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Lexander J Apr 2016
Smoking his cigarette, a gold signet ring upon his finger
a complete antithesis to the other dead-ringers,
lips pursed, sipping at his golden liquor
in his eyes dancing excitement does flicker

diagnosed with cancer, he's re-living every dream in his head
for on the eighth day of this month he will be dead -
out and about, picking up ladies at the age of forty
days from kicking the bucket yet his libido still naughty

waking up on the sixth day with the first hangover in 10 years
the bloated pain distracting him from his fears -

no kids, divorced, a total loser
living the life of a player and a scheming user

alas, he'll never feel the wind upon his face
never again have the chance to experience love, hatred, anger or even disgrace
never see the kids he didn't have
never again able to make a decision - be it good or bad

and now sitting alone in his apartment as the eighth day looms
he burns the money in his wallet, exhales their fumes

"I'm... so sorry..."

his signet ring stained, still uncannily gold

attached to a finger now lifeless, stiff, cold.
Lexander J Nov 2015
He'd crashed to a place he didn't belong
where Angels were aliens and gods were dust -
legs shaking violently, he climbed the ship's hatch
and swung open it's steel door with a ******

his ship was a lump of twisted metal
broken and resolute, he stood upon the brink of nowhere,
three Suns bearing down upon the crimson land
as swarms of transparent entities gyrated through the air

no sound except the crackling static of his radio
helmet concave in several places and three broken fingers attached to his hand -
but 'twas his heart that was most damaged
the blood within feeling like that of this otherworldly sand

scratching and grating the walls of his arteries
darting needles shooting up and down his body
transmission dead, no one to cry to,
his tears dripping onto a visor filthy and foggy

with no aim he wandered
legs carrying him forward to a destination afar,
back shrieking and knees creaking, still he walked
the volcanic crater in the distance beckoning like a star

the days were dead and Time itself subdued
the Suns above had dawned over six times, alas he knew not how many days had passed
only counting down from his oxygen level
which had now reached its very last

"Oh mission control, don't send anyone else after me
these lands are charred dead, and I have taken my last breath
---
to send a man to this pitiless wasteland
would be to condemn him to his death."

[oh how many miles can an Angel fall]

Alas the fools on Earth had already drafted up plans and theories to get him back
acting not out of care but sorry guilt

[how far will we go just to gain it all]

for they all knew it was inferior materials
from which the Lieutenant's Shute had been built -

His life had been considered cheap
their neglect preposterous, a vile humanitarian crime -
now they desperately scramble for a solution
that none of us will ever find

[we succumb to our selfish minds, morals and beliefs neglected]

[abandoned, left behind]

something happened the second he died
spirit rose from his body, sparkled, shot up into the sky -

the hiding creatures emerged
circling the ground where his body did lie

they removed his helmet, kissed his skull
covered his body with sand -

and for reasons obscure, unknown, they silently caressed the three broken fingers

attached to Lieutenants dead limp hand.
Lexander J Apr 2015
She kisses with liquorice lips,
grins with an auriferous smile,
she lures with skin as soft as feathers
and devours with teeth of a crocodile,

she doesn't care who she hurts
or who she teases -
she's able to ignore all the agony
so long as it pleases -

O' she'll grab your mind with her greedy eyes,
then seize you by the ***** -
a ****** expression, ******* on a cigarette,
she whispers in the night and mockingly drawls,

clad in tights that unveil the premises of liposuction,
she'll make you sick, and disgraceful;
rip apart love and **** on it, then deny its abduction

for when it all looks lost, and you finally flip,
she'll only preen, groaning at your petty insults -

she's a flower, black and withered,

she's death by **** results.
Lexander J Aug 2016
Plastic bags with bombs in
distorted lies addled with sin
gunfire, controversy, gay meditation
Deaths first kiss gripping the nation

Europe in disarray, refugees fleeing war
people battle for their identities behind makeshift walls
grey stained weatherfronts, conflict that's never dead
panic reverberating as our streets run red

oh old friend what has the world become
infatuated with power massacre reigns beneath the sun
ignorant to the future our forebearers fought for
we blow each other up as sanity thaws

but amidst the battles, bloodshed and gore
hope still blooms, albeit crippled for
the answer's simple that'll leave all this behind;

*nurture your own faith and I will mine.
Lexander J Apr 2015
It was good, wasn't it?

With my mates gone on their own ways,
wandering back to their empty flats,
whining and shuffling like lost little strays,

I sigh, pull out my phone -
about to sink back into my lonely pit,
filled with a hundred broken hearts
and black devil's spit...

That's when our eyes suddenly catch,
you stood by the bar,
an iced ***** in your hand -
drinking just to pass the time,

and I'm stood there,
by the exit, a ringing mobile in mine.

Through the lavish, heavily sagged light,
you slowly approach -
preening back so that every inch
of your slick body
is in clear sight.

And that night
we made, not love,
but ******, sweaty lust -
a drunken ****** act
built on nothing but hidden motives and flawed trust.

And yes, it was good;
your firm golden skin,
dimpled by the lace straps of your bra,
mouth pulled into that **** grin...

But I don't love you.

I've laid all of my deck on the table,
held up and shown my playing hand -
me and you, Babe,

It was only a one night stand.

And yet you stole my number
off my closest friend,

Is this ever-
Is this ever going to end?

You're just an abdominal cramp in my existence;
still ringing my phone,
with that irritating persistence -

And I'm retreating back
into my twisted, abandoned pit -
the sweat on my body
turning slowly into that black devil spit.
Lexander J Apr 2015
You're a thousand miles from heaven
and a million years amidst the stars,
from the world, there's a difference within you
yet I still can't figure out who you are -

with every dragging step I take
and every blast that peppers me with flak,
it seems that the only love I gave
drew you out of the blue, and into the black.

I still see your satin body sheening
fresh out of the shower and fair,
little droplets of water, glittering
like minuscule diamonds in your hair.

But beneath that flame kissed skin
I pierced your chest, tainted your heart -
I'm sorry dear, but my sins
would've always offset our love, even from the very start.

