"Five years of friendship, I don't think I have seen you cried."

"I honestly don't remember the last time I cried."

"That's a good thing then?"

"No. My tears are all dried up."

Everything that kept me awake most nights no longer bother me, all the white noise I kept hearing was gone.

They were right, it is so much harder to write about things you cannot relate to - I can no longer write poems about longing and melancholy.

This is what it feels like to be a writer who has already been healed.

I am happy.

My heart aches and my body longs to be with you. I never knew one can love another person this much.

I miss you
and it hurts
to be able to see you
but can't touch you
nor hug you
nor kiss you
believe me
I want to
(really really bad)
I want to breathe
the air you breathe
I want to hold you tight
too tight it makes me weak
I want to
but I can't

and it hurts so asjkdgksadjfgadskfga bad

Everything
matters
less
after
you
wake
up

Like a lion crying for a mouse's rescue
or a caged bird seeking for the sky,
I need you

Like a shore that dries up without the ocean
or the moon longing for the glimpse of the sun,
I miss you

Like a star I spent the night wide awake
searching for the right metaphor to say
but in the end I cannot conclude
for nothing compares
to
how
much
*I love you

why am i
so afraid
to see you

when i
have already
rehearsed
this day
a million times

maybe i
just can't believe
how quickly
we drifted apart

this time
last week
we were
so full
of life

from that day
forward
we never really
saw
it coming
(or did we)

but we did
we did
we did

*we died

If the world breaks down turning everything into pieces, I will save the flowers and let them live. The next stewards of earth deserve to see them bloom.

You are the rain that comes and goes
and I am the girl in the yellow dress running for shelter, soaking wet and always unready. I didn't bring an umbrella that day. I hardly ever do, little did I know I was meant to bump into you.

You were the storm that wanted everything else to be damaged
but for some reason, you cannot destroy me; I was the little kid  enjoying the storm as I dance to every beat of your thunder's roar

You wanted to be unpredictable so you can startle me, hence you came crashing the sky in broad daylight, but that too did not catch me off guard

You are the rain that comes and goes and I am the girl that stood still

The earth is a messy place
and the monsters I fear are familiar faces. But no matter how scary the world is, it's bearable because of you.

You are my courage.

I thank God I am alive.

The good thing about being lost is you have the chance of being found.

No matter heavy the world weighs,
I will carry it for you.

We were too focused on the uncertainties,  we have forgotten how it felt to be sure.

But this time,
It's comfortable
It's not defeaning
It's calm

I believe this is peace.

She makes everyone feel a whole spectrum of colors, too bad he's color blind.

the ringing sound we hear
when everything was silent
became her music

the red spot we see
when everything was pitched black
became the only color she sees

she lived in a world
where nothingness
was everything that surrounded her

she lived in a way
we all called as dying

You have
silenced my demons;

Now you're one of them

You are both the problem and the solution; the cure and the disease. You are both love and chaos, and I no longer want to stay in between.

They will always be
what they already are

He is her constant
She is his always

Yet no matter how lovely
these words sound,
always means a lifetime
and constant means *nothing more

I thought love was a positive result in a pregnancy kit, or those other three positive results we took to be sure we weren't dreaming.

And then I thought love was seeing you for the first time through an ultrasound machine. Love was then in black and white, and in the size of a rice grain. We could see your heart beating, it was fast, like you were excited to show us you were there.

And then I thought love was hearing your heartbeat for the first time, I still remember how it felt - it made everything real.

And then I thought love means vomiting in the middle of my commute, sacrificing all the junk I used to eat, and making sure I was healthy, so you could be healthy too.

And then I thought love was seeing you grow through a series of check-ups, seeing you become like I am.

And then I thought love was waking up to your kicks in the middle of the night, or feeling your hiccups, or seeing my belly move from one side to the other, letting me know that you are coming.

And then I thought love was counting the months, weeks, days to finally seeing you.

And then I thought love was getting excited to be induced which means more medical intervention, but also means that I'll be seeing you soon.

And then I thought love was getting through labor. I didn't even know how many hours has passed, every contraction was worth it.

And then I thought love was pushing for hours to deliver you in this world. I felt like a failure when I couldn't deliver you after three hours. I was ready to see you, but I guess I wasn't strong enough.

And then I thought love was opting for surgery to get you out. I chose to be awake for the whole process just to hear you cry.

And then I thought love was when I first heard you cry. I could not hold my tears, you made all the pain worth it.

And then I thought love was when I first held you in my arms, you were 7.1lbs and 52cm. You look like just your father.

And then I thought love was when we spent our first night home, you kept us awake, but I didn't care.

And then I thought love was being able to finally breastfeed you. I took every piece of advice there is to make sure I have enough supply. There were a lot of things that didn't come my way when I was delivering you, so I want this one thing to work for us both.

And then I thought love was this and love was that, but everytime I feel like I knew what love was, I feel an even greater love each time I look at you.

And even as I write this - looking at your right now sleeping on my tummy.. I feel an even greater love for you right now more than I felt when I started writing.

I love you, little one.

You'll always be the dream
that wakes me up at night

Fate, destiny, kismet -- however you call it. It stilll ends up with making a choice.

You are made by the same hands that made the stars, the moon, and the earth. How dare I compare you to something only a man created - you are not just art, you are something more than that.