In silence she sits,
gazing at the glass of water shimmering on his bedside table,
deep down knowing she must do it -
but also knowing she'll never be able.

Lay there,
plastic tubes fused to his veins,
his beating heart exposed bare -
and yet the Doctors say his brain is
DEAD,
and yet, breathing, he lives
outstretched before her on the hospital bed.

They never had kids,
she was always unable to conceive -
and yet night,
after night,
he always gave it,
and she always tried to receive.

All he wanted was to be a father -
because of her
he never got the chance to care,
to rear a child of his own;
provide a loving heart,
and a warm and safe home.

[I'm so sorry]

And at 17:01,
with the machine monitor
covered with a single white cloth,
she bends over her late husband,
with a shaking hand,
she switches the life support off.

17:35

She sits
and cries
a lonely woman,
already grieving and telling herself lies.

[Don't be -]
[sorry]

Whispers in the wind.

AJ

As a nation stands still
swallowed by a tide so ferocious, it kills,
as our streets, once so lively, now stand dead
held by fear, a contagious anchor of lead

And yet the birds will still sing in the morn
and the sun will still rise at dawn -
life is more stubborn than the death it evades
you just need to open your ignorant eyes, see what's at stake

We may feel seperated, anxious, alone
and there may be others who are sadly gone
but together in this blindness we will *****
for even in the darkest corner there is hope

Marvels of technology abound
there is communication all around
from letters, to video chats and phone calls
as long as we stay sensible and not panic, we will not fall

Keep your loved ones safe by keeping your distance
only venture out if necessary, ignore your selfish insistence
do you really need the object you desire
do you not care about being a potential killer liar?

Our backs are up against the wall
the selfish acts still occurring, apalls
if you do not heed our government's cries
someone else, or others, will die

The sky will still be blue in a few months time,
the mountains will still stand for us to climb,
we need to wait, relax, keep our front doors shut
for if we don't, will some of us still be here?
I fear not.

Slowly burning it glazes my eyes
a sorrow so pitiful, quietly it cries
excitement subdued, older but not ready,
my mind exhausted as I go on twenty

I feel shattered, these past years I resent -
a chance to live life, but in mundanity they were spent
'tis only now that I can see those wasted years
older and wiser and closer to my fears

my ego blames others, alas the fault lies with myself
insecure, selfish and obsessed with wealth,
serendipity being the most lethal disease
becoming the recluse I strived so hard to appease

at times I'm angry, the fury both caustic and draining
and if it's not my hygiene it's my love that is waning
blood black, clumpy and running thicker
soul cold-hearted, callous, self-centred and bitter

I care about nothing, no one, only about how it all could've been better
oh why should looking back make my heart heavier?

March 12th 1996, the day I started my graceless fall

this Saturday I'll be 20

but I simply don't want to be older at all.

20 years wasted.

I think I'm gonna buy myself a bomb
to destroy this blasé mirage,
with a mortuaries brush and a bullet
I'll paint myself in blood to camouflage

the scars of belief etched upon
my scowling, juvenile face
a brainwashed idiocratic believer
following the languishing entity far up in space -

conscience ridden with bruises and hickies
flesh burns, prickles and stings
I'm merely a pawn, deluded with disdain,
one of thy lord's pathetic playthings

I don't need no one, anyone,
I'm the sole writer of my fate
the world will crumble 'neath my feet
as the Angels weep at it's sorry state

I'll **** the blood from life's
bare, fresh-skinned neck
piercing jugulars, cavorting with insanity
pulling continuous jokers from within my deck

and then you know what I'll do next?
As I push myself to the crowd's fore?
I'll active the dynamite strapped to my chest
and blow my writhing guts all over the floor -

Oh

I think I'm gonna buy myself a bomb,
hide the detonator in the waistband just above my hip,
then I'm gonna board a flight to America
and pay tribute to the despotic ruler I worship.

She saunters down the catwalk
clad in a dress of the finest rose felt;
in the throes of her sheer brilliancy,
stages start to shimmer and the crowds begin to melt.

A raw uncut diamond, glinting,
stood out against a line of glamorised crows;
through the transparency of make-up,
her natural beauty still sparkles and shows.

Yes she's stunning, that's how she caught my eye -
but loving someone solely on looks
is like playing Russian roulette with a broken lie,

it was that little flutter in my chest
that made her the girl I eventually chose -

her beauty blooms from deep within,
a purity of such embellished upon the petals of a Rose.

I feel so brave
Yet so scared
I look into the mirror
And something dreadful stares

I feel a sickness in my mind
Feeling feelings
I thought I had left behind

White numbness in the days
blinding fury
bursting through the haze

Nobody seems to understand
Nor seems to care
Nobody seems to realise
I'm neither here

nor there

Have you ever tried to cry
But the tears just won't come?
Ever seen a darkness
That seems to block out your sun?

Have you ever hurt yourself to feel alive
From your own thoughts
Trying, trying, trying to hide

The doubts and insecurities
They just never seem to give in

I guess maybe
Maybe

One day I'll win

I was born with the sun shining upon my skin
I was born into a world saturated with sin
pestilence shone, through his void grinned
for the second I broke from the womb the sky above dimmed

birthed not from a mother but a sick man
my coming heralded an end, the age of apostasy began -
those I loved killed by the evil inside
cursed by a Devils backbone, there was no where to hide

[but inside their minds]

now I live with the beautiful people and their screeching cries
I avoid their clumpy fingers, their black empty eyes,
vying for flesh and choking upon lungs of rubber
floating with a ghastly gracefulness that makes the north wind shudder

[bullet wounds
gunshot holes -]

with the devil inside I know only fear
knowing nothing of love, my soul bedridden and queer -

[maggots and live thriving
between fleshy folds]

in the distance a woman cries, piercing the silence like a bell

surely that can't be -
surely that can't be the scent of *** I smell?

