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Lola May 2014
I'm sorry I loved you
So dreadfully whole,
And with the white-washed candidness of soul.

I'm sorry I loved you,
And that with everlasting breath:
I praised your song,
Sung, as if to the death.

I'm sorry I dared raise
All hope's expectations,
By reaching out a childish hand
To cold adult's gaze,
And thinking my love untrue -
Why else then, my innocence razed?

I trusted you.
Like God trusted man with Paradise.
I fell in love with you -
Your untainted beauty and miraculous eyes.

I'm sorry.

For youthful naivety,
I´m sorry.
For universal chord that ties us together,
And untied us forever,
I´m sorry.

For praying to a fallen God,
Loving a pig's gall and sod
Dreaming that from the clod and dirt
Of the earth's mud
A Prometheus of love returned might rise -
But rise the love did not
And child's heart was shot
And child's innocence did die
I'm sorry I loved you,
You with the miraculous eyes.
Feb 2014 · 717
House of Perdition
Lola Feb 2014
There is a house in my head, and in it lies the gun.
There is one bullet, and it’s meant for me.
But it’s in the basement, under Styrofoam sheets.
I run to my mother, and I ask for a crucifix –
She answers me adequately, by hanging me from her cross.
There’s no one else in the house, but I run for daddy.
But he’s dead, and he’s gone. And that’s it, and that’s done.
I had a brother, but he is immersed in his own fight.
He’s broken his head on the light, and now he’s bleeding profusely.
I’ve taken pills with him, but now he’s catatonic.
I used to think of him, but now he’s just demonic.
There’s poison in the cupboard, and my symbolism lies within.
I drink to think, but the dark just won't give in.
There is a metaphysical jitter. Brother, possessed in the din.
Father, in his lucid little lie. How he tries and he tries.
Mother throws herself at God and asks for no more reprimands.
She calls spirits and has cats and wakes the dead but ignores the living.
And now I’m reminiscing over the repetition of my lies, my life, my highs.
By night the skeletons come out dancing, and corneas turn red-gold.
There’s a devil in this domain, and that's why the floor's so cold.
My father’s father tried to **** his son’s mother, and now he tries to find another in every other.
A sister was shocked to hell in an electric shock therapy cell.
Pills and pills and pills and pills and thrills and thrills and thrills and thrills.
Welcome to the House of Perdition.
Won't you stay a while?
C'mon, drug a child?
Take a seat please.
Ignore the deceased, please,
And feel free to slap the idle hands of the diseased.
Here I stand - beheaded child. Chanting, oh mother. Tell your children not to do what I have done.

I have killed in the House of Perdition.

Everyone.
Feb 2014 · 796
Through the Rabbit Hole
Lola Feb 2014
Night grips at my soul

Ebony-clad hand at my throat

Vice in the heart gripping

Sanity in my mind slipping

Propane in my veins thumping

Blood dripping

Anger pumping.

Sadness making me a drunk thing,
Falling through mind's stink

Better think quick
Find a sober relief!

No pretty picture as I slip to the floor. . .

Mad disarray
Grip at the floor.
Mental decay
One hand shutting the door.

Night grips at my soul
Swallow me whole -
Down
Down
Down the rabbit hole.

An ebony-clad hand ripping up memories
Like an overturned desk,
Like an incurable disease.

Pray for release
From the maggots that feast;

Beasts on the mind clots of me.

Now give peace!

Night perpetuating my unease,
Sadness high

Eyes turned to the moon
Tears dry

Scenery dead with gloom
I can't cry

Scenery graveyard's black and white

I'll survive.

Though night grips my soul
While I slip
Into the rabbit hole.
Feb 2014 · 1.8k
Sally
Lola Feb 2014
Spin spin Sally, spin spin,

Right into damnation, right into Sin.

Topsy-turvy Sally, topsy-turvy in the din.

Let the black wolf in, Sally

Let the carnal win,

Let the madness in, Sally

Remember with a grin;

''Stay thin, think gin.''

And give release Sally.

Fire bullets through the tins

Ride ******* through the wind

**** your karma,

**** your kin,

Spin spin Sally,

Spin, spin.

