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lilah raethe Jul 2013
just once:

someone to

join you

sitting on the beach

just

staring out at the waves as they

jog to

shore, the

jewels in his eyes meeting your

sad, reflective ones.

juxtaposition makes your best qualities

stand out; you feel

justly next to him and it is all

sacred.
lilah raethe Jul 2013
come home
to her wrath and
where your bed
still rocks
with the movement
of the sea

and you come home
to her voice
what am i,
chopped liver?!

she exhales
through your eyes

when you come home
and your knees
are aching
just from walking
and you wonder
where your youth went
but she's still there

when you wake up in the morning
at home in bed
with her
for fifty years
she's woken up
smiling
next to you

her anger
still hurts you
as you live
adventurously
and she lives
secludedly
surrounded
by lights,
and machines

until you both
come home

and nothing prior
holds any weight
because your days
meld
when you both wake up
again
in your home
lilah raethe Jul 2013
lily pads float
gently
on the
surface

tension
in the
water
lilah raethe Jul 2013
he said
it’ll be different this time
and we both knew
all hell would break loose

and when we dosed ourselves
with a couple, with company
I set myself up
for a lot more than

an experience

every thing with an overlay
of yellow and
red and
blue;
colorful,
and changing hue

he was angry
at the moth disrupting his
trip,
why are there still
these flying little creatures;
why are they still
tormenting me
when I’m so far
from home?

and he fought it with a pillow
to prove
just how much power he could weld
on a different living species

and in my point of view
the room quaked on its hinges
and seemed to lose them altogether
as its’ wings crumpled and it
disappeared from sight

and my heart hurt where it’d been struck
and I knew he felt it too
because he was clutching his stomach
and our perceptions were entirely too similar

I asked him
did you feel that
rip
in the universe

and when he mustered a weak
yes,
I did

we both were frightened
by what we’d gotten into

and after that I reflected,
I couldn’t help it

Because as the stream of my life
flowed egolessly
throughout what I guess I would call
my eyes

I understood
and I was
rooted

and the heavens
opened up
for me

and they stayed open
and I stayed stationed
and they stayed open
until I came down
and they closed ever so slightly

except I can see foundations crackling
and I can see the divinity
pouring through
and I can see that moth calling to me
from wherever it happened to land
and I understand

it’s all the same thing

and I’m there again
as he is whipping the air
and the moth
f
    a
    ll
s
and the air is shifted
as I am shifted
as the world is shifted
and we are whole
lilah raethe Jul 2013
we don't even lock eyes
& i'm trembling
from the memories I relive in
the present.
I trusted you too easily,
    let you in too fast,
     spoke about things I never had,
because there was something about you.
something that made me
want to open up and talk
and express and live.
you were my best friend,
my companion day by day.

I placed all my trust in you
and when you left
like the end of a season--
of a school year--
you left me to fend for myself
in a sea full of sharks.
but then again,
you're just another hammerhead.
lilah raethe Jul 2013
It’s a funny thing
Being able to realize
They don’t have everything as figured out
As you thought they did
And you are both reduced to
The fear of a child
A child lost in a corn maze, that of which
An exit might as well not exist
And the path being sewn towards the future
Is unclear
For both of you; for everyone

It’s an odd thing
Being able to realize
Those mistakes of the past, the people
Who you think are haunting
Are only taunting—
Getting lost in your imaginary plot
The false narrative of events which never lead you
      To just the right picture
Because the future
   Does not arise from the ashes of days gone up in flames;
The future


                                               sits on the edges of your toes
                                                                     and
                                   perks up when the hair on your arm feels prickly
                                                                     but
                                          stirs when his endless eyes walk past;
                                                                     and


     the future
is never painted across the part in his lips
     or the feel of his inner thighs,
it is never handed over in his goodbyes

yes

                                the future

is a mystery

                                a delicacy;

the future

                             unravels with the clocks

ticking

                             marking the instant

pairs of eyes connected

                             but never promising

it will last

                             beyond
                                  a
                             memory
      
                 ~~
lilah raethe Jul 2013
ill miss my friends birthday
and ill miss my friends
when im gone for a week
with family and family's boyfriends
and my technology
and my loneliness
and my craving to be wanted,
to be missed
by my friends
but i wont be missed
and i know i wont be missed
because they wont
do anything for me
while im here;
they wont compromise
wont give up their selfishness
to help me
and i dont get it
because all i do is bend over backwards
for my friends
who i miss so dearly
and always will

and i think maybe
i feel too deeply for this world
because everyone seems to be swimming
in their own decisions and passions
and ive never dipped a toe into the water
but ive stood on the shore
looking out at them go
and grow
and i stay with my feet scratching the sand
my feet imprinting my place in the world
into one footprint
because i have not yet walked a path
but only left one tiny
thought in the sand:
the stagnation of me will
leave my soul to be pruned
by the breeze
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