And a simple
complete orbit
of black hands
creates such a distinction
complete significance
of routine
and ego.

Trivial they may seem
one worded acknowledgments
provide the greatest of hopes

sing into my seashell
slung around my neck
it tremors with my heartbeat

lay vertically on my pillow
and let the coolness
influence your words

anxiety
A select spot
and involuntary
gyration
of the hand

there really is no tingle
or tickle
but it is comforting
-- a safety mechanism.

I get no pleasure,
but rather distraction.

  coarse,
      
    thick

anxiety makes me itch.

More potent than caffeine
  
      I am electricity
      I am twitches

and I will shoot out in all directions
my powerhouse is your stomach

Feel me
      in your
            fingertips
   static shock without contact

suddenly you are running

   racing

and will fidget as your brain
      fires sticky signals
   tiresome synapses

it repeats
for eleven years it has

take me to your quacks
   I’m done with my anxiety.

i have been saving my apple seeds
after eating the whole fruit

piles in my pockets

i dont want to die
from their combined cyanide
i have just
been saving apple seeds

An extreme ***** of loneliness
rise over run
has plateau’d and remains constant

and on that ray
the fixed end is frustration
a sense of familiarity
and the inability to mobilize
in order to project anger

in desperation I contact.
send out my words
with underlying whimpers of pleading
I move from high to low
and in order to ground myself
I omit the most vibrant of energies

you are blind, I am unstable
if only my words grasped at your throat
sweet swimmer
and took attention to your voice
I was once so attracted to

be the man that your larynx suggests
I want some **** attention

you were a packaged deal
and came with a disclaimer
claiming emotionally unstable
and jittery
with minimal ability to balance
book and art and poetry
with your overactive *** drive
and unquenchable thirst for intoxication
and I kept you in mint condition
barbie
as best as I could while you kept mind
and we matched
and interlocked
and soon were inseparable
but barbie i can only keep you so long
your hair is fading
and so is the loneliness that once made me praise you
and barbie you are a burden
and are weighing on my glass display
and leaning and tipping
and are making no effort to support your own weight
i may be your plastic stand
but i am more than moral support

We have romanticized the idea
of a large ceramic bowl

an area
to potentially suffocate

lay until water drops body temperature

sticky humidity
is this sweat or water

cinnamon scented
and flavored
snafu: flames
singe my nostrils with your desserts

naked
and vulnerable
but completely content
I am stewing
in ceramic bowls

lets be two naked
self conscience individuals
and sit in a half full
half empty bathtub

we'll fill it with freezing water
that evaporates when our skin makes contact
we are magnetic
and static
and our clothless skin transfers
heat through osmosis

our necks are sweating
and beading
and drips down the stunted hour glass
love handles filled with sand

and that sweat is freezing
but evaporates down my body
ripples in the water
we have not moved in hours

Deprived of limbs
but showered with extremities
i am left to cure my illnesses

you have brought them upon me

you smell like spf
and summer
pressed powder
and scalp

you are obtuse
when embracing

i am your clone
opposite beginnings
surely unwanted
same endings

i will fix myself
before I am my

be honest
when did you last wash your hands
perform bacterial baptisms
to was the nicotine
from your lucky
and pomade
from your hair

and when did you last
think of me at three am
were you in bed
in the sea and the sky
and was it hot in thirty below zero

do you miss me
when youre *****
and craving naivety
and when it gets too hot under fleece pants
are your thighs sweating yet?

It was the heavy breathing
I think
that I liked the most
our mouths made no movement
as our faces dried
and sternums rocked
planted kisses in a chalk line
wet florettes on my chest
pretended to worry
about potential marks on my neck
such gentle
aggressive manners
heart rate raised
resulted in the breathing

you are brewing
and steaming
and boiling
and churning
in the hot air
and hot water
in your nervous system

and you are
making yourself sick
from the words you’re swallowing
debes masticar las palabras
de sus amigos
before you ***** up
tangled messes

is your heart on your sleeve
next to the tender ******
of your sharpened blade
limpialo! stop crying
i am tired of your stirring

a ti yo soy la bruja
ill shut the lid of the cauldron

I am camera shy
around you
but fearless among
others
take pictures with me
to go along with
our memories
because I want to see
what will one day leave
my brain

un simbolo profundo
de los jovenes rebeldes
ignorantes
se puede encontrar
en las tiendas
el las camisetas
de un pais
lleno de sus enimigos
de amigos del pais
que apoyan
la idea de capitalismo
y la cara
de un hombre guapo
un hombre argentino
un hombre cubano
un revolucionario
es incomprendido
por las tiendas
que usan su cara
para ganar dinero
para difundir confusión
entre jóvenes
me interesa que
un hombre tan inteligente
cayó a un país
que terminó su vida
y ahora
usa su casa
de un lección
y símbolo
de las similares
entre capitalismo
y comunismo

