You, upperclass, American feminist
Will you please shut up about a sandwich?
And comic book characters, supermodels
Shut up about your first world problems
And take a look somewhere,
Where the idea of feminism Is actually needed
Have you ever heard of an arranged marriage?
It's common practice in other places,
Right after puberty, as long as the ******* are there
11, 12, they don't really care
See the life of a Nepali girl, lower-class,
Lack of freedom
Learn about the meaning
Of the word
kamlari
Young Nepali slave girls
Beaten and bruised,
Not allowed to be ill
Or
Jogini,
Devadasis
Which are both from india
Dedicated to a goddess at as young as as five
To bring the family good fortune
The tribes girl, forever *****
But with nightly visitors in her bed
They're hoping for some of her luck
To rub off on them
Sumangali
dalit girls
Sold by their family
For next to nothing,
It's called "bonded labor"
And is supposed to pay off debts
But the trap is set
The girl is caught
And if the "bonded labor man"
Feels she isn't of enough use
Maybe she's been beaten or is a little too ill
He sells her off to another man
Supposedly to pay her hospital bill
So yes, feminism is needed
But not here you little heathen
Shut up about your so called freedoms
And help the ones so desperately need it

You say one thing
And demonstrate another
Most of your actions make no sense
I'm tired of your tyranny
Over my life.

I'm starting a rebellion
Against you, I'm tired of your controlling
****** behavior, yelling
And grounding me for weak reasons
You waking me up at 3 am
To complain and belittle me
Asking me questions that I'm too tired
To even comprehend
And punishing me for
Wrong answers and bad attitudes

You've taken everything from me
Through sleep deprivation and
Lack of free will, lack of privacy
you've taken from me
My sanity my kindness
My little willingness for socialization
My level headed disposition
My thirst for knowledge and reading
My creativity and imagination
You've turned me into...
I think your turning me into you
And starting today, I'm taking myself back

You don't listen to Floyd
So you wouldn't understand that
Wish you was here being our song
Is not really a good thing
But it describes us perfectly
I know, I've listened to it obsessively
Because it reminds me of you
And me, and what we could be
Would be, if we take that leap

I thought I had this sorted out
I thought knew what to do about
This whole me and you thing
But I was wrong
So, so very, very wrong
Because just a couple words from you
Has me hoping all over again
Even though I know it's an if-then
Tricky type of situation
If she never knows
Then we can still be friends
If she ever leaves
Then we can be more then friends
Like we used to be, hypothetically
If it all works out right
Then you will be mine.

I want to be a pixie
Not a fairy,
Pixies are sensual
Beautiful tricksters
They flit around
From tree to tree
Tempt and taunt
And tease
And have no queen

Fairies on the other hand
Are innocent
And cute
They flit around
And do good
And listen to their queen
How adorable,
But not for me
I want to be a pixie.

I no longer fight my demons
It's really a hopeless battle
And I have not the willpower
To sustain a constant war

My body has been scared
My soul has been stretched
My mind has been scratched
And all three are exhausted

I no longer fight the darkness
I let it in, let it envelope me
It's not nearly as cold as I thought it'd be
And unlike the light, it still lets me see

I am done with all fighting
I've resigned myself to peace
Despite others calling it evil,
I love my inner devil

I'm on the winning side here,
True good can never win
I'm on the funner side here,
No restrictions on my pleasure

Can't you see, this is what's best for me?
I'm too fragile for your constant war
Too delicate for the inner struggle
I can't weather the storm of your faith any longer

Mommys a glorified ******
With her 50 some year old married boyfriend
Favorite aunt is a stripper
Used to walk in on her shows
Daddy's a drug pusher
Gave me my fist high at 12
Granny's a kleptomaniac
Must be where I get it from
And it don't stop there
The show goes on
Drug addicts galore
To add plenty of drama
Then there's the snitch branch
Well to do Christians
My biological grandfather
Who says 14 is too old for his tastes
Plenty of violence
To keep things perked up
And everyone on their toes
Welcome, my friends, to the freak show.

