How rude of you
To invade my still mind
Like a blast
Of all colors
Heating up... Well everything.
Was that crude?
My bad.
I can only express it
The way it comes out
Keeping me from sleep

How rude of you
To be so unavailable
So untangable
How rude indeed
Of you to come in to my mind
Like it's yours to keep
I have not pledged
Loyalty to you
To my great dismay.
Might you be indeed
As gentle as I imagine you to be

How unfair of you
To be all that you are
Continuesly out of reach
Your mind might be genious
But I'll never know
Such is life
Can't always have what I want
When I want it
Wish I could wait
But I can't
Too cute

I've come to resent
The scent of unbleached cotton
On acrylic adhesive.

There seems to be something to it:
Rookiepoetry
We never grow out of it
So write your hearts out
Each piece is a step forward
In your evolution
And each a step backward
Toward alignment
With how you truly feel

There are no excuses
No need for defence
Or a back up plan
Let the words soar
Through the W-LAN network
Those who judge
Have not lived your life
Those who understand
May have lived enough

Poetry is a game on paper
Any form of writing is
A piece of art flowing
From your fingertips
It is no different than
A painting or a sculpture
No different than
A well trained athlete

*Humanity's artwork
Is scattered all over everything
Might aswell enjoy it

Serious question:
How come the effort
That goes in to
Activities of the physical nature
Seem to depend
On a certain size?

This is my expirience

When it's small
-and I didn't judge-
He was willing
To go through
Any number of
Peculiarities
To meet my needs
And it was great!

When it was middle sized
They all thought they were
On the large scale
But no gents, those are rare
And many girls
Get reduced to a single hole
Everything stops
It's all about the action
Down below
What about all our other
Attributes?

But then...
When it was really, really, really...
You know...
Really really really...
Extensive...
And he was sweet and soft
And attended to my
Limitations and needs
I was willing to go through
Any number of
Peculiarities
To make it happen anyway.
And it was great too.

Frowning at middlesection...
Get yourselves together boys.

It's kind of like
Steering a ship
To shallow waters
And crossing your fingers
Hoping you won't run a reef

Now I don't judge
I just don't get the concept
You pick up a honey
Ride 'em out
Spend the next morning
Trying to get out of it

"Give me your number"
Knowing you'll probably never call
But here's the thing
You don't love them...
You don't care to know
How they like it
And neither do they

So what's the point

But it's probably
An effective way
To lose socks.

As I sit here
In the corner of the couch
My spot, 0:0:0:0
grown down
Says a whisper

I ask myself
What do people my age
Generally do?
Is it normal for a girl
Of 27
To stay home on weekends

Should be powdering my nose
not that powder, actual powder
Getting ready
To go out
Release some stress
do something stupid!
Says the whisper

But no
I'm here making a list
For the grocery store
How much is enough
All my friends have done this

My boss once asked me
On a company dinner
Late friday night
"What are you doing here"
Huh good question

Suppose that when he was 23
He was ship wrecked at this time
But then I asked
"Where did you live at my age"
"With my parents"

Then it is safe to say
Your idea of safety
Was different than mine
"Suppose so" he admitted

So my late resolution
For the year
Is to grown down
And get stupid.

Quote: "when I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say: I used everything you gave me"

Only in my dreams
Do I encounter
Branches with real pearls
Rolling down
In a spring breeze

From the depth
Of my gut
I wish to make it real
To build it up
From whatever meets
My expectation

But then I wonder
If I make this
How real will it be?
It was not created
By the vast evolution
We have been subjected to

or was it
perhaps the fact that I'm creating it, is evolution in it's own right*

Overthinking my creative process
Killjoy.
I could draw it
And I did.
It was beautiful
Exactly like in my dream

I could build it from
A real branch
Attach pearls to it
But then would it not be
Totally kitch

Bah- kitch!

I could make it from clay
Yeah. No.
I could sing it's perfection
Maybe it sounds like
A high note
Or the piano...
Can't play the piano.
Can sing though...

Maybe!
I could wait for spring
And take a picture
Of raindrops on tree branches
But it's not the same!
Putting away my Nikon.

Maybe
I'll write a poem
About having
all the talent in the world
And not being able
To express my own imagination.

Cruel irony.