And that is why I'm here
to say sorry, apologise for everything that I've done;
it seems from this distant, confused predicament,
there's no easy place neither of us can run.

But no matter what happens next
or if you choose to hurt me, like I did you,
I'd understand completely, because after all
you can't love someone, if that love is untrue.
Lexander J Oct 2015
The beer in my mouth is sour and bitter
but nothing compares to the foul taste of life,
inside my stomach the alcohol curdles
but within my mind I writhe

I'm sick of people thinking
that I'm an idiot, or a 'fruit'
now every night I'm drinking
and that's when the bad thoughts pollute

they weigh me down like bags of sand
tugging upon the waistline above my hip
fracturing my concentration in the day
and into a night of hysteric paranoia I slip

I don't sleep, the hours passed leer
taunting my lack of ability to rest
the strength I was once proud of is gone
my heart's bleeding, sluggish and distressed

never did I think it would happen
but I've found I no longer care,
I pushed aside the poison reaching for my soul
but to my horror I found nothing there

alone in the black October night
never have I felt like this in all my years,
cuddling up to a blanket that's cold
and a pillow damp with tears.
Lexander J Apr 2015
Slowly, she clutched the covers tighter to her chest.

"Oh Aleshaaa... you can't hide..." drawled the monster beneath her bed, it's choked voice gurgling thickly at the back of its throat like a blocked sewer pipe.

#twosentencehorror
Lexander J Apr 2015
From within a blackened heart
spawns madnesses twisted Invictus,
a severed head sat atop a plinth, filled
with decaying thoughts of cyanide and citrus,

completely crazy, inverted, perverted,
infected with an insanity that dances from the eyes -
pouting lips tempestuous and alluring
from the tip of a tongue he sews insidious lies,

roosting upon the bleeding emotions of others
a vile disassociation sanity can't pertain,
charred lips from suckling the ******* of Hell
the back-broke miracle nature refuses to explain,

exhaling noxious fumes, a pyro-manic incense,
one soul re-arranged, deranged and blisteringly intense;

so much so, it disgusts me beyond words -

so kick the rotten apple,

watch the maggots writhe within thou sour curds.
Lexander J May 2015
Chewing upon fingers rotten and curled
knowing everything makes sense in a senseless world
inglorious, bedridden, they hide behind trees -

serving up genocide, well-spoken and civilised

clawing at the insides of our sordid society
wearing TNT like it's the latest fashion
they smile politely and walk upon our streets -

brainwashed and stupefied, Dumb-hounds corrupted and paralysed

crawling down the path of a religion
birthed from self-righteousness and bomb-smoke
upon their jealousy, their juvenile blinding faith
we suffocate, gag and choke

visualising the world from eyes
of despotic marauders
selfish needs defeats the objective
desensitised clones bound to extremist orders

innocence green-eyed and bastardised
reciting prayers bound together with cyanide
they call upon a Lord that no longer cares
alas the tendril of insanity catches them unawares

for 'tis within the womb of bloated belief
that martyrs are bred,

sanity unreeling, dangerously unfeeling,
and willing to allow our streets run red.
Inspired by David Bowie, your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated
Lexander J Nov 2015
Eyes as cold as a November's breeze
calculating smile bloated from fame,
his words forge their own meanings
from a tongue barbed and born to inflict pain

over-inflated and bulbous
his self-loving ego is
from within drug fuelled stardom
does his black desire fizz

extroverted and deadly upon recognition
he hides his sinister within songs,
his guitar rules upon the spotlight
whilst his morals in a ****** game of tongues

hookers and dealers saved on speed dial
never would you guess this is a creature from space,
he fell to earth seeking sanctuary
but all he found was pain, war and disgrace - - -

"These creatures are all barbaric,
their love of sensual intimacy coy
Alas I know I really shouldn't,
but of their lifestyle I'm starting to enjoy."


his ship has crumbled to ashes
his hair faded from gold to grey,
this world is like a pack of wolves surrounding him
to a god he knows doesn't exist he prays -

on the first day he learnt to love, cherish our beauty and respect,

on the second day he discovered sin, alcohol, drugs and ***

on the third day he learnt nothing's everlasting, that what you've made must become undone

on the fourth day the haze shifted

he missed his family

oh he missed his home - - -

"The non-existent angels sing
I beg of them to guide me home,
but my ship's burnt, my virginity dead -
#sob#
oh baby what have I become?!"


now he sings songs streaked with cosmic grandeur
to crowds of pathetic earthlings living their dreams
they all love his plastic voice, his hip-swagger and jive
but none really know what the lyrics mean

oh they all think he's amazing, invincible, timeless,
but the truth is far far from their sight,

for when the night sky clears, he sits
and cries for his baby on some planet lost in the night.
Lexander J Apr 2015
Lost in the dark
tangled in silken threads,
naked and cast in pallid moonlight ~
her ageing skin she scratches and sheds.

Entombed deep, and safely within,
teetering on the cusp of reality
and the breadth of sin ~

tirelessly feeding,
her demoniac litter
from the sour milk of her breast ~
a thousand eight legged freaks
languishing in a giant skull lined nest,

relishing from her comfort,
her love and undying nourishment ~
tainted, but untainted,
encapsulated by the grip of shadows
free from any arcane judgement.

And in the thick of night,

inside your closet

and under your bed ~

they're there,
smiling with pincered teeth;

a thousand hairy abdomens
swollen with nightmares,
and intoxicated with grief.
Lexander J Apr 2015
This very Rose before you, my loving honest friend,
will tell you of how such beauty becomes real
and whether it lives or dies, upon
your judgements it depends,

for this ivory Rose was crafted
from a single feather of a ****** Dove
that was birthed, and blessed
by our mighty father up above,
kissed with evanescent lips dripping
caught from the valley of dreams,
the fountain of Aphrodite, where it was slowly sipping,

plucked gently from its graceful wings,
the feather, comforted and stroked
transformed into a seed by his loving hands,
where-upon he strolled into the vast and hazardous deserts,
buried its precious life in the sands -

and of all the names should he pick,
it was yours that he saw,
your maiden name that influenced what he chose,
for this very flower was created just for you,
my love, my sweet Eleanor Rose.
Lexander J Jun 2015
A gem now forever taken away,
her disappearance shrouded with lies;
a psychotic mother pulling the strings
using mental illness as a tool for her disguise.