My pen has failed me
I sit with it and
Sheets of lined paper
Ready to be filled
But the words don't flow right
They're no longer adequate to express
This dull, aching hopelessness
Of knowing that I've lost my heart
Handed it away to someone
Who was much too careless
As words lined the already lined page
Bleeding hearts with barbed wire vines
Etched into the paper
During my wait for words
To pick their way out of my head
I listen to their sound as they tread
Through the minefield of my mind
Getting in traps that distort their meaning
Words like love becoming bleak
Because it got stuck in the trap
The trap that is you

I've erased
Every little trace
Of you
I'm done
Just forget your debt
Forget that you owe me
Forget the words
That I almost said
That died on my lips
Even when I thought
That they were true
I never said that to you
It's a relief to know
That you never cared
And that I'm not hurting you
When I say I've found someone new
And that I love him much more
Than I ever could you

I feel like the inventor of headphones
Has been vastly under-appreciated
These thin wires
Have saved lives,
Sound directly in my ears
Making my blood want to flow
More then I could ever make it
I swear my heart beats
Solely for the sound of my life savior
Known as music

One... two... three... four...
turn
You can see the spot on her floor,
Where her blue-green carpet is worn
Wishing she could walk out the door
Forget how bad her heart has been torn

One, two, three, four
turn
She has music blaring
Supposed to keep her from losing her mind
Supposed to keep her from caring
If only her tormentor weren't so kind

One two three four*
turn
He's still unaware of his slight
She's pacing, reciting Poe in her head
He's unaware of her pain every night
She's wishing her heart was dead

Onetwothreefour
turn
Her fingers twine through her hair
Berating herself for thinking of him
She hears a few strands tear
But paces on, ignoring them

Bread and circuses
Our world today,
In our sweet, free homeland.
We grow fat on breads
Pastries and sugars
And watch our
Sit coms on tv
Oblivious to the world around us
What's really happening?
Outside these walls of our free country

Granny's out drinking
Papas already in bed
And where am I?
Sitting here, sober
Thinking of someone
Halfway around the world
That I just recently met
That ill never forget
Even if I wanted to
There he would sit
In the back of mind
Impossible not to find

Instant panic
Frozen limbs
Paused breathing
They say there's a fight or flight response
But I've never experienced either
Just this crushing, blind panic
Inability to move,
Inability to speak
Inability to breath
As my vision goes blurry around the edges
And starts to turn black
And I see those all to familiar dancing dots
And then
then
•••
And then I wake up

My heart jumped
When I thought
You had texted

And it stopped
When I realized
It wasn't you

I didn't sleep after I got home last night
After being at your place all day
Sleep wasn't in my grasp
Just like you. Slipping away from me
I'm love sick, overdosed on this
Dopamine rush you give
We've been apart 13 hours
And 9 minutes
And you haven't left my mind
Not for me to sleep
Or for me to really eat
I'm withering under this
Chemical rush in my head
Hoping it doesn't develop
Into a full blown, hopeless addiction
Hoping that it hasn't already
Without my permission
Without my notice
Became an addiction to you
And that amazing touch
That I already miss so much

I'm feeling used
And discarded
Like a little confetti popper
You expertly pulled that string
And got that brief explosion
Of bright pretty colors
And then tossed me away
Like you've done with so many other
Little plastic confetti poppers
Maybe I'm special to you
I still let myself hope
I take your explanations
Tuck them away in my head
Little grains of comfort
In a sea of discontent

If you don't question it
How can you believe it?

The thoughts I have consume me
I lose my feeling slowly
My spirit feels lost
In the shallow depths of my mind
I dwell in the dark, searching
For that last spark
The one that may save me,
From the chaos inside

I'm alone, another night
Not another soul in sight
My attempts to reach out
Ignored by you and those around
These nights are growing
And there's cold things abound
And what I want can't be found
I want a warm somebody
As the snow falls to the ground
Really, just anybody
Here to hold or be held
But instead, there's nobody
Just the trio of these winter nights
Me, misery, and loneliness
Always to be found

People in my family, that don't know me real well
Tend to tell me I had a good childhood
And it's all because they don't know

They see the facts like
She went to Disney Land,
And California
And Mexico
Not to mention,
How her grandparents spoiled her

But I remember very little of my time like that
don't get me wrong, I'm not ungrateful
To my aunt and grandparents
It's just that I don't remember most of it

What I do remember of my childhood is
Getting my hair brushed by mom
And anytime I moved or said ow
she'd hit me with the brush

