Today is a red day
Dangerous day
My eyes ache to see
A lovely blood red
On your dull white walls
That mauve carpet
Has always bugged me
Let's change it up a little
Red splatter patterns
Would accent it perfectly
And when I'm done I'll get a match
Let's see how your room looks
In a dark ash black

Is it possible?
Is it possible for us to just get along
No yelling screaming hitting kicking
No stupid ******* things you say
Dragging up the past and
Coming up with ways to blame me
Telling me I'm at fault for everything
Explaining away your responsibility
You use drugs because
I stress you out
Sorry, but I'm sick of raising your kids
While you're passed out
I want a life,
I want to be able to go out
With friends, maybe even a boyfriend
Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have these kids, they're not my responsibility
But I'm still responsible for them
And their church meets, cub scouts
Girl Scouts, ball practice,
I drag you out of bed for Dr appointments
Because they need your signature
I cook meals and take them to their friends house
All the things you weren't there
To do with me.
And I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of doing everything just to have you there
Telling me it's not enough
And punishing me
I'm dying slowly
Can't you see?
No, I guess not
I hide myself from you
I shelter my self from you,
From the one who's supposed to protect me

Twisted spirits
Mangled corpses
Cities of cemeteries
Limping, walking
Darting about
Power filled or
Completely burned out
This is the realm of the otherworld
This is where you want me to travel
This is where you want to go
Because you want to see it for yourself
But I've been here before
I know what it's like
Sure there's attractions
There's some nice places too
But you want to wander in the dark
Looking for a solution
To someone else's mistake
And you need me to help
You want to tap into my power
I've earned this,
I've put the work in
I've taken the risks
To gain my energy
You're asking me to call debts in
To ensure the safety of our group
Of our coven
Our circle
I know you'll do it anyway,
With or without me
I guess I'll be your safe guard

I'm not going to write about you
NO this poem isn't for you
It's about me.
It's about how I feel
Empty like a seashell
Still pretty on the outside
And if you listen close enough
Put me right up to your ear
You can hear the tides
Of all my lost dreams and
Forgotten hopes
You can hear the sighing
Of all my memories
All the things,
Not just me and you but
Me and him too
All the ones that have came and went
All the ones that have spent
My time and energy
On their own pleasure
In trade for a simple
Display of love and care

We are engulfed in a flame of passion within moments
We burn up each others energy
We tire eachother out then
Rest in each others arms until
We are engulfed in a flame of passion
over and over, time and time again
I let my inner fire out
Let it burn us both up while
We are engulfed in a flame of passion
And you let yourself be you
Tell me what you like, no matter what it is
You can let your darker desires out while
We are engulfed in a flame of passion
Like a Phoenix, always burning up
And dying out
Before the unavoidable moment when
We are engulfed in a flame of passion

The woods are my lover
They never let me down
The wind in my fur
The ground beneath my paws
I had forgotten how it feels
To just run
Dodging trees
Find a river
Run beside it for hours
Stop for a drink
Leave behind human burdens
Leave behind the pain
And grief
And just run

Welcome to my mind
You're getting a sneak peak
A preview, if you will
Of the twisted metal statue
That is my mind
I'm warning you now
I keep music on
To drown my own my thoughts
I try to avoid my own mind
so you probably should too...

I can feel my sanity draining
Leaking from my ears
So I keep headphones in
To try to stop the flow
But it still drains out slowly
With thoughts like
i know he's just using me
But I'll deal with it, because,
Clearly I'm a ******* idiot

Maybe I do love him, who knows?
The *** is amazing though
He doesn't know that,
Even before he tried to say
no strings attached
I was already tangled up
As I have been

How little he knows about his pretty little toy
Not that he needs to know much
It's insanely easy for him to get to me
he doesn't even know you write...
And still manages to know my weakness

I'll do almost anything to get out of my house
Which is how I ended up staying at his anyway
The things I ended up doing
In an attempt to get away from mother
Still swirl around in my mind
Some of them making me blush
Others, making me want more
Even though I said
this will be the last time
I highly doubt it will
But it will be for awhile at least...
Because of that new girl
I'll be waiting for her to pass
His latest conquest
can never be as good as you are

I don't know how to handle love
Or hatred, grief, depression
But ***? I have mastered that
I mastered that long ago
At a way to early age
he doesn't know about that either...
Doesn't know it wasn't willing
Doesn't know the subject of the nightmare
That woke us both up at 3 in the morning
And initiated another round  
Doesn't know the reason I didn't take my turn
In the handcuffs, I just said
it causes panic attacks..
But didn't elaborate past that
Didn't show him the scars
Still on my wrist
From my mothers boyfriends handcuffs
Didn't tell him they've been there
For nearly 7 years
*has it really been that long...?