One disgustingly twisted Succubus,
neglecting her only daughter, an unwanted child,
unable to control an anger
blistering within and furiously wild.

Emma was the girl's sweet name,
she was beautiful and normal
but unfortunately her mother was completely insane -

not caring for her daughter
she drowned her in ***** bath water,
thus from then on things spiralled into blackened disdain.

And sometimes I lie awake, stare at the blank ceiling,
wishing the girl had never been born
thinking, perhaps, that the arrow of death might've missed her -

sometimes I lie awake at night,

and cry for my beautiful late sister.

AJ

[For you, wherever you are X]
Lexander J Jul 2015
A gem now forever taken away,
her disappearance shrouded with lies;
a psychotic mother pulling the strings
using mental illness as a tool for her disguise.

One disgustingly twisted Succubus,
neglecting her only daughter, an unwanted child,
unable to control an anger
blistering within and furiously wild.

Emma was the girl's sweet name,
she was beautiful and normal
but unfortunately her mother was completely insane -

not caring for her daughter
she drowned her in ***** bath water,
thus from then on things spiralled into blackened disdain.

And sometimes I lie awake, stare at the blank ceiling,
wishing the girl had never been born
thinking, perhaps, that the arrow of death might've missed her -

sometimes I lie awake at night,

and cry for my beautiful late sister.
[For you, wherever you are x]
Lexander J Dec 2015
Caught in the wind my fear plays unfair
in the eye of the storm at loneliness I stare,
a fool to suffer her divine incense
love verging unto predatory, albeit an offence

they say blood is thick, in clumps it runs
I see her flesh and so trepidation hums
her soul white, untainted, pristine and plain
doused black and sticky, sordid cravings to blame

beauty giving birth to an ******
quivers in my stomach I can't resist, or fathom
a vampyre in love battling it's thirst -

to be heart-broke and desperate it seems I'm forever cursed.
Lexander J Oct 2015
You're the subject
of a certain sick interest,
a fascination of my mind
that I should undoubtedly detest;
one sin infested bullet
that's wandering and aimless -

and its in my dark dreams, I realise,
only the very shameless
part of me can fulfil this desire,
and to say that I wouldn't have you
is to say that I'm not a liar,

for the resistance I'm putting up
to your distraction,
to this warped sense of magnetism,
and overpowering attraction,
is growing shorter and shorter -

I should cut you away,

but as they say, blood is thicker than water.
Lexander J Apr 2015
You are the light that shines
brighter than any star,
you're a gem riddled with flaws
but that's not what makes you who you are.

You're my candle that glitters in the night -
you may not have always been there for me
but hey don't dwell on it; it really is alright.

You may be a bit big (quite a chunky monkey)
and yeah you've lost most of your hair -
but now you're here beside me
and for all your faults, I simply don't care.

For this Christmas I want to give you something special;
I wrote this poem from the bottom of my heart,
powered by that beautiful life and strength
you gave me right from the very start.

I give you something no one can ever take away;
a present that can never be touched,
never be seen, nor heard,
but can always be had -

on this fine Christmas Day,
I just wanted to say I love you Dad.
My fathers Christmas present from last year...
Lexander J Apr 2015
I fear the insanity of reality
the dying of the light,
I fear the poisoned blood inside my veins
and the nightmares that plague my nights,

I fear the cancer within a killer's eyes
the two-faced tyrant that shifts disguise -
I fear the loss of touch's sense upon my skin
the stark fact of being unable to give in,

I fear the men behind the make-up
red noses, big shoes, dickie bows and ties -
I fear loneliness's tortured silence,
of being left alone with my mind's screaming cries,

I fear the dead girls in white dresses
the struggles of modern life and it's many stresses -
I fear of finally flipping over the edge
cursed with the bastardised genes with which I'm drenched,

I fear the mysteries that life beholds
the thieves that'll creep in, steal my shallow breath,

I fear the eventual eventuality,

that is to be woken by the chilling whisper of Death.
What I fear most is my own death...
Lexander J Nov 2015
They put a bullet in my brain but I ain't quite dead
my breath minute wisps upon the November air
full of cosmic flatulence my honour has fallen
my hands burn blue but I simply don't care

oh if I were to kiss the canal's waters below
what would become of my confused soul,
if only the light of hope would shine bright enough
maybe I could crawl from this hole in which I've grown

the stars are all out tonight,
they laugh at my grimy complexion
my stomach groans in hunger
my bladder bloated and sore from water retention

I married Death and I killed it's brother
from the womb it seems I was ******,
once I had it all
but now my life is dead alas here I stand

not knowing what to do
as the nights get colder
frost growing bolder
searching streets for a bed
skin blistered raw red
mind screaming sick
pain writhing, suffering oh please be quick -

in a doorway covered in newspapers and magazines
I curl up into a ball and cry,
thanking my saviours, cursing the gods
oh to live like this I'd rather die.
Lexander J Aug 2016
Old friend, I've just killed a man
painted my spirit ****** red, cut the cord now it's dead

Oh adios dear friends, it's the final half of the show
the Thin White Joke is here and now it's time to go

desperation lingers, unwanted and with regret
I'm sure with time I will forget
but I look at the flowers, unfeeling but born to be free
holding against the tide, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
born just to be

what have I done, destroying my only ally
leaving this carapace wounded and fragile
I'm standing against the tide, simply
created not to live but to survive

what's the point in this world
born to suffer
with your ghastly grace
you smother;
homeless eat from bins
the wealthy flounder in their sins
morality bruised battered swollen
dwelling in the void where hope is woven


I cannot see what I cannot forget
a society sickened and upset
bouncing flouncing to the point of no return
in their graves the unholy turn

and turn -

and turn -

So do you think you can lean and spit in my eyes?
You think you can tarnish me with your pathetic lies?
Oh lady, sweet sweet lady -

