I'm done putting faith
In the Faithless.

I'm done giving my heart
To the Heartless.

I'm done trying so hard
For the Lazy.

So now, I'm living
For Me.

I have many names
But I’m a sickness through
And through.

Many names have I
But if you’ve got me, I’ve
Got you.

I’ll make your heart speed up
And you’ll sweat, and shake,
And stutter.

Your heart speeds up because of me
If you’re infected, call
Your mother.

I’m a blessing and a curse
Still I’m afraid there is
No cure.

I’m a curse and I’m a blessing
Do you have me? Can’t
Be sure.

I’m a deadly state of mind
Be aware of
The above.

Of states of mind, I am quite deadly
Don’t you know me? Call
Me Love.

A lonely stool
A lightless room
And a girl who sits
And waits.

The sticky floor,
Her ****** body.
As tears drip down
Her face.

When out of the darkness
Comes a boy
With fluffy dark
Black hair

The boy that she loves
Yet she won’t smile
She can only sit
And stare.

He smiles and kisses
The top of her head
It only makes her
Cry harder.

And as he leans back
And punches her face
She swears the room
Gets darker.

He kicks and she screams
He pulls out her hair
He slashes at her with
A knife.

And when he says sorry
'He hopes she forgives him'
She wishes he'd just take
Her life.

He says not to worry
In time she'll forget
But she knows that he'll be
There tomorrow.

The boy that she love
Is now her worse nightmare?
And fills her life
With sorrow.

This is a long one,
Though just the beginning
Of a story to be told
To you.
Poet, or lover
Of poetry's sweet touch,
Enjoy,
Indulge yourself.
The written word is dying
Sick and Ill
On Time's death bed
Rotting away
Until the day when
All that is left
Is a swift
"TTYL"
And the art
Will be gone
For good.

Scattered as my
brain my be
I see the coming of the
end of all
I love
So dearly as
To share with it my
Deepest secrets.
Poetry is my blood,
Tick and red,
Falling away from the nicks
Of life
And landing softly
In your eyes.
Oh reader,
See and believe
That it is up to I,
And up to you,
To Write
To Breath the words
Of poetry.

This is a long one,
But we're near the end.
So don't let my
Lover
Die.
Oh reader,
Keep the love
Alive.

You asked me if I was an Angel
As you looked into my eyes.
I said that no, I wasn’t,
But you looked at me, surprised.

No, I’m not an Angel, or even close
To those beautiful creatures of God.
There are too many things wrong with me...
To think that I am is quite odd.

When surely you’re the angel here,
But they say that no Angel can lie.
Yet I know for sure that you must be one,
With the good that you've brought into my life.

I met you in my darkest hour,
When id lost all hope for trust.
I’d given up hope on every thing,
And I thought that death was a must.

Yet you held on tight and brought me back,
The real me, who'd long been forgotten.
You found her, and saved her and cared for her too,
And you became her closest guy-friend.

And after that you loved me true,
And the real me...
She fell in love with you.

So you must be the Angel, no sinner like me.
Who can hardly tell right from wrong.
With your smile and love, you’re MY Angel.
Our love as true as a song.

This is not a suicide
Ignore the bullet through my eye
The carpet splattered with my blood
Just shows you what the world has done
To me.

Just wait and see.

This is me breaking lose and running free
The product of society.
When Fake is real
And Real’s a lie.
Just goes to show that no one tries.

We just can’t help ourselves,
We doom the world.
The future of every boy and girl.
Dying trees and smog filled air.
I can’t be the only one that cares.

They tell us to express ourselves
While telling us how we should think
It’s like they throw us in the ocean
Then say that it’s okay to sink!

"No!" she shouted,
Pushing herself as far into her bed as she could.
Pressing her hands over her ears,
blocking out everything
but the music
blasting in from her ear buds.

She dissolved into the sound,
Forcing her mind
To let go
Of feelings such as touch and smell
Until she was weightless,
Floating into a void
Rather than sitting in the smog
Of cigarette smoke and alcohol
That was omnipresent in her house.

Just relax, she thought.

Letting the guitars and voices
Of her saviors wash over her,
She fell into a half sleep,
Where the only thing
Other than the music
Was the longing to live here,
Endlessly,
In a void of nothing.

Because if there's one thing she'd learned,
It was better to feel nothing at all
Than nothing but pain.

I can't explain the thrill I get
When he sweetly holds my hand,

After a morning of wrapping those same
Fingers around my throat.

Rid me of the
Absolutely disgusting
Presence that I hope
E**ventually fades

Rushing
Underwater
This tunnel sweeps me on
When will it give me
the gift
Of my next breath?
My lungs
Burn.

