Make your way on over
don't need to bring nothin'
apart from your best clothes -
I'll work away your worries,
breathe away your woes.

It wasn't what I confessed,
god looks upon me
but I'm far from being blessed.
My heads in a spin,
fingers jiving and jigging
my mind focusing on your soft chin.

Blue eyed monster,
black hair chasing down your back
body to die for,
my heart beating
like a race-horse on a track.

You're chemical treasure
You're tainted but ****,
I'm a Lykos for pleasure
show us your prize
and I'll show you mine.

Blood-red lips, sleek, unmissable
soft pale skin
so smooth, so kissable.

Make your way on over -
I'm a Lykos for pleasure,
a predator for treasure,
and a hungry wolf in full fledged measure.

Oh consume me sick brethren
wreak havoc and bleed thy sorrow
stalk infatuation with a sniggering smile,
and linger upon every hour of tomorrow

["Do you think the world cares
about your pathetic existence?"]

run fingers along dusty windowsills
cry away from the footfalls of the dead
spray your hair black, paint on your best face
from the shadows morals and innocence are shed

["You're just another freak
so give up this futile resistance."]

take your conscience by its swollen throat
saturate it in fury to stifle its desperate cries,
seeking vengeance you're killing strangers and
cutting yourself off to block out the swarming flies

blackened and bruised, you leer from the corners
and blow dreams to pieces,

["Oh come with me child" the Vampyre did rasp
"to the divide where insanity and reality creases."]

languish in frustration,
take out anyone in sight,
**** your pistol and get your trusty hook
go forth monster, and paint red the night.

A phoenix rising with smouldering wings
again I drag myself up even though it stings
surrounded by the ash of my filthy lies
finally, finally, pushing away all I ever despised

life broke me down, the shadow I tried to appease
tearing my heart out and falling to my knees -

what's the point in living when you wish you were never born
why try to fan away the flames with a flag that's torn

I wear a different face everyday like a new fashion
I've learnt to pretend and forge false passion
masquerading so much I no longer know who I am
a sad delinquent wreck I'd love to say I'm more than

but the days pass slower, tainted by grey
I fear death but yet I don't want to stay
sickened by the festering tumour of mundanity
I turn to the twisted romance of my insanity

but I have no true friends
merely another being with loose ends

oh I'm so tired, it just drains

the loneliness is calm but it pains

I razored stiletto in my side

alas I must push it to the back of my mind.


*For why do we fall?
To rise back up.

It’s a pretty litlle place to call home
a burnt out shell when you’re rotting and gone
a box full of lies, buzzing like flies – sick and intense
a sorrow that simmers, a suffocating incense

Cut your fingers to bleeding stumps
your thoughts clatter round and around, and jump -
it’s all in your head, in your self-destructing mind
you run and run but can’t leave it behind

It follows, devilish and deceptive
your shadow, one ego a blade merciful and acceptive
again you burn the flesh to forget you’re still sane
but you can never escape your own pain

What’s done is done but never forgiven
who am I to play god, I get what I’m given –
if I give in to my insanity, to my fascinations and fears
tell me; will I sleep tonight with no sign of tears?

He comes every rainy day,
when all the outside is dull and grey -

a glorious smile killed by a frown,
he's Misery Pessimist
the Ever-Weeping Clown.

He peers through the windscreen at me,
breath fogging up the glass,
his hair slimy with greased sweat
his rictus grinning mouth as bold as brass.

Droplets of rain
making him look as if he's always crying
in bone-grinding pain,
smiling that sickened smile -
never knowing who it is he should blame.

I try to ignore him
but he doesn't go away -
he's a sadistic little puppy
that just wants to play.

[Maybe he'll go away if I fall asleep?]

but I can't rest at the car wheel
and besides, he'll just creep

[to the door handle]

What do I do?
Where do I go?
Is there any window where his face won't show?

Those charred eyes, always -

CRYING

[lying]

That bloodstained rictus -

LIKE CHEWING ON BROKEN GLASS

A torrent of angst, a tidal wave of rheumatic arthritis
spreading like noxious -


GAS


I can't laugh at the Clown,
can't laugh into his rheumatically mauled face -

thick oil running down his cheeks,
a face of mutilated insanity,
of a thousand screaming freaks

leaking eyes burning,
desperately pleading to be set free -

I can't laugh at Misery the Clown,
because I secretly know

that Clown is a true reflection of me.

AJ

Slowly, she clutched the covers tighter to her chest.

"Oh Aleshaaa... you can't hide..." drawled the monster beneath her bed, it's choked voice gurgling thickly at the back of its throat like a blocked sewer pipe.

#twosentencehorror

I add insult to injury and bleed into the glass
they've starved this world and left me 'til last,
only through alcohol and drugs can I truly escape
but now I sit here knowing it's all too little, too late,

I tried curing them with injections of compassion and remorse
alas they only mocked me with smiles that were forced,
with greedy eyes that lingered upon my untainted flesh
'twas clear their resentment was caustic, broodingly fresh

hating their bodies and all that could be seen
so precociously perfect, but with souls disgustingly unclean
infected with an obsession mutating into disease
humanity swallowed by the cravings they strived to appease

they are the Beautiful People, yes I have spoken of them before,
but I must mention their ghastly existence once forever more,
for now I have been abandoned in this world barren and dead
my body digests itself as my nose and ears drip red

I'm not well, my skin has grown pallid and lumpy
my fingers twisted, knobbly and clumpy
they scream in the night, they scream in my head
my mind polluted with the paranoia the drugs have bred //--

[come with me, take my hand
I will lead you to the promised land]

wind howling, breathing heavy, lazy
visions of hope going increasing hazy //--

oh please-

please-

listen to me before my conscience fully dies

whatever you do //-


DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES!