I was born to be alive
I was born to hurt
I was born to sin and look up skirts
I'm a man, I'm a man
can't you see I'm on the edge
of psychopathic health and sweet nothingness

the birds are there to fly
tears made just to cry
one caring/hatred abomination
jackhammering from station to station

I care not what you think
nor what you say
infact I care not for you in any way -


the flowers were born uncaring and free
but now the world lags, cut
finally -
finally it no longer matters to me.
Lexander J Jul 2015
We are the ghosts of things to come
we are the stars that shine amongst the sun
our souls devine, ours to keep
'tis only when Death calls will we truly sleep

for Time is the enigma of days been and gone
aspiration is what spurs us on,
Mother Nature whispers, from the silence she speaks
from the caw of a crow to the tree that creaks

we are the Vampires of wealth and splendour
we have it all but still we want more
as the world burns, its shell charred and weak,
we turn upon ourselves, bicker and bleat

patience a virtue long-lost and dead
anger and vengeance stain our streets red,
with bitter jealousy we snag and maim
knowing whose fault it is but still others we blame

we are the pioneers of devastation to come
we seek peace and perfection from the barrel of a gun -
the time of change and redemption has come to pass,
we spoke the Lord's name in vain,

so may these days be our last.
Lexander J Apr 2016
Laughing at his broken glasses, tattered clothes
they pelt him with gum and chewed up pieces of paper
name-calling; "Hey stupid! Stinky! Queer-boy!"
such does he retreat to the world inside his mind

it's utopia there, a place where
he need not worry
he can draw out his own history, control time, create sprawling vast cities
that the caustic breath of reality cannot touch

school the bane of his existence, a ****** minefield
the army of bullies seems infinite
but for each juvenile his imagination ignites
creates another heroic warrior to stave away the pain

[always one to be misunderstood
creative confusion running through his blood]

parents exchanging concerned looks
as he spends night after night immersed in books
absorbing the creativity, the literate equivalent of gold
he took his heart to passion's feet whereupon he sold

never one to rely on such a farce as hope
breathing even with depression grasped 'round his throat
20 years old, once again escaping to that distant faraway land
standing bare foot under a thousand suns and crimson sand

---

he sits where I sit now
confused, life as complex and transparent as always
but with eyes grateful, fully open
able to see the beauty that lies within life's darkest obscenities

even the horrifying can be beautiful

if one can truly gaze into its gnarled face.
Lexander J Oct 2016
Seeing from eyes bloodshot and marred
my tongue twisted, acrid and charred,
the thoughts seeth like despotic marauders
jack-knifing from station to station, my pretty little disorders

I bleached my teeth and hair today, no reason
a ****** predator my sin's in full season
fleeing the past and all that may cause pain
indulging in chemical filth to mask the disdain

when the black sky opens up and swallows you whole
you begin to realise that home is not home
you burn the old photos, from the memories you run,
forgetting who you really are, mistaking death for fun -

have you ever fallen so ******* hard
that you can't breath for days
have you ever been kept awake at night
so that when dawn comes it's a washed out haze?

I've branded Senseless onto my skin
so that I'm reminded no matter how much I care I'll never win,

my mind a cavern full of decaying stories and flesh,

oh sweet baby Alex, good night and God bless.
Lexander J May 2017
I am the god of nothing

I am the Lord of lies

I have fallen from my grace

to the very thing that I despise

whatever's good is broken

I don't really care

for when the inferno does erupt

I simply won't be there

Did you mistake my face for friendliness

Sorry but it doesn't exist

for I've rose up from the stagnating cesspit
within in which we continue to persist

I reward nothing with loyalty
I'll take and use and choose

fallen stars, broken hearts -
nothing to me but a bruise

For I am the righteous

I am the whole story

I am favored by nobody, inside grotesque and gory

I am the air you breathe, the dust upon your seats,

I am the Pale God

so get down upon your knees
Lexander J Feb 2018
A serious stare behind broken eyes 
half the man I was, wounded a thousand times

Who am I now?

Life chewed me up and spat me out 
ignorant to my pleas, to my juvenile shouts
stability refreshing in the ever-shifting sands 
happiness short-lived, greying like the skin of a dying hand 

I opened old wounds with the razor of disdain 
to feel alive I had to feel my own pain 
times change, I will not be 21 forever 
my youth as beautiful, yet fragile, as that of a feather 

a hundred times heartbreak I have cherished 
when the promise of hope constantly perished 
throughout my existence my dreams have evaded me 
nightmares forging the person I'm destined to be 

for now I have lost silver, yet gained gold 
lost my job but still my heart is sold 
a weary warrior of a war within myself 
forever anticipating losing it all, 
losing love
losing wealth 

Who am I now?
What have I become?

Who is that tired man?
Where has the old one gone?
Lexander J Apr 2015
My dear friend, don't seek to follow me
for I'm off to the land of broken promises and pity,
within its river of alcohol I wish to drown my sorrows -
upon the black pearl that is Heartbreak Heaven City.

It's semi-mythical river runs through a jungle
of grimy brickwork and choked smog -
a city that revels in its own pollution
so much so, it's many people suffocate beneath it's caustic fog.

And this river, of which I speak,
acts as a candle for the deaf and the blind -
no one would ever dare to live in this city
if it weren't for its promises of prosperity pushing them from behind.

Sometimes there's a brief lapse where the fog lifts,
and people sip the river's waters beneath a moonlit sky,
alas, they only end up gorging and passing out -
intoxicated, they fall into the shadowy depths to drown and die.

Oh, tonight I venture out to its miasmic bank,
sadness and anger so intense, my brain it burns and chars -

upon the twelfth stroke I will descend into it's surface,

and my soul will rise to the everlasting stars...
Lexander J Aug 2017
Open up your pretty blue eyes and tell me what you see
a liar, a cheat, a shadow festering and torn
or a desperate heathen fighting to be free?

