lacking stability
rocking, winding, slipping

distracting inability
missing the step beneath your foot

crawling now, just a bit further
before you reach the edge of the bed
only to realize you aren't even home

retract, revise, retrace
attempt to find that peaceful place
forget to remember
remembering to forget

once you awake
realize that you were never asleep

Powdered sugar mountains
Snowing with sweet
Delectable dunes
Infused insects
Pureed peaks
Zesty zeolites
Caramelized clouds
and Sauteed Sunshine
These are a few of my favorite things.

it's generally accepted that
water will douse a fire
and that fire will boil water
what if they find a happy medium
and just make steam instead?

if you breath too much air
into a balloon
it might explode!
what's more likely:
you will just faint
why didn't you pace yourself?

if one is biking downhill
and their brakes break
could they ask their bike
to slow down?
a nice sentiment indeed
but it's unlikely
inertia will have her way
even if it makes that bike ride
your very last day

just keep in mind
there's always a happy medium
where both sides could win
if you'd rather ignore the cycle
go ahead and live in your sin

but I won't hesitate to tell you
i told you so

in times of blurred certainty
it's easier to revert way back
when given the opportunity to branch out
You deny?
when situations arise
that might compromise
your current state of being,
instead of seeing
the chance for growth
you betray your oath
to remain clear in times of ambiguity
and beware of karma's daunting promiscuity
committed to your own values of self -
nobody else,
will give you clarity
to define through the disparity

Are you bored with yourself?
Too much free time, it seems
Judgmental joker, you!
Thinking of your agonized dreams

Don't you wish that just one time
You had a pleasant thought
Really trying oh so hard
Break free of the web which you're caught

Insignificant details blur your view
Try to see the rest
Forget about what you think is best
And feel what others deem as true

In time you will grow up
Til then, go on and on and on
With your contradicting faceless qualm
And realize before the storm is calm
Probably a warning -
Quit before you end up mourning
The loss of yourself
Taken off a pedestal and put instead on a shelf

forget making your own decisions
who does that anymore?
let the one who owns you

decide instead

take the pressure off your head
act numb and dumb as lead

oh ..it's not an act
guess your lack of tact
was just a matter of fact

it’s weird to think you’ll never be
more than a bittersweet memory
overplayed, exhausted, incomplete
of all the things we did defeat
clearly infidelity was not one

it’s strange to feel that i’ll never be
more than a nightmarish past
for you, for all of you
what was once sweet ripe abundant fruit
now rots at the heel of cupid’s boot

what is lost was once my blinded world
now drifts in my head when i lay in bed
vibrant images in the back of my eyes
heart strings play a longing melody
unaware that it itself, is out of tune
and only you can tweak the pitch

everybody wants to know what's going on
a simple "..it's complicated" doesn't seem to suffice anymore
everybody wants to see what's in between
but nobody wants to be there when you hit the floor

their jaded perspective, reflective and objective,
should bear no power over your own experience
although, impressionable as we are,
tend to take things said as serious

The slender curves of your waist
Smile at me as I caress you with my eyes
And undress you with my lies

listen to your own advice
done ***** the time of thrice
3 fold law - remember, it's nice!
you get what you give
but not the chance to live
at least without the heavy burden
of past's regrets
lingering scent

it's curious to me that you made your bed
yet you refuse to lay in it, instead
exhaustion will claim your head
plead for you to sleep until it's up-fed
you'll have no choice, you'll crack
land on the floor, exhausted head with a smack!
and wonder 'why did I let myself slack?'

i hope you're blissfully ignorant of the remnants
in your bed, still sitting and waiting for your return
you promised you'd come back
for I've always said that
it's easier to sweep the ashes of your sweet despair
off the cold hard ground
than brush remains of former self
from the pillows of bitter resignation

if there was one thing i could do
i would undo you
reveal you to yourself
so you see what i see as true
remove the shutters off your eyes
destroy the toxic clinging ties
present to you your own desperate lies
and free you in the greying skies
your lack of consistency leaves all in despair
reinforcing the fact that no, it’s not really fair
love is not something you easily share
forcing those to scuttle, who actually care
the shield of disillusionment
shelters like a paper tent
time to pay the price: no free rent
living in someone else’s heart
causing them to wish
so hopelessly
for just one moment
to go back to the start

