I was never told "no"
and thus I find myself
hopelessly wandering in search of the
Forbidden.

i wish i could coat my hand in paint
and leave the print of it on every wall
in London.

then there wouldn't be a place you could go
or a wall you could lean on
without

holding
my
hand.

here's the thing, Aurelia.,
everybody lies.,
out their fingers and their
feet.--even I lie to
you, Aurelia.

sleeping fathers mothers brothers
let them lie, because
Aurelia--they don't
mean
it but: oh, oh, oh

they want to mean it (is)
the key to a perfect lie
between your fingers and your
toes and my
teeth.,

I keep my lies
out for you Aurelia.--I
never hid a thing;
you are a lie,--
Aurelia

you should have
lied
to me

you hold the phone and 
your brother loves you 
/across a country
you lean just a little farther out
the window
/wondering if like he did back then
he'd still make it in time to catch you
/wondering if like he did back then
he wouldn't tell.

It is very cold Here, and very quiet
Unless I make sounds and
The tiniest of
movements and then it
Is less so.

Sometimes people come along to the
Edges and they pass by in whirls of
Color or sounds I’ve never made making
Movements I could only dream of if I
Dreamt.

Sometimes the colors leak inside of Here
And hurt my eyes so I
Close them but the colors
Leak into my mind so I
Close that too.

Only recently though has someone
Noticed me Here and stopped to lean
Against the walls and whisper into the
Cracks the color has worn open to say
Try. Try to get out.

For the voice my mind opened and I tried very
Hard but all that happened was the walls wearing
Down in the places where my hands had
Pushed the hardest but alas
Nothing.

The voice came back though and the Leaner
Said Try. Try again.
And I couldn’t remember the words
“I can’t” so
I did.

And when I tried a spot of cardboard beneath
My thumb fell through
And in poured the colors and they
Burned me until I was
Clean.


And I pushed and pushed until my
Forefinger fell through and then
I grabbed and tore and ripped
and swore
and tumbled into There from Here.

And the Leaner had been waiting
And said, Welcome.
And I was afraid. I
Crawled back into Here and sat in the
Cold and quiet.

But I knew what I saw out
There.
And I will go back.
And the Leaner will be waiting for me
Whispering Try.

Jay gave me this little shrug,
        Like “Lee,
        What can I do?”
And I gave Jay a little nod,
        Like “Jay,
        What can you do?”
Because we all gave each other
Little things.

A little love,
        A little ache.
A little bruise,
        A little break.
A little truth,
        A little lie.
A little live,
        A little die.

But all the littles
Grew up.
And his shrug hardly asked,
        “What can I do?”
the way my nod hardly asked,
        “What can you do?”
the way we both left it hanging,
        We both hung the truth.
For their crimes, here hang the criminals:
        We both hung the truth.

Now,
You’ve gone and taken back
                     All the tiny little pieces you gave me
                     Of you
                     Over the last twenty-one months
And all I’ve been left with
Is the color
Of your laugh

Something so deep inside of me,
                    That you’ll never get it back
Because you’ll never be so deep inside of me
Again.