We said we’d be forever
that when the others crumbled, we’d be together
a dysfunctional trio, flying upon broken wings
trying our hardest to fit into the grand scheme of things

we wreaked havoc; *****, drugs, ***
only when they ran out could we truly forget -
waking up on strange sofas, in pools of our own *****
the night before our brains pickled, our minds with the comets

with rusty needles and plastic bags we laid our hearts bare
not really knowing the dangers, and if we did we still wouldn’t have cared
for the ***** lead us to high ecstatic stardom
to the land of whispering voices and seductive secret gardens

we never had luxuries, three low-life crooks
the kind of scumbags you’d find in classic period or thriller books –
except maybe we weren’t; back then things were less formal
just three struggling youths trying to make life seem normal

you see the drugs helped us forget
those murky days bloated with confusion and disposable respect -
***** orange substances in broken needles, so exchangeable
we sat away from life and instead fell in love with the angels.

I burnt myself today
a pain that made me feel alive

I hurt myself with a searing knife
laughing at the past as I then cried

the fields of sorrow swell
as the faces I once knew fade away
falling asleep to salty tears
forever in my dreams I want to stay

what have I let myself fall to
lungs of tar, blistered skin -
in this game of torture who do I think will lose
and who do I think will win?

Sat upon my throne of isolation
gazing through a fractured stare
forever nurturing my pitiful ego
slowly sinking into my own despair

a life of lies is all I've ever known
oh the dark times are ahead - where have all my friends gone?
Seems the strength I once prided myself with
now lies dead
a corpse at betrayals altar, stained incarnadine

slashed red

oh if only I could twist back time

if only I could travel back free of these scars,

I'd say sorry to my loved ones
and build something different beneath these new killer stars.

The alcohol  tickles like a feather duster
my brains implode as my lungs shudder
what's dead is dead, a corpse cannot rise
alas I have not yet become everything i ever despised

my nightmares are as common as my dreams
happiness is decaying, it seems
I look at my broken face in my shattered mirror
when the void opens, only despair is the winner

my sky was blue, my sun was bright
my fond memories are fading from my sight
like an astronaut roving the starscapes beyond
constantly I'm thinking are my decisions right

or are they wrong?

the lies explode like flak around me
I've seen so much horror i can barely see
but through it all
my past
my torment
scenes ghastly and abhorrent

I look from a window inside my mind
a place when things are critical i hide
like a star shining in the moonlight glare
I touch my heart

and feel that i still care.

They put a bullet in my brain but I ain't quite dead
my breath minute wisps upon the November air
full of cosmic flatulence my honour has fallen
my hands burn blue but I simply don't care

oh if I were to kiss the canal's waters below
what would become of my confused soul,
if only the light of hope would shine bright enough
maybe I could crawl from this hole in which I've grown

the stars are all out tonight,
they laugh at my grimy complexion
my stomach groans in hunger
my bladder bloated and sore from water retention

I married Death and I killed it's brother
from the womb it seems I was ******,
once I had it all
but now my life is dead alas here I stand

not knowing what to do
as the nights get colder
frost growing bolder
searching streets for a bed
skin blistered raw red
mind screaming sick
pain writhing, suffering oh please be quick -

in a doorway covered in newspapers and magazines
I curl up into a ball and cry,
thanking my saviours, cursing the gods
oh to live like this I'd rather die.

A great mind departs into the winter's night-sky
wreaths and shrines adorning the ground where he may lie
died doing what he done best, knowing his time had come
now he traverses the stars with Ziggy and Major Tom

sitting in his tin can far above the likes of you and me
gazing upon our world through tears, alas now he's free -

wanted eagles in his daydreams, diamonds in his eyes
escaping the black side of reality he so very much despised

['Look up here man I'm in danger
I've got nothing left to lose.']

carried away upon a tidal wave of fame
albums meant nothing 'cause they'll sell again,
defying sexuality, pioneering the glam-rock scene
achieving goals only the common man can dream

['Ground control to Major Tom -
your circuit's dead, there's something wrong!']

now his voice is followed by the chilling whisper of death,
sang to the end with his very last breath
body failing but soul very much alive
empty silence filled with his hazy cosmic jive -

and yes, years will pass from this day, but we will never forget who you are

farewell Ziggy Stardust

our brilliant shining Blackstar.

AJ

["I'm happy... hope you're happy too..."]

RIP David Bowie

This heart
this heart
this heart is black and broken,

these lips
these lips
these lips choked upon words that can't be spoken

In space things seem distant,
a bloated biblical womb of belief -
chemical confusion, twisted violence and illusion

our God is nothing but a thief

God's sinful monkeys and alien babies
fed with drugs and frothing with rabies

what's black and stains the most sordid of lies
a torrent of angst, a thousand children's cries,
some lucky, some born survivors
others born to die from the disease their body harbours

for you were my mechanical example, no use but lust,
living a lie in this world so ******* devoid of trust
as death lurks around us, inside our closets, beneath our beds
the tendril of insanity curdles our pathetic heads

God's sinful monkeys and alien babies
fed with drugs and frothing with rabies
stealing newborns, fresh blood to medicate
creating new Gods to **** upon and hate*

and now I sit here in my little tin capsule above Earth
an Alien among my kind, such is open-mindedness' curse

when the days burn white and there's nothing but eternal numbness,
you wonder if it would be easier if you were six feet under.

When all your morals die

and even if one survives

your beauty taints the stars

a sickening smile like a scar

a corpse by the side of a moonlit road
hiding from the horrors that lie beneath your robe
I can feel the devil within your blood
grasping my dreams with your twisted glove

so just smile like a banshee -
and melt with the setting sun
just smile like a banshee -
and click your loaded lover's gun

****** tongues defy what's right or wrong
innocence a word merely pathetic and blonde
we take risks to live and survive
but I touched your heart and now I writhe

carving the walls of despair to where I've been driven

oh what is love -

and can love ever be forgiven?

