Trapped again in my own ivory cage
My green locks and a little girl's pink cheeks
Make her smile and let her pull a curl
All the things that will make us smile
Will make us hurt just as much
I've seen army backpacks and business man's shoes
Would you guess that I'm counting down?
Less time than I have patience to let peacefully pass
And more to do than I wish I could
I hate traveling without boots laced snug
And the woman who sat next to me paid
Heed only to her Vouton until I saw her looking
My eyes on powdered mountain tops
And hers casting envy on the weaving yarn in my hands
But most of all the things I've lost
I wish I hadn't missed the moment
When the struggling plane crept up and through
The silky puffed ceiling and I lost sight of you

Wild hearts will roam
And those I love will leave me behind
But I can't wonder why
Because I have done the same to so many
Running both from and to
I've left the ones who'd otherwise follow
Without a word good-bye
Haste and fool-hardiness carried me far
I'd imagine you're the same
Wordlessly I'll watch you go and smile
Knowing what you never will
You and I are the ruthless, shapeless same

Cuticles burn and nails curve
Scratching silent yearnings into wood
I yearn, ceaselessly
Splinters bite and rage
But do not fill me with doubt
Stippled marks made by callous fingertips
I yearn for something less than subtle
Less than ideal and far more shapely
Hands cramp as branches crack
Unwavering, I'm asking
Will you yield and come to grips
With becoming my creation?

****** up and falling fast
I'm reminded that even now
all I think about is you.
Are you listening?
Listening now?
Aching, shaking, asking
for no one but you.
Tings ringing, remember
much as I'd like to
I can't sing something
beautiful, Beautiful.
You hate the idea but I
wonder how I look to you.
Want to rest my head
in the roots of your omnipresence.
Fill my heart and I'll be
the inside of your silent arms.
Call me breaking, call me
giving up and falling in.
Find me close and I promise
I'll find a way to be closer still.

I have been beaten, bruised
by your winds and your current
the beauty of the moon has pulled at me
has made the earth and sea wound

I am erosion in its strongest breath
pieces of the sky fall from my waist
and I am losing tender bits of skin
but I keep my lips un-parted

I am hiding from you
as much as I am missing
the feeling of your eyes on me

I have often wondered if
you ever felt not the wind and
the current but the moon itself
carry you in pieces away when
my gaze quietly grabs hold
and tosses distance far and away.

Its a losing tug-o-war
and I'm eight years old again
asking god for favors as if he's in command.

Have you seen the sun?
I can't find the light.

When I'm losing control
follow me down and follow me deep.

I don't need you to save me
and there's no favors I would ask
save for you to catch me
if I don't stand a chance.

You are no god but spirit
strange new soul I've yet to know.

I'm no child but can pretend to be.

I'd just like you
to be the first one to see me
as only something more
than an eight-year-old asking god
for more rope.

You are not a desert rose but a three-headed spike --the reason
for the pinholes in my shoes You are not a soaring
beauty --so many of the souls who call
you home are gnarled and cruel
You are frigid and the vicious
guardians of your sky scream
****** when I walk by You did
not always welcome me despite
the lover's whispers you blew my way
You are merciless --insatiable in how you
thicken my skin with the grit I gnaw
in my teeth You are not a peaceful
sun but a chaotic creator --anarchist
god You are the companion I so dearly miss

Bury me slow in a cowboy
cemetery where
the dirt
on the casket
matches the dirt on the headstone.
I want
to spend forever beside leather

bound men fighting vainly
against skies
far too pleasantly blue. When they come
looking I hope they'll find me weary
and mummified
with men of many pasts by
my side.


They'll see me
worn but fighting on. Gun at my hip
and boots given to wear
ever-etching words of freedom and lines
in the dust of battles past and after
life wars still to come. When my aching
body is quietly lined

with wood, lower me slow. Lower me
into earth of old and legends
lasting and in the land of dirt and
snow-driven beauty I'll lie
until they come
looking for the men beside and find
me instead.

