In my minds eye
I always see you
Holding a girl
In your arms
In a relaxed manner.
I look at it
Not to torture myself
But to accept
That it must be true.
Yet as I look at it
The girl always turns
In to me.

You just needed me
To step down
And let you in
What's the point now
You're face fades away
I still remember your scent
That's all there is
To hold on
There's no way back
And that's ok
But then you could at least
Stop following me
In my dreams.
I get it all now
Why I run off
Too used to holding
A man together
To take time to
Speak my mind
I cave in in the dark
Silence of my own room
Where you can't see it
deep breaths
open my eyes again
Buck up and put your game face on

But ****, I need to be held together too.
With the antics I saw you pull
I knew you didn't have it in you
To help fix me
And that's ok too.

It's not you
It's me
Well actually it's him

It's not me
It's you...
It's him really

It's really the girl
Who won't tie herself down
To the bad nor the good

It's the girl
Who seduces him
And then runs off

The one that says things like
"It all made sense in my head"
Nothing makes sense when you're not here

I know you can sustain me
But I don't want your money
Nor the status

I know you think
You need me
But we have only needed each other for one thing:

To learn
Principals and diciplines
That's all it ever was

The boy who took
Nothing from no one
How did we get here
I felt it coming
And charged head first
Why would I gamble
It's all here
All things I needed

All the things
I ever wanted to hear
Fluently leave your lips
You were never unreasonable
And
I get it all now, I read you now
We were so young
Who can blame us

I have your arms around me
And your hands where
They should be
Your lips on mine
And we're so drunk
You do all the things
I needed you to do

And yet I feel nothing
all I can think of
is unbleached cotton
*on acrylic adhesive

All things considered
I can honestly say
That my existance
That is still on going
Is not to be taken for granted

I sat in the bus
As I slowly realised
What the odds were high
That I might no longer be here
That there would be
A gravestone with
My name on it

Not for the things I did to myself
But for the things that were done to me
Despite always fighting back.
I never gave up on myself
On my body
I finally saw my escape route
And took it

All things considered
It's a miracle
That I can gaze
Upon my resume
And say that for my age
I've done exceptionally well
For someone who
Has trouble planning
For future

All things considered
It's a miracle
I still enjoy the touch
Of a man's hands
And that through
A mischevious smile
I can say
"I drive a stick"

All things considered
My heart is exceptionally full
Exceptionally whole
And exceptionally loving
And even though my mind
Sometimes throws in
The towel and pulls the plug
It's exceptionally strong

Some would say
I grew stronger
And they surely must have
But the way I see it
I would rather say
abscence of Divine Presence is impossible

For all the times
I took refuge in Light
As the dark swallowed me whole
And for all the times
My suffering was removed
By a single prayer
Or a short meditation...

We're not lucky
We're blessed.

The boy who took
Nothing from no one
That was you
It's good seeing you again
You have not changed
I can still read you like
An open book
And you still know
Everything about me

I never regretted breaking up
And by the looks of it
Neither did you
It's good to sit beside you
It's like we never lost touch
But it's been 6 years
Since word reached you
That I was dating someone else
Gently I correct your
Negative mindset

"I want you to meet this band"
Silently I wonder why
But maybe you just need a boost
Just like back in the day
When you did the impossible
Everyone loved you
For the risk you took
And still made profit.
It was a ******* miracle

Perhaps you search
That same engine
I provided then
The boost I threw at you
To get you going
And I'd willingly
Engine anything you got
Never trusted anyone's
Gut feeling like I trust yours

I still got the party flag somewhere
And the Enzo booster flag
And I'm still your friend
And wing woman
I think it's time we get you
A new girlfriend
But don't try to fix me up
With one of your friends.
They're all idiots.

The tie is in
There are several ferries
Standing still here
I think of grandpa
And how much
He would've loved this

I think of all
The sunny after noons
I sat here with Esther
Before she got cancer
At the age of 17
Survived it, she did
But she never laughed
Like she used to

The platform is up
As tie comes in
The water covers
The words spelled out
Across the stream
At low tie, it would say
"Love"

Here we sat
And cried our
Youthfull tears away
Boys are still mean
But we're better equipped
And they're smarter too
Somewhat kinder
And we're milder

A smile of understanding
Appears as I watch
Flandria1 struggling
As the boy tries
to dock it here
It's not that easy
To move a vessel

A black bag floats by
And I wonder
What will it learn
Where is it's destination
And silently hope
That the city will scoop
It all out...