Or when I didn't hear her,
Before we knew I was half deaf,
she'd get so mad
And she'd punish me for ignoring her

That time I was helping her clean the yard
And the next thing I knew
she had me down on the ground
kicking me, for somthing
I don't even remember what for

I remember my 5th birthday,
Evryone brought me presents
And as I opened them,
she took them from me
And put them in the corner
Because I didn't deserve them

I remember walking in on your husband
Choking you
Your face was blue
And I turned around and walked back out
I had just turned four
And it wasn't even a cause for concern

I remember her parties
Late at night,
They were so loud I couldn't sleep
And I wasn't allowed to leave my room for anything
I'd be in there for hours,
No food or drink
I was afraid to come out and see
After that first time
And I saw you in that outfit
On that pole and
Those plates of white powder
The straws and needles
And all the smoke
And the bowl of colorful pills
I didn't know what it was for
But it scared me
And I never came out again

And I remember babysitting
I was only eight
I could barely talk
And couldn't really hear
But I took care of myself
And my sister and brother

I remember that boyfriend you had
When I was eleven
I remember his wandering hands
And how warm and sticky they were
And how much he liked to "help" me
When you were gone
And the razor blades that made me forget
And the new scars to cover the ones made by his chains

And I remember each and every bruise you've left
And all the mean words you've said
I remember all of it,
And you know what?
I wish I remembered Disney Land

Why do we fall in love?
it is believed that when humans were first created,
We were two body's fused together
With two heads, four arms and four legs
But only one heart,
The mighty Zeus feared our potential
And split us all in two,
Dooming us to spend eternity searching
For our other half
Then why does love hurt so much?
*because child, sometimes, the love god Eros,
Well, he doesn't have the best aim
And that ***** everything up

well. it is now tomorrow.
I guess I should get up and
go do nothing somewhere else
besides my warm comfortable bed

I was going to write for you today
Get my thoughts out, onto paper
Reread and maybe figure this all out
But I forgot my pen, you see
So I'm trying to type
But nothing comes out just right
Too many thoughts running through my head
Can't type fast enough to keep up with them
Running in circles around my own thoughts
Driving myself intermediately insane

Evryone seems to think that just because I'm breathing
And my hearts still beating
Means I'm still alive

I don't think they could be anymore wrong.

I'll be right out,
Just give me a minute
Because I need to hide the tears
That I certainly wasn't just crying
And attempt to look like
Everything's fine

A mothers silent tears drip
As a father tries to remain stoic
A miniature coffin lowered
Into cold, hardened ground
A white teddy bear left
On a slab of grey stone
With a chiseled name
And a few harsh numbers
1996-2001

A young wife weeps
With a child in her arms
Rifles fire in a salute
Into the dismal sky
Flowers are left,
And pictures of his newborn
That he never got to meet
The wife is told
we thank you for your sacrifice

Silence reigns
Over the mass grave
Of mangled remains
Victims of religious hate
Hundreds of children dead
For what their parents believed
Somewhere someone is crying
As the soldiers say
thank god that group is gone today

A young girl screams,
Seeing her mothers pale tone
And the tub of red water
needles littering the floor
A ***** family secrete
Finally comes to a peak
She grabs for the phone
Fumbles over numbers
*911, what's your emergency?

"What's that from?"
Oh, I um, fell...

"You fell?"
Ya, you know me
Such a clutz

"And you happened to fall,
On something hand shaped?"
Ya. What a coincidence right?

I have a million unfinished poems
That start with a thought of you
But fail to capture you right
Or start on a different topic entirely
And trail off, into you
A million little couplets
With cute, near rhyme
About mundane things you do
Things you're probably not even aware of
I just can't get you out of my mind
No matter how much I try
And you're not even mine

I hate you more
With every breathe you take
Every word you say
Every bruise you leave

I try so hard
To avoid hurt
I don't talk to many people at school
I don't stray far from my own little world

Just to come home, every day
To you screaming in my face
Your words linger in my ears
"I wish I didn't have you" ringing the most clear

I'm worthless, and lazy, you say
I'm selfish, because your sick
And I don't do enough to help you
By cooking the meals, and cleaning the house

Your injured, you say you fell,
So I need to step up,
And do more, to keep the stress off you
And help you heal

But you don't sound sick
When you yell at me
And you don't look injured,
When you hurt me

See? Your standing now
Yelling as you come near
Screaming right in my ear
The same old, tired words.