I walk these streets, once with pride, now with a limp
once I could breathe the air and smile, now it stinks,
I don't want a God but I want his power
to turn the ashes blue and the flies to flowers

I'd rebirth the sun to its former brilliant matrimony
at ease with a crystal blue sky, pure harmony
purging the stench of pollution and decay
I'd bleed gold from all that is grey

you only know you're living when you've felt pain
not when you've amassed filth, fortune and fame
life was never meant to be easy, the dark days to rival the good
everyone has a hidden torture seething through their blood -

So open your eyes you beautiful creature
look past my scars, my sins, my horrific machinations and features

saviours aren't like the fairytales, your heroes now wear masks
for it's in perfection that the fat belly of evil basks.
Lexander J Nov 2016
Herbert O' Doyle was a very simple man. Simplistic in his ways, simplistic in his tastes, he believed all good things in life were earned, rather than gained. You would think a rich man of his stature in his early 60's could sit back, put his feet up and relax. But Herbert despised the idea, for he was one to never be seen doing nothing - as he often quotes, doing nothing 'made his teeth itch'.

No, Herb was always doing something; from building new furniture to tending to the gardens, he was up and about 24/7. So much so, people who visited his Manor grounds surmised he ran on clockwork, an unfeeling machine unable to do nothing but grind on methodically through the day. Sadly, what the people didn't realise is that he was, in fact, at the mercy of his obsessive compulsive disorder - his own snarling little demon he'd had to live with for his whole life. If the hedges were not trimmed perfectly, the demon would snarl. If one of the visitor rooms looked too empty, the demon would snarl. If, goodness, a spoon was laid out of line, the demon would snarl, make his head whirl, only in correcting the anomaly would stop it gnawing at his stomach.

There was one advantage to having OCD, however, and that was he knew every corner and cranny of both the O' Doyle Mansion and the gardens outside. Well, that was what he'd thought, anyway.

For upon the morning of Saturday the 2nd August 2016, Herbert discovered a secret his predecessors had hidden, even from himself. A secret that defied common knowledge and that had probably brought about his late family's considerate wealth.

A secret that he would later come to wish he'd never known.

- - -

It was by sheer accident he'd discovered the shed. Upon clearing out the weeds and grasses that had started clogging the miniature river that ran through the gardens, he had slipped, tumbled into the water, and been left facing the back end of the river. The fall wasn't severe enough to hurt him, but enough to dislodge a few rocks in the river bank's side.

At first he saw nothing but dead leaves, mud and moss covered sandstone, but upon further inspection his eyes came across a sharp glint that caught in the sun's glare. To him it looked like a metal plate, or maybe a blade, rusted up and stained near beyond recognition. But, it was unmistakably metal. And whatever it was, it was horrifically out of place.

To say that it had been purely compulsion, not curiosity, that had led Herb to clear off the mud and rock from the bank could possibly be a lie - but to say that curiosity had not proceeded him to open the metal door behind definitely is. For as soon as Herb saw the sand chewn handle his mind immediately wanted to know what was beyond. And before he even knew what he was doing, the door was open and he was climbing inside.

- - -

It turned out the door led directly to a series of catacombs beneath the Manor grounds - something Herb had been completely oblivious to. Ever since a child he had lived here, brought up with his parents, shown the many secrets that hid within the grounds by his late father.

All apart from this one.

His father had disappeared long ago, his mother explaining that he'd found another woman and had left. Herb hadn't believed that, from the almost desperate plea in his mother's eyes to the fact he knew his father had loved his family, he couldn't help but think of it as a lie. And up until now, he had dismissed that thought - for if his father hadn't run away, where was he? But finding this cavern of wandering tunnels, he realised maybe his gut instinct had been right all along; could his father have got lost in these tunnels, unable to escape and subsequently died?

Or maybe he was still here, alive but not quite living.

Herb had shivered at that point. Thinking such thoughts in a dimly lit place like this would only cause his minds to play tricks. If he lost his head, or his way, he would never get back.

There was a very real danger he would suffer the same fate others down here probably had.

He shook his head, cleared the thoughts, and walked on - tirelessy trundling along until he finally came to a dead end where the rocky walls collided together.

- - -

What he'd found was far beyond amazing. Where the walls had closed together someone had crudely chiseled out a door way, 6ft high with a curved arch reminiscent of victorian architecture. The method was clumsy, the jagged stone sharp and even dangerously dagger-like in places. Just like teeth guarding a gaping mouth.

When Herb had finally gone through that doorway he had entered a vast hall, supported by limestone pillars, half eroded, and a floor lined with smooth granite slabs. The air inside was musky, almost miasmic, and stale. The very atmosphere itself was of death, as if the very oxygen that it consisted of had deceased. Even the stone walls resembled long abandoned corpses.

But these things Herb quickly disregarded, for lined in two perfect rows down both sides of the hall were twelve golden statues, sun-kissed and glinting amber in the light of his torch.

There were six on either side, some missing arms, other devoid of heads, but what tied all these masterpieces together was the deliberate attention to detail. And that they were all female.

He could pick out the minute hairs upon their bare arms, the slight bumps under the skin where the arteries knotted around their wrists. For those with heads, their hair flew out around them, as if caught in a summer breeze, and, most fascinatingly, Herb could gaze into their eyes and see the brushed lines of the iris and the miniscule veins around the edge of their sockets. The attention was precocious, compulsively perfect, and the result was dazzlingly beautiful.

When he'd eventually torn his eyes away from the statues, Herb's gaze fell upon the dankly lit shed sat right at the back of the hall. It was ugly, falling apart in places and obviously riddled with wood rot. Surrounded by the statues of gold, it looked sorely out of place, like a stray dog that's wandered onto a Crufts show.

Not even realising, he started towards it, by-passing the statues and their grimacing faces, instinctively seeking to open the shed door and peer inside. Why would this be down here? The sculptures are unexplainable but having a garden shed locked deep in some catacombs is even stranger. Maybe it's owner forgot about it... or wanted no one to ever find it.

And that's when he realised something was stuck to the bottom of his shoe, stopping him merely a few yards from the shed. Reaching down, he ripped it off and opened it up, the sprawling hand writing instantly denoting it was a note of some kind.

