If I should learn, in some quite casual way,
  That you were gone, not to return again—
Read from the back-page of a paper, say,
  Held by a neighbor in a subway train,
How at the corner of this avenue
  And such a street (so are the papers filled)
A hurrying man—who happened to be you—
  At noon to-day had happened to be killed,
I should not cry aloud—I could not cry
  Aloud, or wring my hands in such a place—
I should but watch the station lights rush by
  With a more careful interest on my face,
Or raise my eyes and read with greater care
Where to store furs and how to treat the hair.

Soak into my bones like ink on paper
Stain me any way you wish

I wanna breathe you in like water vapor
And hold you in like smoke, like this

Tonight I write with the pale hands
of the loneliest creatures
Tonight I am explosive with the tales of my defeat
and the short comings of what I have to gain

Tonight I light my cigarette
and watch its smoke make love to the moon in the midnight sky
delicately it wraps around my fingers like a lover
the only thing keeping me company besides language

Tonight I am vulnerable, waiting to be haunted by a captivating
lock of eyes, dark and strong eyebrow expressions
a slight hesitation of enamored cheek bones and hands
that tell stories of kings and queens
stories of war/passion/starvation/survival

Tonight I am wrapped in my sadness
shedding all over me like a semi-transparent cloak
a mistress seen behind a fog of stagnant hope
I breathe in my wine
rub my tongue on my pallet
brush my hair behind my ear
massage my temples
exhale

Tonight I tell my wild eyes and veins to be patient
I ask my trembling soul to bare with me in silence
I beg my vicious feet to remain still, please do not run away
come my lush heart, remember to keep beating
expand by black lungs, keep breathing

Tonight, there is something that has finally broke through
the message pleading for my attention from you
you are a storm, awakening yet filled with rain
how can I love you, mourn you, conceal you in this poem
from so far away

Tonight I have mastered the language of tears, just some more
yes most of the time my life is miserable, but when  laughter sparks a fire in me
I am the happiest white soul under the blazing sun
the warmth that fills me, can make the orchids smile - can make rocks fall in love

Tonight I sleep once more alone
in a small bed that I call my own
in a haven of singular sorts
this place I call home

Grass finds its way
between my toes
tickling my feet
as spiders scamper away
as if I am Godzilla
and each blade
a building.

Earth smells warm
and air smells sweet.
Spring dies
as tall grass
falls to the ground
and leaves adorn trees.

Birds fly
for the first time
in their lives.
Bullfrogs
serenade me
while coyotes
have parties.

People
outdoors
everywhere
with green thumbs
and hats
and ***** fingernails.

This is my moon.

Strings
long strong and thin
connecting me to you in my mind.
In my heart.
Pulled so tight
I can hardly decide what to do
with myself.

Pacing
thinking
smiling
on thoughts of you.

Independence
I feared would be gone at this point.
Surprise!
Real things bring real happiness
what I feel
when I think of you.
Life expands.

Fueled by all that is me
all that my heart knows
no wonder these long strings
have yet to break.
I am tied
to you.

I left my bedlamp on last night by accident because
I fell asleep writing to you.
When I woke up this morning,
I was alone, with the light on, and a blank page in front of me.
I looked and looked and looked
Past the pages we'd scribbled on
Our hopeless little lies and
Bed-ridden nothings that never got any better
That never did any favors, and never sought
Solutions for problems and shortcomings on days like the
Ones I'd missed where you were happy and you
Smiled like you meant it with
Grinning teeth across rosy cheeks with scarlet lips.
Every marbled, mangled, marveled page stripped and torn
With its own story to tell of another
Time we had that slipped away, right past us.
I found the last page you left me,
Creased and folded, waiting to be found:
"I'm sorry about this, and about last night
And for every night, actually.
Don't forget that I'll always love you,
And I'm sorry."