Stroking the charred remains of the day,
to my non-existent God I pray;
don't show me light, oh let me rot and roil
for everything I touch I unwillingly spoil

I sneer at my reflection, falling in love
with my ego and horrific fascinations
***, stilettos, chains
drugs, cigarettes and chest pains

I've torn myself in two halves
slowly being taken over by my disease I've starved
I locked it away for so so many years
but now the pale God has the key to my fears

Rejection, perception, emotive mutilation
I climbed my throne only to be failed by damnation
using truth like a razor I undoubtedly hurt
but all he cares about is fresh flesh and skirts

Ah I disgust myself but what choice do I have?
Better to give into the dark, or place my neck on a slab?
My heart is but a stone with a speck of gold
I'll try fighting it but I fear my sanity I've already sold.

Eyes of wonder can you feel my glare
what I thought was dead now I feel I care,
forever on the verge of the downward abyss
stroking my demons and giving Satan a kiss

for here are we under a sky of brilliant white
oblivious to the signs surely in our sight
for yet I wonder again, what really is love -
yes, it's in my ignorance I've not yet understood

do I feel sorrow, compassion, remorse?
Hell I should but sadly my heart is a beating corpse -
no longer do I care about others and their irreverent needs
instead inside I hide and plant my cunning seeds

ready to taint, to take, to fabricate and humiliate
they all say I'm good but I can't help but manipulate
not only the minds of others, but of myself
my sanity is slowly dying along with my health

now I gaze to the sky above, and the little fly buzzing around
I listen as nature refuses to make a sound -

oh give me a sign Lord, non existent but I want to believe
tell me all is a lie that I apparently perceive.

Love is
when things turn black, you're always there
Love is
when somethings different you don't stand and stare
Love is
making that special someone some coffee, a cake or maybe their favourite food
It's pretending to laugh when you're just not in the mood

Love is
tending to the sick, to the poor, to the wasters and users
Love is
realising in life that we're surrounded by takers and choosers
Love is
waiting for another at the bus stop in the pouring down rain
It's the beautiful gift that just gives again and again

Love is
not sharing on Facebook hoping millions in other countries will care
Love is
focusing not on the fictional but the ones who are actually there
Love is
knowing who are your friends and who are parasites
it's watching out for your brother, even if it keeps you up all night

So pack up your worries, your selfish needs and excuses
reality's both exquisite and ferociously abusive -
when you're lay dying, will your tweets or wealth keep you alive?
No, for love is the drug that keeps living alive.

This heart
this heart
this heart is black and broken,

these lips
these lips
these lips choked upon words that can't be spoken

In space things seem distant,
a bloated biblical womb of belief -
chemical confusion, twisted violence and illusion

our God is nothing but a thief

God's sinful monkeys and alien babies
fed with drugs and frothing with rabies

what's black and stains the most sordid of lies
a torrent of angst, a thousand children's cries,
some lucky, some born survivors
others born to die from the disease their body harbours

for you were my mechanical example, no use but lust,
living a lie in this world so ******* devoid of trust
as death lurks around us, inside our closets, beneath our beds
the tendril of insanity curdles our pathetic heads

God's sinful monkeys and alien babies
fed with drugs and frothing with rabies
stealing newborns, fresh blood to medicate
creating new Gods to **** upon and hate*

and now I sit here in my little tin capsule above Earth
an Alien among my kind, such is open-mindedness' curse

when the days burn white and there's nothing but eternal numbness,
you wonder if it would be easier if you were six feet under.

My sister's sick with a disease that can barely be cured
a flash and all is gone when hope seemed restored

pumping veins with poison and chemicals, to ****;
when the cure's worse than the sickness all you're left with is will

when you have nothing but love and helplessness
you realise money and peace are just luxuries, excess -

for how much is a pure healthy soul
nothing to be afforded by countless billions or gold

she sits there now, starving but sick
there's nothing I can do but be quick

mop up the mess, fawn a laugh, a medicating joke
when deep down in my heart I just want to choke -

when her hair falls out and you can do nothing but smile
then quietly run away to cry for awhile

when she looks into your eyes and says she's fine
even with her voice bloated and trying not to whine

when the days feel black and you have nobody to turn to
even though they're all around you

when you curse the Lord, wish the cancer upon yourself
when you punish your body just to understand her health

when things become unbearable, but you're always there

*that's when you know, my son, you truly care.

Eyes of coal that sparkle in the light
breathing through mucus they hide from sight,
******* the life out of us but their hearts beat dead,
their teeth stained yellow, vile hands stained red

bullet wounds
gun shot holes
maggots and lice thriving
between fleshy folds

disgustingly perfect, attached together with surgical seams
ripping minds open and feasting upon dreams;
Bogeymen of the new age, souls unjust and undone
an obscenity to all even Death does run -

gods sinful monkeys and alien babies
fed with drugs and frothing with rabies
stealing new borns, fresh blood to medicate,
creating new gods to **** upon and hate

the Beautiful People are back and more horrific than ever,
their grotesque masked with wax feathers

masquerading as angels, slyly drawing you in
corrupting your mind with mutilated sin

everything makes sense in a senseless world
sanity insane, torturous, curled

and as I look at their swaying fleshy folds
I fear for humanity, for what the blackened future holds -
incarnadine stained nails, rotted bones, lungs riddled with pus
yes the Beautiful People are abhorrent

*but they're also one of us.

I burnt myself today
a pain that made me feel alive

I hurt myself with a searing knife
laughing at the past as I then cried

the fields of sorrow swell
as the faces I once knew fade away
falling asleep to salty tears
forever in my dreams I want to stay

what have I let myself fall to
lungs of tar, blistered skin -
in this game of torture who do I think will lose
and who do I think will win?

Sat upon my throne of isolation
gazing through a fractured stare
forever nurturing my pitiful ego
slowly sinking into my own despair

a life of lies is all I've ever known
oh the dark times are ahead - where have all my friends gone?
Seems the strength I once prided myself with
now lies dead
a corpse at betrayals altar, stained incarnadine

slashed red

oh if only I could twist back time

if only I could travel back free of these scars,

I'd say sorry to my loved ones
and build something different beneath these new killer stars.