truth is,
i love you.
i love the fact that your completely ****** up,
because i can relate.
truth is, everytime i tell you to go off and find someone better,
it kills me, because im so scared you will.
your everything.
theres no one better than you.

to be honest,
i think i've fallen.
fallen into the thought of being inlove with you.
it scares me that you know whats going on.
all the things i've told you.
all the things i've said, running through my head, over and over.
im so ******* scared you'll leave me, the go blabbering to everyone about how ****** i actually am.
you'll say that im acting or something.

i love you.
i do.
and i know it sounds stupid.
but i need you.
i need you to keep me sane.

Marry me,
marry my sins.

love me,
love my pain.

take care of me,
clean up the blood,
after i spend hours and hours, cutting myself.

help me,
help me to forgive myself for the things i've done.

endure me,
endure my insecurities.

how can i ask you to do such things.
you cant marry me, its impossible.
you cant love me, its impossibe.
you cant take care of me, its impossibe.
you cant help me, its impossible.
you can ******* endure me, ITS IMPOSSIBLE !
IM impossible.
every thought that runs through me ****** up mind,
IS. IMPOSSIBE.
im sorry, im sorry YOU cant love ME.
im sorry im impossible.

yesterday, i heard her voice for the first time that i have in ages.
it shocked me that the words she was saying, were directed at me.
i stuttered as i replied, so confused my mind spinning, thinking that maybe things might go back to the way it used to be.
but when i turned and smiled at her, she just glanced at me then twisted her quirky head in the opposite direction,
things are different, we are different.
we used to sneak out and go to the beach, but now that place is just a memory.
i just want things to be the way it used to be, everythings changed.
you've become silent, an outcast.
im doing whatever i can, just to fit in.
truth is, i'd rather be with you, walking this school together, even though before we didnt really speak here.
it was always afterwards, at night, and those glorious weekends we'd spend together.
i miss you.
we used to be so close,
you used to tell me everything, and in return, i'd unload all my fears and secrets onto you.
all the letters, the gifts, they're nothing now, well to you they're not.
to me they're everything.
i remember when we were close.

shes disappearing.
falling into a hole, a hole of herself.
she doesnt know what to do anymore.
shes changed.
for worse, its not a good change,
she's become addicted,
addicted to hating herself, cutting herself.
shes not enough for you, she never was.
she doesnt know who she is.
the truth will always be a lie.
shes lieing so you'll believe shes okay.
but shes not.
shes got no moral conduct, whats so ever.
everything shes saying, its so untrue.
she has so many scars, on her wrists, legs arms.
she just wishes they'll leave.
just like you did.
she dreams about you, all the time she does.
but the memories are fading.
just leave her be.
you stopped caring about her the moment you left her on the floor, drowning in her own tears,
her own thoughts, her own blood.
just leave her be.

follow the light.
Look into it.
Soon it will comfort you.
Soon it'll make you okay.
Soon you'll be blinded by it.
Blinded so you cant see your blood.
So you cant see your scars.
So you cant see the blade in your hands.
So all the people that have ****** you up, will disappear.
So that you, will disappear.
Follow the light.

.

have you ever felt like lifes just, hazy ?
made up of games and tricks.
have you ever felt like loves just, concreate ?
impossible to break through.

enough of your mess.
enough of your lies.
enough of your ****.
i've had enough.
enough of you.

i threw away my heart.
tore down my walls.
gave myself completely.
just to be with you.

its never enough.
im not enough.