it must have been after the shaky hesitation
and half naked runs across rooms
or after the time I saw all of your skin
(all of it)

it was after the time your shyed away
silent laughing
or were we home alone?

maybe it was after the time
you wished for me in your bed
and there I appeared
fully dressed and unaware

and I have won trophies
for sneaking in and out of houses
for staying put in your bedroom
for spitting toothpaste out of windows

and I have won trophies
and heavy medals I wear around my neck
for my jealousy and attitude
and aversion to drinking while stealing your liquor
and making you angry
so angry
and so scary
and for making it up to you
and for forgiving you when you have done the same

and in some point
on some squeaky stair
I feel in love
with fishing poles
and the fingers that hold them
and with front seat riding
and a sudden desire
to maybe not be so independent

and sometimes when I think about
the rapid growth
of a flower and a ****
and how easily comparable they are
to coconut drinks and spoiled rice
I wonder if you will get sick of me
and my jealousy
and my attitude

or if after we have shared skin secrets
for month upon month
I still get nervous
when you walk out of bathrooms
and at long eye contact
and for my constant crying
I am not sad
but do you still get nervous?

un simbolo profundo
de los jovenes rebeldes
ignorantes
se puede encontrar
en las tiendas
el las camisetas
de un pais
lleno de sus enimigos
de amigos del pais
que apoyan
la idea de capitalismo
y la cara
de un hombre guapo
un hombre argentino
un hombre cubano
un revolucionario
es incomprendido
por las tiendas
que usan su cara
para ganar dinero
para difundir confusión
entre jóvenes
me interesa que
un hombre tan inteligente
cayó a un país
que terminó su vida
y ahora
usa su casa
de un lección
y símbolo
de las similares
entre capitalismo
y comunismo

I am aware of red flags
and really aware of the possibility
that these lead to red rivers:
red running rivers
in which I am floating face up

have you forgotten:
I am able bodied?
and able bodied as I am
I am equally swollen with boredom weight
and the weight of boredom
and the perpetual presence
of the inability to see my toes
(if I lean back far enough)

and with this body
(and that body floating in the river)
I have filled a lake of tears
and blood
and ***** and oil
that you have fished in and taken from

in that river I am stained red and blue
and so are the towels I used
(we used
you used)

oh fisherman
retrieved my body
(if you get this message)
because I am calling for you from heaven
you are weeping and heaving
as you hoist my body from the river

it is too late, fisherman
it is no use to pump
red and blue
(purple) water
from my lungs

I have filled myself with it
in its airborne state

and I am watching you, fisherman
from the skies and the sea
in every carp you catch
and whether you eat me or spare me
fisherman
I am perpetually grateful
to your choosing of my choices

When is it that you've had enough
when you can't tell methane from Mexico
and the bruises on your knees
resemble the hickies
from the drug dealer boyfriend
you left last summer

I remember him very well
and picture his blurred face
Looking at me longingly
from between my legs

he was sweaty
and I was vulnerable
and he used every inch of my body
to convince me of his desire

but I dont mind
and an certainly not shameful
of that curiosity I developed
for telling skunk from week
and the admiration
and ****** frustration
for the cholo type of boy

sometimes I miss you
but maybe those are nights
that I'm not getting any

tengo que recordar
que mis amigos
no son posesiones
sino extenciones
de mi existencia
de mi sustento

y mis amigos hablaran
de mi molestia
y de mi gloria
y cambiaran historias
de mis luchas

pero no soy una criminal
yo quiero sentarse n el coche
de ***** y oro
y no enterder la musica
que eliges

y cuando yo voy a mi casa
despues un noche
de cigarillos
y bufandas
yo quiero olor el humo
en mi pelo y mi piel
y recordara
que mis amigos no son posesiones
pero son extenciones
de mi existencia
y de mi sustento

have i become so dependent
that i cling to the microfibers that form in your dryer
and stick on your sweater

because for six months
seven months ago
i tasted italy and salvador
and corn tortillas
and teeth
and missed ***** mexico

and for three weeks
about two months ago
i spun around the washing machine
until my fibers were stuck and someone detached me
and i lay there soppy
and i lay there wet

and i blame the machine
its sheer power and ability to wipe clean the stains of engine oil and uv blue you drank in the garage

and i have lost dependency
because of its lack of sustainability
i miss my baby
all my babies
every baby
and if you need me
ill be collecting the microfibers
that form in your dryer
and stick on your sweater

