tell me you remember
the day you let me wear your jacket
tell me you remember
the day we drove to where the sun touches the earth
tell me you remember
the day you held my hand for the first time
tell me you remember
because i could never forget

how do you tell someone
no amount of telling me to love myself
will make me find myself beautiful
and how do you tell someone  
getting out of bed in the morning
feels like trying to swim with
stones tied to your ankles
and how do you tell someone
trying makes it worse
and how do you tell someone
everyday is a struggle,
and ode to the man hanging on a cliff with one hand

*a boy that still had someone to confide in
dared to tell me,
"don't bottle up your emotions"
so i looked him in the eyes
as i bought a bigger bottle

loving you was the
most beautiful form of
self-destruction.

i guess i make it too obvious
i don't want to talk about things
because since i turned sixteen
you haven't asked me how i feel
or how my day was
but i guess that's okay
because i was always the one drowning
and you were always the one
yelling at me to "just swim"

for the girls
that will never know the difference
between affection and aggression
for the kids forced to bring
broken arms and black eyes
to show and tell
each bruise a reminder
never to make him mad again
he told you he was nothing
like your father
so you let him leave you bruises
to know what it felt like when he was gone,
tell me what it feels like when he's gone.
they will tell you
boys will be boys,
but that is no excuse
for telling you
that you asked for it
i love you,
i beat you,
I'm sorry,
there is no excuse,
don't ever accept that
boys will be boys.
darling,
aggression and affection
are not synonyms
they exist in opposite universes
and i will scream
until my voice in nonexistent
for my eight year old cousin to understand
when he hits you on the playground
it does not mean he likes you
never make the mistake of
thinking he loves you when he leaves you scars
when you see the flames
burning in his eyes
and fear starts in yours
don't you ever
confuse it with love
women will continue
to believe they asked for it
will continue to believe
they wanted it
until we convince them
your clothes do not say
**** me
your alcohol content does not say
**** me
only you have to power to say yes or no
only you have the power to tell yourself
the only cause of **** is rapists

"hey grandma, how are you this year?"
"how's deer season going, uncle wayne?"
"how many cats do you have now?"
by the way i think i'm depressed
(sjb)

this time last year,
we went to rhema and you kissed me under the gazebo
and asked if i wanted to get back together

now i'm sitting in my room
wondering if you remember
the night i met your dad for the first time
and your sister told me i was adorable
wondering if you remember
holding my heart in your hands
and throwing it on the ground
telling me
*maybe this isn't working out

he likes neck kisses and being called "sweetheart."
he drinks milk when he eats peanut butter,
offer to pour it for him.
he loves pugs and his dog, ******.
if you're not best friends with ****** by the first month,
you're doing something wrong.
when he tells you you're beautiful,
it is easier to just agree.
when he takes you home,
allow plenty of time to say goodnight (he takes forever).
he hates crunchy peanut butter.  
he'll give you his jackets and hug you until you stop crying.
if you watch lord of the rings with him, bring kleenex.
know and understand star wars references or you're *******.
he is an incredible writer.
he'll buy you lots of things for christmas,
do not try to compensate.

if he isn't the best boyfriend you've ever had,
you're not giving him enough credit.
love him, he deserves it.

and i kinda hope you never exist,
because i'm not done loving him yet
and i don't think i ever will be.

All I want for Christmas is

YOU



I miss you