Does one have to care about the intoxication of a man's desire
to simply mimic it's pathetic existence?
Can the foundations of a lone human soul, stand tall
devoid of the calloused knife that is love's persistence?

Should misinterpreted geniosity be denied of strength,
to be distracted by the limitations of compassion and respect -
why would one care about another's delinquent woes,
when he can have brilliant superiority and intellect?

Should any self-deserving man work the need to feel,
when really he could simply pretend -
why, would you cut the stork of a blooming Rose

if it were to suddenly grow, expand and extend?

To have the heart of a loyal friend, and of a lifetime's lover
is most honourable, a gift you could not beset -

alas, thy cold-hard heart of a killer is much stronger, for
if those relationships were to crumble, he could simply smile and forget.

Did you mistake empathy in my eyes,
my face deathly white and dead
as deep down something broken cries

I shattered myself and was born anew
from the blank numbness an epiphany grew
for why should I care about others
when I'm dejected by all, the darkness covers,

there are rings around my sockets
but I'm wearing designer shirts with fortune in my pockets
my words, once cracked, now slyly lilt
embers of mistrust glow from what I was built

the Thin White Joke has returned
and away the fog of depression he burns
a depreciated figure approaching from the darkness
his strength and bitterness I harness

for I'm desperate, I needed a way out
when I reached to those I loved they ignored my shouts,
so now I've turned to the cruellest corner of my mind
for I know with the Badrock Lover happiness I will find.

She's dainty
she's dark
she's serious but doesn't care
her skin silk white
eyes unjust yet fair

her voice whispers
with a hint of charmed humour
ignoring the catcalls
and all the rumours

oblivious to a lie that's sordid
dispelling anything destructive or morbid
a sensitive beauty watching from eyes electro-blue
whenever she speaks my heart jumps en-que

I'm not sure what attracts me to her side
any longing or passion she seems to hide
is that chemistry, I ask myself, or just friendship
curiosity dragging me out of that blackened pit

for I withdrew into my mind and a world of horrors
chasms in my brain feeling like long lost corridors
I forgot what it is to love others and myself
floating in the void of ill health

alas, I looked into her eyes and saw light
the eternally absent stranger, arcane, bright
thought the end was nigh but is this a fresh beginning?
It's hard to see who's losing and who's winning -

she's dainty
she's dark
she's serious yet fair -
I don't care where she is
I just want to be next to her, right there.

If I had a son
I'd love him with my life -
I'd stretch the boundaries of my own health
just to keep him from strife.

If he was ever upset,
I'd comfort and scare away his fears,
I'd cuddle his little body
and love away his tears.

Upon the loneliest of days,
I'd mess around, tickle,
make him smile -

I'd run along beside him,
even if it was for the longest mile.

And in the darkest of nights,
I'd show him the sparkling Moon,
the glowing Mars -

I'd shower him with my undying love
and ****** him to the stars.

The world flies past before me
nagging fear growing more and more transparent,
hiking back breaths to stop feeling sick
as the journey lengthens, my panic becomes apparent,

I never loved my creator, still I wanted to go back
to stare the evil I fear in its soured face
'fore it finally gathers up its silken Cape and drifts
up into the night, leaving behind only its vile taste,

spawned from the pressures of society
and the kiss of insanity, such is its need dire -
speaking like a god, loving like a machine,
sewing together its threads like a manipulative liar

god only knows why the bloated womb of life
threw up this pathetic excuse of a being,
and one may surmise myself bitter and twisted
but dear you can't see what I'm seeing,

she's a Vampyre of time and space itself
the parasite that preys more upon my mind with every passing year,
as the world around greys, along with my fractured heart,
the questions of How What and Why grow ever-more sincere

but as I stand before my late birth-mother,
her face not that of evil or a Vampyre, but of a woman riddled with fear -
I realise the anger I feel now mimics her own past demons
and that my judgement was dispelled by a single, bitter tear

[How was I such a fool
to willingly become so heartless and cruel?]

yes she took away my beautiful sister
but blood runs thick, sorrow's carried upon the wings of a Dove,
and now in her time of need, instead of asking questions
I'll simply shower her with my undying love.

[Sometimes it's easier to forgive and let go
because only then can love really show]

Meet Doctor Montgomery
with medical science he knows best -
a figure that some worship
and others detest,

for in 1974 he was revelling in his prime,
studying Biological Science at Oxford university
life was smooth and incredibly sublime.

Alas, he fell as a ****** addict,
seeking hidden answers,
that not even modern science could predict,

performing back-street abortions
bringing in the money -
by 1976 addiction was in full swing
and his wife had noticed something funny

and upon the Eve of that Halloween
she'd just had enough -
took the axe from out back to his study
but the blade was blunt and the oak door too tough

however her efforts were in vain
as Charles immediately opened up to greet her -

"My love, look -" He whispered,
gesturing to his centrepiece glass table
whereupon sat
a linen covered cradle -

slowly she peered in,
ignoring his entranced stares -
and what she saw wrapped in blankets,
was the seed of nightmares.