Topsy-turvy Sally,

Topsy-turvy in the din.
Jan 2014 · 1.6k
Moth
Lola Jan 2014
Dark well
It swells
It grows
And drowns
A pool
So black
Thick pitch
Attacks

To smother
Don't bother
To crawl through
Small moth

The darkness
This thick glue
Inescapable
To you

Molasses
Surpasses
The will to escape

Sanity
Collapses
In the dark well
Of hate.
Lola Jan 2014
Flowers shot in the dark like hearts shot through with darts
Clotting blood in the voice box
Time moving slow as the clock tick tocks
And more bricks are laid
Between me and God

Children smearing on war-paint
Grandmas spitting against the devil's taint
Broken churches, corpse of the saint
Images listless and visually meaningless
In a long array of destructive days
As more bricks are laid
Between me and God

Overlarge toads bellow in the park
Green slimy beings croaking insults in the dark
What they're singing has meaning and the meaning is stark
Rhythmic insults haunting the night like the bark
Bark, bark of a wolf seeking prey
As more bricks are laid
Between me and God

A murderous man has a knife and he stabs
A touring killer with no remorse as he jabs,
Jabs, jabs whilst their blood coats the floor
Serial killer with an unquenchable need for more
Though the police are paid
The case runs cold
More bricks are laid
Between me and God

Chanting children there, with the devil's eyes
Urchins that smell fear, young weavers of lies
They encircle a dog and they throw it with stones
A cold-blooded giggle surrounds the dog's imploring moans
Little demons are made
And more bricks are laid
Between me and God

Are you friend or foe
Rattlesnake or doe
In the night or day
Do you fight or pray?
Curse or hymn
Hate or love
Does it differ?
As more bricks are laid
Between me and God.
Jan 2014 · 880
Bottle of Rum
Lola Jan 2014
I want to destroy myself.

To fall into a pit of elated destruction

Watch me woo myself into the blackness. . .

I want to raise all hell

Dance with strange, strange mutants,

Imbibe some dreaded poison

So I can sleep the nights away in a daze.

I want to use the spell of drugs,

And watch it wrap around my throat and heart,

Just to feel something.

Dead no more, no more.

I want to let evil coil,

Bring in absinthe and *****

Make me immune to its toxicity

Make me spin, make me spin.

Maybe a good dose of lust too,

For the final concoction,

And let this bomb brew in the form of a witch's stew

Then let me *******.

I want to destroy myself,

I only feel alive when I'm burning.

I want to sink into the cruel skin

I was meant to don.

I saved myself, I wanted to be your
Good girl,

Thinking you'd value me higher.

Instead I feel devalued and cheap anyway

Might as well let the white ******* come off.

Stupid, filthy girl,

Let me drink down this **** with a bottle of ***.
Jan 2014 · 860
The Gun Clan Sang
Lola Jan 2014
Quick, cold, calloused liar!
Slick soul burning with fire!

It takes a toll on the will and desire,
Killer for hire.
Situation dire.

A gun can't tire -
'Bang Clang!'
The gun gang sang
A song that ran
Severe, through the slums.

As an ode to the bullet band.

I own something!
The name of a group.
A tattoo.
A sweet, sick family too.

Hit list.
Red fist.
Picture this;
Pink mist.

It's the sickness of the lost ones,
Bound together by fate
And I relate to your
Can't beat me,
Beaten down swagger
And I too sleep with a dagger.

The gun gang sang
A song that rang
Like an anthem
To the lost ones.
Jan 2014 · 731
The One
Lola Jan 2014
Everyday it is certain; the rising of the sun

And the beauty of this life is tangible as this dawn

The willows sway in the wind and the children have fun

But still I long for my One.

I long for the One whose reverberations coincide with my song

For the One who is a part of my heart and in agony apart from my heart

The One who sees me in his sleep and wishes me well and a well so deep

The One to whom my weird musings are the norm and whose music

Breaks the untamed storm that looms above a moment of my distress

The One who can caress like a velvet dew drop sliding ever down the crevices

Of my broken crown and fills it with new glory

And so proclaims that my beauty shall stun with my wonder replenished by my One.  

And the love made between my One and I will in winter wake the blooms and make all lovers swoon

As my One and I, under the moon basking in the silver shadows seeping from the mesmeric planet

Loom a jewel of abundance.

Everyday it is certain; the rising of the sun.

And everyday it is certain I grow closer to finding my One with whom

The loom of love must be spun, tangible as this dawn.
Jan 2014 · 904
Glow In
Lola Jan 2014
I saw a place, between land and space
Between eyes wide shut and open.

I held your gaze, razed and replaced
With eyes black with woe in.

I slung a fist, I did a jig
I lived life by the moment;

I found regret and I repent,
I sliced my mind wide open.

I saw your face, between land and space
My jaw dropped in wonderment.