So many exits
Little answers
Side tunnels that lead
To an explanation
The tunnel sweeps me to one,
Then drags me back
Again.

It will not let me go.

Where will I
Be left?
Wet,
Gasping for air?
Will I be free?
Or will I fall
Forever sinking,
Into the sea?

Rushing
Underwater
Into the dark of the tunnel.
Waiting
To come up
For air.

Crawl away,
I walked in strong.
Then,
With arms
Around my helpless body,
You killed me.
Cut me open
With a trail of
Tainted kisses
Down to the places
I asked you nicely
Not to touch
I guess
You dont speak
Kindness.

Another day,
Another dollar,
Spent on things
To **** us all.

Mass destruction
Made
By mass production.
How much is enough?

A bomb to **** the earth,
but who's hands
are the wrong hands?

Can you ever
truly
know?

Invent our doom
To set it aside
an gather dust?

No, There is something else
On their minds.

A secret,
But we won't be let in.
Left to watch them
Whisper.

Could it be
That I am only
What others say?

Instead of who
I want to be?

Who I think
I am?

Am I truly
Just defined
By a test?
A grade?
A survey?
A paycheck?

Is there nothing more to me

That what

They think

They know?

I'm in that desperate mood again
Where me, myself am not my friend
I pull my hair, I scratch my skin,
My feet? Too small. My waist? Not thin.

I want to scream, be someone else.
With softer hair, a nicer face.
I hate this stupid mirror
I wish I could just run away.

But from yourself, you cannot hide.
With my less than perfect body.
With my less than average brain,
My need for makeup, hair that’s knotty.

I know I could be better
Or you never would have left.
There MUST be something wrong with me
Some bad thing left unkept.

Or maybe you did look past my face,
Though ugly as it is.
Maybe I'm just a stupid freak.
With weird ideas. A downright geek.

Times like this I wish I could just cut my wrist.
But I cant. Too many promises.
But I dream about it night and day...
I wish I could just fade away.

Not like anyone would notice,
Or wonder where id been.
Nobody would ever question
Why I was never seen again.

You think you're mad?
Because I talked about my Ex.
You think you know hurt?
Because I can't let go.

I sat there, broken
While you told me
That you lost it to another
While your heart supposedly belonged to me.

I sat there, as you stomped
On the broken pieces of my heart.
With her! My Best Friend!

Don't tell me to move on
Don't tell me to shut up
You're lucky
That you can still call me your girl.

So don't tell me that you're mad.
When I'm not the one
Who broke your heart.

Worthless, stupid, ugly too.
Tongue-tied, but that’s only around you.
My dreams are horrors that I earn,
For them to be real ill always yearn.

My death, sweet poison, saves my life,
By ending it by gun or knife.
Monsters, demons, tear my flesh,
Or I get stuck in barbwire mesh.

Whatever the torture I take it as dished.
Never sweet dreams, as I so often wished.
But why should I have them? I'm crooked and mean.
Or well, that’s what I think. Could be low self-esteem.

I hate that I love you, I hate that I care.
I hate that when you’re upset; I wish I were there.
I just really hate myself for not hating you.
And for loving you in the first place, I hate that one too.

Your name, once golden, now a twisted black vine.
In her name I find envy, I wish you were mine.
You were and you will be, ill see that its so.
And if it doesn’t work out... you know where ill go.

It's a cop-out; I'm chicken, too scared to go on.
I hope it's you who finds me, dead in your lawn.
Razor in hand, I wish I could do it.
Iv tried once before, but that time I blew it.

But this time I can, and I know that I will.
If not by blade, slip off my windowsill.
Or drown in my pool, or forget my inhaler.
Though I know it won’t matter. This girl, you wont save her.

You loved her, you killed her, and you’ve broken her heart.
She has nothing-good left, besides poems and art.
She’s lost, and she’s lonely, and I know she’s scared too.
And the only thing that could help just won’t. And that’s you.

The rush
The motion
The perfect clarity.
When everything comes together.
It’s more than you will ever know,
You sing the words,
You tap your feet.
But I make it complete.
The familiar burning in my arms,
The aching in my feet,
I hear the notes,
I know the words,
And then,
I make the beat.
I nod my head,
I thrash my arms,
A mystic dance with every limb.
The amazing rumble in my gut,
That’s goes unnoticed by them.
I am the drummer
Through and through,
You’ll never get the things I do,
Oh singer with your voice so clear,
My singer and my friend,
I know I'm gone,
But I’ll return,
Not for my house, or clothes, or friends,
But to be apart of my favorite band.

Ever notice
How the clouds of thought
Can swoop
Dangerously close
To the opening
Of your mouth?