Ignorant to the sudden wind behind him that wheezed through the archway, Herbert started to read the final words of his long lost father.
- - -
1st story of my 'Tales from the Otherside' book - it's not finished yet.
Lexander J Oct 2017
The alcohol  tickles like a feather duster
my brains implode as my lungs shudder
what's dead is dead, a corpse cannot rise
alas I have not yet become everything i ever despised

my nightmares are as common as my dreams
happiness is decaying, it seems
I look at my broken face in my shattered mirror
when the void opens, only despair is the winner

my sky was blue, my sun was bright
my fond memories are fading from my sight
like an astronaut roving the starscapes beyond
constantly I'm thinking are my decisions right

or are they wrong?

the lies explode like flak around me
I've seen so much horror i can barely see
but through it all
my past
my torment
scenes ghastly and abhorrent

I look from a window inside my mind
a place when things are critical i hide
like a star shining in the moonlight glare
I touch my heart

and feel that i still care.
Lexander J Nov 2015
Birds sing upon the amber hues of dawn
the faint Northern breeze wakes with a windy yawn,
buttercups and daisies bloom and flower
the smell of freshly cut grass tangy and dour

alarm clocks and phones ring in symphony
as the early AM commuters arise limply;
taxis beep, buses groan
widows and homeless eat breakfast alone

coffee boils as the hungover quench their thirst
the fools that are late panic and curse -
some people awake to a strangers flat, whilst
others on the street to the lick of a cat

many awaken to the calls of their sin
sadly their only friend lies within an alcoholic drink,
their minds and brains addiction submerge
of suicide they stand upon the ever-crumbling verge

and thus I lie awake every night
fearing the future that somehow dances from my sight;
depression and utter disgust tempt me to give in
it claws at my stomach, grinds my bones from within

are we doomed to living our days exactly the same
to live a repetition so precise it'll drive us insane?

It seems in this darkness we stumble, we *****,
the light flitting from between our fingers that calls itself hope.
Lexander J Jun 2015
Meet Doctor Montgomery
with medical science he knows best -
a figure that some worship
and others detest,

for in 1974 he was revelling in his prime,
studying Biological Science at Oxford university
life was smooth and incredibly sublime.

Alas, he fell as a ****** addict,
seeking hidden answers,
that not even modern science could predict,

performing back-street abortions
bringing in the money -
by 1976 addiction was in full swing
and his wife had noticed something funny

and upon the Eve of that Halloween
she'd just had enough -
took the axe from out back to his study
but the blade was blunt and the oak door too tough

however her efforts were in vain
as Charles immediately opened up to greet her -

"My love, look -" He whispered,
gesturing to his centrepiece glass table
whereupon sat
a linen covered cradle -

slowly she peered in,
ignoring his entranced stares -
and what she saw wrapped in blankets,
was the seed of nightmares.

For Charles Montgomery
had been practicing the work of witches;
collecting deceased babies,
and sewing life together with surgical stitches -

"Do you like it? I made it for you..."

She gazes around, speechless,
eyes blurry with stars -
shelves and cabinets full
of body parts preserved in jam jars

throwing up at his feet,
going mad with depravation -

"Oh Charles -

IT'S AN ABOMINATION!!!"
PS - I'm still halfway through editing this, not quite keen on the stanza that begins "And upon the Eve of that Halloween", but I can't seem to improve it!

Also, please be aware this is inspired by American Horror Story - ashamedly I admit it's not very original, but I wanted to practice writing something scary and in a story format
Lexander J Dec 2016
Pour more sugar on my wounds
in the mid of night your face still exhumes
thought I'd cut the cord, forget you exist,
but even bleeding my desire insists

inside I hide a heart of pure arsenic
the most poisonous persona, nobody denies it,
but now you've turned against me I've tasted the pain I spread,
obsessive dispositions I can't get out of my head

it's like an itch under the skin that just won't go away
I've got to have you, in every way -
thoughts of your body lingering upon my lips
a ravenous dog that just wants a kiss

the taste of your flesh, of your hair, the feel of your soft skin
this jittery malevolence that hungers within,
I'll devour your beauty, taint and manipulate your trust,
oh baby, I'm just a filthy predator led by lust.
Lexander J May 2017
Stroking the charred remains of the day,
to my non-existent God I pray;
don't show me light, oh let me rot and roil
for everything I touch I unwillingly spoil

I sneer at my reflection, falling in love
with my ego and horrific fascinations
***, stilettos, chains
drugs, cigarettes and chest pains

I've torn myself in two halves
slowly being taken over by my disease I've starved
I locked it away for so so many years
but now the pale God has the key to my fears

Rejection, perception, emotive mutilation
I climbed my throne only to be failed by damnation
using truth like a razor I undoubtedly hurt
but all he cares about is fresh flesh and skirts

Ah I disgust myself but what choice do I have?
Better to give into the dark, or place my neck on a slab?
My heart is but a stone with a speck of gold
I'll try fighting it but I fear my sanity I've already sold.
If
Lexander J Jul 2020
If
If life was a flutter
of the wings of a butterfly
and love was the mutter
of feelings both here,
and gone by

If sadness was a kiss
on my trembling cheek
and lies were a snake's hiss,
from a barbed tonge
it speaks

If remembrance held my hand,
comforted me through the sorry nights
and if silence were a flicker
a watching angel
keeping on the lights

If my love for you could walk
it would run faster than any cheetah
and if your trust could talk
it would embrace me,
grow deeper,

If time stood more than
and caressed all that is true,
and if I am only but a man
and you are my life

well for that

I thank you.
Lexander J Apr 2015
If I had a son
I'd love him with my life -
I'd stretch the boundaries of my own health
just to keep him from strife.

If he was ever upset,
I'd comfort and scare away his fears,
I'd cuddle his little body
and love away his tears.

Upon the loneliest of days,
I'd mess around, tickle,
make him smile -

I'd run along beside him,
even if it was for the longest mile.