I held your gaze, raised and replaced
With eyes black with a glow in.
Jan 2014 · 1.5k
Thunder
Lola Jan 2014
Thunderclouds booming like a military drum
Rain is pelting with a solitary hum

Lightning is crackling like the breaking of bones
The sky is attacking rough enough to break stones

The sun was a blood clot, before in the sky
a burning ball of fire that could gouge out your eyes

The grass was scorching, like needles beneath feet
Until the sun set, admitting untimely defeat

And the sky rolled yonder, like an enemy crouched
An ominous shadow till the war cry was announced:

Ear-splitting boom, that rattles in your gut
Louder than a gun, and it stuns, now you run -

But there's nowhere to run
There's nowhere to hide
From the galloping dread, like a torrential tide

Its coming for you, twisted hand of fate
shaped like a lightning bolt, straight out of the gate

The faces that peer, innocently knowing
That the sky-god's wrath was menacingly growing

They're scattered across planes, barren as ice
As the enemy cuts across them, with a single clean slice

Unwavering is fate, that tossed out their doom
And such is life and death,
As sudden
As unpredictable as a thunder's boom.
Jan 2014 · 1.3k
Hateful Silence
Lola Jan 2014
Hateful silence
Hymn austere
Dim defiance
Acid tears
Cut through this hateful silence
This kismet dour
A grim alliance
Cut through this air sour:
A struggle for power.
Abrasive
Destructive
Invasive
Corrosive
The ascetic motive
Sever our hateful silence.
Jan 2014 · 2.3k
Chimney Sweep
Lola Jan 2014
Stupid princess
Shove me by
Stick your golden forks
In my eyes

You are cruel
Belied by your fragility
Know the face of the devil
When you deign to
LOOK AT ME

The chimney sweep
In your court
Will one day **** you
When you pet the sheep
You slaughter

Sick goldie locks
Tantrum queen
Beware the fox
With mind obscene
Cogs inside, turning
Your pretty head burning
Beware the chimney sweep
Sweet dear

The chimney sweep
The overlooked creep
This thing with eyes aglow with malice
She'll hold you near
Your locks she'll shear
Your blood drunk from a chalice

The chimney sweep
Your contrast, sugar
Will eat your liver
And lick her fingers
So pray deliverance!
Pretty ringlets!

Pray deliverance
Pretty ringlets

Don't. . . push. . . me
She squeals
Like a pig
Under carriage wheels

DON'T. . . PUSH. . . ME
She yells
As inside
A demon swells

DON'T PUSH ME!
It comes out like grit
Comes out like stone
A groan -
Burns through like a fiery fist
A fit feisty enough to make you
Envy it
So SHUT UP
AND SIT
Fair darling
Fair darling
SHUT UP AND SIT
SHUT UP AND SIT!

The chimney sweep now has you
The chimney sweep will surpass you
The chimney sweep chops and chops
The chimney sweep won't stop
Won't stop
Till the clock runs nil
Till time does still
Till the chimney sweep has
Bled her fill

The chimney sweep
Sweet doe,
Beware what the chimney sweep
Does know

Better
Think twice
About an attack
Because the chimney sweep
WILL ******* PUSH BACK.
Jan 2014 · 789
Lover's Noose
Lola Jan 2014
My heart is broken
From words unspoken
My heart's drum playing along
To the unfortunate hum
Of a lover that's been hung

Your love is my noose
Your love is my talisman
Your love is my vessel
Both cutting off my hands
Both bringing me to greater shores
Both bringing me to greater sands
Yet ripping through my thoughts
Pandemonium with love's demands!

Your water soothes me
But it's salt chokes
Your body nestles me
But turns to concrete
In the lonely nights
Your love festering -
Passion turns to violent burns
In mind's fights
When I lie alone, love
Ensconced in the night

Your love is sacred
But it's like acid on the tongue
Your love is hatred
Yet you can do no wrong

I love you
I love you

It pains me
Jan 2014 · 861
You're Rotten
Lola Jan 2014
You're rotten.
Clothes sodden.
Preaching a soul-bleaching doctrine.
Forgotten, I bleed through.
My heart like a sponge then you squeeze through.
I beseech you,
Do not let the blood run
I need you.
Want to beat you,
Want to hack you to death -
With a serrated blade
Want to saw through your face
With the toxicity of hate.

Want to kiss you
Then dismiss you
Want to ******* with a fist-full of fake love
Then take off and spit on the **** that is you
You're rotten
You're rotten.
Lola Jan 2014
I see my life flashing before me

Red siren, blue siren

This fathomless landscape bores me

Red siren, blue siren

These ****** destroy me

Red siren blue siren

My God I implore thee

Red siren, blue siren

To save my life.

