Your phantom is so satisfactory

and the blurred visuals of your face
conjure great heat
  Burning heat

your sweet words
less than three daily
are more pleasurable
than the goose bumps of dopamine

scarcely say you love me
and it won’t matter

we are stronger than my doubts

anxiety
A select spot
and involuntary
gyration
of the hand

there really is no tingle
or tickle
but it is comforting
-- a safety mechanism.

I get no pleasure,
but rather distraction.

  coarse,
      
    thick

anxiety makes me itch.

Slick,
slick yellow lining
it protrudes from chins
and abdomens
and arms.
one can pass down genes
but just as easily
chicken fried steak
crisco
lard.
siempre son gordos
that is not genetic.

I hear your larynx tremor
in the hallway;
I’ll peak through the window
mistake me for active.
the involuntary squeal
and sudden river eyes
I am Caucasian.
I blush.

so as I blot my eyes
   simultaneously submit them
and my whispers are octaves lower than usual
I will fanaticize of log cabs
and corduroy

I am not your student anymore

What was likely apple jacks
that resembled arroz con leche
was the primary factor in
an eleven
year
anxiety
attack

the frozen inability to enter
muraled cafeterias
clement j zablocki
you hold torture chambers

"call my mom I am sick"
distract me from my nausea
my mental nausea

I am not ready for this confrontation

Let me be a woman you write of
with montaña curves
tuffs of hair

I want to be admired like chile
and upheld like your literature
kiss me with ink and paper
acid free
and coo me with love letters from mistaken authors

pablo, release your fire
and aim towards my fur;
Am I not a worthy candidate
for an unhealthy obsession

Trivial they may seem
one worded acknowledgments
provide the greatest of hopes

sing into my seashell
slung around my neck
it tremors with my heartbeat

lay vertically on my pillow
and let the coolness
influence your words