Here I sit
on the side of my bed
writing this poem
off the top of my head

This wasn't planned out
but my words are all  true.
My heart tells my hands tells my pen
what to do

Here I lie
staring at the clouds
while in our own country
bombs go off in crowds.

I thought I knew you
but now I can see
the good of the two wasn't you...
It was me.

Here I Am.
Confront Me If You Dare

It's funny,
I haven't even met your mother,
And I already think of you.
I think of the times we'll spend together
And the times we'll play together.
I already know what I'm gonna get you
On your first birthday
And what you'll be wearing on your second.

Honestly though,
I don't know how, when, or with who I'm gonna get there,
I just know that one day you'll be there
And I'll be here waiting
For the day in which I will hold you
And your little hands will move from here to there -
So wait for me,
I will get there.

I'm picking things up along the way
That I wanna teach you when I can.
I hope that you're not overwhelmed
When you try to hold your football,
Soccer ball or baseball.
(Volleyball is a lot of fun too!)
We'll play catch, and we will run,
I will catch you, and you'll have fun - I promise.

I hope you forgive me though,
As I don't know your mom.
I don't know if I have or haven't
Already set our course.
But you know what,
I bet she's beautiful
And the most caring person in the world.
I want to make sure she takes care of you,
After all.

It's hard to think of you,
As I hope I can make it through to you,
And tell you that all I'm doing today is because of you.
I want you to learn how run, how to play sports, how to jump,
And I want to be there to help you when you fall.
I want to teach you how to play guitar
And some magic tricks with cards,
I want to teach you to write some poetry
And play some music to make songs.

I want to make you proud,
As I hope you'll make me proud.
Even if you don't want to learn any of these things,
Or follow in my footsteps in any way
I want you to know that I've thought of you
Ever since today,
And that I can't wait to meet you,
Or your mother,
On the day in which you're born.

You watched her run
the bread
and butter knife
along

her inner arm
blunt blade
gesture only
enough to give

the nurses
something
to think about something
to make them

take the knife away
and sigh or curse
beneath breath
she walked about

the locked ward
in her light blue
nightgown
no shoes

or socks
or stockings
sometimes she’d search
through the men’s drawers

for razor blades
or something sharp
no doing
you said

I’ve looked already
she said
heard you tried
to string yourself up

in the john?
had those **** nurses
wetting themselves
and banging

on the locked door
and god
how they nigh
wet their *******

with it all
she said
almost managing
a small smile

bags
under her eyes
her pale skin
thin lips

sans lipstick
how do you think
it’ll go?
waiting

your next chance?
maybe
you said
she touched your hand

ran a finger
along the wrist
and scar
her gentle skin

setting fire
to tired flesh
then after tea
after the sandwiches

which Big Ted
brought up
from the canteen
watching

the sky
turn blue
to black
you knew

the dark was approaching
and the Black Dog back.

I'll have to forget me to know where I've gone,
And take myself back to find my way home.
You will let me go, or I'll never return.
I'll have to forget me to know where I've gone.

Sitting in my room
all alone
chilled to the bone
thoughts in my dome
wherever they roam
they always come home
to one inescapable truth
I am forever alone.

I've had enough of this
but my friends don't know
but they shouldn't though.
At school, im pure as snow
but the more I grow
I get tired of it all,
and the winds begin to blow.

My friends start to notice
but it doesnt matter.
I'm crazy as the Mad Hatter
I might end up like John
With my head on a platter
Or I might just go splatter
And In death, I will finally be victorious.