"Mom what doe it mean
The word 'beautiful'?
I mean what is it's content?
What are you saying
When you use it"

She gave a look
Of serious consideration
Took a deep breath
And lovingly she said:

I will not ruin this for you
So I will say it like this
Beautiful means
That you see something
Feel or hear something,
You could marvel at for hours

Perhaps it will be a flower
Maybe it's a pet
Often for a man, it is a woman
And the other way around
But not always and that's fine too

When Socrates asked the same
The answers were extensive
Philosophers have asked this
Many times before
But here's what I learned:

When a cat is a good cat,
It will not scratch you
Or dig it's teeth in you

When a cat is a bad cat
It will do exactly what feels
Natural to it's species

So who are we indeed
To ask a cat to be
Anything else than what it is?

It is the same
With the concept of beauty
It does not apply
To your personal rules and structures
It is perfect
It was made that way

So who are we indeed
To judge it?
The concept is beauty
Is taught and learned
And I'm sorry
But I'm not buying it.

May we decide for ourselves
What beauty looks like to us
But perhaps start
With a good look in the mirror
And love the face
That's looking back.

Because it is perfect.
It was made that way. ;)

My body is sore
There's a stinging headache
My gut turns but nothing comes out
My immunity is next to nothing
I've been sick and tired for months

I fall asleep in class
The teachers call me Diezel
Takes a while to warm up
My memory is blank
Yet I can't sleep during the night

I woke up
I woke up with my clothes on?
Why?
Was I going somewhere
There's more than the obvious
For a difference during day and night
The panic attacks start again
And you're now stalking me

It's been 11 years
Should've been declared healthy
What's happening to me...?

The memories didn't creep in
But years later
What are the triggers?
If only I could connect the dots
The statute of limitation has passed
Couldn't prove it if I tried

A whisper in the wind
Sets the record straight
Rely on karmic laws and heal
Let it come and go

Abuse is never about the action of abuse
Abuse is about power
smile
I'm already a winner...
I'm still here
Alive and thriving
And guess what?
I'm doing great!

You never broke me
I can only be broken by myself
So relish is your failed attempt
I'm still stronger
Than anything you could've done to me
Your crazy didn't infect me

So keep it all
Keep your fond memories
Of everything you did to me
I'm still standing
Keep your denial
You and I both know the truth
It won't eat me up inside
But perhaps it will **** you one day

That's going to be a beautiful day.

"I'm sorry sweety
But you have a problem
You can't read
This is third grade
You don't even know what you read
You can't even spell

Please pick a hand
You can't write with both
This is your problem
This is the cause
Of your learning disability"

So I picked a hand
And wrote with left
Unaware of the fact
That I shared all other tasks
Between the two

So I asked for a book
For christmas and my birthday
Please give me fairy tales
And I read an hour a day
Two out loud
on the weekends

I read all about
Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty
I read Pippi Longstocking
Cover to cover

Change of enviornment did the trick
Second year in a new country
And my lowest grade was 8,5
I read all afternoon
And wrote my heart out
I corrected past tendencies
Mistakes other kids got away with

So here's the silver lining:

You may not be the best at everything
But take the challenge anyway
I still struggle with this everyday
Each craft is a channel
For your genious

Never use the word "impossible"
You are setting limits
Where there should be none
For surely, the only thing that matters
If how much you enjoy it.

It's how you look at it...

I'm not a cleaning lady...
I'm Cinderella!

I'm not ugly
You're just not seeing my genious

I'm not crazy
My reality is just freaking awesome

I'm not fat
I'm soft

I didn't fail a well started carreer making poor choices
I learned deeper humility and service

Let me peel those layers off you
And run my tongue over you
All of you
While your hands explore me
Got a few places where
You should put them

I got your scent all over me
Intoxicating me gently
Soft moans in the dark
Or light, however you like it
There are fire flies in the sky
And hummingbirds in my stomach

A gentle pressure
I'd like you to built up
Within me
There: my innermost thighs
Something to wrap around you
Get comfortable in my skin
Linger for a while
And cause a sweet explosion

The sweeter you are
The naughtier I get
I swear honey
Nothing's too small
Nothing's too big
I'll gladly take
Whatever you got...

Off goes my alarm clock

You stood in the middle of a Cathedral
In the center of the Nave
Wondering how it was built
lovers kissing in a confessional
Light soaring in
Through the Rose Window
Filtering colors on the floor
Crafted with such care
Illustrating a witch burning
Sacré Dieu, Blasphemy!
Angels wheeping at the cruelty of man
A dream-like setting, bells chiming
Defying their purpose
Chiming ever so softly

The arches gracefully curving above you
A Saint standing in each Chapel
The echo here is beyond compare
Vast choirs caressing these walls with their voices
A white dove crosses the Choir
Landing in the North Transept
A sign of purity, the grace of God
This is my mind
And you wonder why I left the witch faceless
But how does one portray
100,000 faces?

