.  Just wounded.  That's their fate.  Why don't you know?

Convinced that you bestow no hate; that you're stuck and just can't catch a break.  Ungrateful for the thing you take.  Entitlement hid by charity fake.  As long as it makes both parties feel great.  Oblivious it's both souls at stake.  *You'll someday know.

Hope escapes
The hurting soul
The blocking gate
Reveals the toll

Pockets empty
And cannot pass
The view ahead
A looking glass

Words fall short
Actions numb
His creation stained
One more succumbs.

Efforts fail
Plans aborted
Purpose lost
Faults assorted

Angels watch
Intent applauded
The world destroys
More hearts defrauded

Time rushes past
Expectations gone
Temptation laughs
The world moves on

Confusion looms
Anger passes
Now stand alone
Among the masses

Undeserving
On bended knee
Beg for guidance
To honor Thee

Give in to Glory
Hand over doubt
Release control
Straighten out.

Still at the gate
With pockets bare
When time is right
He pays the fare.
(Otherwise, you both wait there.)

You said I didn’t love you.
The shock rang through my heart
You said it now, not once but twice
No explanation did depart

Could I be so undeserving?
That you dispel unbinding ties
Bloodline assumes preserving
Could you possibly advise?

From birth did you give notice?
That two held every key
My father and my mother
Adoration my decree

Your influence was precious
Did you fail to realize?
Obedience was not of fear
But heartfelt love inside

Whatever I am now or then
What’s good came from you two
The bad may shame and bring you pain
But it doesn’t come from you.

Hopeless, sad and hollow
My private, padded cell
I contemplate and ponder
How I bring you down as well

If I could only touch your heart
Perhaps a glimpse you’d see
The glowing love I have inside
For the two that created me.

For you I’d give the stars and sky
I’d sacrifice my life
If that would stop one worry
In the footsteps of your life

In dreams I make you happy
I’m steady, proud, and strong
I shower you with all your wants
Your problems are all gone.

You told me I don’t love you.
That broke my heart to pieces
From my first cry to eternity
My love for you increases.

It was one year ago, this day
From my loving arms
They took both away

Still in pain, I cannot look
The toys are gone
So are the books.

My mind denies the memories
Will my sweets remember me?

I fell apart.  I was not strong.
I lost the strength to carry on.

It was one year ago, this day
The horrid truth
They could not stay

I miss you so
So hard to hide
For all my life
I die inside.

Missy, Missy Mortimer
How does your steel heart beat?
Your bloodline oxidized by hate
Satan can’t compete.

Missy, Missy Mortimer
Who do you think you are?
A pure facade of intellect
Matched by your ugly scars.

Missy, Missy Mortimer
Obstinate, careless, crude…
Hell awaits your filthy soul
As you practice being rude.

Missy, Missy Mortimer
Insult; demean; degrade
The power you pretend to hold
In your foolish mind is made

You cast away the moral code
Or perhaps it’s just amiss
You justify your horrid ways
Your arrogance now bliss.

Manipulation, you hold dear
As if all cannot see
With precision you decide your mark
You aim, and shoot; well pleased.

Missy, Missy Mortimer
No warning you deserve
To crush and stomp on human hearts
Compassion; no reserve

Oh Missy, you may think you’ve won
A pin for your collection
You controlled and shoved me out your door
Unjustified rejection.

As soon as I can gain the strength
Forgiveness I shall find
Your ugliness is pitiful
But the Lord’s a friend of mine.

He watched you’re actions closely
He sadly shook his head
Your Father, He wants more for you
But on thin ice, you tread.

Missy, Missy, Mortimer
I pray you hear His call
Until then, you stand on the edge
Your back against the wall.

Colorful and tempting,
Convincing me of need;
Your evil calls me closer;
Justifies the feed.

Pain teams to join the wanting
Convincing trails you leave
Fueled with my desire
I gently follow thee.

Momentary satisfaction
Relieved, relaxed, and strong.
Your love I now desire
Caught up in magic for too long.