They cast perverted shadows upon walls
filling the empty streets with heavy footfalls

the neighbour's dog barks, the cat covers it's eyes
in the orphanage a new born suddenly screams and cries

glowing under the moon, skin milky and pale
arms knotted with muscle, fingers delinquent and frail

[they're out there after you
they know your name]

beneath balding scalps maggots wriggle and jive
mucus sticking to nostrils where dead flies hide -

[one look in their eyes
and you'll never be the same]

blind to all the adults, their evil nowhere to be seen
Boogeyman men of the modern era, suffocating children's dreams

they lurk at birthdays, stalk every Christmas Eve
damning every child that any woman may conceive -

inspiring infidelity with the tip of a hat

inflicting cancer with a killer rasp of their breath

they enter the unfortunate souls of their apostles
eating them inside-out until nothing's left -

squabbling and bickering amongst each other
instead of using words we descend into War,
alas these Harbingers of fear wait with bated teeth
for the protection of our faith to fully thaw

for where there is faith there is love
the only power in this universe true and pure
unconditional to a mother, devotional to a father
in every living heart it beats - of that I'm very sure

but orphans have nothing
to the Harbingers they're easy targets,
along with the countless number of homeless
eating from bins and begging at Christmas markets

so this year spare a thought for those out there -
prepare the Turkey, light the tree, do what you may

but please, please, don't delay the inevitable
for these people may not be with us another day.

#christmas

Jeff's a downtown Circus Clown,
with his bumbling antics
and rib-tickling pranks
he'll never fail
to turn your frown upside down

[Haha!]

Little do you know
Jeff,
he hates the whole sparkling show -
the way he has to dress
gives him mounting humiliation
and unwanted stress

"Whoops-a-Daisy!"
he frequently falls down
"Whoops-a-Daisy!"
after all, he's just a sideshow Clown
that's depressed
and slowly going crazy

[Crazy?]

Yes -

After yesterday's burlesque,
Jeff went home, poisoned his dog,
and left its frothing on his dining room desk

after a few shots of whiskey,
at dusk,
still in his Clown suit
he teetered on the cusp -

'What does he do now?
Where should he go?"

And concluded he should re-visit the beloved Downtown Circus show.

In the morning,
he'll perform on the stage
hide seven tubs of explosive up his sleeve,
and in front of hundreds of laughing spectators
he'll let his whole body blow,
and the best bit of it is -

Nobody will even know.

I stare up at the ceiling, cracked
for I am not myself
surrounded by broken promises, pity
and empty wealth

the perverse constants throughout
my narcissistic days,
I awake every morning
to an alcoholic drug fuelled haze

sleep deprivation my volatile Jesus
licking my wounds, ignorant to my prayers,
I express my shattered soul to millions, only
for it to fall on ignorant ears that don't care

[YEAH! YEAH! YEAH?]

stitched up eyes, stitched up pride
sensibility running away to forever hide
capitalising on pain, that contagious emotion
an obsessive by-product of loves caustic devotion

f-falling for all the pretty ones
injecting sultry thoughts in my sick brain //-/-

f-falling for all the pretty ones
dragging me through acidic pools of disdain //-

LO' BEHOLD ANOTHER HUMANITARIAN CRISIS!

Most personally known as COMPULSIVELOVER-ITIS!

It sticks like spit, kills my sleep
something I don't want but really need to keep

and the desperation will make you a million
but also burn you inside out -

stuck in this loop of blackening silence
it's a revolution of the broken heart so let's scream, let's SHOUT!!!

When the world implodes and the nights fill with screams,
she drapes a hand over my shoulder
opens up my mind, takes a blind plunge into my dreams...

Inside the main room of my soul
lies a whimpering naked child trapped in a cage,
silently crying as its terror pools around in one big sick tide -
the animal within it rips and gnaws
seeking a hole where it can curl up and hide.

My girl ignores this creature, following the signs
to my heart, and far away from my head;
away from a festering tumour swollen with pulsing nightmares,
leaking life and soon to be dead.

For there's a fire among the horizon
that's pushing her naked body closer to mine -
in the dark, cold, November nights
our love - oh it did burn and shine!

Alas then she was gone, and I was depressed
nondescript, useless, a piece of junk to her fleeting fancies -
that night she left...
I blew my gasket and she lost all her chances.

So I ignored her when she crawled back and cried,
'twas only two weeks but I was over her

now she's much less picturesque without me by her side.

It's cold and dark but he no longer cares
probably safe to say he no longer feels
the lights are turned down dim
no sound 'xcept the wheeze of the wind outside

the walls are bare, at emptiness he stares
you only realise what you've lost when it's gone
nothing but half drunk cocktails and *******
within his callous pale facade he hides

what's done is done, but never forgiven
he gave it all, all of what could be given
they spat it back, threw it all in his face
now here he rots in isolation suspended in disgrace

conniving vultures they tore him apart
ridicule upon ridicule lashed upon his heart
bought them diamonds, gold, anything a woman could ever need
rather than love they acted out of jealousy and greed

---

once there were birds that sang at the start of every morn
right outside his bedroom window
oh how he regrets their sudden passing
their joyful tweets made this world seem so kind

now he wakes with a head crippled, a face tightly drawn
hunger being that of gnawing addiction
caring for nothing but the Caviar and it's forbidden magic
helping him leave all the pain behind

guided like a train to its next station
total self-destruction his only destination

languishing in drugs, *******-out ***
that it was all his fault I guess
the Pallid Badrock Lover will never accept.