And in the darkest of nights,
I'd show him the sparkling Moon,
the glowing Mars -

I'd shower him with my undying love
and ****** him to the stars.
Lexander J May 2017
A faded silhouette with a broken smile
sitting in my chair I gaze at the abyss for a while
wondering how things ever became so complex
my fingers numb, but still they flex

my muscles seeth with anger, bloated with fury
I'm the apostle of failure, just look at my story;
born from the womb of carelessness, now I can't feel
a scavenger in this world all I do is steal

grounded like a butterfly with broken wings
hunting for shards of truth amongst other things
I'm the height of sophistication, of lust, of adoration

*Oh if only I was
Lexander J Jul 2016
There's a difference in his eyes I cannot see
the thought of letting loose, of setting him free
enough to churn the stomach, to gurgle, to rile
his ammonic state of mind corrosive and vile

he lives his life surrounded by taunts and mistrust
hiding deviacy beneath lies and thick dust
the remnants of normality obscured but still there
he hears their cries but no longer cares

desperation desperation where hath thou gone
skin pallid upon where the sun once shone
***** cakes the carpet, blood up the walls
bits of babies and adult men strewn through the halls -

[Listen! Listen! Can you hear that sound?
It's the sound of your ignorance, of morality unwound]


I sat down today and looked into the mirror
through a curtain of cigarette smoke,
I never used to indulge in such filth
a fool to sin, guess I deserve to cough, to choke

there's a jittery malevolence within I can feel
with every tickety-tick-tock of the clock something unreels -
a prisoner to the past, I revel in divine incense
of pathetic excuses and irreverent adolescence

he's inside me now, there's nothing I can do
it's the way of the world, my little flower bloom I grew
now I'll nurture it, feed it, watch him flourish
then maybe someday I'll finally be ******* noticed.
Lexander J Sep 2016
Roll up, there's another piece on sale
of rotted trendyness, in absence it prevails
sitting atop the throne of a plucky survivor
my mind useless, my body designer

I'm not a hero, I'm not a ***** - probably both
changing skin like fashion, both corrupt and gross -
oh do you like my hair, my bulging ****** excess?
I moisturised my face today with feaces and ground insects

eyes diamonds swamped in a pool of lies
followed by a scent of longing whilst inside swarms flies
thinking we know beauty, we ****** for fear others will take
but on the outside its easy to fabricate, to fake

I smell of roses today, oh yes I'm soo exquisite
killing in the name of love, juvenile and disgustingly delinquent
destroying myself to create a new persona I can own
but how can you have something that's already gone

one thousand suits I have with no happiness to show
I'll sell you a million, it's in desperation greed grows,
smiling sweetly as I descend into the land of sensual dreams
whilst inside my morality fits and screams

there's another piece on sale
no longer fashionable but frail
dragged from the tears of an unlucky survivor,
my mind's useless, my body bedazzling

*oh I'm designer!
Lexander J Sep 2015
I add insult to injury and bleed into the glass
O2 reserve blinks on, the time to turn back passed,
stuck in this metal shell of stale air and sweat
protein packs and old newspapers the only luxuries I get

["Sir... we've lost contact with Nova 2-"
"What?! We'll bring her back if it's the last thing we do."]


I light a cigarette, let the smoke linger,
flinch as the stub burns down to my finger -
the idiots said there was nothin' to fear,
said there was absolutely no chance I would ever get stuck out here

So why have the engines stopped, dead silent and dry?
Transmission's dead, no one to hear me cry -

the stars around light my troubled, ecstatic, nightmares
as polarised glass shields me from a sun that arrogantly stares

[720 degrees and counting
various alarms at home screaming, shouting]


it's fat, it's bulbous, from violence born and bred
the heat sears and it's not long before these walls start glowing red,
water near gone, papers reduced to ashes
outside something gives way and crashes

---//-/--

surprised to be alive, well my heart still beats, if you can call that living
I'm down to the last cigarette, the protein vendor's stopped giving,
lighter's broke, along with most stuff inside,
but I can still light it using the heat from outside

[at home they try using sonar, think the problem's sorted -
argh but the ship's stationery- no longer in orbit!]


I hope they find me soon, y-yeah 'course they will

surviving has always been my best skill

--///-////--

but my skin has blistered, eyes near closed
it's boiling but somehow most of my body's froze -
finally the exhaustion kicks in, biting --//-
the puny drive to live    fighting

[through evaporating tears]

breathing by instinct

mind growing more  and more   distant

smoke lulling, so sweet

'spose it-

[YAWN]

it won't hurt to have     have just a little        sleep -//----/
Lexander J Aug 2016
Fleeting eyes of despotic marauders
desensitised clones bound to extremist orders
martyrs to a God non-existent, fake
pretending to liberate but instead they take

bone and flesh flying like bits of confetti
killing anything be it two or twenty
spreading their faith with blade and explosive
ideologies sickening, unjust and corrosive

unsung heroes, are we forever in their debt?
Their sordid acts spilling blood, tears and sweat -
tell me Radical, does God really give a sh*t
whether the bullet from your gun misses or hits?

They care for no one but themselves and their kind
stomping upon our future and leaving destruction behind -

watch out my friend, any stranger could be one of them
for its not a matter of 'if' but a matter of when.
Lexander J Jun 2017
Surrounded by nothingness my tortured mind unwinds
I think of your face and my teeth grind
my sanity is shot, my patience is all but through
oh how I love it, oh how I'd love to have never met you

you took my ****** hand, shown me stained gold
you gave me a prize that I can never hold
you've scratched my surface, there's more I can give,
now I'm diseased, for lust is the only reason I live

like a butterfly trying to fly with charred wings
I flounder in self-pity amongst other pathetic things
I've lost my ego, my pride has all but gone
oh but trust me baby girl, you really haven't won

for you've opened up the lock to my narcissistic thoughts
a God within me that warps and distorts
the games you play, it's time you were the pawn
I'll rot your insides with pain, laugh as your soul lies torn

