I did not know
or refused to know

the difference between improving the parts of myself
that could grow into things great and full
and help me grow into something more myself
grow closer to me

and changing parts of myself
because I felt hatred for them
though they were me

The desire to improve oneself often grows from self-hatred
and can only be cured by acceptance and love

yet
self-acceptance does not equal stagnation

My essence wilts
In
this cruel cold

enduring truth:
That
all must gray

though sorrow screams
This
I whisper here too

sun’s healing warmth
will
always stay

Why should elsewhere
Be preferable to nowhere?
Or anywhere really….

Whatever “where” I inhabit
It will be my where.

Though suffering seeps upwards through the floorboards
And creaks in the night
And comes when the wind shifts
And the moon’s light is blocked by the

swirling

Black

Sky

I have always had a morning
I have always known the warmth of a fireplace
I have always found an answer.

so I just wait.

Find something you like
It should be a place, an experience
First be attentive to it in all its detail
Concentrate with all your will on every aspect of it's being
And then
Release
And fall into it
Allowing it to envelope you
Sink down
Down
Like a stone
Be heavy
And be

I am but a warm breeze
Passing
plaintively
Searching for that momentary ecstacy

forever
slightly out of reach