You're selfless,
but within this empty world of ours
you're also helpless,

ignoring the common lines
and only standing for what's true;
going above and beyond
doing way more than you're obliged to do...

but you're swamped,
in a sea of dangerous excess,
surrounded by a spoilt society
that's egotistic and feckless -

they'll take advantage,
smile with bated teeth and even hug;
kiss, ***** you right over
name the whole obscenity Love

and the harsh truth is,
they don't ******* care

for when it's you that falls,

they won't be there.

In the night clubs
for hours she plays;
crowds of ***** drunken men
staring through the stale tobacco haze.

Alice, her name is -
not that a woman's identity
is useful in a decrepit place like this...

Black silk tights
smothering her luscious skin,
the fabric cups of her bra -
faded from the light, slightly too thin.

She's wasted,
grinding her body across oily bars -
a single lost sliver of gold
shining bright, caressing the jealous stars.

And it's escapism that she seeks,
but it's grief that she gets,
for the door to her fantasies
is sick addiction to *** -

in her tired mind
bodies, erotica, sweaty flesh;
indulgence of the black arts
shoots her to high, ecstatic stardom -
so why not join Alice

in her secret garden?

Smoking his cigarette, a gold signet ring upon his finger
a complete antithesis to the other dead-ringers,
lips pursed, sipping at his golden liquor
in his eyes dancing excitement does flicker

diagnosed with cancer, he's re-living every dream in his head
for on the eighth day of this month he will be dead -
out and about, picking up ladies at the age of forty
days from kicking the bucket yet his libido still naughty

waking up on the sixth day with the first hangover in 10 years
the bloated pain distracting him from his fears -

no kids, divorced, a total loser
living the life of a player and a scheming user

alas, he'll never feel the wind upon his face
never again have the chance to experience love, hatred, anger or even disgrace
never see the kids he didn't have
never again able to make a decision - be it good or bad

and now sitting alone in his apartment as the eighth day looms
he burns the money in his wallet, exhales their fumes

"I'm... so sorry..."

his signet ring stained, still uncannily gold

attached to a finger now lifeless, stiff, cold.

Lost in the dark
tangled in silken threads,
naked and cast in pallid moonlight ~
her ageing skin she scratches and sheds.

Entombed deep, and safely within,
teetering on the cusp of reality
and the breadth of sin ~

tirelessly feeding,
her demoniac litter
from the sour milk of her breast ~
a thousand eight legged freaks
languishing in a giant skull lined nest,

relishing from her comfort,
her love and undying nourishment ~
tainted, but untainted,
encapsulated by the grip of shadows
free from any arcane judgement.

And in the thick of night,

inside your closet

and under your bed ~

they're there,
smiling with pincered teeth;

a thousand hairy abdomens
swollen with nightmares,
and intoxicated with grief.

Shivering to the thunder on each side of the wall
clutching each other, crouched to the ground where the bullets fall

peppering our bodies with lead, intoxicating us with gas and spray
two lonely strangers caught in a war, death lingering whichever way -

the cracks grow louder and you grip me tighter
smell of charred asphalt makes my head spin lighter

[for hours we convinced ourselves we'd be okay, praying for a cease-fire
ah but the gunfire's approach only proved our hope a liar]

children scream, cars explode and foolish men curse
idiosyncratic ideologies being the only first

brains polluted by a faith stagnant, an unwavering loyalty that decays
legions upon legions of khaki clad knights sent forth to erase

and yet in these flames of conflict our shrewd love blooms
growing like the little Daisy poking through the rubble at our feet -

lovers that have shared each other's lives forever
yet 'tis in the face of death that we truly meet

--// Prrrap-Prrrap-Prrrap //-

I look in your eyes, see the beauty I saw in our teenage years

specks of powdered concrete on your lashes

pupils dilated in fear -

oh baby, p-please don't leave me

--// CRACK! //-

I want to die in your embrace, right now, right here.

Open up your pretty blue eyes and tell me what you see
a liar, a cheat, a shadow festering and torn
or a desperate heathen fighting to be free?

I walk these streets, once with pride, now with a limp
once I could breathe the air and smile, now it stinks,
I don't want a God but I want his power
to turn the ashes blue and the flies to flowers

I'd rebirth the sun to its former brilliant matrimony
at ease with a crystal blue sky, pure harmony
purging the stench of pollution and decay
I'd bleed gold from all that is grey

you only know you're living when you've felt pain
not when you've amassed filth, fortune and fame
life was never meant to be easy, the dark days to rival the good
everyone has a hidden torture seething through their blood -

So open your eyes you beautiful creature
look past my scars, my sins, my horrific machinations and features

saviours aren't like the fairytales, your heroes now wear masks
for it's in perfection that the fat belly of evil basks.

Three thumbs,
an inverted nose -
the socket dilapidated and hollow
from which her left arm grows;

yet, quietly she breathes,
whilst her life-support machine hums,
chewing on her sixth finger
from a mouth with no gums.

The accidental off-spring
of one belated wife
and one related groom -
a nightmarish parody,
twisted from the bruises of a womb -

but, by miracle, she lives
crying from eyes that won't close -
a new-born child
with the face of a blackened rose;

and outside,
out of raging curiosity,
the whole world queues,
trying to see the baby in the little red shoes.

Would it be so bad if it dies?
Would it be so bad
not to hear its gurgling cries?

Or would you want it to live,
take away its self-respect,
just like a thief,
force it to live in a life
of ridiculing grief -

What would you choose
for the deformed child in the little red shoes?

I'd give up eternity
to see you,
of the fortunes of gold,
of undeniable power and might -
I'd give up,
you were my everlasting light.

From this world,
you're now absent -
that mellow morning you parted,
my heart, it's bleeding
so did started.

Sophie,
you were my one,
my only trophy.

Sophie,
you're now one in a thousand,
but still my only.

Now you have no colour
in your cheeks,
your body has been dry
for almost several weeks,
and your once perfumed breath
now rots and reeks.