Alas 'twas only wishful thinking, my pretence playing unfair,
the beautiful people finally had prey and were stripping her bones bare -

ruthless, ecstatic, bodies twisted and vile
clutching strips of flesh only then did they laugh and smile.

In the night clubs
for hours she plays;
crowds of ***** drunken men
staring through the stale tobacco haze.

Alice, her name is -
not that a woman's identity
is useful in a decrepit place like this...

Black silk tights
smothering her luscious skin,
the fabric cups of her bra -
faded from the light, slightly too thin.

She's wasted,
grinding her body across oily bars -
a single lost sliver of gold
shining bright, caressing the jealous stars.

And it's escapism that she seeks,
but it's grief that she gets,
for the door to her fantasies
is sick addiction to *** -

in her tired mind
bodies, erotica, sweaty flesh;
indulgence of the black arts
shoots her to high, ecstatic stardom -
so why not join Alice

in her secret garden?

She hides from her mother
ignores her dad,
she dwells within loss
and all things sad

her stomach's sick in the morning
she doesn't know why,
oh, she locks herself away
to break down and cry

heart jitters -
throat chokes in a lump -
every time her mind strays
to thoughts of her body's little flat bump

knowing what it might be
paranoid about how much it shows,
fooling herself no one will notice
even if it grows -

alas her head swells
sick with clotted disdain
no she can't carry on -
can't carry on with the pain

so up she opens to her parents
tears flowing from both eyes
unmasking the secret
that for months she's disguised

distraught, weeping,
the sordid act now told,
her mother heartbroken
her father disgusted but bold

"There's only one thing to do,"
he muttered with a voice that was hoarse
and down the ****** route of abortion
did they both start to course

her mother weak, pleading,
begging her daughter to think again -
her father furious, saying don't be so stupid
she's only the age of ten

and so Alice had enough
buckled and snapped,
her lust for life
sorrows parasite finally sapped

off the city bridge, into the icy water
did she jump and dive -

now encapsulated within the womb of death,
that keeps both mother and child alive.

You've never been one to give up
a door to hope nobody will ever shut,
like a star in the nights sky, building your own constellation
you're my little sister and my biggest inspiration

these past few months have been the toughest we've known
but when it seems things had fallen apart and everything had gone
you still lit up the room - even knowing things will be difficult for a while,
powering on through with that infectious cheeky smile

I know I've not been the best brother
and that sometimes it's looked like I don't care,
but trust me I really do -
I just want you to know, if you ever need me I'll always be there.

Drunkards crawl through pools of *****
bruises and mascara smother stripper's eyes,
beneath stale air and drunken haze
ulterior motives and false perceptions are easily disguised

stained beauty slowly curdles
teenage morals gradually decompose, as
****** frustration ignites, burning beneath disco lights
lust blooming like sordid petals of a rose

boys eye girls bra-less and raving
vying for a flash of flesh or ******,
anticipations defy logical explanations
as juvenile love starts to tickle

alcohol brews caustic feelings
lacklustre defences and warped attractions,
some look for relationships and lifetime lovers
whilst others seek mere distractions

escaping the reality of a life
gouging its gnarled nails upon our skin,
the fact that staying weak is easier
tempting us to give in to deviled sin

for what's the point in staying strong,
only to be dragged along upon the floor?

What's the point in living,
when you just don't know what you're living for?

Aging adolescent, can you hear my cries
feeling the love that for years I've despised,
seeking happiness now finally it's here
ah, but how to mend a shattered heart that's no longer there

she's perfect, she's warm, funny, caring
seeing the good at the darkness she's staring
her eyes sparkle, a beauty that can't be sold
but still inside I hide, rotten, worthless and cold  

I've ascended my throne of isolation and barbed wire
for she took my hand and led me higher
blinded by the world above I gagged, I choked
an exfoliation of pure adoration, the amber hues of hope,

our passion burned deep as the crimson sands of Mars
she grabbed my dying self and raised me to the stars,
but now it kills me whenever I'm not around her
for upon that night I've simply never been happier

the past may be full of stagnant memories and regret
but hopefully I'll forge new ones that for the right reasons I won't forget
gazing upon life and for once I've found I care -
this world is an amazing one, if you have someone with you to share.

I'm a self-centred beauty, an angel of grotesque
in leather and chains I love to dress
my sultry is not just mine but yours to keep
in the land of the whimsical there's no need to breathe, or even sleep

I caress broken bones with a forked tongue
trying to find the right within all the wrong
I'm amazing, my persona blindingly slick
spreading love from a mind worthless and sick

sweet abortion in my eyes
falling in love with everything I ever despised

addicted to the sins I strived to appease
my former self lingers like a disease
the sun dawns and I wonder what I've become
gazing at the cigarette in my hand, it's apparent I'm on the run

from a pain that burns just like the smoke
stale and acrid I cough and choke
but the dizziness distracts from the memories I find
helping leave what happened behind.

I sit with my back against the wall
exhausted by the life I have made for myself
why should I live these days fearing
of becoming something I'm not?

The sullen future ahead boasts as much promise
as the shadows around me do now
hope opens occasionally like a crack in the wall
it's false pretences just as cruel as its absence

I yearn for a high but he gives me a low
seems I am the only one God does not love
but then again why should I be surprised
I am unlovable after all

a birth mother caustic and warped
burning any happiness my father ever sought
wounds over 20 years old alas the pain still stings
cue the sister carried away upon Angels wings.