Soon the joy deserts me
Inside I’d always known
You’d make your stay a short one
Your true intent now shown

Now Fear joins Pain to haunt me
How foolish I have been
To trust, to want, to live for
The satisfaction from within.

You beg my heart for mercy
Envelope me with love
Seductive, proud and tempting
Like legends I’ve heard of

I want you, deeply.  Badly.
Take away my pain
Your lies began to fade, now
Light now turns into shade.

I feel you, know you, sense you
Like part of me, you are.
Do I need you for existence?
Is the need, too much, bizarre?

No, something is not right, here.
I’ve lost now who I am
You almost got me this time,
Norco, you almost did me in.

Shush. (I don’t exist today).
I’m a figment of your mind at play.

Shush. (I hear not what you said).
Your anger does not enshroud my head.

Shush. (Those memories do not linger).
The song is gone, so is the singer.

Shush. (You don’t exist to me).
We never touched, you did not flee.

Shush. (This heart does not feel deeply).
You did not sell your soul so cheaply.

Shush. (The moments don’t click by.)
Mans creation; an imagined lie.

Shush. (Reality is not near).
Don’t disagree; you are not here.

Gumdrops come in many colors
Yellow, orange and green
My gumdrop hides his color
So his feelings can’t be seen

His character is charming
His humor can’t be beat
He’s loving, kind; a friend of mine
Yet, he creates his own defeat

Avoidance is an issue,
Procrastination set in stone
His fears are locked so deep inside
He fights the world alone.

I understand his silent walk
My feet step in his tracks
Circumstances changed the soul;
True confidence we lack.

When tragedies besieged him
His body young in years
He coped the only way he could
While fighting back the tears

He lost himself eventually
Gave in to worldly sins
But, Gumdrop has the strength of few
He stood-up, once again.

With work, he rose above the clan
Temptation everywhere
He faithfully now walks the walk
Recovery he shares

Sadness still surrounds him
Eyes open for dark skies
Preparing for the looming breach,
He limits joy inside

Why would he risk familiar odds?
Reality is rough
To avoid the possibilities,
Is safer than to trust

Don’t try to understand him
He won’t let you in
He’s had to learn the hard way
He won’t get kicked, again.

But I am pretty lucky,
I’ve known him for so long
With memories and good times
and Billy Joel’s top songs

I wish for him bright colors
Prayers I’m always sending
But Gumdrop holds the steering wheel
He writes the script and ending

Yep.  Gumdrop is a blessing
My friend he’ll always be
Can he step outside his comfort zone?
I guess we’ll have to see.

Hit me with your best shot
Show me what your wit’s not
Expose the heart you’ve not got
You’ll likely take the dare

Looking good you think so
Such a fool, you don’t know
The world’s a stage for no show
I see through you like air

Running scared you fight life
Caring not, you mock strife
Instead you wield the sharp knife
I jump your worthless snare

Kick me when I’m real low
Better me them some joe
God knows you’ve got enough foe
See if me you scare

Justify your filthy deeds
Violence fulfills your needs
So old now, where did that lead?
And you say life’s not fair

You’ll get what’s coming- just wait
The narrow road is too late
You spit upon the Lord’s gate

***** you, I don’t care.

Title:  “I came, I saw, I conquered”.
(A familiar quote by Julius Caesar after victory in a short war.)
More than the standard reference this sentence is also a delightful representation in the first person.  Thus, the drama begins in the title, itself.   The title is meant to emphasize the beginning; one person speaking of himself in the first person.  A person in need of power and victory.

1st Stanza:  With one voice
With one voice he strikes in anger with effective words.  He desires for all things to uplift his need for approval.  With glorious speeches he calls for others to join him.  He becomes more encouraged as he calls out his grandiose ideas and philosophy of things to come.

2nd Stanza:  The Bond of Unity
The uncontrolled need of the power-hungry ruler requires even more to satisfy his ego and personal needs.  Without this step, he would fail.  He succeeds however, as his call to strangers is heard and they eagerly gather to be controlled and commit to fight for the cause they now believe in.