They pump me full

Thump thump
Thump thump

They always have.
So full of drugs and lies
That corrode in the past.

They pump me full,
Right from the vein
They drain my blood,
With their disdain

They chain me down,
Right to the bed
They shock my heart,
Inject my head

Bump bump
Bump bump

This ride from hell,
Their eyes so wild
My wound does swell,
Does swell so large

Oh gangrene supreme
They shock my heart -
Cut out my spleen -
The room goes dark,
They shock my heart
Cut out my spleen. . .

Bump bump
Thump thump

Oh needle people,
Sticking me full.
Oh needle people,
Take me for a fool.

Red siren
Blue siren

I pray unto thee now

Red siren
Blue siren

I call out your name

Red siren
Blue siren

Because to these imbeciles

RED SIREN
BLUE SIREN

My life is just a game

RED SIREN
BLUE SIREN

I pray and I say!

RED SIREN
BLUE SIREN

Have mercy on me!

RED SIREN
BLUE SIREN

As these dogs,
They watch me bleed.
Jan 2014 · 2.0k
Sweet Night
Lola Jan 2014
Sweet is the night, devoid of the rush and bustle,
Devoid of daylight's struggle and brutal hustle,
And my fear as through dark alleys I go run, running

Sweet is the night, devoid of the crush and muscle
Of a thousand bodies, and their compressed sadness weighing

Sweet is the night, silent is God's nocturnal music
Like a river, the darkness is, and soothing
Black like the cosmos ever moving
Sleek like the slippery silver surface
Of the dream webs of my mind

All content, we do not scream
Or through need of the bold, tread hard
At night we tiptoe a poet's ballet
And sing hushed rhythms like a heart's song pumping
Jan 2014 · 5.7k
Milk Me Like a Cow
Lola Jan 2014
******* mischief misconstrued by me?
Love,
Held together like glue by me
I built this with my own hands
Now watch me cackle with glee
As I hold you over a fire
Like a beloved pet bird!

Fry now absurd lust,
Burn now: we never held trust
I never liked the feel of your hand
Paper and sand,
Throbbing adrenal glands
Proclaiming my fall -

I loved you, is all

I ******* loved you like a saint
I burnt for you at the stake
If I could give you my organs I would
I'd surrender all but my soul if I could

Love love me darling
Love love me so
Bleed, bleed these seeds
Of desire that grow

Sustain me darling
Tell me I'm your girl
Need need you sweetheart
In this forsaken world

I offered my heart on a stick like a lollipop
Just one more year and we could open up shop
We'd have enough,
You'd make me yours
Then I'll do your washing and
I'll sweep all your floors

My heart beats darling
I wish for you now
Sow these seeds with your wicked plough
I NEED you handsome,
Do you love me now?
Do you love me if I bend down and take being milked down like a cow?
Cow, sow darling, I'd be them all
Every barnyard animal, I'd do a four legged crawl

Do you love me now?
Do you love me now?
If I lay down to the floor and pray without a priest,
Will you give me a thought,
Jot my name down at least?

If I was holy as Mary
Sweet as a bud
Would you love me then
Though I act like your ****?

Would you kiss me dear, would you hold me near
This trash, abandoned receptacle,
This can, *******, hopeless: perpetual. . .

I'd do anything for you
Watch me moan, pine and weep
I'd be anything for you
Go without food, love, sleep

Go without a brain to sustain, and I'll sacrifice my time
I'll shut up to all men
I'd scrub holes for every dime
I'd be like your mother
Or hope to aspire
Do you love me now?
Do you love me now?
Do you love me now?
Do you love me now?
Do you love me if I bend down and take to being milked like a cow?
Jan 2014 · 744
My Mind Is. . .
Lola Jan 2014
My mind lays empty
- What void, what null
An empty hull
Cracked shell
Heart's prelude to tears starting in a swell

My mind lays full
Like a brimful ashtray
Awaiting the day that I
Throw the garbage away

My mind lays still
Making solemn the body
Spent; to it's fill of every glory and thrill
Reluctantly I observe and clean
Every spill

My mind lays glowing
In love, furiously growing
In ecstasy it broils and broils
But under the sun
It never spoils
My love

My mind lays racing
And running for fun
My mind lays pacing
Gives the nights a sun
My mind is furious -
A whirlwind, a hurricane
My mind's a tiger
Without aim to tame

My mind is illustrious
My mind is a charm
In it's mindful grip
I laugh unarmed
Now my mind is weary
Now my thought's are glum
How I envy the days
Spent with loved ones

— The End —