For Charles Montgomery
had been practicing the work of witches;
collecting deceased babies,
and sewing life together with surgical stitches -

"Do you like it? I made it for you..."

She gazes around, speechless,
eyes blurry with stars -
shelves and cabinets full
of body parts preserved in jam jars

throwing up at his feet,
going mad with depravation -

"Oh Charles -

IT'S AN ABOMINATION!!!"

A gem now forever taken away,
her disappearance shrouded with lies;
a psychotic mother pulling the strings
using mental illness as a tool for her disguise.

One disgustingly twisted Succubus,
neglecting her only daughter, an unwanted child,
unable to control an anger
blistering within and furiously wild.

Emma was the girl's sweet name,
she was beautiful and normal
but unfortunately her mother was completely insane -

not caring for her daughter
she drowned her in ***** bath water,
thus from then on things spiralled into blackened disdain.

And sometimes I lie awake, stare at the blank ceiling,
wishing the girl had never been born
thinking, perhaps, that the arrow of death might've missed her -

sometimes I lie awake at night,

and cry for my beautiful late sister.

AJ

[For you, wherever you are X]

A faded silhouette with a broken smile
sitting in my chair I gaze at the abyss for a while
wondering how things ever became so complex
my fingers numb, but still they flex

my muscles seeth with anger, bloated with fury
I'm the apostle of failure, just look at my story;
born from the womb of carelessness, now I can't feel
a scavenger in this world all I do is steal

grounded like a butterfly with broken wings
hunting for shards of truth amongst other things
I'm the height of sophistication, of lust, of adoration

*Oh if only I was

Love is
when things turn black, you're always there
Love is
when somethings different you don't stand and stare
Love is
making that special someone some coffee, a cake or maybe their favourite food
It's pretending to laugh when you're just not in the mood

Love is
tending to the sick, to the poor, to the wasters and users
Love is
realising in life that we're surrounded by takers and choosers
Love is
waiting for another at the bus stop in the pouring down rain
It's the beautiful gift that just gives again and again

Love is
not sharing on Facebook hoping millions in other countries will care
Love is
focusing not on the fictional but the ones who are actually there
Love is
knowing who are your friends and who are parasites
it's watching out for your brother, even if it keeps you up all night

So pack up your worries, your selfish needs and excuses
reality's both exquisite and ferociously abusive -
when you're lay dying, will your tweets or wealth keep you alive?
No, for love is the drug that keeps living alive.

A gem now forever taken away,
her disappearance shrouded with lies;
a psychotic mother pulling the strings
using mental illness as a tool for her disguise.

One disgustingly twisted Succubus,
neglecting her only daughter, an unwanted child,
unable to control an anger
blistering within and furiously wild.

Emma was the girl's sweet name,
she was beautiful and normal
but unfortunately her mother was completely insane -

not caring for her daughter
she drowned her in ***** bath water,
thus from then on things spiralled into blackened disdain.

And sometimes I lie awake, stare at the blank ceiling,
wishing the girl had never been born
thinking, perhaps, that the arrow of death might've missed her -

sometimes I lie awake at night,

and cry for my beautiful late sister.

He gazes down upon his friend,
the latter's body mutilated and shredded -
he gazes down upon his deceased companion
staring straight at the loneliness he's dreaded,

he's a fighter, a sole survivor
ignorant to the moon above that grins -
he spits upon his hands and uses them
to wash away the blood splattered across his shins,

his valentine is the death
he's avoided for so so long,
having traversed these radioactive wastelands
his conscience is weak and his hunger strong

for now he constructs a fire,
a crude make-shift grill and spit -
hacking off his comrades arm, he leaves it to roast
and for a while all he does is sit,

'til finally he tucks into his tasty meal
of human flesh, gristle and bones -
eating another person simply doesn't phase him
and for more his stomach groans,

three days later his victim's corpse
lies barren, rotting and stripped bare -
no amount of muscle, flesh or fat to be seen
'xcept for a scalp still covered with hair

- - - Silence - - -

broken by the turbulent buzzing of the flies
that feast and swarm within the fighters mouth,
his body now lay dead and rotting
about twenty miles to the south.

Face of stone she gazes at it's reflection
begging the darkness for its lurid affection
the silence doesn't care, for years secretly she's known
clearing the space where the bitter fury has grown

her bloodshot eyes hides a butterfly of crystal
fragile and delicate, majestic yet wistful
the world turned, her strength shattering like glass
a beautiful psyche intoxicated by its past

["Oh please! Don't go!"]

singing upon the banks of heartbreak's river
a voice once so strong now trembles and shivers
fingernails drawn, skin white, ribs concave bars
she gazes to the night's sky into a sea of stars

her babe flew away and left a whole
black and gaping in her heart and soul
whisked to another planet, a distant foreign land,
his kiss a statement forever lingering upon her hand

["The non-existent angels sing
I beg of them to guide me home -"]

and there's something in the skies above
there's something lurking in those stars

["but my ship's burnt, my virginity dead -
#sob#
oh baby what have I become?!"]

something watching from within the black
a transparent symptomatic entity masked by a farce.