"I'm going to have to fail you for 2-dimensional art" he says disappointed, marks a 4 in his book and moves on.

Unerasable...
The curves on body
And why is it
That your hands
Look so soft
Why do I even care?

girl... Out of your league
"Alright, I'm backing out"

Unmistakable...
The colors that glimmer
In your eyes
As the sun touches them
The crooked calm smile
don't do this to yourself

No guilt
I know I'm spot on
Let truth emerge on it's own time
For surely
It always comes out
Make no mistakes
there's nothing at stake
"It's all in my head"

No doubt should have
That head checked out
I hear whispers in the wind
And ghosts talking
A prayer and a loving mantra
The frequency
Of all Saints in heaven
The Divine, the Tao, The Source
The soft whisper of the darkness

Surely so many prophesies
Have manifested vastly
Words left my lips
Of truths I could not have known
And peace invaded my heart
As a soft voice guided me
Through the deepest meditation
Lessons on life emerged
From thin air
Putting chaos in to focus
But not this...

It just tells me to keep going
It will all make sense in time
You're not crazy
But I know better than most
That the deepest lies
Can be so rationally structured
How would I know the difference

PTSD screaming in my head

I hear the voice
The unmistakable voice
Pounding through this space
In my head I smiled
And said "Hi"
But in reality I froze
No words left my lips
Nearly walked in to you

PTSD pounding in my head

But I see nicer things in my sleep
The drowsy breathing
Of the most beautiful man
I've ever set my eyes on

frown
go away

Still no guilt, nope
I know I'm right
Just take your things
And go make life happen
But my soul still goes against me
There must be a good reason
But maybe it's really all in my head

How does one proof
Thoughts, dreams and whispers
When time stands still.
And to you my disengaged partner
Where were you doing overhours?
You know what?
I don't care, just be straight with me.
There's nothing left here anyway.

But Imma be a good girl
Even if it takes forever
No shame of cheating
On my good record of loyalty
Just wonder why
You're still here
too many attachments

Meanwhile...
There's a scent in the air
Just around the corner
On the hallway
if only you were as available
as my thoughts want you to be
I have no secrets
and everything to lose
just ask
*I'll hate it but I'll tell the truth

Your speech slurs as you open up
The door of your 4 star hotel room
Poor balance nearly betrays you
I ask you if you need help
The lights appear in your eyes
Gratitude, someone cares

You are the queen on the night
Your clothes betray you
But not because you look cheap
Only because you feel cheap
Entertainer of "some sort"
Sweet, smiling Sue

What keeps that smile on you?
Is it the Cava you start your day with?
Your virtue scattered all over your room
In the shape of golden euro cents
Ashes and empty packs on the floor
How many did you have today
How many men?

Ironically, yet in no way surprisingly
There is laughter in this room
Lust and love
Love for the money
Love of the cylindrical shape you ride
... And vast loneliness.

Do you have friends to talk to?
Or do they run away
From the rythmical slurs
That leave your perfect lips
You are not broken over your job
Just a lonely girl
About my age...
Too young to be so lost

What gave, girl?
What gave?

Your voice shook
"What are you doing?!"
that's my daughter!
Alcohol on your rapid breathing

Skillfully he mumbled something
An elaborate excuse
It's normal

The fury on my mute face
DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK

He sat down
I watched you try
Try to wrap your mind around it

Blood runs thicker than water
He was your brother
Rest in pieces you sick ****
But blood runs thicker than water

If only you had had momentum
If only you had...
Yet you were still on time
Dad, the conquering hero

Because blood runs thicker than water...
And when it comes to the offspring
I'm blood
And you're water.

As if he read my mind:
"I'm never coming back"

Snatched from my mind
The world appears brighter
All I know is,
That it's a beautiful place

This forest...
This shed...
This playground...
This bed...

Snatched from my memory
I can remember
The most impossible things
But not this.

All I know is
that the world is a beautiful place...

Something is wrong with me
If only I could explain it in words

The doctor who wanted to talk
Keeps asking
"Do you still have these drawings"

"No I tore them"

The light left her eyes.
No hope.

"Leave her alone" she said

And I got away with alot of *******.

Snatched from my memory.
This is true
It's PTSD.

