i didn’t know hope
until you became the light
in my time
of total darkness

i didn’t know trust
until i found myself
pouring my problems and insecurities
into your listening ears

i didn’t know fear
until you told me about
the silent killer
deep inside your bones

i didn’t know how to smile
until you told me
it was your reason
to keep fighting

i didn’t know confidence
until you reminded me daily
how perfect i was to you
how much you loved me

i didn’t know strength
until you told me
i had to be strong
for the both of us

i didn’t know anxiety
until i had to wait
days upon days
to hear from you

i didn’t know faith
until every night
i would find myself
praying for your health

i didn’t know regret
until i realized
getting angry with you
didn’t solve anything

i didn’t know shock
until your goodbye came
reminding me how much
i meant to you

i didn’t know reassurance
until you promised
that you would always
be watching over me

i didn’t know love
until you told me
i was the only reason
you held on for so long

i didn’t know sadness
until i barely made out
your final words
you last “i love you”

i didn’t know pain
until i was on the floor
trying to come to terms
that you had passed on

i didn’t know lonely
until i remembered
that you could no longer be
my best friend, my stability

i didn’t know relief
until i realized
you were no longer
in that unbearable pain

i didn’t know cancer
until it took you away
with no apologies
leaving me to wonder

*why you?

The sun is in hiding today
The dark gloom fills the room
Maybe it will show again
If I hope and prey

Everyone's asking if I've made it, you know to the place I've desperately waited for so long
but I can't seem to let go of the idea of saying yes,
I made it,
I became the person I was supposed to be,
I got the chance to live, love, and laugh,
I got the chance to be extraordinary because they believed in the girl who reached for the farthest stars.
Truth be told they didn't, I'm not who I want to be,
I'm stuck on the ground when all I want to do is fly and no I didn't make it.
Everyone keeps asking but I, well I just nod and smile cause how's a girl like me going to explain all the could've beens and should've beens to a bunch of unfamiliar faces.