Sophie,
you've grown so bony,
your golden hair now looks fake,
so thin and phony -
but although you're now dancing
with Death,
and breathing that rotten breath,

Sophie,
you'll always be my one,
you'll always be my only.

He'd crashed to a place he didn't belong
where Angels were aliens and gods were dust -
legs shaking violently, he climbed the ship's hatch
and swung open it's steel door with a ******

his ship was a lump of twisted metal
broken and resolute, he stood upon the brink of nowhere,
three Suns bearing down upon the crimson land
as swarms of transparent entities gyrated through the air

no sound except the crackling static of his radio
helmet concave in several places and three broken fingers attached to his hand -
but 'twas his heart that was most damaged
the blood within feeling like that of this otherworldly sand

scratching and grating the walls of his arteries
darting needles shooting up and down his body
transmission dead, no one to cry to,
his tears dripping onto a visor filthy and foggy

with no aim he wandered
legs carrying him forward to a destination afar,
back shrieking and knees creaking, still he walked
the volcanic crater in the distance beckoning like a star

the days were dead and Time itself subdued
the Suns above had dawned over six times, alas he knew not how many days had passed
only counting down from his oxygen level
which had now reached its very last

"Oh mission control, don't send anyone else after me
these lands are charred dead, and I have taken my last breath
---
to send a man to this pitiless wasteland
would be to condemn him to his death."

[oh how many miles can an Angel fall]

Alas the fools on Earth had already drafted up plans and theories to get him back
acting not out of care but sorry guilt

[how far will we go just to gain it all]

for they all knew it was inferior materials
from which the Lieutenant's Shute had been built -

His life had been considered cheap
their neglect preposterous, a vile humanitarian crime -
now they desperately scramble for a solution
that none of us will ever find

[we succumb to our selfish minds, morals and beliefs neglected]

[abandoned, left behind]

something happened the second he died
spirit rose from his body, sparkled, shot up into the sky -

the hiding creatures emerged
circling the ground where his body did lie

they removed his helmet, kissed his skull
covered his body with sand -

and for reasons obscure, unknown, they silently caressed the three broken fingers

attached to Lieutenants dead limp hand.

As a kid he was odd,
a collector of scraps and small animal bones
a snivelling creature of the night,
he'd scurry about and hang around people's homes,

the wind would caress his hair as the dawning sun shone
on his tatty corduroy trousers and shirt,
like any other normal boy, he'd catch freaky insects
and make gross pies out of wet dirt

but that beaming toothless smile
suppressed a sadness so intense it twisted itself into pain;
from slimy cocoons latched onto his stomach
flew out wicker-work butterflies of fear and disdain

for, every night he would lie awake,
shivering in cold sweat
paralysed in terror, too scared to scream
as the thing of nightmares drawled beneath his bed

with a CRUNCH and a sickening SNAP,
it would feast upon his collection of dry animal bones
then slink off into the darkness
to raid all the other neighbouring homes

alas it was only a matter of time
'til his parents stumbled across the source of his dread -
the apothecary of horror descending upon their helpless souls
draining their bodies dry and leaving them for dead

turning to face the boy for the first time
blood dribbling down its lumpy chin
it's eyes burning, luminescent and yellow,
as maggots and ticks burrowed in its skin

"Why do you not turn away child, succumb to your fear and face thee?"
The Vampyre rasped, it's voice high with amusement
"Who could dare stare into my eyes and not scream?"

and the boy's answer was simple
so simple it took the creature by complete surprise;
"Why should I fear you, when I don't fear death itself?"
And with this the boy gestured towards the first light of sunrise,

and as the Vampyre swooped in
to take his last breath
he smiled, embraced the decrepit creature
welcoming the chilling kiss of Death.

AJ

Propped up at the bar
her beauty sweetly intimidating
as my heart begins to skip
so do my legs start shaking

eyes set and sparkling
face narrow, cheek bones high
with the grace of an eagle
she moves around as if to fly

pulling pints and setting sights
her fellow girls glare
smiling, knowing
behind her back every man will stare

and I think to myself, I think
as I look into those eyes
how do I know I'm not good enough
if I don't even try?

It's that deep uneasiness I find so strange
the fear of beauty is enough to perplex, for when it comes to lust
you tread the fine line of wanting someone's love
or simply wanting them for ***

the days where I feel worthless are mounting up
I fear I may have to face this perpetual loneliness for the rest of my life
sitting alone inside my bedroom

sometimes I sit alone to cry

all around me love reeks
do I like them?
do they like me?
A blind prophet seeking truth
through blinding tears I try to see

wishing, why can't I be normal
normal just like her, or even you

when you're drowning in the sea of lies
it seems impossible to find the truth

this way, or my way
a scapegoat cut from the scenes

realising the mundane reality of it all
as pain slowly pulls me at the seams

When your face drains to white
and black grows around your eyes,
when you continue to live in mid-night songs,
even as your heart beat becomes a surprise.

When the weekend's velveteen fields
are filled with resentment, and stained blue -
every **** text, upon every eve,
two years straight and still I hope it's you.

You were the painful medicine,
replacing my October-distraught sinews,
two hearts beating blindly
one out of synch, starting to confuse;

oh I'm running, I'm crying
and I'm racing the dawning clock -
you're so transfixing, and surprising
lurking where reality stops;

loving you is like loving a blade,
one lone westerner
comforting, stroking, fulfilling his own demise -

I'm useless, pathetic,

and you're still Pretty Crystal Blue Eyes...

Seeing from eyes bloodshot and marred
my tongue twisted, acrid and charred,
the thoughts seeth like despotic marauders
jack-knifing from station to station, my pretty little disorders

I bleached my teeth and hair today, no reason
a ****** predator my sin's in full season
fleeing the past and all that may cause pain
indulging in chemical filth to mask the disdain

when the black sky opens up and swallows you whole
you begin to realise that home is not home
you burn the old photos, from the memories you run,
forgetting who you really are, mistaking death for fun -

have you ever fallen so ******* hard
that you can't breath for days
have you ever been kept awake at night
so that when dawn comes it's a washed out haze?

