I'm beginning to despise the words
I'm sorry
They hold no meaning
once you've said them more than twenty times an hour

The tears are getting old
as they salt your shining face
Glistening like pearls
Falling in perfect balance
It couldn't have been more rehearsed

Your words would mean more to me
if they hadn't changed so much
Which story will you tell me now?
The one where you are to blame
or is it her today?

Come on, tell me the truth
For a few moments there you forgot
Forgot about the promises we made
Forgot the love you claim is mine alone
Forgot that we had made a life together
For just a second, a heartbeat, a lifetime
you forgot about *me

i.
Sister won't come out of her room
She just cries and cries all day

Mommy stares at the walls
As if everything's okay

Daddy sets his mouth in a line
The one that means he's mad

Everyone is so upset
I wish I knew what was wrong

ii.
I heard my father growling
That some "punk" was gonna die

My mother whispered softly
That my sister was a fool
She never should have left that night
And broken all the rules

Sister told me not to worry
While tears came pouring down
She told me boys weren't always nice
Especially the ones downtown

iii.
I wish I was old enough to know
Exactly what went on
But I think that if I really knew
I'd be going, going
                    Gone

You invite me in
for tea, supper and some pain.
How can I say no?

I watch as the only person who has ever truly known me
slowly, painfully closes down piece by shattered piece

Her true self slowly disappearing over the days that followed that tragic afternoon

Brown eyes sunken and swollen
full of suppressed tears just begging to fall

A heart once open
clamping down and beating only for the need to live
while she ponders why she should even bother

She hides her pain from everyone
but mostly from herself

It hovers under the surface
waiting for its chance to overwhelm

Full of smiles
she laughs while her heart is breaking

Until one day she whispers
"I'll never be the same."

And in my heart I know she's right
nothing will ever be as it was

If you love me I will sing to you
the words that aren't mine to give

For you I would steal all the good things
and break the bounds of morality
to show that you are special
and whole inside me

I'm trying so very hard
but everything I write is for you
I can twist the words
and hold them in
but the point is always you

The rules say I can't keep you in mind
or share my every thought
I'm running out of answers
and I don't know what to do

It seems the world is set against us
Forbidding my love of you
So I hide it inside
and don't let them see

But every night I scream
"All my words are for you!"

I sleep in hope of dreams that
grow and spread

You used to be my muse
and now you're dead

I sleep in hope to get away
from my world so black

For without you in my life
I don't want to go back

Can you see me in this light?
Can you tell I'm here?
How do I look?

Can you tell who I am today?

My personality changes and I'm never the same
I'll brush right past you and never look back
You'll be left in tears by words I leave unsaid

Have you guessed who I am today?

I like to take orders and have people tell me what to do
I am weak and can never think for myself

See who I am yet?

I hide myself behind people and never speak my mind
I nod my head and agree to anything they say
I'm never a leader and always a follower
I flourish in darkness and hide from the light
Shadows are my friends and I tend to cower in them

Can you guess now?
Have you seen who I am today?

I've made it easy for you to see
I've given you so many clues
I think it's plain to see
So obvious
that today I'm being you

Take this pain and make it yours
Mold it, crush it, pull it through
It has your name written inside
claim it for your own

Lost and found
My heart it waits
Growing broken every day

A stones throw makes the vicious run
Scatter liars in the sun
They'll dry and fade
over time
to leave us here with what's been done

I need the love you refuse to give
Push me, shove me, make me scream
I crave your teeth
So mark me here
Sink them in
and take this pain

I only love you enough to get me through
When the nights are too long
or cold
or there's nothing else to do

I love you when no one is looking
and even more so
when it's just me and you

I'll call you up late and whisper
all the little things that I know make you stay
And every time you try to escape
I'm able to pull you back in
with a little white lie
that fills me with dread
and makes me feel just that less complete

But I love you enough
to get me through
Though I'll never love you enough
to suit you

Don't ask me why
I want to make you smile
Let your tears dry
At least for awhile

Look at me
And be still
I can make you see
If only you will

Remember your dreams
How they make you feel
Bursting at the seams
Not believing it's all real

Don't be distressed
Just remember
That you are blessed
And you'll always have her