3rd Stanza:  State before the War
The “Angel” represents either (or both) of the opposing sides preparing for battle.  Both sides now feel they are doing the right thing for the right reasons; pure intentions.  At this point, actions begin, testing the opponent as the drama heightens and preparations ensue.

4th Stanza: Woe to the conquered!
From one with power and angry words – to the veracious battle.  Reasoning is lost.  Only winning counts now.  The ground has been laid for treacherous harm.  Emotions unparalleled.  All crimes now justified.  Destruction inevitable.

The poem itself is meant to increase in intensity with each stanza.
Latin phrases are used for drama, depth, and intensity.  
Lastly, the hidden natural elements of Wind, Air, Fire, and Earth represent man’s nature.
Inevitably present and capable of fierce and volatile chaos.
You will find one of each of these elements in the first line; last word, of each stanza.

Number me zero
But please, take no offense
My body requires
What the mind can’t make sense

Number me zero
Not two minus two
Nonexistent; unable
To spend time with you

Number me zero
I simply cannot commit
The soul and heart earns
Yet the ability’s spent

There are some lucky days
When you can number me one
When twitches and trembles
and the pain seems all done.

These are glorious days
When normality flows
I feel I belong
from my head to my toes

Please always remember
When you cannot perceive
The cancellations and distance
are not you, they’re me.

The physical and mental
will kink without warning
When I cannot achieve
It is I, that is mourning.

So number me zero
If that is what you must do
**I’d rather you number me zero,
Than pretend the untrue.

Are his sins so great to justify the harm?

Are your hands so clean and white to
Ridicule; alarm?

Was your time so wisely spent
To spew your words of hate?

Will your judgment passify
the hurt that you create?

Is your throne so golden
To stand above the rest?

Do you feel a victory
To shame, to crush, to jest?

Do your means enthrall the lack
of something you hold dear?

Does your “court of justice” claim
support of comrades who live here?

Did you think before you tied
The knot upon the noose?

Do the stains upon your soul
Justify your truth?

If you can answer “yes” to these,
I shall kiss your feet alone
For you started the trial
Fanned the flames
The conclusions, you shall own.

If you cannot answer “yes” to these,
You’d best leave well enough, alone
Abandon reckless disregard,
And abdicate your drones.

Your words bang hard against the unwritten Wind,
Uncontrolled souls explode; destroying others within
Una voce.  With one voice.

Searching frantically, identity lost in the Air
Your tongue slaps the stranger; now all gather there
Vinculum unitatis.  The bond of unity.

In anger the Angel spits streams of Fire
She swings at the world; opportunity tires
Status quo ante bellum.   State before the war.  

Unbridled words; foundations lay Earth
Reasoning lost.  The war is now birthed.
Vae victis!  *Woe to the conquered!

Yesterday a precious dew drop born

Today a simple raindrop formed

Tomorrow if your words don't care,
You'll find an ugly, rain cloud there.

There came that dreaded time in life
when despair knocked at my door
I felt a hurt so deep inside
as if no one had before.

My reality seemed hard to face
the road I walked so mean
Loneliness hung overhead
trust and love were lean.

Relationships once solid
were gone without a trace

I delight now in my gift from God,
my eternal friends of faith.

The room is dark
there is no love.

to rise above.
strength
the
have
I

Boxed in by your shallow sins
You decline the strength to look within

You preach that your way is the key

What if I were you
and you were me?

Resigned from the band
now a solo act
may as well accept
You can't change fact

Talent observed
far above the rest
a lonely exchange
feeling love
for a quest.

I took a vacation from this linear day,
and when I returned
it was yesterday.

Man walked about earth
at a pace relaxed, free and fine

Then, in fear of being late
he created time.

In a special land not far away
a tiny town of Leprechaun's play.

The air is pure, the birds all sing.
There is happiness in everything.

The glitter dust has a magic shine.
There are no clocks, there is no time.

The four leaf clovers sparkle bright.
The sun shines always, there is no night.

The rainbow tells them God is near.
He has blessed the little people, here.

This land has gold and jewels galore.
They know that love is worth much more.

They take their powers to spread their cheer,
they leave their land and visit near.