I've branded Senseless onto my skin
so that I'm reminded no matter how much I care I'll never win,

my mind a cavern full of decaying stories and flesh,

oh sweet baby Alex, good night and God bless.

CHAPTER 1 - Part 1


The lone figure hobbled painfully down the road, one hand clasped to his bleeding thigh, the other just hanging aimlessly by his side.

He wore a filthy white shirt, the collar now dog eared and embedded with stale sweat. The baking sun bore down on his navy, army-style, jacket - burning its fabric so intensely that the colour pigments had actually started to fade, giving the whole coat a washed out purplish tinge at its fraying edges. Upon the jacket's left arm was a peeling smiley sticker, the actual curl of the paper contorting the smiley's face into a strained grimace.

The other arm was stained with blood.

"Go... go... with the flow -" He whispered quietly to himself, head hung over, cast in thick shadow by his greasy hair. With every jaunty step he took, a spurt of blood escaped from his clutching hand and dripped onto the tarmac road - where it sizzled in the sun.

He wheezed and gasped, as if his throat was lined with dry sandpaper - and yet he still whispered quietly to himself, those same words over and over again.

"Go... go... with the flow."

Fields of daisies surrounded him - their once canary yellow petals, now scorched brown; dead and lifeless. Everything dead in this world, apart from him, the punishing sun in the sky, and Death itself.

He shook his head swiftly once - for no apparent reason.

["You don't have to, babe - we can work it out!"]

"No... we... ca-n't..." He groaned to himself, shaking his head side to side, his free hand starting to twitch.

"Can't... just can't -"

A slight wind suddenly blew from the north, lifting up his mopped fringe, scantly revealing his face. His skin was sickly white, the hair only moving enough to reveal a circular scar gouged all the way around his right eye - the pupil of which, was pooled with blood.

He smiled, a lopsided grin that revealed pristine white teeth.

["No, no please - just put it down, we can sort it all out!"]

"Baby, baby, babyyy..." He spoke clearly, his tone now remarkably smoother and refined. In some eerie way it was as if he was trying not to laugh at something, the same sort of tone a school kid would use when trying not to laugh at a joke as they're getting told off by a teacher.

It was as if... well it was as if he was in his own little world, talking to a person that was only existent in his head.

["I don't care what you've done... I still love you!"]

"No you don't."

His leg continued to bleed, and the sun burned even brighter, but he stood up straight - well almost, one shoulder sloped slightly to the left side. His leg was bent at heavily at the knee, blood running in rivets down his pants.

["Jay... l-listen, j-just put it down - there's no reason for this!"]

With a flick, he shook out a seven inch carving knife straight out of his sleeve - the hand holding deadly still.

The blade glittered in the sun.

["Jay - no!"]

He lurched forwards, holding out the knife to his side and flicking with a menacing flair.

"Baby be still... just go with the flow..."

AJ

I had a dream of things that
could sometime be -
one sharp glimpse across
shimmering waters of an other-worldly sea,

with skies of the brightest blue
and fields of emerald-infused wild grass,
a field of dreams that's so pure
amidst a world that's sardonic and sickeningly crass

come join me my friend, sleep away
from a world that burns, and a life infatuated with gloom,
run through fields of clover and lilies
and buds swollen and golden, ready to bloom,

O' frolic upon crisp-white clouds
soar with me through the sky,
just enjoy this sweet paradise for all it's worth
ignore the fact that all you see here is a lie -

be grateful that you can escape
to this place with no sin,
for once you finally awake

you'll be plunged into a world you no longer want to live in.

A Lion's heart, but it lost it's pride,
one nasty grudge with a gun
and a million thoughts that flicker and subside.

I see your face in the dying moonlight,
a heart that's torn, mangled,
kept awake by past memories that whisper in the night.

A bud that splits, fed by intravenous inception
moral decomposition ingrained into its glistening petals,
leading its victims on a crimson stained mis-direction -

you're my Dove that shines in the light
but with split feathers, and broken wings;
the kiss from the Devil you used to love
still bites and stings.

For tonight you cry for mercy
as I silently peer through the crack in the door -

it seems father finally took your heart,
and left it bleeding and shattered upon the floor.

Strapped and bound to the wall
a game of ******* and chains, as
solitude light casts shadows
on an abomination's remains,

I gaze into the mirror on the wall
my troubled face pasty as sour milk
and the laughing glass laughs, taunting
from beneath a surface as smooth as silk

for within its nether-twine frame
thy carbon copy mimics my reflection
spun from a festering web of sorrow,
and tainted by prolific perfection

the accusations of people that have been cast
through my estranged blood it runs,
for bending both ways is despicable
and to do so I might as well kiss their loaded guns

and as I stare at my sorry reflection
I see juvenility, excitement and confusion
daggers of shame piercing my eyes,
the skin around blackening from their intrusion, and pathetic lies

oh yes change is strange
and as humans we naturally fear
but love is such a word now often unheard
causing the laughing glass to leer

and now when I look at myself
I don't see who I truly am,
that, beyond their cackles and conniving remarks,
I am actually so much more than -

I see a stranger, a ******, a mistaken queer,
the number one prestigious freak -

but from the shadows I will rise
and from my heart I will finally speak.

In silence she sits,
gazing at the glass of water shimmering on his bedside table,
deep down knowing she must do it -
but also knowing she'll never be able.

Lay there,
plastic tubes fused to his veins,
his beating heart exposed bare -
and yet the Doctors say his brain is
DEAD,
and yet, breathing, he lives
outstretched before her on the hospital bed.