Old friend, I've just killed a man
painted my spirit ****** red, cut the cord now it's dead

Oh adios dear friends, it's the final half of the show
the Thin White Joke is here and now it's time to go

desperation lingers, unwanted and with regret
I'm sure with time I will forget
but I look at the flowers, unfeeling but born to be free
holding against the tide, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
born just to be

what have I done, destroying my only ally
leaving this carapace wounded and fragile
I'm standing against the tide, simply
created not to live but to survive

what's the point in this world
born to suffer
with your ghastly grace
you smother;
homeless eat from bins
the wealthy flounder in their sins
morality bruised battered swollen
dwelling in the void where hope is woven

I cannot see what I cannot forget
a society sickened and upset
bouncing flouncing to the point of no return
in their graves the unholy turn

and turn -

and turn -

So do you think you can lean and spit in my eyes?
You think you can tarnish me with your pathetic lies?
Oh lady, sweet sweet lady -

I was born to be alive
I was born to hurt
I was born to sin and look up skirts
I'm a man, I'm a man
can't you see I'm on the edge
of psychopathic health and sweet nothingness

the birds are there to fly
tears made just to cry
one caring/hatred abomination
jackhammering from station to station

I care not what you think
nor what you say
infact I care not for you in any way -

the flowers were born uncaring and free
but now the world lags, cut
finally -
finally it no longer matters to me.

You've taken
                                       what's not yours -
           consuming and sticking to them
                           like germ-ridden spores

                                   You filthy *******
                                      hope you choke on
                       those sly tongues that lilt,
                                   I hope you overdose
                       on your distant inner guilt

                                                         because
                               there was a thousand
                          things you could've done
                           but none could compare
                                                     to this one

Innocent objects,
going about
without care, living normality
obliviously unaware

                           That you were stalking,
                                                       watching,
                          just pawns in your game
                 a living key to your delusions
                                     and personal gain.

                               Where are they now?        
                                   What do you want?

                                                          ­Politics,
                              religion, exclamations
                                     reams upon reams
                    of question marked swirls -
                                         this is human life
                                    you're playing with!

                                                 So give it up,

"Bring Back Our Girls!"

My heart doesn't feel so good,
I can't think or see straight anymore -
my chest aches and skips,
I'm trying to sleep but my eyes are burnt and sore.

It seems that everyone I love
or had ever known,
has now betrayed my trust
packed up their bags and just gone -

I'm so ****** independent,
I ain't got no friends -
hell, who needs them?
Relationships with loose ends and frayed dividends,

portraying care that has a flair
for going sour and stale,
compassion that cries in corners
as love suddenly collapses and grows frail.

Are our lives determined by the shadows
that plague our sorry pasts?
In this black void of a world,
is there truly a happiness that can ever last?

Cawing crows as black as tar,
pick and feast upon my naked soul...
it's alright though
'guess I'll never be fulfilled whole,

never have a girl, nor a family,
I'll probably die alone in these faded clothes in which I dress -

once upon a time I cared...

but now I just want out of this life that's a sorry mess...

Give me a reason why I should still breathe
explain what it is I should still believe -
all is not worthless, carry on even though it stings
is it not true that I had the Angel but broke her wings?

Oh here are we, one trans-androgynous moment in time
burying their dissident egos I over-inflated mine -

I'm sorry, but does my face show some sort of care?
You should know by now the world's both selfish and unfair

It doesn't need no explanations or excuses
reality is both exquisite and abusive,
as mere mortals how can we claim complete control
relying on hearts where spite hath grown?

Here are we, stood before the changing tide
rather than leap at the opportunity my heart simply sighs

Confusion! Confusion! Clarity where hath thou gone?

All is cold and dark, oh Lord why do I feel so alone?

Alas I sit alone beneath the stars
revealing both physical and emotional scars

the chance to start again has finally arisen

but do I still want to live in this world so disgustingly sin-ridden?

I ripped my heart out to make way for a new one 
the future is bright and the past is done 
I destroyed myself, yet I still brush off the dust
the new year's started and I've found someone I can trust 

countless exploits I've tried and failed 
and when all seemed destroyed my strength prevailed 
there have been days bleak, nights filled with tears
times I have broken down, myself I've feared 

and yet through all black, still I saw something bright 
a promise of hope that danced from my sight 
gathering my thoughts and my shattered pieces 
I snatched back my life and started ironing out the creases 

the downward spiral is but a tempest of inner fury 
all of a sudden you become judge, executioner and jury 
there were days where it was too easy to give up
there were days when I prayed my eyes would stay forever shut 

But I'm still here
still beating, still breathing 

I am my own god 
death will have to wait to start his thieving 

I'm still here, I'll shout it again, I'll shout it aloud!

I've re-started my life

and finally, of myself, I can say I'm proud.

