i can't figure out if i want him to want me or not.

maybe i'll never know.

actually - i know i want him to want me. but if i had him i'd be miserable and so would he.

i want him though he's the worst thing for me.

i think i might be a horrible person
but i didn't know
^ that is not meant to be an excuse

i am trying to be more humble

but how do you fix yourself when you didn't know you needed to be fixed?

i'm not sure about anything anymore

pour love down my throat.

only your love.

let me float on it.

i will be happy.

let me drown in it.

i will survive.

let me hold onto it.

please.

i deserve you begging at my feet.

i deserve you showering me and only me in love.

because i matter
because i care.

i deserve better.

i deserve your dumb jokes that everyone else hates.

i deserve to get to put up with you.

i deserve you telling me youre sorry

no

not telling. showing.

i deserve you letting me know i am strong and beautiful and amazing.


i deserve your smiles.

I AM A LIVING BREATHING HUMAN AND I FEEL SO DEEPLY AND LOVE SO MUCH

BUT YOU CANNOT CLAIM THAT WHENEVER YOU WANT

AND LEAVE ME IN A PUDDLE WHENEVER YOU WANT

AND BE WITH WHOEVER YOU WANT

WHENEVER YOU WANT

WHILE I MOURN THE LOSS OF SOMEONE WHO WILL COME BACK
BUT ONLY TO VISIT
JUST A QUICK VACATION
A QUICK ESCAPE

"i always thought youd be there"

YOU CANNOT! RUN OFF WITH WHOMEVER AND EXPECT ME TO BE THERE WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO FALL BACK ON.

AND IT HURTS. MORE THAN ANYTHING KNOWING I WANT TO BE THERE. I WANT TO HELP. I WANT YOU TO LET ME LOVE YOU.

BECAUSE I DO. SO ******* MUCH.

i am the only once who cares. these girls do not care. your friends do not care. your mother and father care. but i have consistently let you fall on me. and i was crushed in the process

love is desperately trying not to care
because they never did
i mean they did at one point
who knows what happened