I'll inflict the damage you've done unto myself
I'll laugh as the addiction curdles your health
I'll fill your head with black bloated voices,
coded enigmas that were once the simplest of choices

your lips were only mine to take
you should've thought of that before you faked
you messed with a mind more twisted than your own
shot yourself in the foot, now your safety net's gone ~

*My pity.
Lexander J Sep 2017
It’s a pretty litlle place to call home
a burnt out shell when you’re rotting and gone
a box full of lies, buzzing like flies – sick and intense
a sorrow that simmers, a suffocating incense

Cut your fingers to bleeding stumps
your thoughts clatter round and around, and jump -
it’s all in your head, in your self-destructing mind
you run and run but can’t leave it behind

It follows, devilish and deceptive
your shadow, one ego a blade merciful and acceptive
again you burn the flesh to forget you’re still sane
but you can never escape your own pain

What’s done is done but never forgiven
who am I to play god, I get what I’m given –
if I give in to my insanity, to my fascinations and fears
tell me; will I sleep tonight with no sign of tears?
Lexander J Sep 2016
I've got this feeling in my bones
it makes my eyes wiggle and it makes my lungs shake -
I've got this nuance inside my body, oh
it makes my voice giggle, oh baby put on the brakes

I said ah, don't shoot -

I said yes, darlin' let's dance to the roof

Oh!

I've got this tingle deep on my insides
the music jives and it makes my **** sway
oh baby let me take you to the vertigo hillside
of brash disillusionment, I'll take you all the way -

I said ah, no don't shoot
I said yes yes darlin' let's dance to the roof

Oh!

I've got this excitement deep in my body
you thrash your hips, you tease and you pray
you beg the God of my fascist inner core
pouting those lips, hoping under the stars I'll take you away

asking questions we know the answers to
what is love, hah who really cares
I've got this snazzy feeling inside I just can't hide, oh
take off those heels and follow me up the stairs!
Trying something different!
Lexander J Apr 2015
She's one killer queen
captivated within a nest of fire -
she's so ****, alluring,
her body seductive and bristling with desire.

Smoky eyes, ravish-me red lips,
bringing you to your knees -
lust, will ensnare you,
she seduces with her predatory tease.

Next you're asking her out for a drink,
as she clouds your head with her slick oily thighs -
minute after minute,
you're pulled further into her insidious disguise.

Hunger for flesh controls, drives you on,
purity is only skin deep -
truth concealed within her curves,
accountability on delete.

Oh yeah,

her facade masks a sadistic virus,
slowly curdling her elegance to obscene -

she's one angel that's black and dying,

I guess that's why they call her the Killer Queen.

AJ/SJW
IMPORTANT; this is a collaboration between me and a poet previously posted on an app called Opuss - the other poet is called Sienna Williamson (username @sjw) and I hereby declare this poem a shared effort.
Lexander J Apr 2015
To dance with angels,
first you have to forgive their lies;
over-zealous birds with peripheral faces, and fingers -
about as exciting as the clouds floating in the skies,

covering their ears
as the world below them burns and cries,

over-zealous suffragettes in dresses
I admittedly loathe and despise

pugnacious, self-centred and frozen to the core
laughing hysterically as we worship and spread their lore,

not actually interested in who we are or what we do,
making emotional archetypes out of fools such as me and you

oh yes -

give me one, I'll burn away her clothes
expose her, barren and broken, like she did me,

give me one, I'll douse that halo in tar then **** on it;
purely vengeance from when she shattered my hopes of finally being free -

[sigh]

I think if I ever did get the chance,

I'd rather clip her wings than have a dance.
Lexander J Aug 2016
I paint on my face a smile with gaunt eyes
let the thick black paint run as I then cry,
powerless, hopeful, juvenile and woeful
mouthing lyrics full of idolisation and little wonder

It wasn't what I'd confessed
intoxicated with *****, both cursed yet blessed
a Pariah of the teen age, from twisted adolescence reborn
weeping as pride lies at my feet soiled and torn

cross-dressing to impress the mirrors
using the inner freak to abstain my filthy measures
verging upon the cusp of a downward abyss
of severe mental health and nothingness

through smoke my vision's blurred
self respect depreciated and curdled
killing the strength that carried me through
looking at my reflection and thinking oh

you lil' wonder -
you lil' wonder, you
Lexander J Sep 2018
Strangers in the morning dawn
I saw your face against the morning sun
you kiss me though my lips are cut
loving me though my heart was shut

you drove a wedge between my tortured mind
you let me leave my nagging demons behind
those crystalline eyes of pure truth
never in all my time, never in all my youth

would I have thought
I'd have found the most perfect girl in you.
Lexander J May 2017
Love is
when things turn black, you're always there
Love is
when somethings different you don't stand and stare
Love is
making that special someone some coffee, a cake or maybe their favourite food
It's pretending to laugh when you're just not in the mood

Love is
tending to the sick, to the poor, to the wasters and users
Love is
realising in life that we're surrounded by takers and choosers
Love is
waiting for another at the bus stop in the pouring down rain
It's the beautiful gift that just gives again and again

Love is
not sharing on Facebook hoping millions in other countries will care
Love is
focusing not on the fictional but the ones who are actually there
Love is
knowing who are your friends and who are parasites
it's watching out for your brother, even if it keeps you up all night

So pack up your worries, your selfish needs and excuses
reality's both exquisite and ferociously abusive -
when you're lay dying, will your tweets or wealth keep you alive?
No, for love is the drug that keeps living alive.
Lexander J Jul 2017
Love is a word too many times I've heard
say it to show affection
to indulge in temptation and lurid satisfaction,

thrown around like a leprositic disease
the blasphemy a sin enough to bring me to my knees

it reeks of fake and knocks me sick
a glimmer of hope that's just too quick
is it any wonder my mind's paralysed
when such a word is a substitute for lies?

The sound churns my stomach, rots my brittle insides
you stupid *****, you've unleashed the septic I tried to hide
a simple word you really shouldn't have said
for now the pale God's alive and my conscious is dead

and now I stroke the shiny scars I bare
wondering if I ever have the capacity to care
the confusion curdles and warps
for what is love when people continue to distort?
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