You are the light that shines
brighter than any star,
you're a gem riddled with flaws
but that's not what makes you who you are.

You're my candle that glitters in the night -
you may not have always been there for me
but hey don't dwell on it; it really is alright.

You may be a bit big (quite a chunky monkey)
and yeah you've lost most of your hair -
but now you're here beside me
and for all your faults, I simply don't care.

For this Christmas I want to give you something special;
I wrote this poem from the bottom of my heart,
powered by that beautiful life and strength
you gave me right from the very start.

I give you something no one can ever take away;
a present that can never be touched,
never be seen, nor heard,
but can always be had -

on this fine Christmas Day,
I just wanted to say I love you Dad.

I awake to a light shining upon my temple,
bask in the amber hues of dawn -
in the throes of fascination I gaze out
to a land magnificently vivid and beautifully drawn,

clouds that are semi-crescent wisps
remnants of a giant silken web spun,
mountains and mountains of pumice rock
from which crystallised water runs

field after field of emerald lemongrass,
hundreds of bovine cattle that stroll and graze -
a sky so agonisingly blue it near blinds the sun,
a picturesque paradise which can never be erased,

and as the trees around sway and bend
so does my fragile mind;
enthralled in this utopia and believing false perceptions
I take a step forward and leave reality behind -

heart crashing to a shuddering stop
as I catch a glimpse of my battered reflection -

alone in the semi-darkness of my bathroom
riding alongside the Devil on a one-trip road to perfection.

She whispers in my ear, says love is worth
it's brilliant weight in gold -
for eternity, upon that hot summer's night
to her passion my heart was forever sold.

I loved her then, and I still love her now;
from the first glance we fell under,
with running blood we forged an unbreakable vow.

Except it did break.

Fast forward to the eve of early October,
she's sumptuously massaging the back of my neck -
I'd never felt something so amazing
but back then my confidence was shot, I was a nervous wreck.

Oh but, she's got golden hair that ripples
and azure blue eyes that always entices -
her voice is as rich and slick as mahogany
surrounded by a fragrance of erotically exotic spices,

with teeth almost bleach-white,
and a body I'd have died to caress in the night -
oh that cheeky little smile
that made this mundane life seem more worthwhile,
now shrouded by memories and out of sight

Because, I was a pathetic waste of space -
with my head up my ****, I considered her advances a farce,
alas our friendship ran out of pace.

Now I only dream of what could have been,
for she had the strength that I lack -

oh sweet sweet lord,
how much I'd give to have her back.

[Jet Black]

We are the ghosts of things to come
we are the stars that shine amongst the sun
our souls devine, ours to keep
'tis only when Death calls will we truly sleep

for Time is the enigma of days been and gone
aspiration is what spurs us on,
Mother Nature whispers, from the silence she speaks
from the caw of a crow to the tree that creaks

we are the Vampires of wealth and splendour
we have it all but still we want more
as the world burns, its shell charred and weak,
we turn upon ourselves, bicker and bleat

patience a virtue long-lost and dead
anger and vengeance stain our streets red,
with bitter jealousy we snag and maim
knowing whose fault it is but still others we blame

we are the pioneers of devastation to come
we seek peace and perfection from the barrel of a gun -
the time of change and redemption has come to pass,
we spoke the Lord's name in vain,

so may these days be our last.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Valentine's a load of ****
And so are you

I want God to tell me
how to silence the shadows around,
I need his angels to show me
how to drag myself up from the ground

when everything around you is shattered
broken and resolute, and
the world carries on piling the weights
even though it knows you need a hand

when the people you thought loved you
have played you down to the last pound,
when it's only through humiliation
that the bitter truth is found

am I the only one in this place
who is decent, true and pure
cursed to be a shape-shifting wanderer
wallowing with the sick and poor?

Tell me, does God really exist
and if he does why make this place?

Oh why allow a world so promising
to fill with anger, jealousy and disgrace?

The 21st Century's breaking down
It's evident, and sadly it seems
that simple truth and honesty
are only possible in my dreams.

This very Rose before you, my loving honest friend,
will tell you of how such beauty becomes real
and whether it lives or dies, upon
your judgements it depends,

for this ivory Rose was crafted
from a single feather of a ****** Dove
that was birthed, and blessed
by our mighty father up above,
kissed with evanescent lips dripping
caught from the valley of dreams,
the fountain of Aphrodite, where it was slowly sipping,

plucked gently from its graceful wings,
the feather, comforted and stroked
transformed into a seed by his loving hands,
where-upon he strolled into the vast and hazardous deserts,
buried its precious life in the sands -

and of all the names should he pick,
it was yours that he saw,
your maiden name that influenced what he chose,
for this very flower was created just for you,
my love, my sweet Eleanor Rose.

