there are men in my closet
there’s one on each hanger
there’s one for each scarf, t-shirt, top hat, and trainer

I’m hoarding them all
they’ve been there awhile now
they grow very small
(the old men can die now)

the young men are new
and the children are old
(they make friends with new children
or so i am told)

there are people around me
and people inside me
they all smile blindly
I don't care who’s smiling

I am not a simple student
I am more than just a class
I sit and pull my hair
and pull their sticks out of my ***
I will reap what’s mine to sow
and so say I, I’ll do just that
Getting angry won’t make birds
stop pecking, only if I squawk
like them, then they will only talk

Birds of Paradise are only fat
If I feed them day to day
like some
catastrophe with plenty build-up,
I could have stopped but didn’t
find the time
and only then would I have
seen the beauty of nihilism
and let disaster roam and rain

Polite got boring fast
I was raised
a man of quality
but quality was just a phase

****** mind
stranger-friends
Not sure what to say to them
Don’t **** up
Mind your manners
First time hurts, but it gets better
Friends are warm
love, then peace
say thanks and move on quietly

My edge had finally been bent
Still innocent but not insane
She thought it was spice
I thought it was a card game

Day one,
Thought I took it easy, playing it safe
the brownie tasted like moldy cake
half for him, half for me
thought maybe it was the key
to the heart I’m pulling for
he opened up, unlike his pores
Laughing all confused and hungry (called me but love, or mere sweet Henry)
I feel fine and then it hit
(more like slapped) then I was in it
The dock feels heavy and I feel weightless
finally understood why I was so impatient

Next sun,
no more tastes buds
***** in my soul (and then some)
(this continued for hours into
discontinued power over
tactile showers)
no more feeling what I thought was felt
but no more felt a coward
third day, I wouldn't budge

Day break, I think Thursday
Still feeling mighty thirsty
Finally got food in me
on many trips to Wendy's
Somehow I made ends meet
Wonder if it lasts forever
like the freaks on TV

Fifth day started sober
but I knew it wasn't over
Sober states you're back to used-to-be
(still couldn't feel a *****)

It all just ran together
solid hours mixed
irritated as ever
through four, five, and six

now all i see are frozen moments
swirling voices swimming in it
blacked out jokes or any motion
surprise pictures
omitted minutes

so much depends
upon

the wet air and
rain

that made the wheelbarrow
rust

and chickens
*****

I accidently bumped
My hand against yours
You pulled away discreetly. It
must have been my fault

My condolences on
your sexuality

"Just,
Um,
Like,
I don't know,
******* filler ******* filler"

"Um, Oh! I saw a cloud today.
Maybe it will rain. Maybe not, okay.
I think it snowed a bit yesterday."

"Gosh, school literally *****, doesn't it?"
School is easy, you're just being a *****

"Food is, like, the best idea I've ever heard"
Yes, something in my mouth for when I can't find words.

"What kind of dog is that?"
Who gives a ****, it's cute.
I just can't think of a reason to talk to you

****, is there any more to say?
"I literally had no idea you were gay"
That's nice. Is it my turn to talk again?
**** that, I've used up all my conversation.