is it sad
that two beings
are eachothers
replacement for loneliness
and share minimal
mutual attraction
but the same amount of holes?

and it has been written
in electronic contract
and blue light
the extent of their flirtation
and absence of emotion

I want your off-tempo
scratched fluidity
the initial absorbtion
shock absorbtion
to immedietly dissinigrate

and I do not feel guilty
i feel normal
and no different
but rather
confused
and curious

i do not remember much of it
a triad of points
that grow
upward *****

I want to lay on your shoulder

swing lazy arms like rope
and bound me with warm breath

do not kiss me; I am uneasy
but rather coo me
and monitor the rate
of in and out oxygen

you are my ******
pink and white
elongated pill
I am no victim to anxiety
with you
and your fox jacket

I want your off-tempo
scratched fluidity
the initial absorbtion
   shock absorption
to immediately disintegrate

and I do not feel guilty
I feel normal
and no different
but rather
confused
and curious

I do not remember much of it
a triad of points
that grow
   upward
      *****

it must have been after the shaky hesitation
and half naked runs across rooms
or after the time I saw all of your skin
(all of it)

it was after the time your shyed away
silent laughing
or were we home alone?

maybe it was after the time
you wished for me in your bed
and there I appeared
fully dressed and unaware

and I have won trophies
for sneaking in and out of houses
for staying put in your bedroom
for spitting toothpaste out of windows

and I have won trophies
and heavy medals I wear around my neck
for my jealousy and attitude
and aversion to drinking while stealing your liquor
and making you angry
so angry
and so scary
and for making it up to you
and for forgiving you when you have done the same

and in some point
on some squeaky stair
I feel in love
with fishing poles
and the fingers that hold them
and with front seat riding
and a sudden desire
to maybe not be so independent

and sometimes when I think about
the rapid growth
of a flower and a ****
and how easily comparable they are
to coconut drinks and spoiled rice
I wonder if you will get sick of me
and my jealousy
and my attitude

or if after we have shared skin secrets
for month upon month
I still get nervous
when you walk out of bathrooms
and at long eye contact
and for my constant crying
I am not sad
but do you still get nervous?

I’ll admit to having missed you
despite the thorn-tongued remarks
"never again"
compatibility was inevitable
common factors in conversation

have two years passed
or did we glance away and forget
your voice is calming
and emotions astonishing
brush my hair
and tell me stories

I will feel inferior in your presence
but never more equal with another

With bone in my gum
I control you
through forceful clamps
and humid brushes
you posses limited control
with your vulnerable jugular
my coffee bean teeth
are your determining factors

My favorite times with you
are spent with our lips
we stand above stove tops
and smell like smoke
politely kiss the cook
and sample
and pick
and when finished
we share body heat
with hot foods
and after we finish
we allow little time for settling stomachs
because our bodies move
in what was once a gentle touch of flesh
and as food sits in my stomach
we tumble
and breathe hot air in each other's faces
you are as rough with me
as you are with your food
but I enjoy
entering just the same

tell me love confessions
of how you miss me
and love me
and are doubtless
then your words
materialize
a sugarless sweet
calorie free taste
and there is but no
sweeter satisfaction

I shook as I entered your doors
diabetic knees
I walked with caution
make myself unseen
with the utmost desire for visibility
hang off the ledge
bat my lashes

my love for her is unconditional
disappointment and triumph
I am a worm
let me burrow into your chest
and into the heart of the working nest
      miss me and accept me
      recognize me
      be glad to see me

adrenaline, like caffeine
I giggle and beam with river-eyes
expecting intense reaction
you continued your solemn demeanor
but through satellites you kiss my cheek

after alone ventures
windy waits for velvet seats
emptiness absorbed excitement from minutes before

I thought I missed the market
but surely I’ve mistaken

When is it that you've had enough
when you can't tell methane from Mexico
and the bruises on your knees
resemble the hickies
from the drug dealer boyfriend
you left last summer