They never had kids,
she was always unable to conceive -
and yet night,
after night,
he always gave it,
and she always tried to receive.

All he wanted was to be a father -
because of her
he never got the chance to care,
to rear a child of his own;
provide a loving heart,
and a warm and safe home.

[I'm so sorry]

And at 17:01,
with the machine monitor
covered with a single white cloth,
she bends over her late husband,
with a shaking hand,
she switches the life support off.

17:35

She sits
and cries
a lonely woman,
already grieving and telling herself lies.

[Don't be -]
[sorry]

Whispers in the wind.

AJ

Tate and Lyle were the very best of brothers
but one hid a secret unbeknownst to others,
for Tate had hidden a sick infatuation since the age of 10,
a ***** manifestation that had evolved into ****** pleasure with men

alas Lyle had known this for quite a while
in more ways than one he was manipulative and vile,
distancing his brother from the rest of the sugar pack
his sanity twisted from the overbearing secret strapped to his back

oh is homosexuality completely incorrect?
A taboo subject only understood by the superior intellect -
sugar cubes don't have brains, but they are cunning,
for when the spoon came, Lyle trapped his brother as the others fled running

and as the pendulumns of time did eventually sway
Lyle allowed his brother to be taken on the spoon up up and away,
and 'twas sallow anger, not sorrow, Lyle felt,
his sugar crystals bristling as he saw his sibling slowly drown and melt.

I'll wipe away your tears when it gets too much
I'll kiss you softly when I've given you what I want
weeping rose, your sultry not mine but yours to keep,
exhausted and drugged we simply didn't want to sleep

high on adrenaline and forbidden lust
you took me to your garden and charred my trust
taking my decaying exterior, a mask corrupted and inferior -

stirring the freak inside with a stroke and ******

O' charred rose, you weeping liar
polluting minds with toxic desire
a dismembered head, horror's twisted invictus
a mind seething with cyanide and citrus

nights full of compassion and false respect
I take you as a friend but you know what I expect
I'd say I'm ashamed, horrified, but then I'd be a liar
for this sick addiction burns within like fire

you're disgusting, infatuating, twisted and vile
I'm full of obscenity, my heart beating bile

telling myself that you'll be a friend when I see you again
but deep down I know I won't be thinking with my brain.

My sister's sick with a disease that can barely be cured
a flash and all is gone when hope seemed restored

pumping veins with poison and chemicals, to ****;
when the cure's worse than the sickness all you're left with is will

when you have nothing but love and helplessness
you realise money and peace are just luxuries, excess -

for how much is a pure healthy soul
nothing to be afforded by countless billions or gold

she sits there now, starving but sick
there's nothing I can do but be quick

mop up the mess, fawn a laugh, a medicating joke
when deep down in my heart I just want to choke -

when her hair falls out and you can do nothing but smile
then quietly run away to cry for awhile

when she looks into your eyes and says she's fine
even with her voice bloated and trying not to whine

when the days feel black and you have nobody to turn to
even though they're all around you

when you curse the Lord, wish the cancer upon yourself
when you punish your body just to understand her health

when things become unbearable, but you're always there

*that's when you know, my son, you truly care.

My heart bleeds, oh friend can you hear it cry?
Strength gone, pride shrivelled up to die,
ignorance, fear; the only defences I've known
shuttering up that place where hope should have grown

dreams plagued with her beauty, and lure
I breathe from a body indulgent, impure
her eyes bite, her voice hits with a fist,
fangs protrude from the mouth I have countlessly kissed

the sun does shine but my mood still wanes
not my fault yet it's myself I still blame,
am not good enough, do I not appeal
will she spit humiliation upon me as I beg and kneel

will she take me in her arms, kiss me, say it's alright
will she caress my blackened heart, love me all through the night
will she **** the voices that tempt me to sin
will she be mine to keep, if only I could win

or will she burn me in the fires of rejection
**** me off into a world of deceit and deception -

a question that burns like an ember within my brain,
do I really want to know if she feels the same?

AJ

Quietness caresses the Tulips,
the Roses all stand in abstinence,
the colours muted,
their leaves dripping with silence.

The wind's kissing the tears
that are running down my featureless face -
in an ageing body life departs
as death slowly takes it place.

Breath of an Angel,
catching as it sticks in the tide,
crumble does the rotten wall
behind which manipulation hides -

Pursed lips bloodied but clean,
one incarnadine stained soul
so beautifully sanguine

a single Ivory Rose, extracted
from the sweet substance of prayers,

choking and dying,
suffocating in a world that no longer cares,

standing its ground,
silently doing its hidden duty,

failing the infallible
being it's true blackened beauty.

It was good, wasn't it?

With my mates gone on their own ways,
wandering back to their empty flats,
whining and shuffling like lost little strays,

I sigh, pull out my phone -
about to sink back into my lonely pit,
filled with a hundred broken hearts
and black devil's spit...

That's when our eyes suddenly catch,
you stood by the bar,
an iced ***** in your hand -
drinking just to pass the time,

and I'm stood there,
by the exit, a ringing mobile in mine.

Through the lavish, heavily sagged light,
you slowly approach -
preening back so that every inch
of your slick body
is in clear sight.

And that night
we made, not love,
but ******, sweaty lust -
a drunken ****** act
built on nothing but hidden motives and flawed trust.

And yes, it was good;
your firm golden skin,
dimpled by the lace straps of your bra,
mouth pulled into that **** grin...

But I don't love you.

I've laid all of my deck on the table,
held up and shown my playing hand -
me and you, Babe,

It was only a one night stand.

And yet you stole my number
off my closest friend,

Is this ever-
Is this ever going to end?

You're just an abdominal cramp in my existence;
still ringing my phone,
with that irritating persistence -

And I'm retreating back
into my twisted, abandoned pit -
the sweat on my body
turning slowly into that black devil spit.