Here's the pitch

        Bukowski's an *******
        But I'll put up
        With his lousy ****
                                                                         First one's a fast ball
        Dickinson's a hermit
        And if we're honest
        All she really needed
        Was to get out of the house
                                                                         Number two and she missed the curve
        Hughes never taught me much
        He was a saint long before
        Death to the far too optimistic man
                                                                          Ball three flies straight to the bat
        Morrison could hypnotize and tried to be
        More than just one bad acid trip
        But no one could quite decide
        If he was any good without the Doors
                                                                          Strike three, ladies and gentlemen
        I'm a hopeful poet
        Who's wondering now what
        It is they'll say about me

You're out!

On the last overpass
Before the outlet malls
Sits a park green with trees
A little oasis before
Altered desert sands
One bush bright with weeds
Pulls its arms in and through
Gaps in chipped olive chainlink
Flailing in the vicious
Car-spun winds beneath
The brambles on the inside
Long to fly without dirt underfoot
The knarlled flowers on the outside
Wish they had the shade
And cool company of trees
But of the branches flowing
In and out of the in-between
I can't say if they want for
Anything but stability

I'm a little buzzed
A little loose
I'm seeing too big
And writing too odd
But I need a little
Want a little more
Freedom
Of thought
I like the way
Lightness and misery
Intermingle, interweave
Makes me wish I could stay
Running in my mind
Not running out of time
I don't need to be tipsy
I don't need to be odd
But I'm finding
A sip of *****
Is easier than being
A fraud

My mind doesn't go dark anymore
Thoughts don't turn to you and lost faith
Watching the sky I don't see the horizon
I am hills contentedly lost in starry space
The farther I reach the longer my arms
This is the end of living with a callous hate
I've found the last loose bit of string
This time I promise to tie it off and not scream
And with all I think I finally have, I haven't got
One kindred, star-shaped thing
Soft-crested stone they call mountains
I've seen deeper valleys than my newfound
Desert can dream, the stars say I'm losing
Fingertips beyond my reach
I haven't decided yet if it really does
Mean everything to me

A glass of fabric softener to begin the evening
Followed by a sick-scented bleach chaser

Just another Facebook fascination
A text or two to say goodbye or *******

What's the honest response to hearing the lost?
To knowing a scream when you see it in the silence?
When the distance is ever-wide between the two?

Each of us is living in a world where bleach cost money
But laundry and loneliness have always been free

I dream of flying
Like swimming the water-less sky
Window after window
Windows too vast
To capture in one flit of my eye
So vast
So wide
I want them open
Leap and swim, Peter Pan
You never know until
The great white moth
Flees north of the night
More stars shine from below
So far
So far below
Than could ever fill the sky
Light after light
Too artificial light
And every window and portal I'd open
Is sealed impossibly tight

Rain falling
Like a long ago lover
I ran from
In favor of deeper
Grey earth valleys
And air dully filled
With the scent of
Warm wet concrete

If he was new
I'm an old, old soul

This one is another
Dripping face under an eave
I prefer to be
Where I can feel
Cool winter pain

"Mind if I?"

"I didn't know
You smoked."

"I don't."

But

Marlboro

Reminds me
Something of home.

I have exhausted the cradle I never meant to rock
Wooden legs are tried and sore

Slipping and spinning my bruised ankles
I didn't want to but if your knees scraped you'd cry too

I don't remember now, just who taught me
To tie my shoes the child-like way I still do

In a certain slant of home-spun light I can taste black ice
Did you learn to drive with tears in your eyes?

Was there hope or fear in your heart
When your last day home arrived?

It couldn't have been easy, I barely passed by
Even the dusty stars on my ceiling couldn't make me stay

Intuition never made me falter
I hope it won't forget to help me fade away

I've left a little running room
A little space between here and there
Guess I'm always on my way out the door
Never wanted it any other way
Never wondered what happened
I knew the moment I let it all go to waste
Given up, given in, moving on
Or whatever you will
I can't put you back together
It's you who always made me pull apart
Every time one more twist in my arm
I've seen stars go on much longer than I could
Peaceful pleasantries, I have no modest eternity
You don't know that you don't need me
You don't know it'll all be okay
Love and like and listless nights
They all come to pass one day or never
Just the same as all we asked but never gave
I know you wanted to keep your radio just the same
But I learned a few new tunes since the song began
Even if I still sometimes hear our old band