Babble
Mumble
Let it all
Poor out
Of your soul,
Thick as tar
And hard as steel.

Regret them later
When you pop a new pill
Into that leak
So close
To the Mind.

But smile
At the life
It lets you leave
Behind.

Give me something tender,
Give me something sweet.
Give me something just for
Me, that no one else can see.

Give me a kiss so gental,
Yet rough with youthful love.
Give me something beautiful,
That's sent from God above.

Give me all your fiery hate,
Give me all your care.
I want to be with you forever,
So baby, take me there.

He's gone

No! He'll be back...
He promised!

But as much as I remind
myself, I still hear

He's gone

Left on a plane today
never to come back one day

Shut up! He will! He'll be
Happy too!

You just don't know!
I wont listen to you!

Won't listen to ME?
Listen to yourself.

Can anyone else here me?
No, It's me, your bad health*

My mind was tricking me
As it so often did.

He's gone and I'll miss him

He's only a kid.

But *He's gone

I'm sick of the nicknames
I'm sick of the lies.
I'm sick of this itchy,
And fading disguise.

I remember the smiles,
From times too long done.
I remember our laughter,
Our schemes, and our fun.

But now we just sit,
And study our books.
We study our peers,
And popular looks.

Everyone’s against us.
We sneak and we steal,
We try not to conform,
To others appeal.

But we lack motivation,
We lack that famed drive.
That when we were younger
Made us wish we could fly.

If we all worked together
To push ourselves up,
Instead of the poisoning
That makes us give up.

We could make the world see
That what they said was wrong,
We could control our own lives,
No matter how short or how long.

Slipping
Down
Down
Under
Over
Flying
Flailing
Falling.

Talk to me when you're fine...

You didn't have to hide

Too much drama

Attention *****

My problems,
That took courage
To spill to you.

I'm so sorry,
That they can be
A little
Annoying.

I wont make
That same mistake
Again.

I was only a child.

My Father? My hero.
My Mother? My doctor.
My Puppy? My best friend.
And me.

Yet I was only a child.

Santa was real,
The tooth Fairy too.
My street was as big as the world
So new.

Because I was only a child.

I was a princess
And a ballerina
My Puppy would stop by for a cup of tea,
Mom too.

Fore I was only a child.

Then along came a baby.
I had to start school.
My Puppy passed on
With Granny.

I could no longer be a child.

Years were a blur
Boys were important
Mom and dad yelled
At me.

And I wished I could still be a child.

Life got too hard,
I constantly struggled
I chose to visit my Puppy.
I’m sorry.

But I was still just a child.

I am an actress, and I am good

Fore you will never know the me

That wants to quit the act.

Your smile makes my heart stop
and speed up
at the same time.
And even though you've
hurt me lots,
I know you're always mine.

The simple way
you say my name.
Your pretty light brown eyes.
I find it's never hard to say
the "Love"s, the "You"s, the "I"s.

And when you wrap
me in your arms
and hold on to me
tight,
I hope you'll never let me go,
I'd stay there,
day and night.

Your warmth,
Your touch,
Your comfort.
Your stories and
Your stares.
Your kisses,
Hugs, and
Gestures,
Your "I'll always be there"s.

You said to list
the reasons why
I love you
like I do,
but babe, I've tried
to tell you,
I love you cuz you're **You

I am fine.

Today is fine.
Hello world,
I'm glad to see you
Now that I
Know how to smile.

I'm happy.

Maybe today
I'll win the lottery.
Gotta test my luck.
How great to
Take that money home.

Before I lose
Everything, I love you.

Did
You know
I always will?
Now the day is up,
Goodnight.

I’ll love you if you let me.

I promise, every day.

If you come into my open arms,

There’d be nothing more to say.


Your face is always on my mind,

Whether sleeping or awake,

All I need is to see your smile,

just once please, for my sake?


I’ll never cause you any harm,

I’ll never do you wrong,

You’re the one that always comes to mind,

When I hear a new love song.


Your voice so cute,

it makes me smile,

To think of it

even for a while.


Youre perfect in every way to me,

so I completely understand

If youre heart belongs to someone else,

You must be in high demand.


All I need to ask of you,

If you’d like to hear my plea,

You don’t have to fall in love my friend,

Just please, consider me?

Earth, my dear, you're rather ill.
Those pesky bugs,
you have them still?
Come on Girl, get a grip.

Your infection has been spreading,
Poor Moon is looking gray!
I even think they've got to me,
Though not as bad, I'd say.

Jupiter's been talking,
These rumors aren't kind!
I swear I didn't tell him,
He heard through the astroid vine.

Sister dear, I love you,
I swear you used to be hot!
Even the Sun took intrest!
Though now, he'd rather not.