Like a Wolf hiding from the hunter
I feel your bared teeth as my breath shudders

both playing the same dangerous game
both toxic in the tongue and mentally insane

I'm the Pariah of selfishness and stupidity
pained by your machinations and humility -

you're a lone wanderer driven by hunger and lust
caring not who you meet nor who you trust

but your ignorance preceeds you, a mundanity that's snapped,
you stole my bloated ego and temporarily sapped
the pride that runs through my vile veins
alas, I'm not one to stay chained -

tension pulsating
both still, waiting,
watching for the other's move
in this clash of hearts

who will win
who will lose

You took my heart and shattered it like glass
never did I need it, love never lasts
broken bones just dreams turned to stone
lies buzzing like flies,

sure, you'll miss me when I'm gone.

Stroking the charred remains of the day,
to my non-existent God I pray;
don't show me light, oh let me rot and roil
for everything I touch I unwillingly spoil

I sneer at my reflection, falling in love
with my ego and horrific fascinations
***, stilettos, chains
drugs, cigarettes and chest pains

I've torn myself in two halves
slowly being taken over by my disease I've starved
I locked it away for so so many years
but now the pale God has the key to my fears

Rejection, perception, emotive mutilation
I climbed my throne only to be failed by damnation
using truth like a razor I undoubtedly hurt
but all he cares about is fresh flesh and skirts

Ah I disgust myself but what choice do I have?
Better to give into the dark, or place my neck on a slab?
My heart is but a stone with a speck of gold
I'll try fighting it but I fear my sanity I've already sold.

I can feel him clawing at my insides
a Swan blackened and broken -

lurking, he does hide

a figment of my deranged imagination

volatile, bruised, tortured, shattered

the altar of self pity, on which 
dead Angels wings are splattered 

help me, 
for I cannot think right 

help me, 
for all that is true hides in sight 

help me, 
I don't know who I am 

oh friend, where is thy former man?

Sorrow gnawing holes in these summer days 
nights passing trains, thoughts meaningless haze 
it itches my skin, contracting like muscle sinew 
the ***** dilapidated and cold from which he grew 

they wanted beauty, perfection, so I will giveth it 
the outside glitters like gold, but the inside stinks like **** 

who am I to stop the man that wants to come forth
for is it not true life will be better -

and so, if not?

There he sat at a Grand Piano smoking a joint
eyes eclectic blue, narrowed to a point
a lover in season, expressing attraction in rays
woman after woman falling under his gaze

[Oh here are we, transparently caring]

shirt casually unbuttoned, chest bare, white
radiating beneath his own spotlight,
thinking he's adorable, pledging their hearts to him
with the grace of an Angel he takes them in

[ignorant to the torture at which we're staring]

a masochistic shark of society devoid of a fin
addled with ******* and getting under everyone's skin -
cutting with words sharp as razors
thanking the Lord and his many f^cking saviours

hammering away at the keys he sings a song of pure devotion
whilst sorely lacking in any physiological emotion
failing to see beyond this act, succumbing to all he may ask
it's only when the drugs ran out did he accidentally drop his mask

only a quick slip but a slip was enough
the smooth facade suddenly becoming corrosive and rough

backing up from the devilish contempt that had flickered through his eyes

the crowd around him exploded in startled cries

a thin white joke he cares for nobody but himself

forever dwindling into the abyss of eternal ill-health

with a crashing bang he threw his glass to the floor
erupting with anger in a blistering roar

reaching
chasing
hands clenched into fists

laughing in the face of death he blows it a kiss

["ARGH!"]

falling to the floor

clutching his chest -

heart suddenly stopping dead and

well,

I suppose you can guess the rest.

Make a thousand excuses
you'll never be mine

wearing our mangled crowns
Cupid ran out of time

loving despair and our precocious bodies
we are desires lovers

the sweet beautiful nobodies

you whisper sins in my ear
things that others should never hear
a voice that makes my run blood cold
one sliver of poison disguised as gold

teeth that chatter in a perfect melody
a toxic tongue in which pain is the remedy

can you feel that shudder beneath my breast
that's my heart escaping my aching chest

you're filthy, you're pathetic
an obscene blackened liar -
I know I shouldn't
but I'm addicted to my desires

a flash of hope burnt by passion
we wear each other like the latest fashion

our hearts beat but that's not living

Cupid's rotting away

I guess we get what we're given

returning to our troubled pasts
to mistakes we should not go back to

but I don't care as long as I'm with you.

Like the greying skin of a dying hand 

my sanity has diminished

alas had I not planned -

to lose touch with the outside world
to build a wall to protect from all that's rotten, curled?

[Mother made all your fears come true 
even absent Mother shadows what is true]

The days now pass distorted and hazed
pleading in the eyes that I gaze 
thus the jurors bicker, snicker, connive and remark 
passing judgement deep within thy dark;

"Evening Pale God, my good sir, my dire honour 
here we have the source of all the horror;

feelings. 

Feelings of emptiness and fury.
A concoction of illness and insecurity."

It's all in my mind, it's all in my head 
fascist ideologies and guilt dripping red 
am I not worthy of mercy -
not worthy of forgiveness -
oh how do I cure this volatile mental sickness?! 