They give a wish to a special few.
Once each year, could that be you?

They pick a child with a special heart,
one who cares and does their part.

They never hurt, but always play
tricks and jokes are just their way.

So if you catch one, let it free,
take your wish and let it be,
SO NEXT YEAR IT CAN VISIT ME!

Because I'm bored and lonely,
I thought I'd write a line.
My day is going slowly
and your constant on my mind.

The hours tick by like minutes
until five o'clock is here
Then I'm on the road to see you
and hold you gently near

Patience is a virtue,
but this trait I cannot see
as I anxiously await the time
when you can be with me.

To my husband, my man, my love, my life
From your friend, your partner, your angel, your wife.

How lucky I feel to have the person you are
My love supersedes the planets and stars.

God has His hand in our every embrace
Heaven sparkles at times, in your eyes, on your face.

You've taken on challenges most would ignore,
Still your heart's filled with gladness and faith, I adore.

With unselfish delight, you've helped raise our kids
Their success possible because of who you are; what you did.

Your willingness to give doesn't even stop there
You've been a foster dad to help hearts in despair.

Yes, you amaze me in so many ways,
I thank God for your love in all of my days.

You're my hero, my rock.  You see me through strife.
You humble me; complete me.  I'm the luckiest wife.

Dear Father, clouds are drawing near
When did this tree, so tall, stand here?
I still sing songs of nursery rhymes
Feel the touch of sweet, soft, cradle time.

Sun illuminates and softly shares,
Your gracious gift to all who've cared
to help mold the strength relied upon
What an honor to smile, as our child walks on.

Dear Father, winds sweep swiftly by
Is that my dear boy's laugh, or cry?
You see the mountains he will roam
Shine strong the beacon; bring him home.

Rain so hard and lightning fights,
Strong and fearless passes night.
A furious world screams and scratches,
Rends and bites.

Arise the Son.  He stands for right.

Dear Father, was it worth the fight?

Our souls intertwined
no body forms were allowed
to dispel the truth
no need to enshroud

His thoughts touched my soul
His touch challenged my being
Energies charged
Electric words were so freeing

We danced in the Universe
Inhibitions undressed
Exhilaration ran wild
No understanding repressed

An explosion of lust
Two joyously one
Poetry animated
Emotions undone

Our hearts wholly entranced
He asked, "Who are you?"

"I ride on pink wings,
I am the words I accrue".

If there were one reason to stand and face the pain
If there were one reason to ignore unkind disdain
If there were one reason to vanish retrospect
If there were one reason to ignore all harsh neglect
If there were one reason to entertain a place for hope
If there were one reason to dream, to fly; to cope

If one reason spoke of a warbling sparrows melody of fall
Of a child's precious face, in the wonder of it all
Of two races, as the chains of hate are shed
Of two hearts combined in the moment lovers wed
Of a hungry soul, now nourished, no longer poor
Of two nations that no longer speak of war
Of an angel heard from Heaven while in song
Of an adopted child who giggles with her mom
Of an old man being hugged by a stranger with compassion
Of one who finds the strength to deny world views of fashion
Of the simplicity of a tranquil, peace, within
Of the comfort that I have you as a friend
Of an existence not defined in monetary wealth
Of a weakened heart and mind, finding love within themselves
Of the pride one feels when doing what is right
Of a daddy tucking in his baby boy each night
Of a family dinner trimmed with love and laughter
Of the knowledge in a Paradise, hereafter
Of the beauty as a husband flees temptation
Of the moment two combine to form creation
Of holding hands while heads are bent in prayer
Of waking up to find a new day there

If there were one reason to adore the striking hue
Of a crimson rose touched by the morning dew
With all certainty, my one reason, Lord - is you.

I feel your presence, your spirit near
I remember warmth, but you're not here.

What once was joy has now receded
Gentleness gone, and grace impeded
Did I give too much, or stay too long?
Did I try too hard, or my words prolong?

The vows remembered, naive elation
Disloyalty now begs cessation.
Trust now lost.  The struggle painful
Thoughts of another's touch disdainful

You feel my presence, you wipe my tear
You remember warmth, but I'm not here.