Get rid of those pesky buggarts,
You're powerful, you know.
Just **** 'em off and heal yourself.
Just let those vermin go!

Why
Is
It
Always
                                         Me
Who
Is
The
Odd
One
Out?

Army films.

twitch

Marine films.

twitch

Navy films.

Twitch

Air force films

twitch

Too many memories
Of a me
I was not proud
To be.

And yet
Much too proud
to have been.

Twitch

They call commands again.

Do not respond

twitch

Must not respond

twitch

I need to leave

Digital Diary

Poetry

The best part?

It doesn't                              Need
                        To  make
                                                                                                                                       Sense.


                                                                                               See me slice my veins
                                                                Watch me as I fall
                                                                                               You'll never really know me
                                                                At all.


Does that bother you?
Hope so.

                                                       Up
                                         Left                  Right
                                                    Down

Twisting
         Turning
                  All
             Around
          Yet
      You
   Don't
Know
      My
             Name.

My body is a garden,
My soul a swimming pool,
My mind a deep black pit of doubt,
And all this is for you.

And in the garden, you plant seeds,
With a kiss on my lips,
Or your breath upon my cheek.
Your hugs all leave me feeling weak,
My body is a garden.

And in the pool you like to swim,
Or float on rafts of joy.
And in the pool you’ll always stay,
If you’re a dream I wont awake,
My soul is like a pool.

And now you have the pit of doubt,
Of which you try to ease.
You nurse it like it has the flu,
Erasing doubts of me and you,
My minds a pit of doubt.


But then the truth shines ever there,
Deep in my heart, is Love.
Love that blooms for you, my dear,
Ill never stray, ill stay right here,
Because I do love you.

Running.
Running.
Never stopping.
Isn’t that what you want?

Hiding.
Hiding.
Always Hidden.
Did you really think I forgot?

I run and run,
And look for cover.
But still the tortures
Will persist.

They call these dreams?
This, is a nightmare.
On and on..
I don’t want this.

A brand new terror
Every night.
Plucked from my brain,
For the worst of frights.

On and on
My dream recurring,
Peaceful nights
All fade away.

I wake up crying,
No comfort for me.
I pray and hope…
Yet the nightmares stay.

Spiders, heart break,
Those are easy.
Darkness, Pain,
One and the same.

From telling me
Iv been forgotten,
To drowning slow
In acid rain.

I hope one day
They leave my head,
I hate the feel
Of constant dread.

So lets hope that
When again a sleep,
Ill dream of something soft,
Like sheep.

I’d stopped.
I HAD!
I promise...
But now it starts again.
New blades
New cuts
New problems...
But still the same old Jynn.
The scars add up to 81,
No, make that 92.
They never seem to go away
Stuck to my skin like glue.
I write this not with anguish
As oft' my poems are.
Just with simple curiosity
At the make-up of a scar.
It starts out with a split
In the gentle human flesh
The blood pours like a flood or stream
Or tidal wave. Nothing less.
The blood runs down
Then starts to drip
As you relish in the sting.
Then you realize
What a mess you’ve made
Grab some cotton ***** to clean.
Wash most of it downs the drain,
Wipe the rest off of your skin.
And once the bleeding settles down....
Pick up the blade and start again.

_

                                                                                                                                                                     Daddy?
Did you see me?
I finally reached my dreams.
Daddy are you proud?
Why the tears?
Please look at me!
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                             Dad?
I said I'm sorry.
I'm trying oh so hard.
Of course I am!
Dad, dont you see?
Won't you hold me
In  your arms?
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                           Father?
You seem so surprised.
Did you not see it coming?
I won't be home for Christmas,
And It isn't cuz it's snowing.
I tried so hard to reach you
but the journey tore me up.
So sorry sir,
You've lost me now.
I'm gladly giving up.

"Be perfect! Be Perfect!"
That’s all that you say.
And I swear that I will be,
I'm closer each day.

"You're perfect, you're perfect"
Words I want to ring true.
I'm not, but I will be,
Though I already am to you.

I make myself perfect,
In my very own way.
Some might call it insane,
But what can I say?

Each fight with my dad?
I go add some more.
Each time we get angry?
A brand new score.

I'm perfectly imperfect.
It says so on my skin.
With my sharp razor blade,
I'm carving it in.

So please don’t worry,
I'm only doing as you wish.
I can deal with the pain,
It’s hardly a pinch.

Perfect, it says,
With my very own pen.
And I smile at the word,
And write it again.

Pills
Like dreams
-Doctor's Orders-
Block out the world
Muffle the sounds
Hide me
**** me
Free me
From this dream
Called life
That I
Cannot
Escape.