And as you push me,
And I fall
Only one thought rings clear
"You don't look sick, anymore, mommy dear"

I'm playing with the rubiks cube of my mind
Moving little colored squares,
Lining up a few rows
Looking at it for a second,
Realizing that will never work
Pondering over it,
Moving it some more
Absorbed in the focus of my work
Lining up another row, ****, no
That ***** up this other row
Starting over, working slower,
Forever fiddling with this hopeless puzzle

Concrete walls to keep me in check
And make us all conform to your laws
And teach us responsibility
Grinding normality into our skulls
Grinding on my nerves
They never got to heal
Every brush of skin
Makes me feel the walls close in
No music to soothe
To block the noise
Inside or out of my head
180 more days
The expect a 180 degree turn
In my behavior from last year
But all I can do is stare
And dream of the woods

Our country is amazing, isn't it?
Everyone I know says so, so it must be so!
The massive crowds with flag pants
Decked out in red white and blue
A country for the masses!
A country for the massive
Beloved lady liberty!
Would be nice if she could marry lady justice
And all our wonderful freedoms!
The freedom to say what you want!
As long as it doesn't threaten others
And, oh no, don't tell them that!
You have to be nice...
The freedom of religion!
Were doing pretty good on that
There's only seven states that ban atheists from government office
The right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!
Holy ****, have we forgotten slavery?
Have we forgotten that this country was built on suffering?
We have that lovely looking blanket of paper
That makes us sound so noble
But go deep enough in the south
And just take a moment to listen
Racism is still strong, we're still not open minded
We're a country made for the deceiving
And filled with the deceived  
And let's take a moment to zoom in
At first you'll see our glory
All these beautiful cities
Buildings made into art
All our silver lining
But scratch the surface just a little
Were in debt up to our necks
And not just the country, individuals too
Paying off those student loans
Relying on social security
And being let down repeatedly
Even with that fancy four year degree
Can't find a job in today's economy
Dig deeper and you'll find the slums
This is our thickest layer
Drug addicts, petty thefts, prostitutes
Dealers, suppliers, a whole network
Trace it back and you'll find some connections
To our higher up, upperclass, upstanding citizens

No one saw the beauty
In the thrown away pieces of glass
Jagged, crooked edges,
Until someone came along
And pieced together
The broken pieces of a little girl
Carefully filled in all the cracks
With a warm gold
Smoothing over the rough edges
Polishing with a lustrous finish
Turning thrown away
Into a desired commodity
Nurturing her into an artwork
All her own

I'm set to self-destruct
It's a dark compulsion
Deep under my skin
Buried in my soul

A compulsion
tempting fate
Through razors
And fire

And I am wondering
If he'll
Notice

On time
To save me

What do you mean by
can I come over?
No, no! I told you I'm finished.
I refuse to be your backup
I'm not a ******* fall girl
And I'll be ****** if I'm a call girl
Where's your little girlfriend?
She's the one you should text
When it's 12:37 at night
With messages like
*can I come over?

I woke up on a high
Looking forward to the day
As much as a morning-hating person can anyway

I ended on a low
Half dead and thrown away
Wondering if I really want to live another day

The soft pitter patter of raindrops
Falling on the pavement
Interrupted by our shouts,
As we play In the puddles.

Splashing each other
Playing keep away
with Christians lighter
Interrupting the peace

Clothes soaked through. Dripping with muddy water
Didn't know I was going to play in the rain today
White tshirt. Red bra. Oops.
These skinnys are going to be hell to get off. Oh well...

Mother won't be happy. I'll probably get in trouble.
But it's worth it. I won't let her ruin it.
I'm going to have some fun today,
Come hell or high water.

why, i beg of you,
do you want to expand the hate?
no, i dont agree with racism
anti-Semitism, sexism, anything related
but argueing with the narrow-minded
doesnt get anyone anywhere.
fighting fire with fire,
isnt going to fix anything.
fire simply can not put out fire.
it only causes it to grow.
no one is willing to change their way of thinking
no one is willing to bend.
and it doesnt even matter whose right,
your both trampling eachothers rights
lets all just sit down for a few,
calm down, chill out
you dont have to agree
to live together in harmony

