I don't want to write about the cold, the wind,
The rain or these January doldrums.
England at this time of year is desperate and depressing,
And I'm longing for warm breezes, nighttime teases
A pregnant, chuckling moon at midnight. August dances,
Wild advances, stolen, secret, hungry glances.
Magic, confusion, summer scents
BBQ, Samsara, Bacardi and Cava,
And the kind of flowers that try to impregnate you with their scent;
Smell me! they plead,  then kiss as I burst, spilling my pollen,
Blessing the union of your hungry, eager mouths.
January is barren but August is ripe, heady, ready,
Moist and pulsing, life is in the air,
Flee the doldrums, take me there.

What's real anymore,
what hasn't been altered,
things too good to be true,
not as bad as they seem?

Living in dreamy-states
circadian & matrix-like,
we get an inkling
there's got to be more
than just these shards of reality
we create.

And in our search for clarity,
we etch each others hearts
with our words.

Once I was best friends with
the greatest hunter ever.
A genuine killer.
Anything that came
inside the fence line
was fair game.
Armadillos, 'possums,
turtles & even a couple of hawks
met their demise when he locked
his keen eyes onto them.
Three or four tom cats
barely got out alive.

He licked & he loved,
scratched doors & glass
with his manicured-nails.
Once, he ate the red paint
off my garden pail.
He had chips in his teeth,
it was funny as hell,
glad it wasn't lead-based.
The cucumbers I grew
rarely made it
to the dinner table.
He'd lay in the vines
with a look on his face
of sheer contentment.

Rolling grapes & peanut butter
were his favorites, but really,
he'd eat just about anything
'cept kale.

When he went blind,
he still got a squirrel
or two & went to
digging up shrews,
left several lying around dead
as proof of his skill.

When he died,
I cried an ocean of tears.
He's buried out
in the backyard
along with his two sisters,
I miss them & their
familiar barks  every day.

I sit in the shadow of a window that brings no comfort, or light.
My leaves have fallen, my color is gone, but was once so vivid and bright.
The laughter and faces of my love have forgotten me,
now all I see is the backs of their shadow dancing around me.
If only a glance,
I would give anything to be what I was.
How could you let me fade away, when did you forget me?
I deserved a chance.
Remember how much joy I brought you, I would make you laugh and dance.
To let me slip so very slowly away,
the pain I feel no words can say.
Look at me please, let me go now, at least a glimpse to remember to throw me away.
I can't stand to watch my love's shadows and hear his distant laughter from a far,
knowing I'll never be the reason again for his feelings of delight, or felicity.
I am dry and unwelcome,
smothered in painful memories of my youthful love, only history.
All I needed to stay so beautiful was the water of your love,
I watch my lost shadows as they echo around me, why wasn't I enough?
Death has found me as I've grown old,
Your affection lost has stifled my grace, at least my story is told.

When the sun goes down
And the stars come out
Beauty starts to take its place
And I feel alive...

A Gorgeous Nightmare
So divine.

I yearn and ache to meet
The weaver of my dreams
A woman, a Gorgeous Nightmare
Sleep now becomes routine.

She knocks at the door
Sounds pounding through my mind
Nervousness, sweat starts to begin
For I know I'm about to commit
An amazing sin.

A Gorgeous Nightmare
So divine.

I see her on the other side
A slender neck
Tousled Hair
Lips parted
Hips wide.

A Black Dress exposes her beauty
I beg at her mercy
Let me be your guide...

We kiss passionately
And I don't stop
Euphoria explodes, like fireworks.
I let her lips entwine with mine

A Gorgeous Nightmare
So divine.

Her legs wrapped around me
Entangled skin to skin
Touching the back of her neck
My lips caressing her shoulders.

I sigh and breathe her in
Feeling heat build within.

I carry her up the stairs
Light with my touch
Running my hands down her spine
Her hair, waving over the Black Dress
Exposing her curves.

A Gorgeous Nightmare
So divine.

Anxiously waiting
Stripped down to our very morals
Velvet kisses brush sensually
Across lightly glossed lips.

I lay her down on a bed full of sheets
The creases on this monument
Will tell of the Gorgeous Nightmare
Of our love being complete.

Becoming friends with someone
Who has a place in your heart
Who has shattered your definition of love
With whom there is extensive history
Is never easy to do.

Part one is when you don't talk to each other
Don't even look in their direction.
You wish you could pretend that they don't exist.
The only things you exchange
Are venomous glares and glances.

Part two is in this awkward limbo.
It's been a few months, you miss him or her.
Do you talk?
Do you text?
It's all left floating in the Great Unknown.

Part three is when you fall from that blank space.
Do you simply make small talk?
Should you hang out?
Is there a chance of getting back together
Or simply hooking up?
Your brain and your heart are at war
And there will be blood.

Part four, possibly the most crucial step.
Deciding when you should cross into the friend circle
And deciding how to do so.
You talk about what went wrong
Or you simply let it go.

But can you ever really be friends?
Buds, pals, drinking buddies
Talk about current heartbreaks
Family problems
Crushes

Or do you remain quirky, undetermined ghosts who just happen to
Cross each others paths
Exchange text messages now and then
Go out for coffee
Make out at a party
After consuming a little too much alcohol.

I think all of us who have been in this situation
Know the very clear answer to the humbly posed question.

Things are getting harder
And I cannot carry on
Burdened with these butterflies
That just won't die.
I am a specimen in a jar
Observed by a curious self.
I flutter to the top, to an airhole,
One delicious gasp,
And then I fall back, waiting
For the strength to rise again.
Forgive me,
I am new to myself and only want release
Perhaps I need to be restrained,
To ever find some peace.