"Never in all my time 
have I come across one so willing to die
but too fearful to pull the trigger.

You think the world laughs at your sorry state 
alas you're the one that sniggers."

Money money, greed's sweet honey 
buying all but honesty, and truth -
If only I could take that old revered gun 
point and shoot -

AHHHH!!!

Insane, deranged, perverted, vile 

I'm all and none

I've ran out of places to hide 

from the voices that contradict this depression 
finally rising to the top with blistering aggression


"It's time to **** the snake that mutated into disease
**** the snake of pain you try to appease.

Young sir, it's time to uncorrupt them all

It's time to bring down the wall.

- - -

The time has come to let things pass 
to not allow the loneliness to last

'Tis time to sing songs of peace 
and caring

and ignore the nothingness at which I have been staring.

Face of stone she gazes at it's reflection
begging the darkness for its lurid affection
the silence doesn't care, for years secretly she's known
clearing the space where the bitter fury has grown

her bloodshot eyes hides a butterfly of crystal
fragile and delicate, majestic yet wistful 
the world turned, her strength shattering like glass 
a beautiful psyche intoxicated by its past

["Oh please! Don't go!"]

singing upon the banks of heartbreak's river
a voice once so strong now trembles and shivers
fingernails drawn, skin white, ribs concave bars
she gazes to the night's sky into a sea of stars

her babe flew away and left a whole
black and gaping in her heart and soul
whisked to another planet, a distant foreign land,
his kiss a statement forever lingering upon her hand

["The non-existent angels sing
I beg of them to guide me home -"]

*["but my ship's burnt, my virginity dead -
#sob#
oh baby what have I become?"]

Surrounded by false idols, the emptiness stares
all I ever wanted was for someone to care -
dead as the beat thrumming in my heart
a pain dislocated from the world

restless

apart

get your hand off mine
you ain't 18 anymore
there's no point in life
if nothing's sore

the hurt says you're still breathing
because one day your winning
and the next you're weeping

they sing of Angels and Evil
whilst ******* upon their own steeples -
politicians, bankers, users and ******
matrimonial monkeys with ideals

greed and grotesque galore

teary eyes are just a disguise
there's a story behind everything you despise

[I hate our race, just make it quick
God humanity makes me sick]

like rabbits in warrens
we fornicate
we flaw

corrupting minds that were designed

*to experiment, explore

Broken memories and shattered lies
embers of mistrust glowing 'neath bloated skies,
it foams at the mouth and stalks our littered streets
a manifestation of grievance walking upon cloven feet

the screech of metal on rust, within the night a cry
lurking in the shadows in the corners of your eyes,
the Jabbersnatch is here and it's come for nobody but you
an abomination stealthy, surveying all that you do,

his blood is gold, his teeth splintered tooth picks
his amber eyes ecstasy that fits and splits

his role is to devour the wicked and the vile
the blood of his victims smeared upon his smile -

- - - -

The Jabbersnatch is here, he chuckles beneath my sink
the Jabbersnatch is here, I haven't slept a wink
the Jabbersnatch is here; oh my God, oh my days - what have I done?!

the Jabbersnatch is here

and he wants to have some *fun

The beer in my mouth is sour and bitter
but nothing compares to the foul taste of life,
inside my stomach the alcohol curdles
but within my mind I writhe

I'm sick of people thinking
that I'm an idiot, or a 'fruit'
now every night I'm drinking
and that's when the bad thoughts pollute

they weigh me down like bags of sand
tugging upon the waistline above my hip
fracturing my concentration in the day
and into a night of hysteric paranoia I slip

I don't sleep, the hours passed leer
taunting my lack of ability to rest
the strength I was once proud of is gone
my heart's bleeding, sluggish and distressed

never did I think it would happen
but I've found I no longer care,
I pushed aside the poison reaching for my soul
but to my horror I found nothing there

alone in the black October night
never have I felt like this in all my years,
cuddling up to a blanket that's cold
and a pillow damp with tears.

Birds sing upon the amber hues of dawn
the faint Northern breeze wakes with a windy yawn,
buttercups and daisies bloom and flower
the smell of freshly cut grass tangy and dour

alarm clocks and phones ring in symphony
as the early AM commuters arise limply;
taxis beep, buses groan
widows and homeless eat breakfast alone

coffee boils as the hungover quench their thirst
the fools that are late panic and curse -
some people awake to a strangers flat, whilst
others on the street to the lick of a cat

many awaken to the calls of their sin
sadly their only friend lies within an alcoholic drink,
their minds and brains addiction submerge
of suicide they stand upon the ever-crumbling verge

and thus I lie awake every night
fearing the future that somehow dances from my sight;
depression and utter disgust tempt me to give in
it claws at my stomach, grinds my bones from within

are we doomed to living our days exactly the same
to live a repetition so precise it'll drive us insane?

It seems in this darkness we stumble, we *****,
the light flitting from between our fingers that calls itself hope.