Expel
mint liquids;

   cool my stomach
      and my tongue.

chew ferociously
   for thirty minutes

harden
and liquefy

      I’ll peel another.

I will finish packs in a day
   chain chew like cigarettes

aspartame

I can blow bubbles
   and then put them in my stomach

Smoke me on your cigarette break but
i am more than just ashes because
i linger on your skin
and fingers and you taste me
and you smell me
and eventually too much of me will
produce fine lines and lung obstructions
and soon enough i **** you

have i collapsed?
no

but crumpled slowly
under steel thoughts
and rubble shouldes

and it was first mucus
that left my body

then my stomach

and finally
i was a pile
of rubble

Come on
mister
let’s see what’s in the forest
let’s play behind the trees
I’ll let you hold my hands

lets climb up in the willows
and kiss behind the curtain
lets walk farther
find a rabbit hole
undo the knots in my tree
my roots are twisted
from your hand in my hair

and soon well find a log cabin
oh I just know it
and the water will be warm
let’s turn my white dress ivory
lets go into the forest

"you are so comfortable"

but have the pelvic bones
that I knew not of
existing anatomically
greeted your elastic skin?

hard bone on hardwood
friction on my outer flagella
pangs in my pits
this continues to concave

an artificial frame;
deemed healthy
after an unsatisfied lifetime
I remain as so
I am a wire hanger
draping fabric
awkward angles

I beg your pardon
I am far from comfortable

comparable to a parasite
but with a higher mortality rate
it has opened its mouth
and found a way to my insides
it began to multiply
an asexual creature
and slowly I was being consumed
they nested in the linings of my stomach
giving me sudden lurches
which triggered my anxiety
then frolicked in my eyelids
irritating the iris
and I was forced to cry
then such creatures
tunneled their way back to
my flaking epidermis
and for a split second my body remained its shape
but one could soon see
I fell victim to a consumption

"I love you,
but rather your convenience.
your open pantry
and channels.

the quick fix of your generous lips
weekly dose of human affection.
I dislike your distance
but make no effort to prolong it.

spare me the detail of your accomplishments:
your petty achievements.
i am far too preoccupied
with an unbalanced slumber.

i love you,
but rather your convenience."

For whom do you sacrifice
my child
slave over sweat
is this for yourself
you are excited by attraction
and attractiveness
find time for little but
introverted social butterfly
tell me
sweet daughter
what have you done for me
each night you ask
protection from fear
healthiness
then thank for the generic
do you think about it often
how little you feel you need me
how often do you visit
a dying man

then you insist upon apologetic mannerisms
send your tears
worship rosaries on your death bed
to you I am but a figurine
to match your decor
do something noble perhaps
with your false sense
of kindness to all
you know of truth
and are belittled when it’s said
I know I am in your head
when his is three times more strong
your commitment is noble
this you have not lied
but you sinner
come home

I hope the trees and flowers have made time for you
and the proper attention is being paid
because you have done things too courageous
and greedy
for me to comprehend
and when I see your name I smile

we share directions
live vertically
and fluctuate our emotions.
   though you chose a permanent ending
and mine will remain sweet and ongoing
but when I see your name I grin

I fear bleeding as you do
and seeing as much red as you have
but dear Sylvia,
show me your inspirations
because when I see your name I giggle

Let’s take on
deforestation
to get what lies in the
center of the forest.

have i become so dependent
that i cling to the microfibers that form in your dryer
and stick on your sweater

because for six months
seven months ago
i tasted italy and salvador
and corn tortillas
and teeth
and missed ***** mexico

and for three weeks
about two months ago
i spun around the washing machine
until my fibers were stuck and someone detached me
and i lay there soppy
and i lay there wet

and i blame the machine
its sheer power and ability to wipe clean the stains of engine oil and uv blue you drank in the garage

and i have lost dependency
because of its lack of sustainability
i miss my baby
all my babies
every baby
and if you need me
ill be collecting the microfibers
that form in your dryer
and stick on your sweater