Ever watched the word burn before you?
It's beautiful to see all the ******* perish.

Here am I sat alone in the dark
as the black ****-stain of my life plays out
seems I am cursed to be this way forever -

oh lord is this play going to get any better?!

Stop the world, I wanna throw up.

I pass bins bloated and stinking
dead pigeons squashed 'n rotting on the floor,
I pass the rich, the greed-infested
sniggering entities dancing on the backs of the poor

I pass dogs nailed high upon billboards
apartments riddled with flies,
out in the distance a stray cat whines
curdled with the sound of a child's cries

I pass drug addicts sneering and leering
arms pock-marked and bruised -
through ***, drugs and addiction
obsessive compulsive dispositions are infused

ecstasy the fuel to the stars beyond
to a world way better than our own;
through poisoned hope and substance abuse, upon our brains
the stye of sickness has grown

[music blaring formulated and fascist
Oh save me ground control! Ashes to ashes]

for is it any wonder I rot from inside
doomed to death by a heart blackened and sore?
Crawling along, the carrions line up on the horizon -
my cuts bleed, my bones ache, pain this body can't take anymore

nineteen years I've waited to be loved
alas nothing but a crass compassion that neglects

oh please -
please tell me
I'm not destined to live like these rejects?

["I'm so happy... hope you're happy too"]

Everything is gone now, just a jack-in-the box that scares
money's already wasted, **** it I never cared,
as usual this life has leadened, sped up my sorry death -
a song written for the heartbreakers; sung upon my last breath

bloated and black, happiness not as it seemed
destroying the gift that for years I've dreamed,
she gave me her heart and I slashed it wide open
for its clear to see I cannot love, it's clear to see I am broken -

who needs love and it's pathetic excuses
a gnawing feeling both corrosive and abusive,
thy gargantuan question looms with a killer in it's eyes -
had I been in a relationship built upon lies?

Flowers of abnormality bloom upon ashes of mistrust
as my tortured soul frantically flounders in the dust -
down
down
down
the downward spiral again I am shoved,
forever asking if I can ever love, and in return be loved.

He slept as the waking sun approached
suspended in time and spaceless animation,
a man seeking to traverse the stars,
he died gazing with eyes of fascination

with a cigarette hanging jauntily from his mouth
and arms hastily folded,
surrounded with charred magazines and empty canteens
slumped, his skin heavily blistered and scolded

his last hours were that of beauty
lost in silence and subdued by its respect,
he knew his time was up
but of this journey he'd never forget -

"It's just.. so.. beautiful, how can I not love these stars?!
To my left lies Earth, to my right glows Mars -"

his ship a silver bullet plummeting towards the pulsing sun
the tragedy of his voyage forever embedded into everyone's minds,
a shadow soiling the pride of humanity,
a catastrophe that we simply cannot leave behind

#BOOM#

#CRACK#

#FLASH!#

feeling infallible we found nothing but failure
yet through bitter determination we still try,
preparing for another man to be sent in the Lieutenant's footsteps
knowing indefinitely that he could die

"LIFT OFF IN... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1 -"

pathetic, egotistic
desires churning out ideas ridiculous, caustic

vying to conquer space, the whole Galaxy,
yet again greed and power drives the human soul -

alas, such does a few lives become expendable

when we seek that one perfect goal.

He took her mascara cast songs
turned them into something beautiful,
taking her pale shaking hands,
down the dark lonely streets he guided her through

hiding tears beneath foundation,
bruises under long sleeve shirts,
she'd downed shot after shot
but still the bitter pain hurt

flaunting powdered flesh beneath stage lights
eyes prying through the thick smoky haze,
weeping as she performed to hundreds
whilst all the perverted sickos gazed

[twerking to a cathartic post-punk sound
stale beer sticking her heels to the ground]

loving her flesh and all that can be seen
fully awake in drunken stupor they dream
drooling at the mouth, pants bulging at the seams
her stomach turns as she silently screams

[Mysterious stranger in the corner
why do you watch with somber eyes]

[ - why do you lurk within the shadows
wrapping yourself up in my pitiful lies?]

and that was when she saw him, at the back of the room,
not grinning like all the other dawgs but crying -
she flashed him a quick smile
her blue contradictory eyes telling him she was lying

4 hours later, he was nowhere to be seen -
throwing up she orders another tequila
stumbles all the way to her dressing room

and there he stood nervously to meet her

"W-what ... do you want?"

he wasn't there for the strippers

or the ***** -

or the *** -

...

he was there for his daughter

His heart breaking as she gripped him tight, "Come on love, let's get you a glass of water."

In slit-throat symphony
it pumps
encapsulated by its own desire
as it quivers and jumps.

A sucker for love,
and the vector for infectious fury,
four bloodied arbitral chambers;
Victim, Executioner, Judge and Jury.

For I can feel
the soured anger it injects into
the cerebral cortex of my brain
infesting my life
with sickness and clotted disdain,

this foolish heart
I'd rip right out of my chest!
Forget all the pain
because I don't think I'd feel the rest,

It's just not fair -
not fair, that with every passing day,
I feel less and less
like my true, honest, self -

O' sweet Doctor

lock the door

I think I'm very ill of health...

I'd give up eternity
to see you,
of the fortunes of gold,
of undeniable power and might -
I'd give up,
you were my everlasting light.

From this world,
you're now absent -
that mellow morning you parted,
my heart, it's bleeding
so did started.

Sophie,
you were my one,
my only trophy.

Sophie,
you're now one in a thousand,
but still my only.

