I like not speaking for a while—
Just serene silence in my room

A quiet so present you can feel it in the air
Hear the slow hum of nothingness—

Alone

Will you always have my heart
On the end of a string
So close you could reach out and grab it—
Making it yours forever
But so far that I am left alone and dangling
By your thread
One I know well and
Cannot let go of myself
One only you can save me from
But you choose to keep me there
Because
You like always having my heart

society ***** up all its victims
like we're the slave and it's our master

we thrive at its will
and die at its will

we all live to please the
"way things are"
the standards and the expectations.

it's like there's nothing else...

where are all the new ideas?

does anyone even have ideas anymore?

When do we stop living to please
The system
And start living to please
Ourselves

Society plants thoughts in our heads
Corrupts our minds—
Corrupts our children’s minds
Into thinking they have to be something they’re not—
A size their not—
A life they don’t want to live—
Since when is this the only way?
WHERES FREE THOUGHT, FREE LIVING, AND FREE CHOICE?
WHY DO WE HAVE TO CONFORM TO THESE RESTRICTIONS?


WHO IS STRONG ENOUGH TO BREAK THE CYCLE
WHO IS STRONG ENOUGH

When does it end

i lay here and i think
and i think
and my mind spins and
whirls out of control-
wishing for sleep.
wishing for the power to sleep.

but my mind is too crazy;
my thoughts too heavy.
they occupy my mind 24/7
but they get louder at night
when everything's quiet
and i'm alone with myself.

as the night rolls on
and no sleep comes
the feeling of my presence becomes too much.

i am too much
my mind is too much.
i feel my thoughts spread,
spread from a tiny blossom in my brain
which becomes the roots
of which they intertwine and grow
until they're beyond my head.
they fill my room and they become too much.
i am too aware of them,
too aware that they are calling me to them
to process them, to deal with them-
but all i want is sleep.

i get angry, and i feel crazy,
and i toss and
i turn and i want to scream
"get out of my head and let me rest!"
but i know they will never leave,
they are a part of me.

for some people,
sleep comes easy-
they shut their eyes
and they're out for the night.
for me it is a process,
an endless torturous process.

a process, procedure;
a method.
a method that i try to figure out.
try to dissect,
find my way around.

but every night it changes,
and it's never quite the same.
there's no simple rule,
no simple cure.

there is no around,
there is only through.

so i wait out the night,
i wait out the thoughts,
until they run their course
and let me drift off.

i can't create the power to sleep,
i must let the sleep come to me.

Tears fall down my face
But no one seems to notice
In a crowded room of students
Because I’m invisible.

Tears fall down my face
But no one seems to notice
But all I want is for someone
To wipe them away
And ask me if I’m okay.

Tears fall down my face
But no one seems to notice.

Like a fire that consumes all before it
Like a voice that takes a hold and never loosens,
Never lets go of her grip.
Like a fire that consumes all before it
Rips your insides to shreds,
Your self worth into millions of shards.
Like a fire that consumes all before it
Leaving you stranded and broken
Leaving you alone in your world.
Like a fire that consumes all before it
All of your thoughts and actions
All of your pitiful bones.
Like a fire that consumes all before it
Leaving nothing in its wake
Leaving nothing but fog and haziness.
Like a fire that consumes all before it
Leaving you staring in a mirror,
Hating your reflection.
Like a fire that consumes all before it,
Burning everything in its path to ash,
Leaving blood and tears scattered across the ground.
Like a fire that consumes all before it
Taking your old life in its flames
And leaving your body to reconstruct anew.
Like a fire that consumes all before it
Leaving your future open ended
Your crystal ball cloudy.
Like a fire that consumes all before it
Like a fire that consumes all before her
Like a fire that consumes your thoughts
Like a fire that consumes Y o u .

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
And continue with my day
And hide all the pain I feel inside.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
And talk to my parents
And pretend that nothing is wrong.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
And go to school
And talk about nothing with people that mean nothing to me.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
And pretend that I don’t want to scream
To anyone who’d stop to listen.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
So that hopefully someone will see it
And take it off.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
So that maybe someone someday will care enough
To help me.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
So that when I dream about things like that
I don’t actually believe they will happen.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
So that I can come home at the end of the day
And finally remove it.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
So in the privacy of my room
I can cry for hours and no one will think a thing.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
So no one will worry
And I’ll be “fine.”

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
So maybe you’ll see how happy I am
And you’ll notice me.

Let me put the smile that I wear for everybody on
So that someday someone will love me enough to know when it’s gone.