and so the pain,
long gone as you had concluded,
was never gone at all.

it was only waiting
for the perfect moment
to tear you down.
again.

you have planted your kisses
and they have spread to my heart.
i can feel the roots hug my beating bruised muscle.
you will always be with me,
your roots will never leave.
you have planted your love in me.
my heart is your garden.

She was the better me.
And I knew it.
No one could distinguish the difference.
No one cared to.

As a shy daydreamer in my early years,
I was transformed into a quiet machine.
Finding it even more difficult
To branch out to others,
And make friends.

I was never confident in myself before,
And i wasn't even when i was medicated.
She was better than me, but not in everything.

Although,
She is quick to tempt me
As i recede from this medication that has made me into the robot that my teachers praise me for,
The lack of confidence rises.
She ****** and prods me and convinces me that every word i say,
Is unimportant.

"These are only ramblings." she tells me.
"Nobody is listening to what you say anyways."

I swear to you,
I believe every darned word that she seeps into my skull.
The medication me has always been the **** job of my brain.
The better, more popular version of me.

And although I continue to pass my classes with outstanding grades,
Without my medication,
It doesn't feel the same.
She knows.
And i know.

But I have been her for eight years.
And i am ready to say goodbye.
She lingers still,
Waiting for the return
That i will not give her.

I love being naked.
Not in a nudist type of way,
But being bare with you.
In soul and body.

To be honest,
And to be completely true.
As well as the bareness of one's body
That allows one to be accepting of it.

I love the way your skin feels,
With all its imperfections and scars.

Now I know it's going to be a while
Until I feel your fingertips on my skin again,
But the wait is going to be worth
every
single
minute.

i think the earth keeps hoping that even though her children have gone astray,
and hurt her, that they will come back
and tell their mother earth
"i'm grateful for all that you've done for me. i'm sorry i didn't notice it earlier."

it's going to be one year and 11 months
11 days from now.
oh, how the time flies.
almost two years
i've been privileged with your company.

although, your company was my privilege since i was in 8th grade.
five years of friendship
and two of those getting to call you mine.

there were, of course
the lost months where
i said no to sitting next to you,
and homecoming.

i'm sorry for hurting you
and not being there for you.
but i will be there for you now and forever.

thank you, friend
for loving me as i am.
i promise to do the same.