I was only a child.

My Father? My hero.
My Mother? My doctor.
My Puppy? My best friend.
And me.

Yet I was only a child.

Santa was real,
The tooth Fairy too.
My street was as big as the world
So new.

Because I was only a child.

I was a princess
And a ballerina
My Puppy would stop by for a cup of tea,
Mom too.

Fore I was only a child.

Then along came a baby.
I had to start school.
My Puppy passed on
With Granny.

I could no longer be a child.

Years were a blur
Boys were important
Mom and dad yelled
At me.

And I wished I could still be a child.

Life got too hard,
I constantly struggled
I chose to visit my Puppy.
I’m sorry.

But I was still just a child.

Worthless, stupid, ugly too.
Tongue-tied, but that’s only around you.
My dreams are horrors that I earn,
For them to be real ill always yearn.

My death, sweet poison, saves my life,
By ending it by gun or knife.
Monsters, demons, tear my flesh,
Or I get stuck in barbwire mesh.

Whatever the torture I take it as dished.
Never sweet dreams, as I so often wished.
But why should I have them? I'm crooked and mean.
Or well, that’s what I think. Could be low self-esteem.

I hate that I love you, I hate that I care.
I hate that when you’re upset; I wish I were there.
I just really hate myself for not hating you.
And for loving you in the first place, I hate that one too.

Your name, once golden, now a twisted black vine.
In her name I find envy, I wish you were mine.
You were and you will be, ill see that its so.
And if it doesn’t work out... you know where ill go.

It's a cop-out; I'm chicken, too scared to go on.
I hope it's you who finds me, dead in your lawn.
Razor in hand, I wish I could do it.
Iv tried once before, but that time I blew it.

But this time I can, and I know that I will.
If not by blade, slip off my windowsill.
Or drown in my pool, or forget my inhaler.
Though I know it won’t matter. This girl, you wont save her.

You loved her, you killed her, and you’ve broken her heart.
She has nothing-good left, besides poems and art.
She’s lost, and she’s lonely, and I know she’s scared too.
And the only thing that could help just won’t. And that’s you.

I'm in that desperate mood again
Where me, myself am not my friend
I pull my hair, I scratch my skin,
My feet? Too small. My waist? Not thin.

I want to scream, be someone else.
With softer hair, a nicer face.
I hate this stupid mirror
I wish I could just run away.

But from yourself, you cannot hide.
With my less than perfect body.
With my less than average brain,
My need for makeup, hair that’s knotty.

I know I could be better
Or you never would have left.
There MUST be something wrong with me
Some bad thing left unkept.

Or maybe you did look past my face,
Though ugly as it is.
Maybe I'm just a stupid freak.
With weird ideas. A downright geek.

Times like this I wish I could just cut my wrist.
But I cant. Too many promises.
But I dream about it night and day...
I wish I could just fade away.

Not like anyone would notice,
Or wonder where id been.
Nobody would ever question
Why I was never seen again.

You asked me if I was an Angel
As you looked into my eyes.
I said that no, I wasn’t,
But you looked at me, surprised.

No, I’m not an Angel, or even close
To those beautiful creatures of God.
There are too many things wrong with me...
To think that I am is quite odd.

When surely you’re the angel here,
But they say that no Angel can lie.
Yet I know for sure that you must be one,
With the good that you've brought into my life.

I met you in my darkest hour,
When id lost all hope for trust.
I’d given up hope on every thing,
And I thought that death was a must.

Yet you held on tight and brought me back,
The real me, who'd long been forgotten.
You found her, and saved her and cared for her too,
And you became her closest guy-friend.

And after that you loved me true,
And the real me...
She fell in love with you.

So you must be the Angel, no sinner like me.
Who can hardly tell right from wrong.
With your smile and love, you’re MY Angel.
Our love as true as a song.

A lonely stool
A lightless room
And a girl who sits
And waits.

The sticky floor,
Her ****** body.
As tears drip down
Her face.

When out of the darkness
Comes a boy
With fluffy dark
Black hair

The boy that she loves
Yet she won’t smile
She can only sit
And stare.

He smiles and kisses
The top of her head
It only makes her
Cry harder.

And as he leans back
And punches her face
She swears the room
Gets darker.

He kicks and she screams
He pulls out her hair
He slashes at her with
A knife.

And when he says sorry
'He hopes she forgives him'
She wishes he'd just take
Her life.

He says not to worry
In time she'll forget
But she knows that he'll be
There tomorrow.

The boy that she love
Is now her worse nightmare?
And fills her life
With sorrow.

I have many names
But I’m a sickness through
And through.

Many names have I
But if you’ve got me, I’ve
Got you.

I’ll make your heart speed up
And you’ll sweat, and shake,
And stutter.

Your heart speeds up because of me
If you’re infected, call
Your mother.

I’m a blessing and a curse
Still I’m afraid there is
No cure.

I’m a curse and I’m a blessing
Do you have me? Can’t
Be sure.

I’m a deadly state of mind
Be aware of
The above.

Of states of mind, I am quite deadly
Don’t you know me? Call
Me Love.