We move as robots, time seems long
Together now; forever gone.

The mind rushes
To analyze
What future looms
I bide my time.
As I await.

The body tremors
Inside and out
Fatigued, it yells
The pain, it shouts.
As I await.

The eye stabs
Vision blurry
Migraines laugh
To watch me worry.
As I await.

The muscles dance
To tunes unknown
Lightning strikes
The weary bone.
As I await.

Memory fails
Words escape
The mind still fights
As I await.
As I await.

Heart palpitates
Stress enhances
Emotions calm
To steer advances.
As I await.

It fights to win
But all in vain
Corrupt the body
My soul remains.
As I await.

Love still lingers
Intentions pure
No anger lives
No pity here.
As I await.

Disease roars strong
Yet, I prevail
Love supersedes
This crumbling shell.
As I await.

Symptoms linger
Rise and fall
No sense to madness
Inside this wall.
As I await.

Stare in question
Distance fear
This child of God
Protected here.
As I await.

My blessings soar
Above the trial
Diagnosis looms
But still I smile.
*As I await.

I walked in silent isolation
My virtuous heart since birth
Now, stunned at the mass confusion
The world’s reaction to its worth

With faith I held out for a strand
of rope to break the fall
I knew time would now be fleeting
I reached out to one and all

Strangers, friends and family
Every church that I could find
I utilized the “viral” speech
And asked for help to lead the blind

I knew the mountain too high
My shovel would move slow
I needed strength in numbers
To resist the heavy blow

Buddy, Can You Spare A Dime?
Perhaps a pence or Two?

Buddy, Can You Spare some Time?
I’d do the same for you.

Buddy Can You Spare A Prayer?
This will surely do.

(No response.  What could I do?
Your loud silence answered true.
You now avoid me, silly you.
You best thank God, it isn’t you.)

I still walk the path alone
My faith you have not crumbled.
I understand the attitude
We all are weak, we all have stumbled.

You feel that times are rough enough
For many, if not all
You gaze upon your own troubles
Too many to recall

You cannot fathom helping one
Whose pain you cannot feel
You must know it, see it,
Achieve joy inside
Otherwise, there is no deal.

Well, Buddy I must let you know
Now that the day is through
I spared a prayer for you today
That your heartaches will be few

And if you should ever need something
I pray that you will find
A response much greater than the one
You offered, friend of mine.

Buddy, Can You Spare A Dime?
Perhaps a pence or Two?

Buddy, Can You Spare some Time?
I’d do the same for you.

Buddy Can You Spare A Prayer?
This will surely do.

Your loud silence answered true.

You best thank God, it isn’t you.

I came upon in childhood
a soul quite dimly lit,
we said "hello" in passing
upon coincidence.

Our paths were very distant,
we danced to different songs
but every now and then I'd stop
and watch that soul glow on.

I marveled at the warming hue
that soul would quietly exhibit,
touching lives with tenderness;
and I wondered how he did it.

The years passed quickly by, it seems
and when reality seemed dark,
I knew that somewhere I could find
that soft, consistent, spark.

I still cherish that unique and special soul
unlike any other,
connected in hearts we will always be
for that soul is
my dear brother.

At a time when life was precious
she came in unannounced
she brought in lots of baggage
and layed it on my couch.

Her innocence was perfect
her naivity was bliss
she only needed love from all
complications she did miss.

This child was so entangled
from the start of life and on
some would pull from left and right
and others far beyond...
but her smile would still march on.

Looking for stability
the years poured quickly by
and soon her heart felt sadness
and her eyes learned how to cry...
but her smile still never died.

A few more cuts and bruises
the rain came pouring down
her soul now soaked in others' hate
no truthfulness around...
but she still refused to frown.

and still more time,
and still more pain...

her eyesight growing dim
the crowd now cries with false-lit love
"my sweet Tabi, how can she sin?"

(and that smile...where has it been?)

I've felt the warmth of loves embrace
I've basked in sheer delight
I've heard one whisper thoughts so sweet
into my ear at night.

