I'm trying so very hard
but everything I write is for you
I can twist the words
and hold them in
but the point is always you

The rules say I can't keep you in mind
or share my every thought
I'm running out of answers
and I don't know what to do

It seems the world is set against us
Forbidding my love of you
So I hide it inside
and don't let them see

But every night I scream
"All my words are for you!"

i.
18 years ago
you touched me
16 years ago
you stopped
14 years ago
I finally told on you
Too late
was all I heard

ii.    
13 years
until I willingly was touched
1 more
till I was calm
I'm still waiting for a time
when I can truly let him love me

iii.
I never did confront you
for those 18 years of pain
And the years that are to follow
until I can really let someone in

I color your words in shocking reds
with undertones of purple to show
the bruises they create

Each syllable like a stab in my chest
I know you meant for them to hurt me
but the physical wounds are brightly colored
In mocking tones of lively colors

They pain me
even though I catch myself staring
unable to look away from the mutilated beauty

Mark me
Beat me
Paint me green, blue, black
Hurt Me

Scathing words thrown at me like rocks
Bouncing off my flesh

And all I can do is beg you to paint me
No matter how much it wounds me
because I am your canvas
And you are a master artist

i.
When you walk on water
I feel as though the blood in me is gone
Weakness makes me fall face first into your lonely sea
As I'm enveloped by the waves and take that first breath of ocean
I sense that maybe I am dreaming your beauty

Who can walk on water anyway?

ii.
You control my shaking
as a lion controls his roar
Pushing me into the side of this mountain you've built around us
Every time I try to rush past you
you break me down once more

Who wants to be free anyway?

iii.
Every time you cry
I taste grief in my mouth
It's bitterness tingles on my tongue

I bathe in your sadness, as it lingers over me
and wonder when it was you last said goodbye
I hunger for your tears
like you crave my forced words of love

When the taste is so satisfying
who needs to be happy anyway?

I find I care less and less
as the days go by
The glimmer of hope
that was short lived will briefly haunt me
till it can be replaced
with something more painful

My frown will fade into oblivion
as soon as I find a distraction
The warnings were given
I knew my place
This sting is my reward for ignoring the rules
and kissing you anyway

The words you whispered tricked me
Spun around me and wrapped my hands in them
I breathed in deep
learning, too late, that I was caught

I'll pour the water over my head now
Rinse off this feeling of waste
My heart has stopped pounding
and my song is ending soon

The beat we shared was fleeting
You forgot the words with time
I'll walk away calmly
humming our once perfect rhyme