Now you have no colour
in your cheeks,
your body has been dry
for almost several weeks,
and your once perfumed breath
now rots and reeks.

Sophie,
you've grown so bony,
your golden hair now looks fake,
so thin and phony -
but although you're now dancing
with Death,
and breathing that rotten breath,

Sophie,
you'll always be my one,
you'll always be my only.

The best kept secret is the fact you've never known
I've suffocated the truth but like a disease it's grown,
you're the only thing that's kept me going, but my love's taken,
tied to something that's not true and I'm breaking

funny, caring, eyes that laugh and shine
heart aching because I know you'll never be mine,
an evening star, sweet sweet beauty in everything you do,
never truly knowing how happy I am when I see you

inside I'm rotting, subjugated by my own poisonous ego
caring for what's best for me, an alien not to this world but freedom,
wallowing in self-pity and alcoholic drinks, for
some reason I've found I actually care what you think -

what is love and why do we really need it?
The greatest drug of all, romantic junkies always looking for a bigger hit,
I'm sure you'll find someone and I wish you both good luck and good health -
but please please know I still wish I could've done something else.

I plunge my fists deep into the cavity beside your heart
oh then I scream as thou pristine hands are painted red, for
my knowledge's a disposition, my loving's an addiction,
I may be tightly knit but my mind's fraying at the edge,

I felt myself caring, when I thought it no longer could be
my warped obsession with you
gave me something to think about, and queerly set me free -

alas my pastimes remained
a quandary to the twisted and deranged
through the eyes of a calculative Psychopath
I am cursed to forever see,

yes I know what to feel, I know what to say
but don't be fooled, I'm a living masquerade and I care not for you in any way -

oh I'll buy you a coffee, take you to a room and please you there -
but then the twitches start, as I rip the sultry fabric
from your skin, grab handfuls of your velveteen hair,

oh you'll be petrified, you'll freeze
as I finally unveil the insanity that I strive to appease -
in full swing and oblivious to the pain
revelling in the serendipity that is my disease

I'll take you for all you are, and all your worth,
then I'll swiftly **** you
and leave your body bleeding upon the hearth -

strolling casually into the dying sun,

smiling as the day collapses and begins to fold -

a horrific sight enough

to make one's blood run cold.

Oh consume me sick brethren
wreak havoc and bleed thy sorrow
stalk infatuation with a sniggering smile,
and linger upon every hour of tomorrow

["Do you think the world cares
about your pathetic existence?"]

run fingers along dusty windowsills
cry away from the footfalls of the dead
spray your hair black, paint on your best face
from the shadows morals and innocence are shed

["You're just another freak
so give up this futile resistance."]

take your conscience by its swollen throat
saturate it in fury to stifle its desperate cries,
seeking vengeance you're killing strangers and
cutting yourself off to block out the swarming flies

blackened and bruised, you leer from the corners
and blow dreams to pieces,

["Oh come with me child" the Vampyre did rasp
"to the divide where insanity and reality creases."]

languish in frustration,
take out anyone in sight,
**** your pistol and get your trusty hook
go forth monster, and paint red the night.

Surrounded by false idols, the emptiness stares
all I ever wanted was for someone to care -
dead as the beat thrumming in my heart
a pain dislocated from the world

restless

apart

get your hand off mine
you ain't 18 anymore
there's no point in life
if nothing's sore

the hurt says you're still breathing
because one day your winning
and the next you're weeping

they sing of Angels and Evil
whilst ******* upon their own steeples -
politicians, bankers, users and ******
matrimonial monkeys with ideals

greed and grotesque galore

teary eyes are just a disguise
there's a story behind everything you despise

[I hate our race, just make it quick
God humanity makes me sick]

like rabbits in warrens
we fornicate
we flaw

corrupting minds that were designed

*to experiment, explore

To all you paranoid schizophrenic eclectics out there;
the Cranklatches are real
hiding 'neath your stairs 

dwelling under your sorry beds
creeping while you're sleeping
stealing your distorted heads 

who am I to obtain self control 
wish for just some clarity 
for thoughts non-hazy and whole 

It's not the drugs I think 
nor the ****** fluids in my 
ex-friends sink 

It's not the smell of decaying 
trust 
nor the world outside my wall
that fall, it must

It's the Cranklatches, yes the Cranklatches
spreading lies and hovering like flies 
polluting my ideas with fascist intentions

poisoning my days
with perverse hallucinations 

But I know of
yes I have seen

Their plots, their plans
their visions of a bloated and resolute future

watch out
they inhale your whispers

even here, are they with us?

The light glows off her sleek hair,
the tint of her skin,
divine and deliciously fair -

she's stood at the newsstand
paying by debit card,
her smart mini satchel clasped in her hand.

I watch cautiously from the nearest side-street,
through frosted up glass,
jumping now and then
at the occasional car that might pass.

She's beautiful - moving so effortlessly
and strangely angelic,
the chemical lag of this non-present world
makes it all seem so... psychedelic.

Oh, will she see me stood here
with those inquisitive blue eyes,
will she see through my insidious disguise?

'Cause I crave food on a daily basis,
many people stroll past me
sniggering and laughing with disgusted faces.

I lounge on the London streets,
my beds are the floors,
I curl up beside the twisted lepers
and next to the infected ******.

And so as the woman exits the shop
I feel my hand twitch, and drop
to the little surprise tucked in my belt -

after all these years
I never wanted to know how killing someone felt,

but

my stomach gripes in pain from starvation,
my bowels are always tight with constipation,

it seems everyone lives so grand
but not me, oh no -

I just want that bag clasped in her hand.

