If your voice could be injected
Or if way your lips feel on mine
Could be put into a pill,
I swear to god I'd never touch a drug
In my life.
If I could bottle the euphoric feeling
My mind gets
When your arms wrap around me,
I'd drink it, and be drunk daily.

And if I could bottle your disappointment
Or your despair
Or the way your face drops when you're feeling down,
I would be packaging the world's quickest suicide method.

In school they teach you
To watch yourself around controlled substances
And to stay away from peer pressure.
But they never mentioned the more dangerous drugs,
The ones you can't get rid of.
They never warned me about the drugs
With eyes that can see right into your soul
And repair a shattered heart
With just the feeling of its hand
In yours.
You are one of those drugs
And I am addicted.

I like the way you picked up
The flesh piercing shards of me
That fell off before we met.
Because nobody else would touch them.
I am the architect
And the demolition team
But before you
There was never a cleanup crew.

The only emotion I feel
Is melancholy.
I dig tunnels in my memory
And carve my mistakes into the walls
I lay there for hours at a time
In these miserable underpasses
And drown them
And myself
With the mixture of
Lyzomes, oils, water, and regret
That falls from my eyes.
I sit and scream silently
About the things that I have done wrong
The places I have ruined with just my presence
And the people that have been cursed
With my well
And not-so-well
Being.
I bite my tongue
So hard
That the blood that fills my mouth
Begins to wash away my existence.

This heart can't hold two people
Because its suffering from frostbite
Its black as it can be
And cold to the touch.
Don't try to squeeze yourself in
There's no room for two.
In fact,
There's barely room for one.
Don't try to fix the cracks
Don't try to make it new
Because fixing me will only
Break you in the process
And that's the last thing I want to do.

Beautiful
Peaceful
Quiet.
They build vacation spots
And towns
Around me.
"Its inactive
It'll be fine".
Mysterious
In the way
That things are building up.
They visit me
And hold their breath
In awe.
And when I erupt
They run
As if they had no clue it would happen.
When I finally do
What I am meant to do,
They blame me
Call me a disaster and hide
As if they didn't know
That lava was inside.

If happiness is a choice
Then why aren't I choosing it?
If happiness is a choice
Then why do I keep losing it?
If I can pick laughter
Over the tears and the pain
Then why do I sit here
As they fall like rain?
If I could be lightning
Then why am I darkness?
If I could make myself begin,
Something other than chagrin,
Don't you think I would have started it?