I've fought the front line; lost the war
earned medals in-between
I bare love's hurtful battle scars
the most painful ones unseen.

I've packed my faith, donated hope
to causes more sublime
with strength, I've accepted consequence;
gave up for one last time.

And with your grace, you stand here
care and compassion be your keys.

My heart unlocks at your request;
accepts delivery.

No hesitation, no contemplation
no trust I lack, it's true

I can risk and share whats left inside,
for I believe in you.

If I could wish upon a star
and make a dream come true,

I'd ask God for a miracle,
and send it off to you.

I'd free you from the pain and hurt
that haunt you in your sleep.

I'd dry your kind and caring eyes,
so you would never weep.

I'd give you back the hopes and dreams
that long ago ran dry.

I'd erase unpleasant memories
and provide a second try.

My love, my dear, no need to ask
I'd do anything for you.

And if I could send a miracle,
this is surely what I'd do.

For a moment there, I held you
Your touch was perfectly unique.

Your voice was peaceful in my ear,
although we did not speak.

Your presence was undoubtable
Our spirits soared as one.

Though, the interlude now over
the warmth is still undone.

In our acceptance of each other
the experience couldn't cease

and time stood still for two souls
for just one moment, brief.

"Be strong", cry out the tough at heart.
Feel not that inward pain.
Let hurt emotions linger not,
only protective minds are sane.

Look not into her face of hurt
for you may feel it, too
It's hard enough to brave her shield
let alone, keep covered, you.

When inhibited to deeply feel,
incidence of pain abound.
The hearts skips the intensity
so unique, when love is found.

When sensitivity is surrendered
true emotions cannot surround.
The beauty of eternity then chimes
without a sound.

There are certain times in life
and hurtful situations,
that harden hearts; diminish hope;
create self-condemnation.

Obscured by images unkind
and relationships impure,
my spirit fell to depths unknown:
troubled, sad, in fear.

As I watched the flame of my heart diffuse
and avert to a darkened hue,
God whispered softly to my soul
and then He gave me you.

Once again I know I'm special,
deserving of such grace
I'm reminded of His special gift...

each time I see your face.

If you came to know me with eyes blind,
If your soul touched just my heart and mind,
If I had no arms; could not embrace
If it hard to look upon my face
If fancy things I had not such
If they laughed and sneered about me much
If I needed help to face the pain
If I fought to win, but all in vain
If scared, I watched the world pass by
If I cried and you did not know why

If despite these things I write above,
you held me close...

I'd have known Love.

Traveling on an unknown road
I saw just in the distance,
a private piece of naked soil,
so I planted with persistence.

From seedlings sprouted tiny plants
so anxious for the sun.

They were perfect, pure, empyrean;
a blessing, every one.

These plants were truly nature's gift
where beauty blooms and spirits lift.

Flowers dancing in each space,
buds of pearl and vines of lace.

The soft breeze whispers to your spirit,
Tender hearts and children hear it.

The songbird flutters,
a dewdrop beads;
and just above the gate it reads:

"Plant your love in the hearts of all -
Effort justifies a stumble, and saves a fall.
The wealth of love is yours to know
but if not planted, does not grow."

No strength had it bestowed me,
repeatedly I had been distraught.
That mighty, evil force within;
my love and innocence it sought.

With cunning ease it weakened me,
chipped at my faithful soul.
Like a quiet thief that struck at night,
it stole my treasures.
How could I have known?

He must have chuckled quietly,
as he packed my self-esteem.
Perhaps, I heard his cry of joy
when I was bitter, hateful; mean.

With expertise he found my honored trust
and he quickly took that, too.
Oh, dear Lord, was that your tears of rain
when he crushed my faith in You?

My precious God,
I took your love for granted.
Rebelliously, gave in to sin.
Just when I heard your soothing voice,
he kicked me down again.

Now, beaten, battered, torn, and lost
the narrowed road seems long.
My weakened spirit doubts
I'm worth the effort to go on.

Yet, just when all alone I feel.
I turn around to find
an angel to battle my demons,
just in the nick-of-time.