There's a heart
on the floor,
growing in the corner,
right outside my bedroom door.

It pulses,
constantly in shadow's light -
it's the heart of darkness
it feeds off itself in the night.

B-Bump...

B-Bump...

Echoes outside my door,
that relentless beating
reverberating inside my body -
tainting anything whole and pure.

In the dead of night
even though out of sight,
I know it's there,
it's slimy tendrils rooting
down into the surface of its lair.

A parasite
roosting off its own black flesh,
the same stagnant blood pumping,
its body occasionally jumping
as it beats, prolonging its curdled life,
feeding off war
feeding off strife
feeding off my own life.

Then I get the knife.

B-Bump...

B-Bump...

My own heart beats in unison
with it,
as if a desperate message
shrieking from its festered spirit.
But I carry on
sink the knife in its diseased core
picking it up, stuck to the knife in a clump,
where I throw it out the window -
it landing on the pavement below with a sickening
'thump!'

... two months on,

Now it's gone
I'm all alone
but my life's still a dump,
for at night, when no other sound plays
I can still hear that consistent, hellish
-

Ba-Bump.

I burnt myself today
a pain that made me feel alive

I hurt myself with a searing knife
laughing at the past as I then cried

the fields of sorrow swell
as the faces I once knew fade away
falling asleep to salty tears
forever in my dreams I want to stay

what have I let myself fall to
lungs of tar, blistered skin -
in this game of torture who do I think will lose
and who do I think will win?

Sat upon my throne of isolation
gazing through a fractured stare
forever nurturing my pitiful ego
slowly sinking into my own despair

a life of lies is all I've ever known
oh the dark times are ahead - where have all my friends gone?
Seems the strength I once prided myself with
now lies dead
a corpse at betrayals altar, stained incarnadine

slashed red

oh if only I could twist back time

if only I could travel back free of these scars,

I'd say sorry to my loved ones
and build something different beneath these new killer stars.

Shivering to the thunder on each side of the wall
clutching each other, crouched to the ground where the bullets fall

peppering our bodies with lead, intoxicating us with gas and spray
two lonely strangers caught in a war, death lingering whichever way -

the cracks grow louder and you grip me tighter
smell of charred asphalt makes my head spin lighter

[for hours we convinced ourselves we'd be okay, praying for a cease-fire
ah but the gunfire's approach only proved our hope a liar]

children scream, cars explode and foolish men curse
idiosyncratic ideologies being the only first

brains polluted by a faith stagnant, an unwavering loyalty that decays
legions upon legions of khaki clad knights sent forth to erase

and yet in these flames of conflict our shrewd love blooms
growing like the little Daisy poking through the rubble at our feet -

lovers that have shared each other's lives forever
yet 'tis in the face of death that we truly meet

--// Prrrap-Prrrap-Prrrap //-

I look in your eyes, see the beauty I saw in our teenage years

specks of powdered concrete on your lashes

pupils dilated in fear -

oh baby, p-please don't leave me

--// CRACK! //-

I want to die in your embrace, right now, right here.

Sunday hung-over mornings and golden glares
avoiding the dumb-hound dogs and their disapproving stares,
a bedside table lined with more coke than wood
a night-time of regrets, of differences of whether you would or should -

beware the dumb-hound dawgs
chewing upon fingernails rotten and curled
exhaling noxious fumes and Badrock
making everything see sense in a senseless world

they stole your pitiful cranium and filled it full of idolisation
jackhammering from high to low, like station to ******* station -
yes it was good, full of *** and blissful ignorance
but the harsh light of day brings addictions ruthless persistence

not in the full throes of its torrid grasp
yet you look at the half empty packets and ask
should you carry on clean even though it stings
or should you strangle your strength and clip it's wings?

For drugs don't love you, it's a one way relationship that spits
they'll leave you emaciated, broken, just like your mind that splits and fits -

those pesky dumb-hound dogs you loved oh so much last night

in a few broken years time you'll wish you'd never ever set sight.

Propped up at the bar
her beauty sweetly intimidating
as my heart begins to skip
so do my legs start shaking

eyes set and sparkling
face narrow, cheek bones high
with the grace of an eagle
she moves around as if to fly

pulling pints and setting sights
her fellow girls glare
smiling, knowing
behind her back every man will stare

and I think to myself, I think
as I look into those eyes
how do I know I'm not good enough
if I don't even try?

It's that deep uneasiness I find so strange
the fear of beauty is enough to perplex, for when it comes to lust
you tread the fine line of wanting someone's love
or simply wanting them for ***

the days where I feel worthless are mounting up
I fear I may have to face this perpetual loneliness for the rest of my life
sitting alone inside my bedroom

sometimes I sit alone to cry

all around me love reeks
do I like them?
do they like me?
A blind prophet seeking truth
through blinding tears I try to see

wishing, why can't I be normal
normal just like her, or even you

when you're drowning in the sea of lies
it seems impossible to find the truth

this way, or my way
a scapegoat cut from the scenes

realising the mundane reality of it all
as pain slowly pulls me at the seams

Gushes of tears run down my featureless face
I failed to find you, now I walk in disgrace,

the destruction was swift and everything but honest
now I stare at the black ugly wound of a broken promise

newspapers cartwheel alongside litter and soiled bank notes
as the northerly wind whispers, between each building it chokes

cathedrals and churches alike collapse
the sun burns blue, sky bloated and raging with thunderclaps

icy waves dancing to a dance-less tune
shadows arising from the corners to defile and exhume

I'm suffocating in my mind, I'm gagging on this dead world
my sanity like my nails - twisted and curled,

I've got cuts and bruises that can't be seen
I try thinking of you but the pain just plagues my dreams

over and over I see the tears in your eyes - stuck like a record, time does freeze,
catching your wail upon the wind I fall to my knees

[her body lies under the rubble of a society dead and gone
I've lost everything, alas I'm not the only one]

gazing at the black sky above, praying to a sun merciless and blue

yes, this world may be falling around me,

but I will still find you.