Upon a yellowing canvas, a painting entitled Crimson Dawn,

leering faces peeping through the paint that it's been drawn 

It's red, it's dead, one cold frenzied mess
painted from the blood of the many that came to confess.

He's a priest and a disgusting liar 
worshipping not a god but the power he desires 
what's good is gone, buried in the catacombs of greed 
on grief and sins like a bloated mosquito he feeds 

give us temptation and our humanity instantly degrades 
memories, love, identity; all empty idols that fade -

shambling skeletons following us to our graves

manipulation is but a disease

unleashing the worst we strive to appease

leaving innocence a dry husk on the floor

lust draining our bodies like a leprositic *****

he's drawing pictures with stolen blood
not because he had to, but because he could
not insane, nor evil, but simply obsessed 
a Psychopath protected in the uniform that he's dressed - 

In a world that's pathetic and sin ridden

who is God, and can he ever be forgiven?

I sit with my back against the wall
exhausted by the life I have made for myself
why should I live these days fearing
of becoming something I'm not?

The sullen future ahead boasts as much promise
as the shadows around me do now
hope opens occasionally like a crack in the wall
it's false pretences just as cruel as its absence

I yearn for a high but he gives me a low
seems I am the only one God does not love
but then again why should I be surprised
I am unlovable after all

a birth mother caustic and warped
burning any happiness my father ever sought
wounds over 20 years old alas the pain still stings
cue the sister carried away upon Angels wings.

Ever watched the word burn before you?
It's beautiful to see all the ******* perish.

Here am I sat alone in the dark
as the black ****-stain of my life plays out
seems I am cursed to be this way forever -

oh lord is this play going to get any better?!

Stop the world, I wanna throw up.

Pour more sugar on my wounds
in the mid of night your face still exhumes
thought I'd cut the cord, forget you exist,
but even bleeding my desire insists

inside I hide a heart of pure arsenic
the most poisonous persona, nobody denies it,
but now you've turned against me I've tasted the pain I spread,
obsessive dispositions I can't get out of my head

it's like an itch under the skin that just won't go away
I've got to have you, in every way -
thoughts of your body lingering upon my lips
a ravenous dog that just wants a kiss

the taste of your flesh, of your hair, the feel of your soft skin
this jittery malevolence that hungers within,
I'll devour your beauty, taint and manipulate your trust,
oh baby, I'm just a filthy predator led by lust.

There's a difference in his eyes I cannot see
the thought of letting loose, of setting him free
enough to churn the stomach, to gurgle, to rile
his ammonic state of mind corrosive and vile

he lives his life surrounded by taunts and mistrust
hiding deviacy beneath lies and thick dust
the remnants of normality obscured but still there
he hears their cries but no longer cares

desperation desperation where hath thou gone
skin pallid upon where the sun once shone
***** cakes the carpet, blood up the walls
bits of babies and adult men strewn through the halls -

[Listen! Listen! Can you hear that sound?
It's the sound of your ignorance, of morality unwound]

I sat down today and looked into the mirror
through a curtain of cigarette smoke,
I never used to indulge in such filth
a fool to sin, guess I deserve to cough, to choke

there's a jittery malevolence within I can feel
with every tickety-tick-tock of the clock something unreels -
a prisoner to the past, I revel in divine incense
of pathetic excuses and irreverent adolescence

he's inside me now, there's nothing I can do
it's the way of the world, my little flower bloom I grew
now I'll nurture it, feed it, watch him flourish
then maybe someday I'll finally be ******* noticed.

Please tell me my Lord
if I have something to live for,
oh help me dear God
my sanity pertains but my hope thaws

hello there silence
you old friend,
you make me seek reflection
when happiness is at end

but I'm afraid my vision's blurred
I can no longer fight
the strength I was proud of is gone
images of the future erased forever from my sight

I've ran my body through the mechanical grinder
that is this thing we call life
now here I sat upon my throne of despair
surrounded by shattered thoughts and empty strife

too many times did you puncture
the throbbing ***** that is my heart
if this is the nearest I'll get to heaven
then I guess I'd rather be dead from the start

I'm not living but surviving
disillusioned by what everything seems
so please please dear God, tonight when I sleep,
allow me to escape to the world that exists only in my dreams.

Give me a reason why I should still breathe
explain what it is I should still believe -
all is not worthless, carry on even though it stings
is it not true that I had the Angel but broke her wings?

Oh here are we, one trans-androgynous moment in time
burying their dissident egos I over-inflated mine -

I'm sorry, but does my face show some sort of care?
You should know by now the world's both selfish and unfair

It doesn't need no explanations or excuses
reality is both exquisite and abusive,
as mere mortals how can we claim complete control
relying on hearts where spite hath grown?

Here are we, stood before the changing tide
rather than leap at the opportunity my heart simply sighs

Confusion! Confusion! Clarity where hath thou gone?

All is cold and dark, oh Lord why do I feel so alone?

Alas I sit alone beneath the stars
revealing both physical and emotional scars

the chance to start again has finally arisen

but do I still want to live in this world so disgustingly sin-ridden?

Does one have to care about the intoxication of a man's desire
to simply mimic it's pathetic existence?
Can the foundations of a lone human soul, stand tall
devoid of the calloused knife that is love's persistence?

Should misinterpreted geniosity be denied of strength,
to be distracted by the limitations of compassion and respect -
why would one care about another's delinquent woes,
when he can have brilliant superiority and intellect?

Should any self-deserving man work the need to feel,
when really he could simply pretend -
why, would you cut the stork of a blooming Rose

if it were to suddenly grow, expand and extend?

To have the heart of a loyal friend, and of a lifetime's lover
is most honourable, a gift you could not beset -

alas, thy cold-hard heart of a killer is much stronger, for
if those relationships were to crumble, he could simply smile and forget.