His golden wings protect me.
His body shields me from the harm.
His loving voice does soothe me.
I find my strength within his charm.

Now, hope portrays new meaning.
For me, I know he's meant.
A gift from clouds where Angel's dance,
My Jeff is Heaven-sent.

I'd given on up second chances.
I'd given up on dreams come true.
Thank you Lord for having other plans for me.
Thanks for sending Jeff to help me through.

In a conscious dream I saw him.
Naked was his soul.
He wrapped me in his tenderness,
let down his self-control.

He caressed me with his energy.
He engaged me with his charm.
In his presence, I was free from pain;
safe from any harm.

Like flames he fast consumed me.
Weakened was my frame.
Our spirits soared together.
Life could never be the same.

His heart has opened many doors.
The experience surreal.
His thoughts are now inside me.
He is everything I feel.

I kiss him sweetly, gently.
With tenderness I cry.
"Thank you, God for blessing me
with Jeff before I die."

Not strong enough to free myself,
my kindred held the key;
unlocking all true joys in life,
I gently, worshiped thee.

Through his eyes I watched us dance with love
and laugh with utmost glee.
With his faith I saw perfection,
as I viewed all that was "us",
as I rejoiced in "we".

With his gentleness he loved me pure,
an angel I could be.
A flower sure to bloom someday,
he was the sun that nourished me.

With utmost honesty, my soul I shared
unveiling more than he should see.
I then watched his disappointed eyes.
I lost him.
Silly me.

In pain, I hate myself once more.
Alone again; most naturally.

At a time when warmth had taken leave
and emptiness abounded;
At a place where feelings had no home
and stability was unfounded.
An existence where all faith seemed lost
and hope no longer sounded;
I caught but just a glimpse of love
with a soft, white, light around it.

The light was never constant;
it just flickered now and then
but in the darkness while it shone,
I sensed it's energy within.

I began to greet the darkness,
no longer dreading night.
I'd look upon the empty space
and know that there is light.

Closer to my heart that light
would get with each new day,
and soon my soul was wrapped in love
in such a tender way.

I could not feel his body
yet, he held me in his arms.
I could not hear his whisper
yet, he soothed me with his charm.

He could not see my loving eyes
yet, he softly dried my tears.
He knew not where my pillow lay
yet, he knew that I was near.

Where two souls meet and join in heart
there is singing from above,
and Eden is created
within this silent love.

Why am I here?
What sin be so bold,
as to take away all the love one might hold?

Leave me empty.
Take from me no more.
My pain self-inflicted uncontrollably soars.

Why are you here?
With whose eyes do you see,
as to compound each vision of undesirable me?

Leave me empty.
Take from me no more.
Your cup runneth over.
You've evened the score.

How can they judge me?
By whose book do they rule?
There is strength in the masses,
their hate ignites fuel.

Leave me empty.
Take from me no more.
This shell that I live in,
has now locked the door.

Like a favorite tune from a youth long remembered,
your love soothes this heart, so weathered, yet tender.

A performer I stand before you, not proud;
All chairs of hope empty; betrayed by the crowds.

Were ticket sales halted?  Is popularity gone?
Or, did the singer quit vocals in the midst of her song?

Emotions now tremble deep in my being,
all judgment impaired; only beauty I'm seeing.

Are you an image that I being lonely created?
Or the kindred I've wept for and anticipated.

Perhaps an unwritten score or a dream yet-to-be,
we've transcended all boundaries
our souls
you and me.

In the shadowed depths of a sinking heart,
the surface can't be seen.
No helping hands.  No coast guard.
No Savior to redeem.

Trust; like unknown treasure,
lost beneath the sand.
Love; now reeks; polluted waste;
an illusion in demand.

Cold and wet surround me,
my energy depleted;
the weighted pull of giving in,
my tired soul defeated.

I dread the sordid outcome;
feel deserving of more grace;
yet, struggle still for one more breath
as I envision your sweet, face.

I am not
(to my surprise).

I am not.
Do you realize?

I am not.
Where can I hide?
(from myself).

I used to be.
(I didn’t appreciate).