you are brewing
and steaming
and boiling
and churning
in the hot air
and hot water
in your nervous system

and you are
making yourself sick
from the words you’re swallowing
debes masticar las palabras
de sus amigos
before you ***** up
tangled messes

is your heart on your sleeve
next to the tender ******
of your sharpened blade
limpialo! stop crying
i am tired of your stirring

a ti yo soy la bruja
ill shut the lid of the cauldron

you were a packaged deal
and came with a disclaimer
claiming emotionally unstable
and jittery
with minimal ability to balance
book and art and poetry
with your overactive *** drive
and unquenchable thirst for intoxication
and I kept you in mint condition
barbie
as best as I could while you kept mind
and we matched
and interlocked
and soon were inseparable
but barbie i can only keep you so long
your hair is fading
and so is the loneliness that once made me praise you
and barbie you are a burden
and are weighing on my glass display
and leaning and tipping
and are making no effort to support your own weight
i may be your plastic stand
but i am more than moral support

dear lord
we are on rough waters
of a pool of saliva
you produced while sleep walking

and only in your sleep
do you acknowledge my existence
through blind retort
blue-glowing retort

I am the sail and will decide the direction
and you are the wind propelling us into jagged rocks and jagged water
your crew has abandoned ship
and you are a whirlpool
and eventually
your twitching eyes
darting eyes
sleep walking eyes
will creak under crusty cement
and you will too acknowledge the ship you destroyed
on jagged rocks
and rough waters

be honest
when did you last wash your hands
perform bacterial baptisms
to was the nicotine
from your lucky
and pomade
from your hair

and when did you last
think of me at three am
were you in bed
in the sea and the sky
and was it hot in thirty below zero

do you miss me
when youre *****
and craving naivety
and when it gets too hot under fleece pants
are your thighs sweating yet?

sometimes i wish
that the faint set of
vibrations on the carpet
were caused by the alarm
of your desire to talk to me
to reach out to me
to miss me

but the only vibrations
are those i remember
after the first kiss
and me laying awake
for two hours buzzing

and how can it go for three months
and how can you not remember me

i want people to just after me
and i want confidence to ooze out of by body
and i want people to turn their heads and swoon
and i want the attention i deserve
and the happiness i require
and the time needed to make it happen

but mainly i want your frozen heart
piggy backing on mine
until black mixes with purple
and you feel me
like three weeks ago
along the back of my spine
and front of my rib cage

cause baby i can feed you
and i can hydrate you after all the tears
and swell up all the sadness
until it blisters and oozes
cause baby its painful
i know it
stop counting
the clock stopped with me

Smoke me on your cigarette break but
i am more than just ashes because
i linger on your skin
and fingers and you taste me
and you smell me
and eventually too much of me will
produce fine lines and lung obstructions
and soon enough i **** you

i am not prayer; i am poetry
and exist within
(and outside)
a realm of preconceived notions
about choices from august nights

and i still experience
that uncomfortable humidity
that pours from hot breath and hollow hearts

have you ever stopped to think
that i am more than
a look on my face
(an aparent sign of ****** activity)
and that the feelings we share are not mutual

i am sexless
and will not submit myself to: *** of sorry/
of fifty mile travels/
or because you are homesick/
or because you walked me to my car
parked 50 feet away

because i am more that fifty feet
and i am more than prayers and poems

is it sad
that two beings
are eachothers
replacement for loneliness
and share minimal
mutual attraction
but the same amount of holes?

and it has been written
in electronic contract
and blue light
the extent of their flirtation
and absence of emotion

you are sinful
abrazce mi cuerpo
and eat it wholly

conceived
and birthed
prematurely
i clung to you
and the little life you'd shown

and i cut
the umbilical cord
     too quickly
but you were compiled of
    nutrients
i feed you through transfusion

but after having nursed you
though ******* and lips
your detachment
is my greatest loss

i have been saving my apple seeds
after eating the whole fruit

piles in my pockets

i dont want to die
from their combined cyanide
i have just
been saving apple seeds

have i collapsed?
no

but crumpled slowly
under steel thoughts
and rubble shouldes

and it was first mucus
that left my body

then my stomach

and finally
i was a pile
of rubble

you are
annoying and unfaithful
greedy and habitual
poor baby
what must you lust after now
and sob rivers with no reasons
you lack directions
and standards
and thrive on attention
of unattractive actions
you are eleven
going on ten
and have yet to blossom
we give up on you
since i occupy the back burner
behind rats and redheads

