lizie

lizie Jul 20

i drain him.
i know it.
and still,
i stay.

i say i’m trying,
but really,
i’m cracking.
i’m drowning
with his lungs
in my chest.

next i’ll bleed
through his arms,
sob
through his eyes,
wreck
what’s left
of his heart.

i was never
meant
to be held.

lizie Jul 18

almost perfect

for as long as i can remember,
i’ve been chasing perfect,
tight-laced, gold-star, quiet ache.
and for a while,
i think i caught it.

but i’m not perfect anymore.
i flinch too easy,
snap too fast,
leave texts unread,
pick at scabs that should’ve healed.

people still call me smart, kind, strong,
and i don’t correct them.
it’s easier to wear the mask
than explain the mess underneath.

i disappoint myself
in small, sharp ways,
forgetting, avoiding, breaking down.
i say “i’m fine”
because it’s faster
than confessing i’m not.

expectations stick like static,
even when no one says them out loud.
and i still feel guilty
for letting people love
someone i no longer recognize.

lizie Jul 17

bandaids

bandaids on my wrist.
i wish they worked.
i wish i did.

lizie Jul 16

Untitled

i can’t stop crying and i wish i would because someone is going to notice

lizie Jul 16

stop being sad

some days, i just want to stop being sad.
not forever, just long enough to breathe
without bracing for the ache.

i don’t even know who i am
when i’m not hurting.
i miss her,
whoever she was.

im so ******* sad

lizie Jul 16

to do hard things

i wish hard things didn’t scare me.
i wish i could try
without unraveling.
i wish effort didn’t feel like failure,
and failure didn’t feel like the end of me.

i want to do hard things
and still like who i am.
i want to struggle
without falling apart.

lizie Jul 16

hard to love

i make it hard to love me.
i pull away when i need someone most.
i act like i’m fine
so no one will see how badly i’m not.
i say sorry
for things that aren’t wrong,
just so no one leaves.

i want love
but i don’t know how to hold it.
i’m scared of being too much
and not enough
at the same time.