Today,
at a street festival,
I watched a girl I have never met,
have never taken notice of before,
dance for about an hour.

I sat there,
begging God for the courage to get up
and dance alongside her.

After more than a few chance eye contacts
I decided to not look away when she looked at me.
Not missing a beat or a step we held one another's gaze
for a while.

Spinning and smiling she motionlessly
and wordlessly
beckoned me forth.

Denying myself a simple pleasure of
human interaction
and dancing, I remained seated.

After everyone had left,
and the band had stopped playing,
there, in the middle of the street she stood standing.

There, under the orange glow of the streetlights
atop a small coffee table
I sat, imagining her reflection in my eyes.

If God would ever be so generous as to allow it,
I would do it different.
I would dance next to her and then with her.

If God would ever be so generous as to allow it,
I would do it right.

"My dear what's wrong?"
Blink, shake my head,
Back to reality.
"Nothing." I mutter.

"Baby, what's with the frown?"

Slap a smile on,
"Hi how are you? Table for two?"
They go to their table and I'm back on my cloud.
I'm zoning out.

"What are you thinking about?"

I smile at the ground.
How many red bulls would it take to burst my little red ticker?

"Oh," Eyes still on the ground, "I'm just zoning out."

How long can I not eat for until my body hits the ground and I pass out?

"For the deck it's a twenty minute wait."
Smile.

Oh if they only knew what I was thinking about.

How long can I scratch my arm until I can pull out all the bad thoughts from under my skin?

How many cigarets do I need before I suffocate?

"Caroline, seriously what's wrong?"

Smile, "Truly I'm fine."
I look you in the eye until you believe my painted smile.

You don't care, I could slit my throat and yes you would be upset that you didn't help.
Maybe you would have cared more if you were to see new scars.
Maybe you wouldn't say you like me then not texts me back for a whole day,
Maybe you shouldn't stay over anymore,
Maybe you should stop saying you want to figure me out,
I told you I'm a waste of time, you'll never see what lies behind these eyes.
Trust me I have so much to give,
And for you,
You get none.
Until you kiss me
and I'm suddenly hungry.

Let's play a game,
with these red and white bicycle cards.
With our hands intertwined,
let's create the frame for a home,
of hearts and good intentions.
All the faces where on the inside,
eyes open with nothing to hide.
Let's create this house for our paper bodies,
filled with our paper love,
created from the one look spark,
our glass hearts couldn't contain the heat, so
love destroyed us.
Pick through the ashes
only bones, a skeleton of what we were,
gray powder on the ground that covers the roses.
Nothing left but the look of death in her eyes.
They said she changed after that.
They said she stares at herself in the mirrors of glass.
They say it's because she doesn't just see herself.
He's the the dark blue lines that bleed into her pupils,
he's in her veins.
Deep blue water that flowed free is now frozen,
but when she is alone with the mirrors
she isn't cold anymore.

I wake up each day
And listen to my brain say
what did I do to make it all go away

My only crime is caring for you too much
And for that my heart makes me pay.
We laughed at all the cliches. You were gonna be my best friend forever.

Unfortunately I let myself believe once again, that it was you and me until the end.

I guess it's time to pretend.
Like I don't care
But even with the few memories we share.
That wouldn't be fair.
And so I don't dare

I don't need big words or an overpowered intellect to get my point across. That your the reason my favorite quote's
hope's for presidents And dreams are for people who are sleeping

And now I understand why the grim reaper Is still reaping.

I pulled to hard and still all I have to say is
Nothing

Dance me a song dreck thinker.
Let the ocean wash away your thoughts of rain.
Understand scars are forever but so are diamonds.
And every night you'll dream again.
You'll never comprehend the dark  like the moon
Or the light like the sun.
Learn that only Monty python knows the meaning of life, and where the holy grail is.
So stop searching and just appreciate uncertainty.
Then sing me a dream because I'm tired of screamed night terrors.