Bizarre how situations once bigger than my ability to cope
dawned over me looming, stifling my wishes for growth
a cloud that used to stir upon my head
day in and out without rest.
A storm brewing above,
forever reminding me of the ever present electricity
that once ran through our love.

this too shall pass
she said with class
hypocrites give the best advice
but hardly think twice

it's just a phase
this complex maze
is actually an illusion
if that at all helps your confusion

just bear and grin it
don't try to win it
at best you'll end up dead
it's fair to sin it
just try to thick skin it
at least the road you've tread

always think,
was that the best i could?
don't let yourself believe
it's all you ever would

always more to be done
always love to be won
never less to be seen
on the other side,
i hear the grass is
rather green

the things you accuse others of doing
are things you yourself have taught
though you couldn’t feel the trouble brewing
you finally got what you have sought
despite your resistance to the fact
the truth pushes harder so
forget leaving the past intact
instead making nothing to outgrow
remember when you were so kind?
to me you had it all
the things we shared – heart and mind
began to crumble and fall
regardless, now you feel
the things you tried to ignore
i knew
it was for real
now your heart is on the floor
and you’re looking pretty
…pretty sore

a place once filled
with magical thrill
has torn and spilled
leaving only cold chill

a thing once warm
devoured by a merciless swarm
drenched in oblivion's storm
and accepted as the norm

what more is left to take ?

take take take
give give give
the pattern of things
in life to live
the way it should be
yet it never quite ceases
often time just displeases
a flirt with the world, teases

if one should ever feel
like they were lacking
i would advise them to perhaps
sleep on it for a lifetime
and maybe by the end
they would wake up and find
that everything they never wanted
was nothing they ever needed

My first promise to you is this
I promise I never cared
The reason I stayed was to cure my own
Sadness, that's why I stared
Not out of love or longing
But momentary relief from this suffocating loneliness

My second promise to you,
You were a good placeholder
Someone to bear through my pale conversations
Someone who offered me their body
Which I gladly accepted
The way you taste was a wonderful distraction
From all the things I experience in my head

My third promise, then
I promise you are replaceable
Your contribution to me, was all I needed
And you are nothing more than
A temporary,
that I valued as I value thing day to day items
Good while I need them
Useless when I don't

My fourth promise
You could have been anyone
I loved you, but anyone could have been you
People are like gas, and any gas would have filled
The void within me
You filled me up, took up all my space and time
But I only needed you for a little while

My fifth and final promise,
And I really mean this one
Everything I have just written is a lie
You are everything I have wanted
You are everything I will want
And I'm broken by my own inability to have kept you
So I tell myself I am numb to you
But the truth is
You make me melt
And I don't want to be frozen anymore



last two lines from Incubus song "Have You Ever" written by Brandon Boyd

Ha.
It started with a laugh
Pleasant, yea?
Ending with death
Death of us, split
A tragic comedy indeed

Maturity,
Maturity,
Where are you, and where have you been?
I sought you for so long, seeking within
You do not exist within the confines
of my Super Ego, ID - no, only I exist there
Not maturity which makes my soul bare

No - I do not want to be your friend
You were never my friend
And I always loved you
Maybe you were too stupid to see
The unbearable pain it's caused
To think I would ever be a friend
To someone in which I saw no end
Disgusted by the thought
Of being with you
Without being with you

Nevertheless
I will grow and break out of my skin
Surely a snake sheds his shell occasionally
And I, the snake, the slithering
Will be sure to leave behind old values
The same old values that you once treasured
And the same old values that destroyed
Everything I thought we had

truthfully – i feel fine
i finally got it, you’re no longer mine
but i’m mine, and i’m doing me
without you i’m the best i can be
you would think with a love so strong
nothing could ever possibly go wrong
except us, plus the lust
the fuss and lack of trust
i did what i must
i was a tool, you used me
nailed and abused me
and that’s alright cause now we don’t fight
my tongue is happy without the bite
i’m feeling so good that I just might
move on, brush off the past
understand that not every thing can last
and just smile for a while
together we walked that mile
now i’m running and you’re crawling
i’m laughing and you’re bawling
all i can think is ‘poor thing’
i can still hear her voice sing

remember your craft
diligently, passionately, curiously
remember your craft
without forgetting your past

apply your reason
without committing treason
to the values you hold true
never forget that which makes up You

self esteem reflects that which afflict
reminded again nothing is perfect
a blessing in dis-guide, one could say
confessing to the skies on a clear day

I, the Monster
cowering in curtains
fearing your cutting truths
and numbing lies

I, the Fly
flitting by your eye
reminding you to check outside
make sure you appreciate how high
the moon?

