lizie

lizie Jun 5

forever

i wish it was just
you and me,
alone,
forever.

lizie Jun 5

“i think i hate everyone here,”
i texted.
and it was true.
in the crowded room
with people laughing too loud,
i wasn’t, though.
i felt small.
not lonely exactly,
just misplaced.

but if you were here,
i think i’d scoot my chair real close
in the way that says,
“thank god you get it,”
we’d make fun of everyone else
without even saying a word,
just one look
and i’d feel understood.
i would laugh,
and make you laugh too.

maybe i don’t hate everyone.
maybe i just miss you
in places
that don’t feel like mine
without you.

lizie Jun 5

for you to notice

it’s weird.
it feels like everything i do
is for you to notice.

but somehow,
you notice things
no one else ever has.
things even i
never knew were there.

i feel like a silly child! but it’s true. everything i do is for you to notice. i think you do. sometimes

lizie Jun 5

eye contact

for once,
no one talked over me.
the air felt light.
we kept meeting eyes
across the noise.
not awkward,
just right.

lizie Jun 4

blue scissors

i still remember the first time.
i was fourteen.
things were starting to break.
friends turning distant,
the girls who used to carry me
now looking the other way.

i grabbed a pair of kids’ scissors.
they were blue.
my cheeks were soaked with tears.
i had never done this before,
but i had heard about it.

i put the blade to my wrist.
it hurt.
a lot.
but i did it again.
and again.

we made up the next day.
everything seemed okay again.
but i didn’t stop.
i liked the sting,
going to school with it still burning.

blue scissors turned into
pocket knives,
kitchen knives,
blades from pencil sharpeners.
i cried when nothing came out.

and later,
when my whole arm went numb,
i didn’t stop.
i think i liked that, too.
i don’t know why.

i still have the blue scissors.

lizie Jun 4

i wish

i wish sadness didn’t feel
like something i had to hide.
that it could just be
without alarms going off.
without threats of white walls
and blank stares.

i wish the boy i love could hold my hurt
without thinking it’s about him.
i wish being broken
didn’t break everyone else.

i wish i was thirteen.
when my best friend lived next door
and the girl down the street still liked me
and the world hadn’t begun
falling out from under my feet.

i wish jazz felt like freedom,
not failure.
i wish i still stood out,
instead of drowning
in the effort it takes
just to stay average.

i wish my world
didn’t end
every
single
day.

lizie Jun 4

sinking

i thought today
maybe things were feeling better.
a little lighter.

but it’s not true.
not anymore.
things are still heavy.

and im
s
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    k
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