this time's different
'cause now I'm worried about me, too.

Me: Kelly likes you
Him: I wont date her because i like someone else.
Me: Whhhhooooooo
Him: a person in our class
Me: Well if it's not Kelly * unless you like men * hmmmmm Mariah?
Him: no.
Me: Me?
Him: yup
Me: I convinced myself that people cannot like me
Him:  you lied to **yourself

i walked into
class with my
sweatshirt on.
you looked
at me in
confusion.
and said
"forgotten! its
like a billion
degrees outside!"
"i dont
know.."

the teacher said
that we
were going to go
outside for class
and have some
free time.

we sat
on the log
away from
the others.
you made me
tell you
why i was
wearing the
sweatshirt

i told you and
you got tears
in you perfect
blue eyes
"you broke
a unicorn
promise."

you took my hand
and we walked back
to them.
you kissed me
and made me
unicorn promise
to try not
to break
the previous
promise.

i want to kiss you underwater
in an aquarium
while strangers admire us
from their captivity

i want you to be the only thing
keeping me alive

i want to taste your stale
exhalation of whisky breath
and you
can have all my spent cigarettes

i want to drown
with you grasping at my abdomen
digging into my chest cavity

i want to give up
all my oxygen and watch you
ascend into refracting light

You could have sliced my skin.
Peeled it back and eaten my heart.
Raw.
You could have shattered my bones.
Until each one cracked in half.
Snap.
You could have voiced your distaste.
Called me every name in the book.
Poison.

But even worse,
you didn't do anything.

Like.
Is when your heart races.
Like a comet across the night sky.
It mirrors the fire of your passion,
And the ice of lonely fear.

Lust.
Is when your thoughts,
Like ***** smoke wind through lungs,
Mirroring your desire to devour.

Adore.
Is when little touches stop you in a thought.
Fingers intertwined,
Mirror the fingers of feelings,
Wrapping slowly around a heart that is scared.

Love.
Is when the blank slate of future,
Like a canvas stretched taut,
Mirrors the ache of your stolen heart.

I can't tell if everyone else around me is normal
Or if I'm stuck in my own mind
Everyone makes a big deal about grades,
                                                 The things people say,
                                                 If you're in an advanced class.
But nobody takes the time to notice the small movements of people
        What makes them happy,
        How their eyes look when they laugh.
People only care about what you can do and what you can be
Everyone else is a brick. A grey, dull brick. Manufactured to think that if you don't do good in school, your life will be miserable.
Your life may only be miserable when you work too hard and don't find time to experience the great things
        Late night runs to a local diner,
        The comfort of a good hug,
        Getting lost in books,
        Or getting caught in rain.
I'm not sure if everything is beautiful or if it's just the way I see it. Either way, I am in love with life.

looking at the sky
is enough to make you feel
more insignificant
than the bacteria we crush
beneath our feet
which begs the question;
are we so tiny
that all of our efforts
all of our actions
amount to nothing?
or are we small enough
that every single thing we do
matters?
you said you hoped it was the latter
I do, too.