Confessions of a maid #1

You're room's a ******* pigstal
And I'm getting real sick
Of your ****
Enter bathroom and grab a used towel
You know the one you used
To clean up your *****
After your morning *******
Should've anticipated that

Now that **** is already on my hand
And I'm really losing it
Then I calm down
I smile
And with a smile
I use that very same towel
To clean your entire bathroom

No matter what
This also means
If they don't love us back
If they hurt us
If they cheat us
If they break and beat us

One would think
We would then be
At the mercy of Love
Never giving up
Never standing up for ourselves

But if we Love ourselves
Unconditionally first
We'll never be at anyone's mercy
Because love needs no space
Love needs no time
Love is the founding force
Of which all things are made

Remove anything from your life
That no longer serves you
If it comes back
Then perhaps
You still have something to learn
But above all things

Do what is right
For yourself first.

You walk around like the room belongs to you
And I think you're being a prat

You have a well build body
And sweet eyes
A calm manner of speaking

You tend to hear me out
And compose yourself
But not today

I liked that better.

Should your current behaviour
Suggest that you're and idiot?

But then I realised...
You're showing alfa male behaviour.

You like me.

What is it like
For you to comnect
To another person?

Your hands do all the right things
Your body responds in the right way

I can feel your caress
It means nothing to me

Two empty shells
Protecting an empty home

You're so full of life
I'm so inspired

Yet nothing to prove your content
Ever escapes your lips

Or maybe I just stopped listening
Maybe you just stopped talking

Maybe it's nobody's fault
Maybe...

It's time to let it go.

I reached out to you
And you smiled
You offered your support
I just needed a boost
Dad, don't help me stand
"You can't stand on your own"
I turned around
And there!
I was standing
All by myself!
A soft pull on the back on my overall
A feeling of betrayal
Dad, I said don't help me stand
As though he heard me
He let go
And I fell.

Exceptional memory

If it wasn't for my fair looks
Would I ever have known
The pleasures of
Being harassed on street
And not just by strangers

If it wasn't for my ***
Would I ever have known
The infinite degradation
Of the female body
And all that comes with it

If I wasn't able to push
An infant through the birthcanal
How would I ever have known
How weak the fairer *** is
Was it not Freud himself
Who said that women were
Built to sit

Yes Freud that's what wide hips are for.

If it wasn't for all the silenced voices
Of the women before me
How would I have known
To simply accept being
Labeled "weird"
For having an opinion
And something to say

If it wasn't for the constant threat
Of being rendered speechless
Powerless
How would I have known
Not to make eye contact
While speaking to people

If it wasn't for my gender...
I mean your gender
And all it's glorious wars
Massacres and genocides
How would I have known my place

You need a little diplomacy:

You're Tammy's daughter, right?
Yeah.
Hi my name is Eric, I'm 28. May I ask your mother for your hand.
Dude it's 2006 and I'm 17, I can't get married
but go ahead and ask, she'll roundhouse kick you out of the building
It's ok we'll wait a year.
Can I come and watch you ask?

You need patience

Because the guys from F&B;
Are picking up the trays
And they've pressed
On every single button
And need at least 30 seconds
In each floor
That's 5 minutes before the elevator comes.

And everyone knows you:

"You know you're just like your mother"
is he picking a fight
"Hi Mona Lisa"
***
"What time do you finish"
stop asking and tuck in your shirt

And you always smile:

Wiping fingerprints off a glass door
"Excuse me, pay I pass?"
"You know what, I dare you"
One look that says
"Feet up"
And the sporters are easy going
And when their garbage bags weigh
About 20 kgs
They'll take down their own thrash
Because they're "tall and strong"
And you're not.

And the strangest things happen:

"Can you two stop having *** on the piano?"

And you learn to connect the dots

"Andy's going to **** you"
"Yeah"
"What are we going to do"
"I have leftover doughnuts. Andy likes doughnuts"
"Oh you're fine."

And at the end of the day
When you go down to the foyer
And find a taxi parked in the middle
You don't ask how did it get in here
Because you turn the hell around
"I can't even process that"

An angel sitting on a great stone
With a playful smile watching life unfold
Gazing upon the roads unraveling
The birds chirp along
The heat of the sun on her skin
"Look!" Holding a ladybug
And God smiles and replies "you look"
Pointing ahead
Her breath stuck in her throat
A blush on her cheeks
Eyes wide open
She takes in the view
The most beautiful creature on earth
Ahead stands her reflection
The other half, the missing piece
"Go on" God encourages her
She approaches and quickly laughter echoes in the forest
They speak, share, touch and eventually become One
The intence joy, deep true happiness
Comfort and safety of home
Like the light comes from the inside
For the Source is Love
And Love is the Source of Love of the Source
"Come home now, there will be time to play later" says a whisper in the wind
With an angry blush she looks up and asks:
"But then why did we come if we were only to be seperated...?"