These entities are unable to be verbalized
the most pleasurable
the most relaxing
I fall asleep to them
but avoid them in conversation.
maybe if I hold my tongue
wet and sandy
you’ll forget the topic.
the world of ***** gum
and cortexes
cannot meet

Stalling
get your foot off the acceleration
hold my hands not my thighs
the lights gone red
this may take a while

once were off
my head: blown back
I love the speed
but our senses failed us
my body lied
we hit a tree
a ****** accident
who was the victim, really
the wounds were the same
my blood
stained you
save me with your holy hands
I’m bleeding out of every nook and cranny
this red light
may be longer than expected

I grew into a woman of mountains
and ridges amongst tissue
even peach fuzz can’t conceal
the daintiest of dimples

then spiders ****** me dry
and my insides liquefied
my ******* were the first to go
the second my femininity

looking good is being dry

I am aware of red flags
and really aware of the possibility
that these lead to red rivers:
red running rivers
in which I am floating face up

have you forgotten:
I am able bodied?
and able bodied as I am
I am equally swollen with boredom weight
and the weight of boredom
and the perpetual presence
of the inability to see my toes
(if I lean back far enough)

and with this body
(and that body floating in the river)
I have filled a lake of tears
and blood
and ***** and oil
that you have fished in and taken from

in that river I am stained red and blue
and so are the towels I used
(we used
you used)

oh fisherman
retrieved my body
(if you get this message)
because I am calling for you from heaven
you are weeping and heaving
as you hoist my body from the river

it is too late, fisherman
it is no use to pump
red and blue
(purple) water
from my lungs

I have filled myself with it
in its airborne state

and I am watching you, fisherman
from the skies and the sea
in every carp you catch
and whether you eat me or spare me
fisherman
I am perpetually grateful
to your choosing of my choices

i want people to just after me
and i want confidence to ooze out of by body
and i want people to turn their heads and swoon
and i want the attention i deserve
and the happiness i require
and the time needed to make it happen

but mainly i want your frozen heart
piggy backing on mine
until black mixes with purple
and you feel me
like three weeks ago
along the back of my spine
and front of my rib cage

cause baby i can feed you
and i can hydrate you after all the tears
and swell up all the sadness
until it blisters and oozes
cause baby its painful
i know it
stop counting
the clock stopped with me

I would like a gap between my thighs
at least one inch
so they're small enough
to wrap your fingers around
both hands
cup them
and I want to look like a doll
small
and slim
and pale
my freckles
big eyes
long hair
do not ask me to eat
do you not notice my smaller portions
and how I walk to the fridge
then disappear
I will disappear
and bones will take my place

it is noisome
but rather unnoticed.
easily remembered scents;
sawdust and masculinity.

Your phantom is so satisfactory

and the blurred visuals of your face
conjure great heat
  Burning heat

your sweet words
less than three daily
are more pleasurable
than the goose bumps of dopamine

scarcely say you love me
and it won’t matter

we are stronger than my doubts

with red ribbon around your finger
you are a man missing half a body.
but a man so perfect
with his other half next to him
with the other half of ribbon.

but who could have created a man
so perfect
but a higher power.
and you have inspired me
to talk to God.

sit next to me on wooden benches
and listen to sweet sermons.
hold my hand now
but tighter in prayer.
because I feel closer to God
than I ever have before.
and though I know not of Heaven
I know your faith is true.

and every night I lay still
and pray so gratefully
because God has not cut our red ribbon
and has given me one like you
to forever hold on to

Slick,
slick yellow lining
it protrudes from chins
and abdomens
and arms.
one can pass down genes
but just as easily
chicken fried steak
crisco
lard.
siempre son gordos
that is not genetic.

I am still
in the cocoon of your
tall grass
and my fingernails stopped growing
after I chewed them off too many times
my dress keeps getting shorter
and sometimes the clouds peek at my *******

the wind has just picked up
I’m not sure if there’s a storm
because I am
face down

I heard lightning
but felt no thunder
the grass grew tall above me
taller than previous years
and though this might be a scary sight
I love those weedy willows

My head and hands
lie on different pages
the passion heated thoughts
do not reach past wrists
so icebergs
they remain
and when instructed
to complete the most
simple of tasks
they disobey
disobedient
little morons
and blame
other elements
for their underlying timidness
no wonder
they are always blushing

I have never held your hand
but rather only experienced it
when it danced tight
ellipses
on my scalp.
I have witnessed
its mistreatment
and the sudden removal of layers;
the acidic outbursts of peroxide
pink sundaes of pain.
the constant pick of ***** fingernails
they will never be clean.