Ghosts of past icons hung on the walls,
echoes of music whispering through halls

of stained chequered linoleum floors,
incarnadine crimson curtains and dead applause

welcome to Tranquility Lane Hotel
where all you see is broken
welcome to the devourer of dreams, where
you can buy shame with one chipped casino token

when all you fear is real, and all you wish is perished

when all the world around is charred, here we have everything you ever cherished

*****, drugs, fights and ***
money, food, water and insects

the mutant hounds of the apocalypse screech and howl
as you sit back in a freshly perfumed bath towel
watching old TV adverts of a world gone by
an era decimated in the blink of an eye

stretch back and sip that brilliant post-war champagne
please ignore the screams and mysterious stains

no one ever leaves, no one ever tells,

welcome traveller to

Tranquility Lane Hotel.

A serious stare behind broken eyes 
half the man I was, wounded a thousand times

Who am I now?

Life chewed me up and spat me out 
ignorant to my pleas, to my juvenile shouts
stability refreshing in the ever-shifting sands 
happiness short-lived, greying like the skin of a dying hand 

I opened old wounds with the razor of disdain 
to feel alive I had to feel my own pain 
times change, I will not be 21 forever 
my youth as beautiful, yet fragile, as that of a feather 

a hundred times heartbreak I have cherished 
when the promise of hope constantly perished 
throughout my existence my dreams have evaded me 
nightmares forging the person I'm destined to be 

for now I have lost silver, yet gained gold 
lost my job but still my heart is sold 
a weary warrior of a war within myself 
forever anticipating losing it all, 
losing love
losing wealth 

Who am I now?
What have I become?

Who is that tired man?
Where has the old one gone?

Hey there pretty, I'm sorry I had to
fall in love

hey there cruel world,
I'm sorry I had to give up

- - -

HEY

GOD

oh won't you listen to me -

I've ******* had enough!

- - -

I'm throwing up the wall to block out the sin
for no matter how I try I never seem to win,

everything good is broken

now I don't even care

my eyes are bloodshot swollen

from the misery that I stare


when your heart beats

but you're not sure if you're still living

when you love others

but still they're not giving

you realise to yourself, maybe now's the time


to drop the final gear and just drive


surround yourself with emptiness, not much else to miss
take your shattered pride and give it a ****** kiss

rip out that septic ***** and replace it with something anew
mesh together callousness and loathing

by flesh, cartilidge and sinew

["You're Pathetic."]

- - -

I don't need no confirmation

I don't want no self control

broken hearts, slit apart

past and present to unfold

HEY GOD

oh won't you give me your hand to hold?

Your tongue's not needed to make me bleed

I've got razor blades to cut me

the drugs don't soften only silent me -

the writings on the wall


Oh Christ,


how long do I have to fall?

- - -

I took a bite of the apple and it soured in my mouth
again my mood has plummeted, dived South

the world stands with shifty feet and itchy gazes
as upon my mind the Archangel grazes

using his claws to separate my dying thoughts
his sly tongue lilts and distorts

The Pale God is dead, and so are all the other jokes
I grasped my nastiest and mercilessly choked

the nights out of my constant nightmares
but now I cannot think, now I am scared

I've destroyed so much I no longer cease to exist
just floating in this universe like a pathetic mist

I have tasted lust, I have tasted perfection

I have been betrayed by trust and ridiculed by deception

Happiness, if only.

Song birds sing in the morning dawn
no longer waking with a tired yawn
a calm surrender of things of the past
a path forwards I can pave, at last

Who be this new man -
moving onwards rather than stand?
There's a future in his eyes I can see
for, no longer in tears, he sleeps

Grasping a star and holding it close
rather than hold onto anger, he let it go
an absence of darkness, what is this?
What, no, could it be? Happiness?

There you are
with your new guitar and bleached hair,
stood before
a torrent of chants that do not care

Do you sing a song of pity,
of self loathing and freedom?

Do you sing a song of lies,
of politics and deceiving?

There you stand
with shaking arms inside a designer shirt
gazing out with
a smile fastened so tight it hurts

skin unfeeling as the grand drapes start unreeling
exposing a mass of faces vile and cheating

Oh shall we lead these fans and followers,
like rats to the water?

Do we take their willing hands
and lead the lambs to the slaughter?

When humans digest so much emotion it boats their heads
'tis the seed of exploding bombs and streets that run red
infected with disillusioned beliefs and false prophets
oh what do we do when the paranoia rockets?

*******, drugs and easy friends
writing songs and music, distracted messages that fail to send -

Do we sing a song of peace,
of fair equality and proprietary?

Or shall we sing a song of truth,
of gluttony, of the ***** stain that is our society?

