the day after we met
i told you
that i thought God put you in my life
to help me,
and you said you felt like we understood each other.
how did we form such a deep connection
having never seen each other in person,
and having only known each other for less than 24 hours?
that’s the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.

i had a dream about seeing you this weekend
followed by a dream in which i was in a car accident.
i feel like that’s trying to tell me something.

i hate this stream of consciousness style
like nothing i write
has meter
rhythm
or rhyme.
it’s just my thoughts on paper
all jumbled up;
not even i can make sense of it.

i’m tired of spending every waking hour thinking about you
i’m tired of consoling you when you’re sad
and i’m tired of thinking that just because we connected so fast on such a deep level we’re soulmates that just haven’t had our time yet.
i’m starting to think that it’s never going to be our time,
and surprisingly i’m okay with that.

you walked up to me
and we greeted each other with the stupid “classic white people” half smile
like we always do
and you said hey
and that we have our leadership thing this wednesday.
we talked about your eye surgery
and how i didn’t have time to eat dinner that night;
nonchalant little small-talk
that i normally would hate,
but with you it felt like the most intellectual conversation of my life.
standing there
you in that tux
and me in my ballgown
it felt normal,
like this was something we did everyday.
reality hit hard when you said goodbye
to go find the girl you came with.