"It won't last forever"

Reluctantly she grabs the hand of God
And walks away, tears in her eyes
For they can never be whole alone
And never fully alone
The deepest seperation is the one
One has within themselves
And if he was not a part of her
Then nothing was.

The flowers were in bloom
The sun painted the sky pink
Contrasted by blue clouds
She picked the flowers
One by one
Her eyes taking in their sleepy glow

Before her appears a golden orb
Approached her heart
And took it for it's own forever
There was no resistance
Because that was it's home all along
He was always there

The leaves were turning brown
The sunlight turned organe in her mind
The depression was deep
A whisper said
"Tell him you love him"
A knot in her gut got tighter
"No" pure and simple

For three days she heard the whispering
Her answer didn't change
She argued, reasoned and pleaded
Even if she wanted to, she couldn't
Cried her tears in the night
The pressure was on
But she didn't give in

5.30 am, strange darkness
A Light darkness
Next to her bed stood a woman
A huge presece
Bigger than any woman she'd known
She spoke softly, like a spring, a harp
Warm, mother-like love
"Haniel?"

"Hello my dearest
I came to see you,
May we speak?
Come to the living room"
She smiled and the girl followed
Sat on the sofa
Felt a gentle caress on her head

"Do you remember your promise?"
"Which one"
"I saw you before you left"
"You did?"
"Yes. You said you'd do anything"
"I did?"

A light tunnel opened up
On to her crown
A light stream descended in her mind
And she remembered
She did make that promise
Once upon a time
As she was leaving the Angelic Realm

"Tell him you love him"
She smiled
She put her back to bed
Tested her briefly
And left her with a strange child-like feeling

Creating a problem
For every solution

A young man
Impatient and ruthless
A real to the point kind of guy
Just like his father.
As he was building a house
On the edge of the forrest
He did as father taught him
The wood was soft and flexible
So rather than taking his time
Hammer each nail in to the wood
He beat each of them
In to the wood
One nail, one hit
Efficient
The blow created tension within the wood
That nail will never come out again
Had he taken his time
He could've removed
The rusty nails with less effort
To change what needed changing
20 years from now

It's just like that
When we speak to people.
Be forcefull
And create an unyielding mindset
Be gentle
And create a flexible surface
For evolution.

It saddens me to watch women
They're so busy
Proving their worth at work
Because it was not always an option
Not their fault.
But was it man's fault?
Purely stripped down of the powerstruggle?
No.
Someone had to look after children
It was a necessity, survival of the race
Pure and simple.

I've been trained, evaluated and promoted
By men not women
Miss Professional Climber
It might intrest you to know
That I didn't blow them to get ahead
If I didn't have skills
That would've reflected poorly
On the man who put me there
And sweety, he'a not an idiot
But I'm starting to think that you are.
In business Time is still Money

It saddens me to watch women
Trying to live up to the mother
In an ideal world
Indeed in a movie
Feeling guilty for things they can't help
Indeed for being a mere human
It's rarely the parents' fault
For if they knew better
They would've done better
Pure and simple.

It saddens me to watch women
Trying to have the perfect body
Sure men can be cruel
But is it really all because of them?
Are they the ones greedily
Grasping on to a gossip magazine
Inviting their friends
To judge others like it's a social event
Spending hours in front of the mirror
When all they needed is to take a shower
Clean clothes, mascara and eyeliner

Never heard a man complain
About the natural look
And when asked
He didn't have the first idea
What else I would've needed.

Are we really doing this
To lure in the perfect man
You know the one that in reality
Doesn't know why you want a thighgap
Because he doesn't know what it is!
And if he does
He didn't think to check that you had one
When he asked you out.

Women blame men for only wanting one thing
And he's definitely a pig
When he talks to your *****
It may surprise the fairer ***
That according to a poll
The first thing men really notice
Are the eyes and the smile
And sure men tend to look at other women
But studies show that
Not only can they not help it
They don't even remember having seen her in the first place

So who are the real ******* here?
Is it not the women themselves?
It's more than true
That women don't dress for men
They dress for other women
Women don't want to be perfect mothers
Purely for their children
but for other mothers
Women don't want to be bosses
Because it reflects their personal power
*but because they want to dominate other women

Towards the end of the internship
I was nervous and under pressure
I didn't get the job in the end
I wondered if all the good things
The things you said about me
The 85% on my final evalutation
The two 90's and an 80%
Were all a lie
Was I untalented?
Did I do or say something?