To all you paranoid schizophrenic eclectics out there;
the Cranklatches are real
hiding 'neath your stairs 

dwelling under your sorry beds
creeping while you're sleeping
stealing your distorted heads 

who am I to obtain self control 
wish for just some clarity 
for thoughts non-hazy and whole 

It's not the drugs I think 
nor the ****** fluids in my 
ex-friends sink 

It's not the smell of decaying 
trust 
nor the world outside my wall
that fall, it must

It's the Cranklatches, yes the Cranklatches
spreading lies and hovering like flies 
polluting my ideas with fascist intentions

poisoning my days
with perverse hallucinations 

But I know of
yes I have seen

Their plots, their plans
their visions of a bloated and resolute future

watch out
they inhale your whispers

even here, are they with us?

A man is not a man without a heart 

but a shell, wherein loneliness rips apart 

every morsel of truth, infecting with lies 

bitterness and longing buzzing about like flies 


there was a time a few years back where I could not see past the wall

a mental structure I built to crawl away from all

I grew cold, I grew callous, I did not care 

at the corpse in the mirror at which I stared 


the days were black and the hours mundane 

with each setting sun my lust for life waned 

I was broken, devoid of strength, seemingly through 

then everything changed the second I met you 


you know I care not for expressing feelings or emotion 

or should I say, expressing is something which I struggle 

but our stupid jokes, the little quips and kisses 

are something I've so long been missing


you're perfect to me, and that's the truth 

and I just wanted to say I love you

Strangers in the morning dawn
I saw your face against the morning sun
you kiss me though my lips are cut
loving me though my heart was shut

you drove a wedge between my tortured mind
you let me leave my nagging demons behind
those crystalline eyes of pure truth
never in all my time, never in all my youth

would I have thought
I'd have found the most perfect girl in you.

Are my words too hard to swallow?
Did I offend the offense in which you wallow?
We are quick to judge, to blame those in power,
yet we break our own rules, every hour

The truth is too scary so it's not a fact,
slowly humanity dies from a heart attack -
we are oh-so-happy to believe all the lies
and yet recoil in horror as we unleash the flies

Satan's on speed dial, but he won't pick up
too disgusted with this world we've fully ******* up
fear spreads to every nation
but progress is contagious, so it's stuck at the same station

In a world when diversity upsets the masses
in a stagnant society that kisses the ignorant ***** -
What have we become, has it really been here all along?
Are we forever doomed to sing our own swan song?

If life was a flutter
of the wings of a butterfly
and love was the mutter
of feelings both here,
and gone by

If sadness was a kiss
on my trembling cheek
and lies were a snake's hiss,
from a barbed tonge
it speaks

If remembrance held my hand,
comforted me through the sorry nights
and if silence were a flicker
a watching angel
keeping on the lights

If my love for you could walk
it would run faster than any cheetah
and if your trust could talk
it would embrace me,
grow deeper,

If time stood more than
and caressed all that is true,
and if I am only but a man
and you are my life

well for that

I thank you.

It’s been so long
Since I’ve woken to an empty bed
It’s been so long
Since I’ve had septic thoughts suffocate my head

Your eyes so blue,
I could stare for endless years

Cutting through the fog, you make me feel
Make me feel like I’m close to tears

Once seeking comfort from those
Who closed their blinds on my twisted mind
You wouldn’t understand what I’ve been through
And the pieces that I’ve left behind

The time has finally come
To move forward and forget the past
Like the cigarettes I used to smoke
That façade is now nothing but ash

It’s been so long
One foot in heaven, one in the grave
Shackled by a pain
this lovestruck fool you’ve willingly saved

Your eyes so blue,
I could stare for all of time

The time for change is now
I am yours, and you are mine.

As a nation stands still
swallowed by a tide so ferocious, it kills,
as our streets, once so lively, now stand dead
held by fear, a contagious anchor of lead

And yet the birds will still sing in the morn
and the sun will still rise at dawn -
life is more stubborn than the death it evades
you just need to open your ignorant eyes, see what's at stake

We may feel seperated, anxious, alone
and there may be others who are sadly gone
but together in this blindness we will *****
for even in the darkest corner there is hope

Marvels of technology abound
there is communication all around
from letters, to video chats and phone calls
as long as we stay sensible and not panic, we will not fall

Keep your loved ones safe by keeping your distance
only venture out if necessary, ignore your selfish insistence
do you really need the object you desire
do you not care about being a potential killer liar?

Our backs are up against the wall
the selfish acts still occurring, apalls
if you do not heed our government's cries
someone else, or others, will die

The sky will still be blue in a few months time,
the mountains will still stand for us to climb,
we need to wait, relax, keep our front doors shut
for if we don't, will some of us still be here?
I fear not.

I feel so brave
Yet so scared
I look into the mirror
And something dreadful stares

I feel a sickness in my mind
Feeling feelings
I thought I had left behind

White numbness in the days
blinding fury
bursting through the haze

Nobody seems to understand
Nor seems to care
Nobody seems to realise
I'm neither here

nor there

Have you ever tried to cry
But the tears just won't come?
Ever seen a darkness
That seems to block out your sun?

Have you ever hurt yourself to feel alive
From your own thoughts
Trying, trying, trying to hide

The doubts and insecurities
They just never seem to give in

I guess maybe
Maybe

One day I'll win