I remember him very well
and picture his blurred face
Looking at me longingly
from between my legs

he was sweaty
and I was vulnerable
and he used every inch of my body
to convince me of his desire

but I dont mind
and an certainly not shameful
of that curiosity I developed
for telling skunk from week
and the admiration
and ****** frustration
for the cholo type of boy

sometimes I miss you
but maybe those are nights
that I'm not getting any

My subconscious mind would worry you
lingering attractions
prevail gaps in my desires
I must be missing something
there is something I miss

The roles
have turned
and the tables
reversed

phobia stricken mouse
will clean your ***** from the floor

I am stronger than my anxiety
and yours
and the rest of those
guilty and afraid

have you no faith in medicine
more so science
than powders you take for fun

I am so insulted
and so angry

imagine the first glimpse
of the top of your head
black roots on black thoughts


I could not feel my legs
and my stomach rearranged
to tickle my uvula

you remember it all
mom
you remember nothing

*mom

Your chest pains
and elephant weights
outweigh her puppy eyes.
but I feel bad
a human
turned bridge troll
banished
exiled
stay on your island, napoleon
you give the country heart attacks
and it will fire back

but I am emotional
are you cold there
lonely
do you cry as much as I?
we will ignore your smoke signals
moveless like rigor mortis.
for once
France does not surrender

With little feet
I scurry up your leg
a noble ascension
and fly over your groin.
my feet patter on your stomach
my presence remains unacknowledged
because you are far in your dreams
and  my small body makes no sort of an impact

I wish to climb to your face
and gaze
but I will do of no such thing
because I have found warmth by your heartbeat
and I curl myself atop it
and though it is unsteady
it assures me you are alive
and this has become my favourite of spots
I cannot drown in the waves of your chest
and finally
I am not fearful of swimming

My garden
a city
surrounded by water
ridden with smog
and to you
my love
I open my gates
and you may tour
my many attractions
but if you ask
to enter my buildings
your access
is denied

conceived
and birthed
prematurely
i clung to you
and the little life you'd shown

and i cut
the umbilical cord
     too quickly
but you were compiled of
    nutrients
i feed you through transfusion

but after having nursed you
though ******* and lips
your detachment
is my greatest loss

Let me be a woman you write of
with montaña curves
tuffs of hair

I want to be admired like chile
and upheld like your literature
kiss me with ink and paper
acid free
and coo me with love letters from mistaken authors

pablo, release your fire
and aim towards my fur;
Am I not a worthy candidate
for an unhealthy obsession

What was likely apple jacks
that resembled arroz con leche
was the primary factor in
an eleven
year
anxiety
attack

the frozen inability to enter
muraled cafeterias
clement j zablocki
you hold torture chambers

"call my mom I am sick"
distract me from my nausea
my mental nausea

I am not ready for this confrontation

I have never learned to love so much
as I have these purple fins
and whether they are
wide spread and masculine
or shriveled as they are
he is too perfect
and I may not touch him
as I would another
I feel him swim in the back of my eyes
and the back of my heart
and he snuggles his head between rocks
and recognizes my faces
and dances with adrenaline
and I have never loved
any fins more

You're are preserved in
my thoughts of later dates
where I am fully bloomed
and independent
and you are a working man
with a steady income
I see us living together
and saving for another place
and I see spring buds
in our arms
that we created
and can now keep
and one day we will be
gray together
and your face will be scruffy
and you will not care
and I hope that I can do it again
in heaven

I spent many a-night crying
about how my future is changing too suddenly
about how the man who'd so generously
given me his x chromosome
kicked out us three mice
no x's
no o's

he left us to scurry for food
and to quickly find shelter
but this was no easy task
seeing as every golden opportunity
was blocked by traps

and on that final day
you stayed and helped me move
and before anything was even loaded
you stopped
and took me in your arms

then for a split second I didn't breathe
but you were so warm
and I was so scared
then I didn't want to move
because I did not belong in houses
as much as I belonged in those arms

After deep accomplishment
ten-fold
i wind back
to the insecure disposition

oh resolution
you have cost me so much
and not enough
five less than enough

i have made permanence
with the tens of yellow cells I flattened
tens of thousands
my organs dont need you
i am soft as a cushion