You are serious as I greet you
With an open heart
And watched yours close before me
The smiles, hugs and handshakes
From others
"Those were good times,
Call me sometime" she said

Your wife turned her back to me...

Exited and with feeling
I assisted the technichian
Just for a few minutes, happy
I still got it, all of it

"There's only one reason you weren't hired; his wife is afraid of you"

At loss for words I listen to you
Give me a peptalk
So you do believe in me
Enough to give me tools
To become your worst enemy
And you know I'm ruthless in business
Surely otherwise you would not
Tell me to apply with a competing firm

The smell of guilt in the afternoon.

I never wanted to be a mother
Not because I dislike kids
Just wasn't something I ever considered
It was never a priority
Not something I considered in my calculations

Over a year ago
I was asked to be a godmother
Hell why not
They call me Aunt Bootcamp
Self-explanatory
Although kisses and hugs
Are always available

And sure they're cute
But I'm literally
The laziest person I know
Unless I'm working
...Or looking after kids
Appratently

So there he is
"20 months old"
-What is up with the whole month- thing anyway?-
Squeezing the content
Of his juicebox in himself
Laughing like it's greatest thing ever

So his mum put him in the shower
I'm looking for towels
Socks, shirts and extra pants
Cleaning up juice
Off the floor
And the table
Consequence of a glass knocked over

He casually pees on my carpet
And somehow it only made me laugh
Preconditioned to get up
And catch him as he falls
Wondering how I got be so fast
Not even remotely annoyed
As he smiles and looks me in the eye
And does exactly what I said not to do

We're done
At least I am
Don't come back
I've had it with you
We're over
I'm in charge from
This point on
You want something
You ask me first

Said the mind to the heart

Like lego blocks
But something stronger
Perhaps more like titanium
Such is the Vessel

Nearly indestructible

Carefully planned and executed
Only pulled down
By it's past mistakes
A simple apology could do

Someone once said
The soul is the boss
So is the body perhaps
Much like a ship?

The soul is the captain
Only held back by its passed mistakes
So keep a weather eye on the horizon
The clouds may come rolling in

But the Lighthouse is within you

Jane's sick, just a common flu
Nothing she can't handle
Another workday
Same as any other
She blows her nose right before work
Tosses the tissue in to a bin
Grabs the doorhandle and walks in

George is just on time for work
Maybe today will be the day
Maybe Jane will see him today
He grabs the doorhandle
And as he walks in
He wipes the raindrops off his lips

The virus works its way in him
Just like Jane's rejection
It's like he's not good enough
But he's a good man
He knows that
Okay maybe not the best guy ever

Maybe he thinks too much of himself
Perhaps she's known better
I'm not good enough
But he knows she likes him back
she can get better
Well she's not that great either

Much does he know
That in order to be able
To cast blame on others
We must have an understanding
Of what we are blaming them for
And that can only be identified within us

Do we not have to understand
A concept before we teach it
Sure enough we must understand
What it means to not be good enough
Before we teach others to feel that way
Congrats George you passed

Jane was taught she wasn't good enough
And now George has identified with that
And George will teach it to Melissa
Who is secretly casting
Her adimiring, loving looks at him
And when George is done with Melissa
Melissa will teach it to James
And James will enforce that within Jane

The lines on his face didn't bother her
And she asked for it not to bother him
She didn't see an old man
But a kind man
A smart man

A man who, against all odds
Hadn't let the world make him cruel
Who allowed a fresh breeze
In his life
And therefore her life

She respected his suffering
Honored his soul, mind and body
And loved each inch of him
She didn't see lines on his face
She saw a kind man
A smart man

He saw games
He saw what he couldn't have
He saw the cruelty of the world
Embodied in her
Yet she had done nothing wrong

"Nothing" in the way
That perhaps her biggest mistake
Had been to allow herself to love him
To speak the words with kindness
And withstand each strike to her person

Months rolled in to years
And nothing changed
Perhaps this would prove him wrong
Or indeed it might prove him right
Only two people know

"You are mine" he said
"No I'm mine" she said relentlessly
It wasn't to tell him
She was her own person
It was to tell him
To stop controlling her

For if the love is true
Do we not want to have and hold
Our partner, soul, mind, body
But perhaps the problem
Was in the eternal checklist
The "how do I keep her" list

What jobs do I have to fullfill
To keep her with me
How do I give her what she needs
Without having to give up myself
And I guess that's ok
Be our own person

All of us need to have a sense of who we are
But what when who we are
Is not what our partner wants
Her body comes home to me
And stays loyal
She's his, his status
The girl everyone wanted

Just enough effort in bed
Just enough effort around the house
Just enough kisses and hugs
Just enough meaningfull conversations

He will never get lost in her
He will never ask her to speak her mind
He will never tell her to be who she is
The money is spent on various things
Given from the heart
Or was it ego?

