Is it the lies we tell ourselves that hurt us the most?
Not beautiful
Not ****
Just basic
Just be basic, *****.

It’s so good
I don’t need it
It’s so bad
But I want it
Stomach burning
Pain
Do I have to live?
Can I live without it?
How can I be what I’m supposed to be without it
How can I be what I’m supposed to be with it
Eat
Don’t eat
Healthy
Fit
Loaded words.

It starts as sizzle
A silent spark you dare not ignite
Suddenly it’s everywhere
All consuming, tears ablaze, thoughts firing
A sudden explosion
Like a 4th of July finale it just keeps going
I look around and it’s over
The darkness is back
Me alone cleaning up the ashes

I’ll never be perfect
Nobody’s perfect
Why do all those girls look so **** perfect
Nobody’s perfect
But can’t a girl try?
Head turner
Knockout
The kind you can’t take your eyes off
I wanna be perfect.

Can’t.
Stop.

Nothing ever spirals into control.