I can’t help how my cheeks do flare,
And my smile shrinks and shy’s,
When at me he stares,
With those naughty blue eyes,

Ice blue screams adventure in his heart,
Different shades where emotion lies,
Making me blush his untrained art,
With those naughty blue eyes,

Ice blue eyes have me intone,
I can’t help the butterflies,
From only he alone,
With those naughty blue eyes,

Ice blue eyes plead him wise,
He’s made me a klutz,
With those naughty blue eyes,

Naughty blue eyes,
That so my passion entice,
Naughty blue eyes,
You got me thinking twice,

Ice blue eyes that whispers depth,
Subtly watching me he tries,
He’s got me perplex,
With those naughty blue eyes.

“I want!”
Begged my heart,
As it strained against its chain,
My brain screamed
“You shunt!
“I won’t let you hurt again.”

My heart cried,
“Why not?”
And “Where is your pride?”
My brain mocked.

“You’re built to bleed, and not to think.”
My brain convicted,
“Like you where built to lead, but not to link.”
My heart contradicted.
“Love is for fools and fools alone.”
My brain predicted.
“Well then a fool I am for love of fond I’ve grown.”
My heart conflicted.

“You are nothing without me.”
My brain told,
“I beat without you, as you can see.”
My heart said growing bold,

There was a silence,
Between the muscle and the head,
My heart needed guidance,
And without my heart my brain would be dead.

“You know I wish to protect you.”
My brain whispered now,
“But I must reject what you do.”
My brains authority my heart could not allow,

“I am not so callous that I do not care at all.”
My brain explained,
“I understand that on my decisions it’s your function to implore.”
My heart disdained.

“So you can see now why I hold you back?”
My brain feebly asked,
“You are the reason freedom to love I lack!”
My heart finally did at the notion grasp.

Contemplative silence filled the air,
Until my brain did declare,

“If that’s what you want, then go now and don’t dare cry,
But don’t come back bleeding and broken,
And say I did not try”
And so my Brain had spoken.

I sit in front of my dressers mirror,
Stare at the plain adequate girl staring back at me,
Is she enough?
Can she walk out this door and hold her head up high?

No.

And so I pull,
And tweak
And brush
And dry,

I look at the girl in the mirror again,
Her hair is done up,
Pretty and well kept,
But dead dry and limp because of damage,
And I can’t help but think it represents my inner self,

Though dead,
I look substantially better,
But is she enough?
This girl staring back at me?
Can she hold her head up high with the confidence of knowing what she wants?

No.

And so I apply base,
Concealer,
Try to fix my uneven complexion and blemishes,
Eye shadow,
Then eye liner,
Mascara,
Lipstick….

And again I stop to look at the girl,
She looks like women now,
As every feature is defined and highlighted,
Her complexion even,
Blemish free…

But is it enough,
This women staring back at me,
As the make up smudges and rubs off,
She’ll become the drab adequate girl underneath it all,

I can put on beautiful clothes,
Amazing jewellery,
But I remain the plain adequate girl that stares back at me,

With her sad eyes,
Set jaw,
Lips that barely ever quirk upwards with a hint of a smile,
That girl who’s cried so many eyeliner smudging tears,
That girl who fears,
Everything,
Everyone,

No matter how much I do,
To hide her away,
Keep her from the world,
No matter how many layers of,
‘Happy’,
I try to mask her with,

She will come out,
As my clothes grow rumpled,
My jewellery loses its shine,
Its glow,
As my hair turns grey,
My make up smudges,
I become her again,

And is she enough?

I stare at her long and hard,
I notice the high cheekbones,
The strong set features,
I realize this girl is only adequate,
Because she believes it,
Only plain because it’s all she’s ever been convinced to see,

With all her wear and tear,
She is beautiful.
And so I grab my make up remover,
Wipe away the mask suffocating me,
I shake my hair out to its full volume,
I remove the jewellery that’s cold against my warmth,

And I look at this plain adequate girl,
Not so plain and adequate anymore,
And I ask myself,
Is she enough?
Enough to face the world proudly as whom and what she is?
Is she?

Those sad eyes stare back at me with a new found spark,
Those set lips quirk up into a hint of a sly smile,
And she winks at me.

Yes.

Roses I despise thee,
And Violets you lied.
In deceit you left me,
Alone in the pool I cried.

Roses you promised,
Foretold and foresaw,
Violets you stood there,
Frozen while I was raw,

Red promised love,
But blue spoke of sorrow,
Which to believe?
The question left me hollow.

Roses you are thorned,
And Violets your colour says it all,
Your appearance screams I was warned,
And yet I still took the fall.

Roses red I despise thee,
And Violets blue you lied.
You never told me all to see,
But I knew pain wasn’t forever as I cried.

Mommy,
You’re too good for me,
This daughter who you barley see,

Not by your choice,
But by her own,
With her tendency in others to rejoice,
And has left you to be so alone.