I, the abandon'd
left with only fragrant memories
putrid emotions emerge
and I splurge on feeling bad once again

I, the Brave
facing daylight once again
just might fight to win
to feel pain is to live
you can rest when you've got
nothing to give

You, the Cause
ensuring I switch faces
and places
adapt to your unaccountability
for when I need you
you check out, mental tranquility

We, the Has Been, Is Being and Will Be
because we are the things that were
and will be again

crouching in the corner
thinkin’ deep
id rather sit here
than be feigning sleep
mind’s awake
but body’s dead
if only i could get
these thoughts out of my head
self imposed doubt
caused by a difficult route
don’t know if i should sigh or shout
either way, nothing changes
as far as emotions go..well it ranges
but really, i am doing just fine
gave back to myself and i’m finally mine
no one to know, no one to care
i’ll give you a piece of myself
if you’ll gladly share

why did you do it? i'll always wonder
thought you had it all
miscalculated blunder
yesterday she was regretting the future
for the wounds today she has no suture
what lesson holds true?
you did it to yourself, you
sat passively by without a word
just another cattle within the herd

you've lost yourself, you are alone
in your voice i feel the tone
until you sit, remember and reflect
your broken spirit will not be checked
your kindred soul will remain wrecked
and i'll just laugh and cry

sitting under a tree, slight breeze on skin
look out into the horizon, and see the world for what it is
beauty, balance, and brilliance
ignore the pervasive stare of society
think and feel for the first time

taste the dirt with your fingers
see the flavors with your ears
grasp the air tightly and just breath
remember what you came for

remember the balance
be open to a challenge
and seek to grow
learn to know
the perpetual flow
of wisdom does show

heads in the clouds but body with you
definitely got me mixed up this time around

second chances often disappoint but
people change all the time
right?

forget what i said earlier about people changing
you've gone and left just like you always did
not sure why
it's you, not me

maybe third time is the charm

Remember me? The one who idled by, patient
Waiting for you, as I grew ancient
Still, I held no anger or despair
As I know the treatment was good judgment and fair

I supposed I never knew I would get to that point
Where I scared you off, scattered
Leaving you bruised, beaten and battered
Never physically
But the mind's skin is more delicate than we know
And sad for us, not something we can show

Do you remember me, though?
I still feel the same, despite it all
My longing for you has never dwindled
Your absence caused me to feel swindled
My adoration knew no bounds
Especially when you were nowhere to be found

Please say you remember me
Truly as I am, not as the Monster
within, we all have a monster
so I'm sorry you had to see mine
And I promised I'd keep her chained up,
taut line

Forget me now, as you surely have
I don't even have to ask
I know where your mind is
Long gone, detached from me
Though we once shared sleep every night
I see that you had to take flight
To protect yourself from your biggest fear
The love I had to give you, it got too near
And scared you away,
So I ask only that
While you may forget me
And the smile on my face as we kissed
Please remember the love I had for you
It never left, it never will
It will remember you as surely as you will forget me.

remember when
-oh..i forgot-
that one time we
actually felt
we had a chance?

remember when?
-oh, please let's not..-
you told me this and that
that was this
and this was that
our naivety was pure bliss!

recall that time..
-can you just stop it! please..-
i considered getting on my hands and knees
trying to appease
these
trees
of wild doubt
instead we fight and shout
attempt to glue love with weak grout
did you forget already?

can you remember?
can you think?
did you swim
or did you sink?

come back to reality
think in terms of actuality
quit your games
of lies and blames

one day you'll awake and see
that the one next to you is not me
you'll try to remember where i am
and i'll gently remind you, madame
         that
i do not exist
       i never did
an ugly twist
       so goodbye, i bid

I trick myself, see
Into beliefs that do not really exist
My beliefs are not really my own,
I am just a reflection of the world's desires

I cannot be sure what I believe
Because I cannot be sure of what I see
And I'm not really sure what I need

Besides, if anyone knew what was real
We wouldn't be stuck in this dismal plane

Delusion may be wrong, but at least I can believe in that.

the residue of yesterday's happiness
drips tauntingly
covering that which pleads freedom
from all things liquid