I used to be.
I know that it’s too late.

I used to be.
How did I choose this fate
(for myself)?

I wish I was
(what I could have been).

I wish I was.
Why can’t I forgive my own sin?

I wish I was.
Limited time to begin
(to recover myself).

I wish I was
( ‘nt).
Seeing the pain within
(my sensitive self).

I am not
(to no surprise).

I am not.
I now realize.

I am not.
No longer can I hide
(from your judging eye).

Open me up.

She hid in the closet under ***** piles of clothes
“Hide” whispers mom “until the bad men do go”
Innocence quiet; unknowing her fate
Hours pass by, the eve now grows late.

Three years on this planet
Addicted at birth; the wings of an angel
Doomed to a hell on this earth

Slowly the cover removed from her head
Weak and hungry she gazes, hopes and then dreads
The blue man speaks softly, aware of her fear
“Come out my dear child”, your savior is here.

Her heart races wildly “my mommy!” she screams
Guilt envelopes her innocence; ashamed of her deeds
“I be good, Mr.”, “get my mommy”, she pleads

Her small heart now broken; water pours from her eyes
A cub alone trembling; abandoned by her strong pride.

Blue man explains the only way he knows how
“Mommy is sick, and you can’t see her now”.
He hands her a bear, takes her for a long, ride
A new house she enters, from her “new mom” she hides.

Blue men and suit men; ladies in dresses
Ask questions too much; adding confusion and stresses.

Days turn into weeks, and weeks into years
Her age now is six; to rules she tries to adhere.

Strange people revolve, another house she plays in
A “new family” surrounds. Still she rebukes her own sins.

The system that “saved” her, the people who enslave her
Attempt to repair her; as they continually fight the thought of defeat:

They ask her the same thing again and again…
“What do you need for or wish for, my sweet?”

She answers the same as she did on that bad day,
“I wish blue man didn’t find me when I wiggled my feet”.

Don’t knock on my heart today, the shadows have won and I can’t find my way
to unlock the bolt and let you in to see, those vulnerabilities inside of me.

Don’t dial my love this year, its meandering, lost; forever, I fear
Wandering loose as it mocks my hurt soul, laughing in jest as it goes for a stroll.

Don’t reach for my hand anymore, it remembers the pain of the skin that you tore
Carefully scheming the timing just right; pretending to love as you sliced with the knife

Don’t look in the depth of my eyes, I’m far too aggrieved to show what I hide
You smile disavowing that things are all wrong; content to ignore and continue on.

Don’t lie in my ears I plead, it’s been too many times and my trust won’t accede.
A prevaricator’s psyche is one to abhor; my worlds upside-down, and the ceilings the floor.

Don’t knock on my heart today, the distance of “us” is too far way,

Priorities matter, you laid yours in line.  “Congratulations” I cry,
you achieve what you work for in time.

Alone in the abyss of a dark whirling space, I struggled and fought to escape from this place.  

Attempts thwarted down by the “I Am” in disgust, He lashed out with His sword as I kneeled in the dust.

“Be still” he demanded, “Be patient” he cried, you must go through this journey, “wear your wounds with some pride”.

I lay there for days long after the visit had ended, could I ever make sense of the advice that He tended?

I now walk the Earth, a friend to no man.  My scars have increased, I endure all I can.

My imperfect soul can smell evil waiting; the world can’t see the stench do their prognosticating.

And what of my flesh, my soul and my heart?  A purpose defined of which I play a part.

And what of the children who’s laughter has gone?  Do their scars alone justify their strength to go on?

And what of their slayers, their biological threats?  Did the innocent pick the wrong hand and lose in a bet?

Alone in they abyss of this dark whirling space, I struggle and fight to help the wounded I face.

Attempts thwarted down by this world in disgust, they lash out with venom and stomp my efforts to dust.

“Be still” they demand. “Be patient” they cry.  This life is MY journey and you shall abide.

I lay here for hours pondering aspirations now ended, can I ever make sense of the worth that they tended?

I now walk the Earth, a friend to no man.
My scars have increased; I endure all that I can.