Well Mommy dear,
Here is your daughter that your loss does fear,
Your daughter who lacks the ability to show,
All the love for you she wants you to know,

So mommy so true and kind,
Mommy women like you hard to find,
Mommy I am sorry,
That I argue and make you worry,

Mommy I am sorry,
That to grow I was in such a hurry,
Mommy I never meant to love you less,
But with it’s hard with broken pieces I must confess,

You’ve warned me countless times,
Of people and their soul crimes,
Mommy you’ve warned me of this place,
But mommy I had to learn at a rapid pace,

It’s hard to love, to show, to trust,
After being so many times with a knife in the back ******,
But mommy you warned me,
And mommy you should not be the one to suffer for those who scorned me,

So my mommy,
So wise, so dear,
My mommy I love so much, and loss I fear.

Mommy I just want to plead I am sorry,
Sorry I don’t hug you,
Or kiss you,
Or tell you I love you!

So mommy thank you for the strength it took,
The strength you taught me,
And the weakness you shook,

Thank you mommy,
For being you,
Thank you mommy,
All I can say is I truly love you!

Roses once red,
Are now good and now dead,
Violets once blue,
No gone, left and rue,

My garden is empty,
No poor and unseen,
My garden once temptly,
Now worn and obscene,

Winters cold,
Did its damage,
Flowers once bold,
The chill did not manage,

My roses they bleed,
And my violets they’ve wept,
My garden by uncared,
And now by unkept,

My garden demolished,
By colds misdeed undone,
And unpolished.

Fruits will never bare,
Because of lack of care.
My flowers they’re gone,
Demised by weeds of wrong,

My garden it’s life,
Damaged by life’s strife,

My garden of Body,
My garden of mind,
My garden it bleeds of a past unkind,

My garden of soul,
My garden of me,
This garden is dead yet you cannot see,

What is this diminutive?
This quiddity of how we live,
This good and bad,
And right from wrong,
This insane concinnity,
We’ve followed for so pitifully long.

We need learn and ruse our minds,
To understand all types of kinds,
For man is not salubrious,
And all we seek is dubious,
We need to come to understand,
We all are good but all still bad,

We all are docile but maleficent,
Average and Magnificent,
We choose to be one or the other,
One or another,

Some skilled to beguile,
Others only know how to be difficile,
We all are weakened by indigence,
And we all are to this world exiguous,

So what is this surquedry of whose good and bad,
just because some may be of duende,
And others temerity mad,

No matter what you may do or say,
Your actions my apodictic opinion will not sway,
We will always be of human nature,
What is this good and bad nomenclature?

We are human and not irrefragable,
And the definition of unstable,
So be thee good or bad,
Be thee happy,
Be thee sad,
Be thee sane and be the mad,
We all can be good but we still stay with some bad.

Humpty Dumpty
Sat on a wall;
Humpty dumpty;
This stories not about him at all;

But rather a tale
Of a heart gone askew;
A tale of pain; broken heartedness
And nothing new

A heart bathed in blood,
In pain and misdeeds,
A heart bathed in insecurities;
And its doubts that it bleeds;

So this heart;
It was bandaged;
Fixed up but never again new;
This heart of bled tears;
all emotions did rue;

Till the faithful day it came across a wall;
A wall so high; so spiked and jagged;
It pinched and bruised and tore
The heart ragged;

But the heart did it climb
To get to the top;
It refused its beats of its pain;
And it refused to stop;

The wall it was heavy; large and stone cold;
But this heart knew this wall
That was its fears in a solid mould;

But this heart;
It was cracked; it was bleeding till dry;
Its beating was slow now;
More a whisper than a cry;

Till the heart stopped beating;
Let go and fell into the sky;
All this humpty dumpty watched from his seating;
As the heart fell to its silent lullaby;

Till the heart hit the ground;
Lay there stone still;
Without a sound;
Just wallowing in forgotten will;

And all the kings horses,
And all the kings men,
Could not put back together;
What was the hearts final end.

Why?
Why am I not good enough to catch your eye?

Sure she dresses more feminine,
But I wrestle best in denim.

Sure she’s tall and elegant,
But I am short and my free spirit’s evident,

Yes ok she’s gorgeous,
With all the time she spends to look flawless,
But I’m ok with my little bit of eyeliner,
Because it’s not my definer,

Sure she laughs at everything you say,
Thinking she’s putting her sense of humour on display,
But I can laugh too,
And still take you serious because my thoughts are true,

Sure she acts naïve,
But my “blonde” moments are genuine,
I don’t need to make believe,
Because I know what I can and cannot achieve,

Yes she makes you believe she’s exactly what you want,
Without her to breath you simply can’t,
And you believe her because she believes herself,
Until your belief to want her, your mind engulfs,

She’s a so called "GODS gift to men",
And those who oppose this she will condemn,
And girls like me who can’t stand a chance,
Well I’m overwhelmed If you just grace me with a second glance,

But I am gift too you know,
I am the high spirits to all you owe,
If only deeper you would look,
You’d see what patients it took,

I’m a gift too,
Because I have not lied to you,
I’m not making u believe I am "perfect"
Because that is not in any way correct,
I am only human,
I am real,
I am a human,
And like you I feel,

So stop it,
Stop looking past me,
In your world she does not fit,
Cant you that see,

Stop looking over my head,
Stop searching for another,
Before my love is dead,
And you want me but my hearts with any other.

Stop looking past me…