the question hovers above them, seemingly floating as if what felt like a million of bricks weight nothing, silence meet air, their words wedged inside their throats, too many, too much, to let out in one go, so they swallow everything down in a series of anxious gulps, wishing their lips to  remain sealed, but also wanting them to speak on its own,

*Hey, do you still care?

When I was younger, my hands were too small to reach for large shelves, my heart was small but its faint beats used to calm me, my eyes were small, curious, full of wonder,

I wonder why I used to wish to grow up fast? Was maturity that appealing to me? Were the adults around me look so contended, so sure of themselves, sure about their lives, that I can't help but crave for that sense of security that I wished in every dandelions I caught, every shooting stars, every birthday candles,

But now that I am growing up, my hands got bigger but vulnerable to bruises, my heart got bigger, heavier, unbearably suffocating, my eyes bigger, more open, gradually growing dimmer, colder,

and now I don't need to wonder why adults seem to have it together
because now I'm
doing my best to pretend I am okay, too

Time runs fast I knew, but this time frame that I'm warped in acts as if it is being chased down. Too fast, too soon, the day ends and I can't look back anymore with the fear of being painfully whiplashed; go, go, don't stop, just run! just run!

but my feet is growing tired, I can't enjoy the view. I want to stop, dear god, stop time. I don't want to be dragged by its long hand and be pushed and poked by its short one. I want to smell the air, not have it slapping against my skin; I want to remember every view, not to only see a blurry vision; I want to enjoy time, not be abused by it . I'm aging too fast, too soon, that I don't even remember what I ate last night. Everything is on perpetual Go! Go! Go! and I am continued to being pushed to participate in a race I don't wish to join

Loopholes are escape routes
     that can save you from a tight restriction
     that can relieve you from an oppressing pain

Tell me then,
how did you find stabbing me in the back
      as the greatest ran-away-plan?
      Was it as fun as you imagined it to be?
I hope it gave you the greatest pleasure
      that I no longer have you on the leash,
      that you no longer have to bear with me

.