He sneaks in the night,
and grinds upon the gristle of your bones -
in a cloak woven from the finest skin,
from the chimney he descends and creeps through your homes.

For old Saint Nick
is the propaganda before the fear,
his legend created to cover
the sick evil that manifests itself into cheer.

What's that thumping on your roof?
Trust me, it ain't no reindeer or adorable little elf -
before you can scream the world's black before you;
just another stolen skull upon his shelf.

For Krampus is one nasty wicked little devil -
so lock your windows, barricade the doors;
with a magic key he enters
his shadow bleeding blood into the snow-dusted floors...

lice jittering in the fur beneath his mangey pits,
and eldritch horns jutting from his head
he's a carnivore of the festive spirit;
his hunger and blood-thirst never truly fed.

And upon the Eve of this coming Christmas
he's got an exciting new trick -

for once he's gonna spare all the naughty children,

and instead devour our beloved old Saint Nick...

They cast perverted shadows upon walls
filling the empty streets with heavy footfalls

the neighbour's dog barks, the cat covers it's eyes
in the orphanage a new born suddenly screams and cries

glowing under the moon, skin milky and pale
arms knotted with muscle, fingers delinquent and frail

[they're out there after you
they know your name]

beneath balding scalps maggots wriggle and jive
mucus sticking to nostrils where dead flies hide -

[one look in their eyes
and you'll never be the same]

blind to all the adults, their evil nowhere to be seen
Boogeyman men of the modern era, suffocating children's dreams

they lurk at birthdays, stalk every Christmas Eve
damning every child that any woman may conceive -

inspiring infidelity with the tip of a hat

inflicting cancer with a killer rasp of their breath

they enter the unfortunate souls of their apostles
eating them inside-out until nothing's left -

squabbling and bickering amongst each other
instead of using words we descend into War,
alas these Harbingers of fear wait with bated teeth
for the protection of our faith to fully thaw

for where there is faith there is love
the only power in this universe true and pure
unconditional to a mother, devotional to a father
in every living heart it beats - of that I'm very sure

but orphans have nothing
to the Harbingers they're easy targets,
along with the countless number of homeless
eating from bins and begging at Christmas markets

so this year spare a thought for those out there -
prepare the Turkey, light the tree, do what you may

but please, please, don't delay the inevitable
for these people may not be with us another day.

#christmas

Eyes of wonder can you feel my glare
what I thought was dead now I feel I care,
forever on the verge of the downward abyss
stroking my demons and giving Satan a kiss

for here are we under a sky of brilliant white
oblivious to the signs surely in our sight
for yet I wonder again, what really is love -
yes, it's in my ignorance I've not yet understood

do I feel sorrow, compassion, remorse?
Hell I should but sadly my heart is a beating corpse -
no longer do I care about others and their irreverent needs
instead inside I hide and plant my cunning seeds

ready to taint, to take, to fabricate and humiliate
they all say I'm good but I can't help but manipulate
not only the minds of others, but of myself
my sanity is slowly dying along with my health

now I gaze to the sky above, and the little fly buzzing around
I listen as nature refuses to make a sound -

oh give me a sign Lord, non existent but I want to believe
tell me all is a lie that I apparently perceive.

There you are
with your new guitar and bleached hair,
stood before
a torrent of chants that do not care

Do you sing a song of pity,
of self loathing and freedom?

Do you sing a song of lies,
of politics and deceiving?

There you stand
with shaking arms inside a designer shirt
gazing out with
a smile fastened so tight it hurts

skin unfeeling as the grand drapes start unreeling
exposing a mass of faces vile and cheating

Oh shall we lead these fans and followers,
like rats to the water?

Do we take their willing hands
and lead the lambs to the slaughter?

When humans digest so much emotion it boats their heads
'tis the seed of exploding bombs and streets that run red
infected with disillusioned beliefs and false prophets
oh what do we do when the paranoia rockets?

*******, drugs and easy friends
writing songs and music, distracted messages that fail to send -

Do we sing a song of peace,
of fair equality and proprietary?

Or shall we sing a song of truth,
of gluttony, of the ***** stain that is our society?

You've taken
                                       what's not yours -
           consuming and sticking to them
                           like germ-ridden spores

                                   You filthy *******
                                      hope you choke on
                       those sly tongues that lilt,
                                   I hope you overdose
                       on your distant inner guilt

                                                         because
                               there was a thousand
                          things you could've done
                           but none could compare
                                                     to this one

Innocent objects,
going about
without care, living normality
obliviously unaware

                           That you were stalking,
                                                       watching,
                          just pawns in your game
                 a living key to your delusions
                                     and personal gain.

                               Where are they now?        
                                   What do you want?

                                                          ­Politics,
                              religion, exclamations
                                     reams upon reams
                    of question marked swirls -
                                         this is human life
                                    you're playing with!

                                                 So give it up,

"Bring Back Our Girls!"

Like the greying skin of a dying hand 

my sanity has diminished

alas had I not planned -

to lose touch with the outside world
to build a wall to protect from all that's rotten, curled?