Twisted spirits
Mangled corpses
Cities of cemeteries
Limping, walking
Darting about
Power filled or
Completely burned out
This is the realm of the otherworld
This is where you want me to travel
This is where you want to go
Because you want to see it for yourself
But I've been here before
I know what it's like
Sure there's attractions
There's some nice places too
But you want to wander in the dark
Looking for a solution
To someone else's mistake
And you need me to help
You want to tap into my power
I've earned this,
I've put the work in
I've taken the risks
To gain my energy
You're asking me to call debts in
To ensure the safety of our group
Of our coven
Our circle
I know you'll do it anyway,
With or without me
I guess I'll be your safe guard

We are engulfed in a flame of passion within moments
We burn up each others energy
We tire eachother out then
Rest in each others arms until
We are engulfed in a flame of passion
over and over, time and time again
I let my inner fire out
Let it burn us both up while
We are engulfed in a flame of passion
And you let yourself be you
Tell me what you like, no matter what it is
You can let your darker desires out while
We are engulfed in a flame of passion
Like a Phoenix, always burning up
And dying out
Before the unavoidable moment when
We are engulfed in a flame of passion

I'm done with life for a few
Done with school and pretentious *****
Done with repetitive lessons and insults
Done with mothers rants and
Done with my shrinks newest pills
Done with being broken
Done with trying to be fixed
Drs visits, lack of sleep, dehydration,
Aches and pains, side effects,
Stress sickness, dizzy spells,
This is my life,
And I'm temporarily done with it.

oh.. I'm so sorry
really. i am
i never meant for it to happen
my voice of reason deserted me

i didn't mean for that little kiss
to get so out of hand
i wanted to snuggle
not end up in your bed

you could get in so much trouble
im sitting here listing the charges
if mother ever found out
we would probably both be dead

"Good morning"
Is typically my first lie of the day

Then after that comes "I love you too, mom"
"I'm fine" is a fairly common one
Normally somewhere I say
"I'm not hungry" or
"It's just a scratch"

"I don't need people I'm fine on my own"

Sometimes saying "how are you?"
Is a lie because I don't really care
Unless your a friend in which case I do.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag..."
A lie I say every school day.
  
And I tend to end my day with
"Good night, sleep well"

What does the rain sound like?
Sometimes if it's quiet in the house
I can just hear a faint
Drumming on my ceiling
During the worst storms.
But I want to hear the quiet of a spring shower
Warm soft sprinkles of rain
Not just the thunderstorms
What does a cats a purr sound like?
I can feel it's soft vibrations
Under the soft, silky fur
But the sound has never
Not once been interpreted by my ears
What does my lovers breath sound like?
As I feel it tickle my skin
And see his chest moving so slightly in sleep
What do footsteps sound like?
Sometimes I can feel them
The vibrations on the floor
The indicators of coming and going
What do these little things
Little bits of life sound like?

We don't always get what we want
Life just doesn't work that way,
It's fair in it's unfairness to everyone
Favoring none over the other
Rejecting and damaging us all
In some unique way
We don't always get what we want
People are ******* *******,
We're generally self serving
Generally selfish beings
Trying to take what we want
Without care for what they want
We don't always get what we want
So stop asking me about **** you want done
You want to see my progress I haven't made
But, unfortunately for us all
We don't always get what we want

The woods are my lover
They never let me down
The wind in my fur
The ground beneath my paws
I had forgotten how it feels
To just run
Dodging trees
Find a river
Run beside it for hours
Stop for a drink
Leave behind human burdens
Leave behind the pain
And grief
And just run

The worst part of school
Isn't the homework or waking up early
Or the long tedious hours of nothing
No, it's not the buggy teachers
It's not how every kid thinks they should
Bathe in their ******* cologne
(Though that's a close second)
No, the very worst part of school is
Walking past someone you hate
And having to fight the urge
To push their pretty little face
Into those bright red lockers

13 messages
13 people that have seen it necessary to remind me
As if I didn't know today was the day
As if I didn't didn't pick up this date the last 17 years
The last 17 years of their mourning
For a man I never met
For a man that decided he was done
One month and five days before my first birthday
He ran away
And he's gone.
Blood means nothing,
I never knew him by daddy
I don't mourn a stranger,
So please stop reminding me