lets be two naked
self conscience individuals
and sit in a half full
half empty bathtub

we'll fill it with freezing water
that evaporates when our skin makes contact
we are magnetic
and static
and our clothless skin transfers
heat through osmosis

our necks are sweating
and beading
and drips down the stunted hour glass
love handles filled with sand

and that sweat is freezing
but evaporates down my body
ripples in the water
we have not moved in hours

i am not firm
and we are not like-minded
and maybe we are wrong
or care just right

you are not merciful
you are angry
and vengeful
and appreciative
at the wrong moments
and so curious
with the wrong questions

and i am not patient
but am ill tempered
and am made of estrogen
and progesterin
and every night at 7pm
7:05 7:23
i release more
and want to cry alot

we are bad breath in the morning
and secret geatures and pet names
and we are bread and soy
and lazy individuals
and i need hugs
and you need me

I am rock candy
unstable
and I melt

and your mouth is warm
i am liquifying
decrease in matter
fall in on myself
and inside you

and all is left
is a wooden stick
and sticky lips
from rock candy

You are the rock of the river
splashed at but immobile
you are stubborn and fearless
roots embedded in the dirt
a permanent home
no moss
and untouched by erosion

water parts ways around you
like you trudge against current
and out of respect
fear
or pity
they go around you
you stubborn rock.

And a simple
complete orbit
of black hands
creates such a distinction
complete significance
of routine
and ego.

Is it inappropriate
to stand half an inch closer
or have three to a booth?
Our thighs are touching.

I sometimes wonder
if you only speak for attention
whimper
bark only behind fences.

You are lonely
it is unbearable.

Let me swoon in your warmth
from half an inch away.
Our romantic ties
cease within siblings.

My thoughts have transitioned
from short term to long term
less of sunday afternoon
and more or future apartments

but let it not divert you
from the fact
that I miss you daily

your laundry soap smell;
you taste like nothing

I am not godly
and with that
and my triangle shaped torso,
my shoulders are only so broad

i can not carry the weight of my body
ever expanding
with that of glistening papers
and paintings
and customer service

you have not felt my nausea
or seen my list
a weekly redone reminder
of what I must remember to do

am I your star child
or am I obedient

Deprived of limbs
but showered with extremities
i am left to cure my illnesses

you have brought them upon me

you smell like spf
and summer
pressed powder
and scalp

you are obtuse
when embracing

i am your clone
opposite beginnings
surely unwanted
same endings

i will fix myself
before I am my

One day
he'll marry me
and not just out of obligation

itll have been ten years
since the beginning of my nineth
a decade
lets make it milleniums

i am loved so wholly
my feelings have no holes

Have you watched them scale the mountain?

i did.
i felt it.

they are a swarm
red and pink and orange
tightly knit
and drag through goo

crescending river
flow oppositely

it is not a volcano
will not erupt
but pools
and waits
acidic and tangy
a trigger

i have felt them
i am everest

Those hot peppers you feed me
tsssss all the way down
smoke is in the intestines
and esophagus

have you punched me?
i am sore.

and caffine
i am woozy from you
a wooden ship on rough seas
rocky

swallowed enough air for zeppelins
under your shirt hides a fleshy balloon

have I wronged you?
i am sensetive
and vengeful

They live in apartments
and pueblos
sobrepoblacion
it is overcrowded

and the littlest one
she is kicked out

weak
and left to wander
   to
      linger

que lastimo
poor baby

but I will not stop her
      it is her own problem

eventually
she'll cause more trouble
and
   evolve

she will climb stairways
and cry in the window
of their apartments

they are tucked away
in neuron drywall
and she wails
lacrimas/
and haunts me

she has since october

**** sapien*
fluid secretion from fountains
   under
      my
         tongue
escape when I talk
fumble over words
pool in the cup
by my bottom teeth
   lower lip ****

and when I spit
all
of my secrets
    those I promised
desertification occurs

i am rock
   knock with bone
dry
come and pick me, cotton picker
the seeds of my ignorant youth
   will
      stab
         at the
            hands
   slaver is hurt

saliva

I want but true affection
rather than that
produced by guilt

desperate to stay one
you succumb to old habits
and donate no reassurance

i doubt
in cycles
and I am at the top of the ferris wheel
i see the land
and not the man next to me