I could recognize your hands
from a distance
but would easily mistake their brush

Have you watched them scale the mountain?

i did.
i felt it.

they are a swarm
red and pink and orange
tightly knit
and drag through goo

crescending river
flow oppositely

it is not a volcano
will not erupt
but pools
and waits
acidic and tangy
a trigger

i have felt them
i am everest

Which lips did I come out of
that you feel the need to yell

conceived on your tongue
grew in your vocal cords

the tremors
the tremors in which I developed
vibrated so deep
I do not feel swaddled

when your throat opens
I shake
   close it for my comfort

I am late
eight
ten
sixteen years
I, child of showers,
I was birthed like no other

but I am still
a carrier of DNA
do
not
adapt
to make me a burden
or blame them on me

cut this cord
mami
take pride in my existence

**** sapien*
fluid secretion from fountains
   under
      my
         tongue
escape when I talk
fumble over words
pool in the cup
by my bottom teeth
   lower lip ****

and when I spit
all
of my secrets
    those I promised
desertification occurs

i am rock
   knock with bone
dry
come and pick me, cotton picker
the seeds of my ignorant youth
   will
      stab
         at the
            hands
   slaver is hurt

saliva

It is pure torture
sitting in a room with hungry eyes
faces pulled tight
as they smell their food
I sit
with food grown on trees
and narrow my eyes
in despise
of pizza loving fools

I want but true affection
rather than that
produced by guilt

desperate to stay one
you succumb to old habits
and donate no reassurance

i doubt
in cycles
and I am at the top of the ferris wheel
i see the land
and not the man next to me

am I more than just a variety
of frozen food and prepared meals
and the occassional agressive "ive missed you"
exhaled between kisses

i am acustomed to your familiarity
and your soap scent
and harsh tongue
your lashes at my best men

but you are calming
but you are rough waves

i am tired of being brushed against the shore
i should be the ocean

your stomping and shaking
cause violence in my eardrums
and riots in her ribs

but your actions go unpunished
and remain unpunished
therefore I waited
with sticky
swollen eyelids
for justice
right and truthful discipline

burden: you are
let us weigh your heavy heart

I cannot vocalize
verbalize
and instead build steam
pound my eardrums
flutters twenty times per second

they burst
I’m open
tremendous winds
escape the cannel
cold winds
they sting my eyes

we have reached
another ultimatum
you are cold
I am timid

I wait for you to cut me into chunks
rather than in gradual bits had I been sooner

I will give you the benefit of the doubt
as always
and when you’ve beseeched my benefit
I will doubt some more

I love you and your unchanging scent
let this be as constant

I cannot trust an idle mind.
my psyche
   makes
      me
         sick.
and along with a heightened
   uvula
and bruised stomach
   potential convulsions
an elevated heartbeat
suggests the illness of my mind
rather than a bacterium induced
expulsion
I have avoided the great depths of seas:
   this is the second night in a row

What in your life could be so difficult
that you confide in keyboards
when surrounded by voices
your adult nature
in a malnourished body
is the culprit perhaps
negligee that neglects curves
your synapses are not firing
can you not get the message to your brain
   your oxygen starved brain
so you breathe more quickly
and in turn produce tears
you’re not happy
unless you don’t see him
but are still melancholy
and exaggerate
   this is getting monotonous
   as we sit at round tables
   and discuss your behavior
you lone hairless baby
shush your sickly sweet sniffles

My thoughts have transitioned
from short term to long term
less of sunday afternoon
and more or future apartments

but let it not divert you
from the fact
that I miss you daily

your laundry soap smell;
you taste like nothing

Is it inappropriate
to stand half an inch closer
or have three to a booth?
Our thighs are touching.

I sometimes wonder
if you only speak for attention
whimper
bark only behind fences.

You are lonely
it is unbearable.

Let me swoon in your warmth
from half an inch away.
Our romantic ties
cease within siblings.