One day
he'll marry me
and not just out of obligation

itll have been ten years
since the beginning of my nineth
a decade
lets make it milleniums

i am loved so wholly
my feelings have no holes

You have come accustomed to my crying
I am jade
I am rose
you lay there, perezoso
but I expect little.
let me sleep
I am exhausted.
do as you must to be entertained
your chest
and shoulders
offer sympathy and condolences
and after all this time
you’re the subject of my writing

We are planted together
roots underground
intertwined.

we share water
and you so generously
shade me with your leaves.

and even in the summer’s heat
when I am beneath you for shade
I wish to be closer

and even in the winters edge
when you are bare and I am gone
I wish to be closer

and though our roots wrap among each other
and you taste but sweet nectar
I wish to be closer

but this feeling
is unreachable
unless I grew inside you

i am not prayer; i am poetry
and exist within
(and outside)
a realm of preconceived notions
about choices from august nights

and i still experience
that uncomfortable humidity
that pours from hot breath and hollow hearts

have you ever stopped to think
that i am more than
a look on my face
(an aparent sign of ****** activity)
and that the feelings we share are not mutual

i am sexless
and will not submit myself to: *** of sorry/
of fifty mile travels/
or because you are homesick/
or because you walked me to my car
parked 50 feet away

because i am more that fifty feet
and i am more than prayers and poems

Do not struggle, my love
the others have led you to quicksand
the more you stress
the faster you descend
slow down
and enjoy your remaining time

you are
annoying and unfaithful
greedy and habitual
poor baby
what must you lust after now
and sob rivers with no reasons
you lack directions
and standards
and thrive on attention
of unattractive actions
you are eleven
going on ten
and have yet to blossom
we give up on you
since i occupy the back burner
behind rats and redheads

I am rock candy
unstable
and I melt

and your mouth is warm
i am liquifying
decrease in matter
fall in on myself
and inside you

and all is left
is a wooden stick
and sticky lips
from rock candy

with thorns I lash.
I tear into your weakness
use your voice against you
but with your eyes
you unfold my petals too easily
and you seemingly know my anatomy
with a sense unlike others

and with those eyes you pick me from the ground
and rapidly I deteriorate
because I meant not what I said

then one by one
my petals fall of
and am left with but a stem
but despite the lack of petals
my thorns remain in place

dear lord
we are on rough waters
of a pool of saliva
you produced while sleep walking

and only in your sleep
do you acknowledge my existence
through blind retort
blue-glowing retort

I am the sail and will decide the direction
and you are the wind propelling us into jagged rocks and jagged water
your crew has abandoned ship
and you are a whirlpool
and eventually
your twitching eyes
darting eyes
sleep walking eyes
will creak under crusty cement
and you will too acknowledge the ship you destroyed
on jagged rocks
and rough waters

Though my eyes be white
my thoughts be not
and I often imagine
our brains as one

and what’s on that mind
lies a single obsession
and to get there
we venture

being the gentleman
you begin our journey
and with coy words
you leave me guessing where we may end up
but assure we will arrive

but when you're worn out
I assist you
and show you
through tender touch and tongue
where we head

and finally we arrive
san disturbance
and our actions remain unjudged

It started in the spring on a stairwell
when the voice of the man behind the screen was finally heard.
and it led to awkward situations
and the giggle of girls
when her stories were told to her friends.
and in her eyes
was the highest degree of adoration.

in the summer they faced their first challenge.
while he went out to better himself
and she chose to study.
but with every day she missed him
she knew she loved him more

and in the fall it got bad
they began slipping
and neither was happy.
and she stayed up crying

but then in winter things changed
and they changed.
and despite the sting of the winter winds
they were happy
and they were together

Either I'll see you in ten minutes,
God

or I’ll be lying in bed
self-induced coma
oatmeal upbringings from my esophagus

tremor stricken
shrunken sobs
grasp onto life
or onto toilet paper

in my bath of uppers
ill insist on decency
wear white
forced affection
carry me on chairs
and take my candy

and my daughter will exasperate
at the end of the lane
MOM
and will see the triple entante of assistance
and will choke
and stroke my forehead

and ill meet prostitutes
and color
and expel black liquids
from all crevices of my body

make this easy on me
God
or I’ll see you in ten minutes

With wet hair
my bed was unfamiliar bed
and I sobbed the majority of the night
while all were sick around me.