I am angry
But not so lost I haven't seen the way
Out
But here's the catch
Don't you see?
Not living's all that's real to me
But all the same
Here I lack
Something of adventure
And something I don't want back
I'm angry in a little way
I'm not Grace Slick
Or Bob Dylan
All the same
But I'm asking for the one thing
I can't quite claim
Freedom from a single frame
Every time you ask me to stay
I can't help wanting
More than anything
To stray
I'm angry
And I'm foolish
Childish
Running
Wrong
I'm all these things
But lacking the
Commitment
To say which one
I am angry
But I've had years
To prove you
Wrong
"Pay no attention
To man
Behind the curtain"
Just for a moment I'll let you see him
All the same
Here in this **** place
Every f*ing thing the same
Just as godforsaken
As the last ****** frame
That's my state of mind
That's my one man parade
I am
Angry
But just like
Dylan had his placards
And Slick had her rabbit
I've got
A big green head
To keep me
Sane

At his very best
He can be anything

He can be kind

He can listen to you
And your every waking whim

He can hear it all

He can do her best to come
When every voice does call

He can't follow you

He can't be the only blame
And take your every swing

He can't save you

He can't soften your fall
When you jump from the ledge

He can't be everything and a friend

Learn through all this you earn
Only his heart of stone

Milwaukee never saw me coming
In all my grey-eyed mistakes
But neither did Paris
And I arrived there without
A sense of falling, foolish place

I wish there was gum on my shoe
I'd hoped the Frenchmen would be mean
It's all mixed up, I got it all upside-down
Please don't ever ask the men of Milwaukee
Not all of them can actually sing

He toasted the world's greatest painters
I let him call me his own dying art
City of Light, I'll take my leave
When he didn't find a note I'd like to think
The champagne glass in hand heard him weep

Bearskin rugs and wide-brimmed hats
I never gave my head, the time of day to ask
Sorry I can't take it back, whatever you see in me
I'm afraid I can't say another word
Or you'll see I'm inevitably green

Long since dawn I have longed only to love
                                                     --A fiery sun
Freedom came but ashen light would not fade
I've gone without taking the settled score
You are the fog I chose to keep at bay
Often have I seen; you find memory in him
Muted misery taking light to gracelessly bear
Enveloping me might not have led to waste
He's quieter now than you ever were
All the same I can't really say how
His is the mist of morn' run dry by the sun
In  his smallest uncurlings all of you drifts in
All except the promise of soft light
She doesn't see it; she's never seen you
I cannot warn her away when I too
                                                     --Sometimes
Dream of cool cloudy days

Forlorn finger traces
Leave a ***** line
Follow it up and down
Take it down the fast lane
Walk it killing time
I found the edge
Of red dirt lands
Where sea-glass peaks
And waterless towns
Call for calves to drink
Some say they draw
Lines thick in the sand
But I don't believe
Anyone could mean
To be on the same side
Of this well war-torn town
Dancing on and away
The curtains of my eyes
Drawn to darkened skies
Could it be that you left
One too many bended
Broken half-healed ties?

A stubborn stride takes her there
Dries her lips and pulls her hair
Skies smell of gasoline
Fading to tar
Asphalt and a broken down car
Rain on her flesh
Running circles around scars
Dirt thick as leather
Her foot is bleeding
She can feel each of your stares
Many things scare her
None she has chosen without care
In the way she moves
She feels a graceless wandering
A stumbling, tripping,
Lost-like confidence as though
She's only going the direction she'll go
Without purpose in one fell swoop
She's back again
She hasn't got a chance
She's yet to fall through
Here she found the rabbit hole
Here she found the ****** end
Then she saw the error of her ways
And he wouldn't let her in
She's got a little secret
If he can find her tell
She's floundering
In seas of green and callous red
Next time he sees her trip or finds her fall
She'll dare him to wait and see if she'll spin
Saying: "You just wait my friend
Here I aimlessly go again"

She always drank tea when she wanted to write about betrayal.
She'd begin by simply holding the glass mug
Four fingers pressed to the warmth on the inside of the handle.

