we are not friends.
well at least for me,
we just know each other.
we are acquaintances,
exchanging hellos
when deemed necessary.
we smile sometimes
so we wouldn't seem snob,
or just tell ourselves
to look away.
we try to joke around
every single time
we stumble upon each other.
we are awkward.
we don't know
when to greet
and when not to.
i only see you
through stolen glances
or from far away.
but when i look at you
i cant deny that
you always offer to serve.
you play the drums,
and always amaze me.
every week, almost all
notice your improvement.
more than thrice
we have shared the rooftop
for personal discipleship
in unusual times.
and it makes me smile
to see you lead people
and draw them closer
to the Only One.
you are funny.
your posts make me laugh.
and believe me,
you got me there.
you look beautifully rugged.
your physique -
lean, and strong.
my idea of you
is my preferences
personified.
your heart to serve,
you playing drums,
you're funny, rugged
and loves my Savior.
but the truth is,
i find delight
in the fact that
we are not friends.
because maybe
i am scared
of who you might be
in reality.
because maybe
i am afraid that
you are not what
i thought you to be.
i don't know but
i think i'm not ready.
i'm not ready
to discover your truths.
please, not now.
don't let me know
you deeper and
feel close to you.
stay away from me,
for a little while.
just wait for me.
wait until my heart
has finally built
the fence and brought up
its own defenses.
wait until my heart is ready,
wait until my Lover
tells me so.