There she was again
The girl in the sandbox
Her brown hair cut short
Wearing pink shorts
And no shirt
I'm not entirely sure she's a girl

"Do you want to play with me
We can go and get my toys
And build sandcastles, play hide and seek"
She frowned at me and I wondered
Does she know how to talk
She muttered and walked away
#
"My mum sent me
She said that we should walk together"
It's early morning, -25*C
"Ok" said the girl from the sandbox
We were 8 years old
I can count the words she has spoken with one hand

It's nearly dinnertime
Where is the girl
You know the one from the sandbox
Crazy thing, she told me
Not to vacuum clean snow off the floor
And she gave me a puppy pendant
#
Now I don't live here anymore
And I don't have her number
They call us "Foreign Finns"
But sure thing if I go
To her parents house
I'll find her

Knock knock says the door
Her mum opens up and hugs me
Takes her phone and says
"Guess who's here"
And without hesitation
She says "Lily. I'm coming"

The girl from the sandbox

The cough woke me up
Around 5 am, in the dark night
Automatically I checked my phone
Had a smoke and went back to bed

11.30 morning coffee
I check my phone
Two messages
A little surprised I see your name

"Go back to sleep x"
There's only one way
You'd know I was there last night
And that is if you checked it

The x's that used to feel
Like a conditioning technique
Are there now in abundance
Nothing else needs to be said

Perhaps it was that you realised
I was much less proud
And more willing to find peace with you
Or maybe you just missed me

Perhaps it's all in the past
And the Highest Truth remains
Mistakes were made
But perhaps it was done out of suffering in the first place

Either way
There will always be an x
Here for you
And hopefully someday an o

They say the Spirit or Heaven
With it 8 Highest Committees
Is most fair
Having seen this in my own life
I vastly believe it to be true
We only create karma
When we fail to forgive
Granted some things seem
Truely unforgivable
But before you run off
Holding on to grudes
Screaming out your revenge
Remember that Heaven is most fair
And if you feel that
You shouldn't forgive
That's fine
But know that the ones who harmed you
Will not only walk in your shoes
But you will walk in theirs
Fully, truely and unaware of it

That's why I believe in excuses.

She said they were her favourite people in the world
The crazies
It wasn't always the case
She tried to reason with them
Make them see that they saw it all wrong
To cure insanity
"Your wife died years ago, surely she won't be here shortly"
This was the mantra
But he wouldn't believe it
For if anything was true in his heart
Then it was that his wife would be there
Untill one day she lost her patience
Too tired to argue anymore
"I hope she finds a parking spot"
The happiness spread on his face
A sigh of relief
His heart opened once more
Finally the shrink saw reason!

I've never taken a leap of faith
Never gave my heart away
Never exposed myself fully
Always kept one hand on my heart
A protective measure
Never surrendered
Never gave in

Then I met you
The great wall of China
Came crumbling down
And I was exposed
And the words
That left your soft lips were:
I don't want to be in your head
But in your bed.

"She's a ****"
How many times have I heard that
And how many times have I argued her case
So. You want to be able to sleep around
Free, no attachment, let's keep it fun
It's a one time thing
And surely next weekend there will be another girl by your side
And I bet you'll call her a cab in the morning
But she is the ****?
Why don't you turn out your pockets
Show us the picture of your pretty girlfriend
And then see what how many condoms exactly
You thought you'd need tonight
And she's the *****?

"She's too much of a dude"
I so want to hear this
You say she won't just nodd and smile
Like proper girls should
And she won't accept your arguement
Au contraire, she'd love to talk more about it
And surely, if you can't win an arguement with a woman
She should just be robbed off of her femininity all together
Well if only "dudes" can have meaningfull conversations
Then you must all be *******.