[Mother made all your fears come true 
even absent Mother shadows what is true]

The days now pass distorted and hazed
pleading in the eyes that I gaze 
thus the jurors bicker, snicker, connive and remark 
passing judgement deep within thy dark;

"Evening Pale God, my good sir, my dire honour 
here we have the source of all the horror;

feelings. 

Feelings of emptiness and fury.
A concoction of illness and insecurity."

It's all in my mind, it's all in my head 
fascist ideologies and guilt dripping red 
am I not worthy of mercy -
not worthy of forgiveness -
oh how do I cure this volatile mental sickness?! 

"Never in all my time 
have I come across one so willing to die
but too fearful to pull the trigger.

You think the world laughs at your sorry state 
alas you're the one that sniggers."

Money money, greed's sweet honey 
buying all but honesty, and truth -
If only I could take that old revered gun 
point and shoot -

AHHHH!!!

Insane, deranged, perverted, vile 

I'm all and none

I've ran out of places to hide 

from the voices that contradict this depression 
finally rising to the top with blistering aggression


"It's time to **** the snake that mutated into disease
**** the snake of pain you try to appease.

Young sir, it's time to uncorrupt them all

It's time to bring down the wall.

- - -

The time has come to let things pass 
to not allow the loneliness to last

'Tis time to sing songs of peace 
and caring

and ignore the nothingness at which I have been staring.

Does one have to care about the intoxication of a man's desire
to simply mimic it's pathetic existence?
Can the foundations of a lone human soul, stand tall
devoid of the calloused knife that is love's persistence?

Should misinterpreted geniosity be denied of strength,
to be distracted by the limitations of compassion and respect -
why would one care about another's delinquent woes,
when he can have brilliant superiority and intellect?

Should any self-deserving man work the need to feel,
when really he could simply pretend -
why, would you cut the stork of a blooming Rose

if it were to suddenly grow, expand and extend?

To have the heart of a loyal friend, and of a lifetime's lover
is most honourable, a gift you could not beset -

alas, thy cold-hard heart of a killer is much stronger, for
if those relationships were to crumble, he could simply smile and forget.

Give me a reason why I should still breathe
explain what it is I should still believe -
all is not worthless, carry on even though it stings
is it not true that I had the Angel but broke her wings?

Oh here are we, one trans-androgynous moment in time
burying their dissident egos I over-inflated mine -

I'm sorry, but does my face show some sort of care?
You should know by now the world's both selfish and unfair

It doesn't need no explanations or excuses
reality is both exquisite and abusive,
as mere mortals how can we claim complete control
relying on hearts where spite hath grown?

Here are we, stood before the changing tide
rather than leap at the opportunity my heart simply sighs

Confusion! Confusion! Clarity where hath thou gone?

All is cold and dark, oh Lord why do I feel so alone?

Alas I sit alone beneath the stars
revealing both physical and emotional scars

the chance to start again has finally arisen

but do I still want to live in this world so disgustingly sin-ridden?

Charlie's at the wheel
Charlie tries to think of a joke //-

[N-Na-Na-Na-N-Now]

Charlie doesn't feel
Charlie wants another sniff of the coke

[N-Na-Na-Na-N-Now]

the skies above are leaden grey
It's dull light shines off his hair,
Charlie doesn't listen to what other people say -
Charlie doesn't really care

[N-Na-Na-Na-N-Now]

smoke pours as the engine sputters
the clutch burns at his feet
from within an ecstasy trance he mutters
slowly to the edge the car begins to creep

[N-Na-Na-Na-N-Now]

oh Charlie's afraid of his arrogance
Charlie thinks he won't bleed -
Charlie's afraid of his adolescence
in his mind Charlie sows the seed -

[N-Na-Na-Na-N-Now]

now he'll tell you how he feels
he feels his insides are rotten dead!
He's sick of this world that steals
they say it's all in his head!!!

[IN HIS]

[IN HIS HEAD]

[N-Na-Na-Na-N-Now]

Charlie's at the wheel
Charlie remembers an old joke

the car tips over the ravine edge
upon his ***** Charlie does gag and choke.

A little glimmer off a shooting star,
a wave of glittering gold-dust
sprinkled from a world, afar,

liquid life,
sprouting shrubs and growing trees,
a wave of evolution,
liberating the inanimate,
gifting them with legs and knees,

raging slivers of fire
mercilessly compressed and tamed,
birthing the light and Sun,
a magnetic core in the earth
holding us down, letting stagnant waters run,

the reigning darkness,
purged back deep into the shadows,
concealing the hole to Hell
where temptation whispers
and sin grows,

then us,
children of Adam, and of Eve,
living in virtual utopia,
in a beautiful world that we thieve -

for this world is not just our own,
to taint and manipulate,

but yet we still burrow deep into our selfish minds,

seeking paradisiacal perfection

that we will never find.

Delivery by C-section,
lawyers and court orders
demanding patient discretion.

How could something so natural
turn so wrong?
Thousands of conceived babies
thriving in bodies where they don't belong.

Homosexuality, and legalised Gay marriage -
the good intentions of our governments
opening the gates to a disastrous passage.

Because now our women's numbers
are drastically few,
yet the Human race continues
to breed fresh, renew -

No, you can't change what you love
or what tempts you to sin;
even the best, most straight, of us
can always give in.

But will you still agree
in ten years time,
will you still accept equality when,
our women are hopelessly infertile,
and children are birthed by men?