am I more than just a variety
of frozen food and prepared meals
and the occassional agressive "ive missed you"
exhaled between kisses

i am acustomed to your familiarity
and your soap scent
and harsh tongue
your lashes at my best men

but you are calming
but you are rough waves

i am tired of being brushed against the shore
i should be the ocean

I want your off-tempo
scratched fluidity
the initial absorbtion
shock absorbtion
to immedietly dissinigrate

and I do not feel guilty
i feel normal
and no different
but rather
confused
and curious

i do not remember much of it
a triad of points
that grow
upward *****

After deep accomplishment
ten-fold
i wind back
to the insecure disposition

oh resolution
you have cost me so much
and not enough
five less than enough

i have made permanence
with the tens of yellow cells I flattened
tens of thousands
my organs dont need you
i am soft as a cushion

I want your off-tempo
scratched fluidity
the initial absorbtion
   shock absorption
to immediately disintegrate

and I do not feel guilty
I feel normal
and no different
but rather
confused
and curious

I do not remember much of it
a triad of points
that grow
   upward
      *****

I am uninspired.

This is simple;

Uneventful.

A million pixels make up your image
mike tv
and combine to create
a collection of memories.

that is all you are.

you are tomato soup

acidic

and creamy.

your path is marked
by risen temperature in my esophagus.
your path is parallel to my spine.

and you rest in the warm vats of my stomach
but you are warmer still.
no real need for digestion.
you are but orange liquid.

but sometimes you burn

tttttttttsa on my tongue

your steam-less appearance fooled me;
there is no need for cooling

hot hot tomato soup.

It’s when you begin to tremble
tremors in your breathing
that I worry.

limited experience
and uumined knowledge
are the real driving forces

lets quiver together

flare them nostrils !

your heart requires more oxygen

and your body more blood

I heard the sirens
and suddenly I was spinning
and sobbing
they began as whimpers
i lurched out screams
and through screen windows
they heard me
and watched me
run down our lane.

Either I'll see you in ten minutes,
God

or I’ll be lying in bed
self-induced coma
oatmeal upbringings from my esophagus

tremor stricken
shrunken sobs
grasp onto life
or onto toilet paper

in my bath of uppers
ill insist on decency
wear white
forced affection
carry me on chairs
and take my candy

and my daughter will exasperate
at the end of the lane
MOM
and will see the triple entante of assistance
and will choke
and stroke my forehead

and ill meet prostitutes
and color
and expel black liquids
from all crevices of my body

make this easy on me
God
or I’ll see you in ten minutes

You have come accustomed to my crying
I am jade
I am rose
you lay there, perezoso
but I expect little.
let me sleep
I am exhausted.
do as you must to be entertained
your chest
and shoulders
offer sympathy and condolences
and after all this time
you’re the subject of my writing

More potent than caffeine
  
      I am electricity
      I am twitches

and I will shoot out in all directions
my powerhouse is your stomach

Feel me
      in your
            fingertips
   static shock without contact

suddenly you are running

   racing

and will fidget as your brain
      fires sticky signals
   tiresome synapses

it repeats
for eleven years it has

take me to your quacks
   I’m done with my anxiety.

Expel
mint liquids;

   cool my stomach
      and my tongue.

chew ferociously
   for thirty minutes

harden
and liquefy

      I’ll peel another.

I will finish packs in a day
   chain chew like cigarettes

aspartame

I can blow bubbles
   and then put them in my stomach

I want to lay on your shoulder

swing lazy arms like rope
and bound me with warm breath

do not kiss me; I am uneasy
but rather coo me
and monitor the rate
of in and out oxygen

you are my ******
pink and white
elongated pill
I am no victim to anxiety
with you
and your fox jacket

The roles
have turned
and the tables
reversed

phobia stricken mouse
will clean your ***** from the floor

I am stronger than my anxiety
and yours
and the rest of those
guilty and afraid

have you no faith in medicine
more so science
than powders you take for fun

I am so insulted
and so angry

imagine the first glimpse
of the top of your head
black roots on black thoughts


I could not feel my legs
and my stomach rearranged
to tickle my uvula

you remember it all
mom
you remember nothing

*mom

Your phantom is so satisfactory

and the blurred visuals of your face
conjure great heat
  Burning heat

your sweet words
less than three daily
are more pleasurable
than the goose bumps of dopamine

scarcely say you love me
and it won’t matter

we are stronger than my doubts