and I felt alone
helpless
and wanted you to be with me
more than I ever had
to warm up the cool patches
in those sheets
and to offer your chest
as I mimicked waterfalls

We are friends
we are burdens
I’ll send her forget me nots
but at her touch they whither
she is wind
she is air
she whispers through my fingers
maybe shell visit
bearing gifts of complaints
no one cares for

but when called for
she sends tsunamis
she swaddled me with water
I initiated destruction
sweet salt
and red veins
my eyes are but an ocean
the wind has picked up
she blew out candles
despite her lapse of absence
she comes with wholesome concern
she is worth a wait
or more

she is so loved
by those whom see her as sunshine
and smiles
a rose colored woman
so mature for her age
and with stability on her
shoulders
and motivation on her
back
one who is oh so
lucky
and she is ever so
blessed

I surely must be that
woman you speak of
who calls herself an artist
when she is obviously not
who’s makeup is horrifying
and has an opposition to pants

when really

she makes art
which makes her an artist
and she loves the fact
that others enjoy
when she wears that makeup
because of compliments
and doesn’t wear pants
because her boyfriend likes it

so greetings
I am that woman

I am not godly
and with that
and my triangle shaped torso,
my shoulders are only so broad

i can not carry the weight of my body
ever expanding
with that of glistening papers
and paintings
and customer service

you have not felt my nausea
or seen my list
a weekly redone reminder
of what I must remember to do

am I your star child
or am I obedient

I miss you.
and the sick satisfaction of adrenaline.
the openness of your pantry
and sensitivity to dander that remains solely to your house.

jovial but once this year
I have exiled myself to other islands
to watch in golden telescopes

some others fill the gaps in which I made
yet I’ll blame you
for my own banishment

I am a prime example
of brains before beauty
putting my heart on the lines of loose leaf

Serotonin production ceased when steam was industrialized
drown me, dopamine
save my friendship

you are sinful
abrazce mi cuerpo
and eat it wholly

I heard the sirens
and suddenly I was spinning
and sobbing
they began as whimpers
i lurched out screams
and through screen windows
they heard me
and watched me
run down our lane.

Since when has it been acceptable
to insult and torment
to label "disgusting"
and insist you hold nothing but hatred

make a mockery--
leave crying on
carpeted floors
circus fools

then to have such a sudden revelation
of the wrongs committed
and use the voice of sinners
I recognize
to act like but the best of friends
ignorant fool

I am a wire hanger
bean pole
drape me with your cotton
inspire me with spandex.
copper wire
sewing needle
clothing is no coverage.
what the hell is modesty

Can you appreciate what I offer
Those dimples developing in my abdomen
come as quickly as the months
my back is pulled up
crescent moon
hearts
no rest for breaths
I hope those curves
that you once goose bumped remain
stick to me like oats
I desire shape
but adorn bones

Rather than placing those
through the webs of my fingers
place them through my bare ribs
use my hipbones for leverage
this could be worthwhile
or turn me into
another common cold
but I can’t help but think
no one wants to see me naked

then I remember how you have
but not truly
bits and pieces
never the whole
and how your teeth left a permanent mark
on my chest
scratch and claw into my back
and remind me
that you still want me
be hungry
I cannot be

I wonder what it'd be like if
your rests were endless
and you never awoke
and how my life would be hollowed
and my chest would be empty
and it's hard enough to crave an embrace
let alone to lose you forever
so my worries flood me like bodies in cemeteries
praying that you are never among them

so rather than scaring myself blind
I’ll appreciate your time now
and sleep with you for short whiles
until it is eternal

Those hot peppers you feed me
tsssss all the way down
smoke is in the intestines
and esophagus

have you punched me?
i am sore.

and caffine
i am woozy from you
a wooden ship on rough seas
rocky

swallowed enough air for zeppelins
under your shirt hides a fleshy balloon

have I wronged you?
i am sensetive
and vengeful

You are the rock of the river
splashed at but immobile
you are stubborn and fearless
roots embedded in the dirt
a permanent home
no moss
and untouched by erosion

water parts ways around you
like you trudge against current
and out of respect
fear
or pity
they go around you
you stubborn rock.