Eyes of coal that sparkle in the light
breathing through mucus they hide from sight,
******* the life out of us but their hearts beat dead,
their teeth stained yellow, vile hands stained red

bullet wounds
gun shot holes
maggots and lice thriving
between fleshy folds

disgustingly perfect, attached together with surgical seams
ripping minds open and feasting upon dreams;
Bogeymen of the new age, souls unjust and undone
an obscenity to all even Death does run -

gods sinful monkeys and alien babies
fed with drugs and frothing with rabies
stealing new borns, fresh blood to medicate,
creating new gods to **** upon and hate

the Beautiful People are back and more horrific than ever,
their grotesque masked with wax feathers

masquerading as angels, slyly drawing you in
corrupting your mind with mutilated sin

everything makes sense in a senseless world
sanity insane, torturous, curled

and as I look at their swaying fleshy folds
I fear for humanity, for what the blackened future holds -
incarnadine stained nails, rotted bones, lungs riddled with pus
yes the Beautiful People are abhorrent

*but they're also one of us.

Like a Wolf hiding from the hunter
I feel your bared teeth as my breath shudders

both playing the same dangerous game
both toxic in the tongue and mentally insane

I'm the Pariah of selfishness and stupidity
pained by your machinations and humility -

you're a lone wanderer driven by hunger and lust
caring not who you meet nor who you trust

but your ignorance preceeds you, a mundanity that's snapped,
you stole my bloated ego and temporarily sapped
the pride that runs through my vile veins
alas, I'm not one to stay chained -

tension pulsating
both still, waiting,
watching for the other's move
in this clash of hearts

who will win
who will lose

You took my heart and shattered it like glass
never did I need it, love never lasts
broken bones just dreams turned to stone
lies buzzing like flies,

sure, you'll miss me when I'm gone.

You're selfless,
but within this empty world of ours
you're also helpless,

ignoring the common lines
and only standing for what's true;
going above and beyond
doing way more than you're obliged to do...

but you're swamped,
in a sea of dangerous excess,
surrounded by a spoilt society
that's egotistic and feckless -

they'll take advantage,
smile with bated teeth and even hug;
kiss, ***** you right over
name the whole obscenity Love

and the harsh truth is,
they don't ******* care

for when it's you that falls,

they won't be there.

The Cranklatches are here
and they've come out to play

creaking and clanking
through the dying light of day

mechanical pixies
with robotic complexion

dead-pan demons
devoid of affection.

Leaving few traces,
and stealing children's faces -

oil stained, macabre and free

vile intentions disguised
by the perfect plans they've devised -

masquerading as you

or as me.

Auriferous
vicious
nasty
and sly

Grotesque
burlesque
hasty
and wry

but one thing I wonder
about these prolific creatures;

(or, Freaktures)

they're greedy,
they're seedy,
they're selfish and thieving -

but

Isn't that the same with us human beings?

Upon a yellowing canvas, a painting entitled Crimson Dawn,

leering faces peeping through the paint that it's been drawn 

It's red, it's dead, one cold frenzied mess
painted from the blood of the many that came to confess.

He's a priest and a disgusting liar 
worshipping not a god but the power he desires 
what's good is gone, buried in the catacombs of greed 
on grief and sins like a bloated mosquito he feeds 

give us temptation and our humanity instantly degrades 
memories, love, identity; all empty idols that fade -

shambling skeletons following us to our graves

manipulation is but a disease

unleashing the worst we strive to appease

leaving innocence a dry husk on the floor

lust draining our bodies like a leprositic *****

he's drawing pictures with stolen blood
not because he had to, but because he could
not insane, nor evil, but simply obsessed 
a Psychopath protected in the uniform that he's dressed - 

In a world that's pathetic and sin ridden

who is God, and can he ever be forgiven?

Make a thousand excuses
you'll never be mine

wearing our mangled crowns
Cupid ran out of time

loving despair and our precocious bodies
we are desires lovers

the sweet beautiful nobodies

you whisper sins in my ear
things that others should never hear
a voice that makes my run blood cold
one sliver of poison disguised as gold

teeth that chatter in a perfect melody
a toxic tongue in which pain is the remedy

can you feel that shudder beneath my breast
that's my heart escaping my aching chest

you're filthy, you're pathetic
an obscene blackened liar -
I know I shouldn't
but I'm addicted to my desires

a flash of hope burnt by passion
we wear each other like the latest fashion

our hearts beat but that's not living

Cupid's rotting away

I guess we get what we're given

returning to our troubled pasts
to mistakes we should not go back to

but I don't care as long as I'm with you.

Hurtling towards Earth, a black catacomb
alight and bright crashing through the stars,
encrusted with web-strung spores crawling, bloated,
seething with giant skeletal arachnids from Mars

pincers snap-snap-a-snapping in tuneless melody,
vying for the taste of air and wet flesh
with eyes frail, skin milky and pale,
regurgitating from throbbing juggernaut *******

ruled by a mother predatory and spoilt
soft flesh under her carapace sagging and gravid,
feasting upon her own scuttling children
injecting pain sultry and rabid,

baying for blood
sweat dripping off her charred shell
she hoists herself up on spindly legs
drags herself from the pits of hell

[she begged for my love but
instead I gave her a dangerous smile -
now she rots in outer space
up into the black 'bout a hundred mile]

round 'n round she spins a web
wreathed in skulls and threats galore,
in a meteor she fell from Heaven
and she's here with the spiders, of that I'm very sure

dead but wholly alive
encapsulated within an eight-legged freak,
inhuman screeches upon the wind
her vengeance and caustic fury shrieks

Am I to feel the bite of poised fangs?
Am I to be cursed by the darkness from where she hangs?

Will she lurk beneath one of my many beds
my insides to crawl with her hairy legs -

I loved her then, I love her now
alas jealousy drives us apart

she passed me her trusting love

-

I drove its shattered blade deep into her heart.