I held you tightly in my heart before I knew your name.
I wondered what you'd be like and if we would be the same.
I held you in my stomach as I lay in bed at night.
I felt for every kick and move and smiled in sheer delight!
I held you as you cooed and cried before you learned to crawl.
I held you when you had a bump or took a nasty fall.
I held you as we rocked at night and sang our many songs.
I held you as you walked to me the first time 3 steps long!
I held you when you'd had a fight or when someone was mean.
I held you after you'd been spanked for making quite a scene.
I held you as I prayed for you when you were feeling low.
I held you when you were mad at me because I had said no.
I held you when you let me – as you were growing tall.
I held you less with my arms back then than I had when you were small.
But I always held you in my heart, and on my lips in prayer.
That no matter where you moved or lived, I had you covered there.
When adult friends hurt your feelings I'd want to hold you then
I never saw you grown up – or just as another friend.
But you were always my little child – someone for me to guide
Someone to protect from this vicious world – within my arms to hide.
But something happened the other day that felt like quite a blow
The Lord told me my job was done and that I could let go.
That I could still pray daily for all your hearts to soar
And I could love you from afar and each day love you more.
But the holding on just has to stop – you have your own lives (this I know).
And so with love I write this to you – to tell you I'm letting go.

Old tears tell long stories...
Stories of memories
Stories of pain
Stories of days gone
One can never regain

Stories of children
born and grown
stories of lovers
come and gone

Stories of dreams
that never came near
Stories of fights
forgotten over the years

Stories of hopes
yet to fulfill
Stories of time
gone over the hill

Old tears fall from dimmer eyes
Old tears fall from hearts grown wise
Old tears fall with knowing glances
Falling now and still she dances.

I thought of you…
Of how it was in the beginning.
You with your long hair and shy smile
Me with my dreams and fearless expectations.
I thought it would be heaven to be with you forever…
But false gods have tricked people before…
You cut your hair and stopped smiling
You crushed my dreams and taught me to fear.
And as for my expectations…lets just say no one ever expects to lose.

Now I’m learning to think of me…
I have long hair and a shy smile…
I don’t dream anymore and I’m winning the battle over fear.
Because you’re gone and the fear left with you.
It also scarred because now I don’t trust anyone but God.
So actually I’m in a good place. It’s a little lonely but its safe.
And in the end, I expect to win…that’s what hope is.

He smiled, he waved, he laughed, we met
We talked, we kissed, we loved, we grew
We smiled, he waved, I cried, he left
I read, I think, I dream of you.

All I really need to find
Is someone wonderful and kind
Someone who won't lie or run
Someone to kiss till our lips are numb

Someone to sit and hold my hand
Someone to always understand
Someone to love me as I am
Silly and playful and grungy-glam

But life is a party I feel I've crashed
And my life just recently's been trashed
And this dance is one I've danced before
So I think I'll sit it out once more.

She always spoke of Scotland
With a faraway look in her eye
The fog, the moors, the lochs she saw
In her memory of years gone by

Where the sea would crash the cliffs below
As she would sit above
And stare out at the water
And watch for her true love.

Her love was the son of a fisherman
And his Da would teach him the trade
But she knew that they had different dreams
Of a land far, far away.

They saved and saved and made their plans
They dreamed their dreams and prayed
And she sold baked goods in the town
And he learned the fishing trade.

They finally had enough money
And off to London they ran
They bought two tickets on a steamer
To take them to their new land.

Once on board they asked the captain
If he would marry them at sea
And they had the wedding of their dreams
In love as they could be.

They raised six kids with horses and mules
And built their home by hand
They made a life full of love and grace
And were happy in their new land.

But time marches on as the ancients say
And you can't hold back the tide
And people age and eyes grow dim
And their shuffles lessen their stride.

The hands that used to bake are still
Except for giving hugs
And behind the wrinkles the dimples show
When the memories begin to tug

He's gone now and so Grandma stares
And sees what we can't see
And dreams of a place so far away
And the girl she used to be.

He was blond and oh so handsome,
Blue eyes shining like the sea
Ready smile complete with dimples
And he was staring right at me!

Tan from playing in the ocean
Ripped from lifting in the gym
Time seemed to slow as he walked toward me.
I could see myself with him.

I dreamed us dancing under starlight
Our children watching from the side
My heart was beating faster, faster
And through my lips came an audible sigh.

He was almost upon me
His smile deepened and he waved
Ah, he's the one, I knew it instantly
For which my tender heart's been saved.

And on he came - I rose to meet him
prepared to leave my life behind
But to my shock he walked right by me
And left with her, their arms entwined.

Sitting back down, feeling foolish
And betrayed - he had another
Trying to move my lips to beckon,
Hey blond guy, you got a brother?

What's it like to live in shadow
What's it like to not be seen
What's it like to not be wanted
Or worse yet, be in between

Knowing that someone does want you
But you'll never want them back
Knowing they are only hurtful
They won't give you what you lack.

What's it like to feel so hopeless
Thinking that nobody cares
Seeing eyes looking right through you
or worse, the condescending stares.

What's it like to eat from dumpsters
What's it like to have to lie
Begging has become so natural
Your dignity has had to die.

You pull the ragged coat around you
As the shadows your way creep
Back into a darkened corner
And quietly cry yourself to sleep.

I could say he stole my heart
But that would be a lie
I freely gave it up to him
With a smile, a caress, a sigh

And when he left as I knew he would
He never said good-bye
And the rain was falling on that day
And **** the reason why