I heard the sirens
and suddenly I was spinning
and sobbing
they began as whimpers
i lurched out screams
and through screen windows
they heard me
and watched me
run down our lane.

Either I'll see you in ten minutes,
God

or I’ll be lying in bed
self-induced coma
oatmeal upbringings from my esophagus

tremor stricken
shrunken sobs
grasp onto life
or onto toilet paper

in my bath of uppers
ill insist on decency
wear white
forced affection
carry me on chairs
and take my candy

and my daughter will exasperate
at the end of the lane
MOM
and will see the triple entante of assistance
and will choke
and stroke my forehead

and ill meet prostitutes
and color
and expel black liquids
from all crevices of my body

make this easy on me
God
or I’ll see you in ten minutes

You have come accustomed to my crying
I am jade
I am rose
you lay there, perezoso
but I expect little.
let me sleep
I am exhausted.
do as you must to be entertained
your chest
and shoulders
offer sympathy and condolences
and after all this time
you’re the subject of my writing

More potent than caffeine
  
      I am electricity
      I am twitches

and I will shoot out in all directions
my powerhouse is your stomach

Feel me
      in your
            fingertips
   static shock without contact

suddenly you are running

   racing

and will fidget as your brain
      fires sticky signals
   tiresome synapses

it repeats
for eleven years it has

take me to your quacks
   I’m done with my anxiety.

Expel
mint liquids;

   cool my stomach
      and my tongue.

chew ferociously
   for thirty minutes

harden
and liquefy

      I’ll peel another.

I will finish packs in a day
   chain chew like cigarettes

aspartame

I can blow bubbles
   and then put them in my stomach

I want to lay on your shoulder

swing lazy arms like rope
and bound me with warm breath

do not kiss me; I am uneasy
but rather coo me
and monitor the rate
of in and out oxygen

you are my ******
pink and white
elongated pill
I am no victim to anxiety
with you
and your fox jacket

The roles
have turned
and the tables
reversed

phobia stricken mouse
will clean your ***** from the floor

I am stronger than my anxiety
and yours
and the rest of those
guilty and afraid

have you no faith in medicine
more so science
than powders you take for fun

I am so insulted
and so angry

imagine the first glimpse
of the top of your head
black roots on black thoughts


I could not feel my legs
and my stomach rearranged
to tickle my uvula

you remember it all
mom
you remember nothing

*mom