If she began having trouble with the words she'd lift the tips of her fingers and tap her nails along the side
If it got bad she'd take a gulp and pull her hand away long enough to tie back the suddenly bothersome hair in her face.

After a moment the thought would come back and she'd lay the top of her hand along the side
Feeling a slight burn she couldn't feel holding it any other way.

As her mind pulled the words together she'd trace circles with the back of her hand and fingers
Every line or two she'd stop for a gentle sip, savoring the taste the liquid left on her tongue.

As the end of her piece crept near she began, absently
To **** down the amber growing cold under her fingers.

Her fingers found their way through the handle once more
This time without the comforting heat to meet them.

She'd take the last sips with the last words
Let the cage of tea leaves fall to the depths of the mug
Shove the mug up the surface of the desk

And smile.

I haven't had the chance to say
Linoleum makes my feet slippery and sore
Somehow the sock in the hall is mine
I don't know how it got there
But I don't want it back now
There's a bug in my head that won't let me be
It sometimes hisses but I keep it anyway
Have you read 'A Clockwork Orange'?
I'm in love with Alex and always have been
If that makes me psychotic too, I suppose I am
That’s ******* anyway and I know it too
The sun is warm but I know snow will make me lonely
If I could be anywhere I'd be everywhere
I'm not really sorry but I've said it anyway
I'm afraid I wouldn't take you
One day my pants are too short --old
The next they drag and scuttle along --too new
If I could be a vampire I think I would
Why not? Maybe I already am . . .
It’s all ******* anyway
I shiver when it rains
And late at night when I can feel everyone
I always feel for everyone --even if its pain
My nail got ragged yesterday so I chopped it off
Now the other has a mysterious ****
I wonder how it happens that I'm always odds and ends
No I don't think I gave myself the chance to say
Have you read the Bible, you God-fearing ****?
I think there's a section or two of Proverbs you missed
Hello I'm somebody too!
Hello again and how I've missed you
Is there hate past Heaven’s gate?
Perhaps it is best that I remember to choose my words wisely
Even if it’s all ******* anyway
My wrists always ache after I make something new
Happy day and future arthritis on behalf of beautiful creations!
I think Alex was beautiful and I nearly cried when he grew up
If not for now I'd cry for me too if I had to do the same
Crazy *****, believe me you haven't got a clue
I know I'd rather be insane than ever stop running away
Have you seen the stars from another part of town?
Before I die I swear I'll see them hang upside-down
I don't know why I'm afraid to claim the lone black sock from the hall
I'm miles from home and I'm not all that tense
As if that’s not always a fat old lie
Maybe I'm just slightly bored
There it is, all I have to say for now
*It’s all ******* anyway

The taste of the Sun's first rays
Haunts the hollow places on my tongue
Looking through the joshua trees
I can almost feel the bitter scents
Of blue and cloudless dreams
All the same summer burns love and sand
Just the way they scarred me
Empty glances aren't nearly as sparse
As lonely gates not far beyond my gaze
A sharp and barbed hand upon my back
Leads my step I'm turning again
Stones in the dust are following me
Spinning with the rising Sun
The joshua trees still clawing at me

I haven't got anything left
Nothing left to change me
No one left to change my mind
I'm sorry if you're still hoping
But I haven't got the time
It's all alright, it'll all be alright
If not now then before long
Everything will fall together
Everyone finds their way in time
This is us smiling even when we cry
Willing each other back and away
To who were and what we want
I haven't got even one inch left
To remake the choices I made
We've never been so scared
Living apart from each other's eyes
I made the right choice and so did you
I promise, no matter what we find
We'll be the bravest there's ever been

There are so many things you don't know
And I wish I could tell them to you
Every one is just as heartbreakingly true
But I know if I do you'd see
What I want from you
So many hearts hang in the balance
So many hearts I can't bear to break
I wonder if it's worth wanting at all
I wish I could tell you
But more than that
I wish you'd believe me when I say:
You are absolutely perfect
So please don't break.

You would've been perfect
If you'd have come along
Before I changed my mind

We could've been perfect
If you had been there
Before I made my plans

I should've been perfect
If I hadn't seen the road
Before you came along