Dear Governmet
I have watched you for a while now
And it must be said
You need to come down to earth
Have any of you walked among
The regural people lately
Has it occurred to you
That by encrasing the tax
On any comsumption just might
Backfire big time
Each time you ask us to pay more
Criminality increases dramatically
People get sicker than before
You get poorer and basically
You ask us, the people, to get creative

Do not underestimate the masses
We have claimed our rights before
Each time you take from us
We take from you
And let's be honest
You need us more than we need you
Let me remind you that we went
Without you for more than a year
And the economy blossomed
We do not depend on you
However, weather you will
Be able to provide your employees
A villa and a Porche
Depends entirely on us.
Let's be honest
That will only work for so long

A wise soul once shared
Upon its return to heaven
That Love is the Founding force
Fore there must be love
In order to create

As I sit here before a blank canvas
Brushes ready and the paint mixed.
Am I unable to translate my soul
On to your white surface
Because I don't love you?

That could not be it as I would
I would love my own creation.
Is it because I broke some
Threw a few out and because
Of the ones that were taken from me?

Is it for all of those times
I tore myself down and told myself
It would never turn out
Just the way I wanted it to
Or even more deeply:

Have I failed to love myself?

I'm so proud of you, she whispered and hugged me
It was like graduation day, the kind I never had

The first time I was so caught up with getting away
And the second time was filled with tears of injustice

Miraculously you graduated after all
And today I may have graduated too

We're all here to learn yet it feels more like
A huge family gathering of unrelated people

None of you is related to me or each other
Yet we are all family, if not in blood then in bond

Two great women stand before us
"Hi mum" my soul whispered

And it doesn't matter which of you hears it
Both are equally true

I heard a Saint whisper in my ear today
She said you felt me return to Earth
How blessed am I to connect to you so deeply
Know that I will always forgive you
How blessed am I to be talking to you
Not again but still
#
I sat in a circle chanting to create
Love Peace and Harmony
I opened my heart and allowed it to expand to infinity
How blessed am I to be chanting with you
Not again but still
#
I walked in to your classroom
You took my hand and said "welcome"
You looked so familiar
My soul whispered
"Mommy I came back"
How blessed am I to be your student
Not again but still
#
I heard your voice and your deep frequency
And saw your soul standing in heaven
A flashback from the safety of the stars
How I had missed you
My beloved Master, Teacher, Guide and Father
Not again but still
#
How I long to be in the safety of your embrace again
My beloved passed life husband
They said it was good karma
How badly we've messed things up so far
I forgive you, please forgive me
Not still but again
#
How I wished I could ease your suffering
Make you hear the voice of reason
I've expirienced your mind
The compassion I have for you!
My beloved sister
Not again but still
#
It took you a while to reach out to me
Perhaps I am too afraid to lose you
But you are still celebrating and supporting
Me, your baby sister
Although we aren't related
Always here for you, holding your hand
Following you around
Not again but still

A lightbeam came down to your crown
As your gentle fingers caressed the keys
I knew it would be extraordinary
You bowed your head and smiled
I sat on the edge of my seat

Then as if someone was whispering notes
In to your ear, you played
My heart tore open and I smiled
With my whole being
Tears ran down my face
Soft, happy tears

What your music told me
Will remain a mystery
Sure I could ask
But I'd rather not know
In stead I will come to hear you play
Let your soul touch my heart again

Thinking off all the subtle indicators
I heard it all before
Yet somehow I missed it
Failed to translate it in to my life
The neckpain suggested something
It was about a view or looking
She said I was so rigid
I was unyielding
Much did I know
I made you suffer
Wouldn't have done that today
Or in a million years
Suppose both of us learned something today

We call it the unshakable heart
It's meant to hold the fort up
When life collapses around us
You said I was too strong
In stead of asking
Why I had to carry it
I simply held on harder
Accepted it, trusted
Integraded it
Turns out that wasn't the point
You said it was no laughing matter
I made it harder on myself
Than it needed to be

The stepcounter is passed 20km
My joints hurt and my muscles cramp
I'm sweating like a pig
My hands tremble from the effort
The list is still long
There's no massage in the world
That could ever fix this
My back jams and I'm only 26

The girls say you lose
5kg in the first days
I cannot disagree
As my clothes don't feel the same
On my day off I sit completely still.
Letting my muscles get cold
Would cause an agonising cramp
From neck to wrist

The sheets need changing again
Two beds of 20kg per room
If only each member
Of the Canadian rowing team
Hadn't ****** off in them
The biggest hick-up is
That I have to seperate
The sheets from the tissues

And then there are the blokes
Who just won't sit down to ***
Or flush the toilet
I'll give you three guesses
Where these hands have been today
Don't even get me started on
Tampons and **** pads
***** hairs in the tub
And dried up food
In the hotel's black teacup

A euro for your effort...
Which I'd happily spend
Shoving up your... :)