sometimes i feel it
the space between the words
where we look into each other's eyes
wanting to spill those three little words
as thick and sweet as honey
over the curves of our lips
and out into the universe
into the air between our faces
i feel the trip in your breath
like you're about to say it
cause it feels natural
as innate as breathing
but then you remember
and you **** that breath back in
letting the desire settle into your lungs
and all the while
i'm thinking it in my head
saying it to you without making a sound
over and over and over
hoping that if i try hard enough
you'll hear me thinking it
just before i let the words spill out
i remember
and i try to ignore the voice in my head
but though the sweet honey has not yet dripped from our lips
we can still feel it
between kisses
and smiles
and each heart beat
i...
love...
you...

i went for a walk in the mountains,
the sun shining on my face.
i thought of you as i was walking,
and the wind whispered your name.
i'd be lying if i said i wasn't worried.
to say i don't care would be untrue.
i hope that you'll come back to me,
so that i can fall in love with you.

i cried yesterday.
i cried for the girl i used to be.
so fragile,
so timid.
so afraid of not being good enough
that she hid from the world.
the pain,
the suffering,
it eventually killed her.
no one noticed as she slowly rotted away.
but we are organic.
our deaths create life.
and from that place she decomposed,
rose a new life,
a new stage in her evolution.
she was stronger,
more resilient.
she could no longer be brought down
by the meaningless opinions of others.
i couldn’t remember what she looked like,
it had been so long.
but i saw her today when i looked at you.
all that i worked hard to hide away
came flooding back.
the suffering,
the death,
and the rebirth.
though i felt different this past year,
i couldn’t quite be sure what it was,
but you noticed it too.
and now i know.
the girl i am,
is the girl who got over you.

i saw her eyes beneath the sea,
her seductive song calling to me.
it's a tune i knew, though something changed.
it felt like home, though something's strange.
she told me i could be free,
free as the summer breeze,
as it blew across my skin.
and she promised me a home,
the one i've wished for all along,
as she lured me further in.
but deep down i knew,
what she promised could not be true,
yet i waded in to the arms of the siren.

i hear the floor is creaking,
from those who walked here before.
i hear the pipes are leaking,
from all the winters they have endured.
i hear the lovers weeping,
for a love they have no more.
and i see the stars are twinkling,
light years from these distant shores.

suddenly i saw it. i saw you, but five years older. i ran into you on the street. i could see by the way your eyes seemed to hold the entire universe inside them that you were in love. i asked who the lucky girl was. i could feel the love in your voice, it was dripping with it. you said i reminded you of her, in the way you never had to pretend to be someone you weren’t. in the way her soul ached for the sound of music. in the way she saw the world through a different lens. i said the last time i saw you, you were so afraid to let anyone in, terrified of getting hurt.
you said the words i knew were coming since the day we met. you said,
“she’s worth it…”
i finished the sentence for you:
“… and i wasn’t.”
that was the difference.
when i looked up, you were five years younger again. and in that moment, i knew it to be true. no matter what i would do, you were never meant to be mine.

all my life,
i've been a victim to time.
too young,
an old soul,
born in the wrong era,
bad timing.
and now to time,
i surrender.