I'm looking for that person who told you it's okay to slaughter a cow but not a cat
And who told you slaughtering a goat was evil
Who told you that only cows and sheep should be eaten
That person who told you cow milk was "healthier" than your moms breast milk
Who told you the Bible was superior to the Quran
Who told you Silasi, Buddha, Mahommed, Krishna & Christ were different
Who said African ancestors were evil and English ones weren't

I'm looking for that person who told you mordern medicine was better/different from traditional medicine
Who told you cannabis was a drug
Who told you English was a sign of intelligence, and illiteracy shown you were 'stupid'
Who told you education makes you wise

I want that person who told you being 18 means you're old enough to vote, drink, get married, etc Why not 13?
Who told you a woman's place is in the kitchen and a man's in the garden
Who told you that you have to wear specific type of clothes

And who the hell told you white skin was better looking than melanin?
The person who told you you gotta bleach your beautiful melanin skin, burn you hair, speak a foreign language, to fit in
Who told you my dreadlocks were 'unprofessional' and untidy, and your silky hair wasn't?
Give me that person who told you "thick" was better than "skinny"
Who told you big bums are sign of beauty

I want the person who told you 'traditional' wedding is not legal but 'white' is
That person who told young people it's Okay to respect elders
Who told them it's okay to disrespect tradition
And that person who told you you can't change tradition

I want that person who took your ability to think for yourself
Wo took your ability to reason, research, read

Bacause all I see is a lot of dead fish flowing with the river

You want to know what's unfair?
Unfair is having diagnosed with pulmonary tuberculosis at the age of 22 despite never having smoked a single cigarette your entire life.
Unfair is having to take 3 months unpaid leave because you're "not safe" to be around anybody.
What's not fair is the inability to walk 5 steps to the kitchen without running out of breath.
What's not fair is the never ending painful coughs at night and having neighbours complaining.

You know what's unfair?
Unfair is losing half of your lung in a battle you never started.
What's unfair is hearing your family members talking behind your back claiming you have Aids, despite never been with a woman before.
What's unfair is fighting so hard to get back on your feet, to get back to full recovery only to get the news that you are now diagnosed with Bronchitis;
Hearing that you will never be able to run like you used to.
That you will never be able play soccer again.

What's unfair is the constant fear that follows after.
The fear that no girl would ever want you.
The constant fear that you might never be able to satisfy any girl.
The fear that, what if you get someone sick despite being 100% cleared?
Now that is unfair.

Unfair is whilst other people take few days to heal from cold and flue, you have to take weeks of antibiotic treatment, just to rid off the same cold.
What's unfair is people constantly thinking your TB is back everytime that cold starts.
Unfair is constantly having to explain why you breathe so heavily.
Unfair is always trying to act "normal"
You really wanna know what's unfair?
Unfair is having your brother lose the battle against the same TB you won against 3 years ago.
What's unfair is having him leave behind his 3 year old with no one.
What's unfair is that you didn't choose any of this.

And Unfair is writing all of this with a broken heart and a tear rolling down my cheek, because this is a true story.
It's My story. And regardless, I'm Still here.

What do you say to someone who has just lost everything?
You can't say you understand what she's going through because you'd be lying.
You can try to say Sorry, but that won't bring back what they lost.
You can't just ignore it, because it's tearing you apart.
You can stay quiet, but won't be able to hold the tears.
So what do you say?
What do you do?
Do you hold her?
Do you read her a scripture? That's if you can hold the tears long enough for you to read.
What do you do?

All you can think about is What If?
What if you spent more time with him?
What if you were a better friend?
What if you played one last Fifa 18 game with him?
Just that one last shot.
One last Goal.
One Last penalty miss.
One last cheer.
One last scream.
One last laugh.
What if you grabbed just one last Heineken beer with them?
Just what if?

What if you where in that car with him?
You know scientists say just one small change in a time line could alter the future events.
Maybe you were supposed to be in that vehicle with them.
Maybe everything would still be normal by now.
Just maybe.

Just when everything was going right in his life.
When he just got married.
When he just got a baby girl.
So what do you say now to the widow?
What do you say to this grieving mother?
What do you say to this few days old baby girl?
What do you say?
What can you say?

I'm not my eyes, not my face, not my smile. I'm not my legs, or my hips, or arms. I'm not my weight. I am not My Body.

And just like any vessel, I would one day leave this body, and I will live forever.

Because what I am, is far beyond appearance.

If there's ever one thing in this world that is not in sync, it would be a woman's brain and mouth. The mouth could say one thing, and mean a totally different thing
And the hardest job a man could have in this world is trying to decipher everything a woman says.
Believe you me I tried. Still couldn't get it right.
Algebra is way easy compared to this
Deciphering a mos code from the Russians is way easier.

See, I couldn't keep up with your actions and your words, believe you me I tried
You said one thing, and did the other
I'm sure you must understand when I say I don't really believe you when you say you still love me
When you say you still want to spend the rest of your life with me
When you say you need me back in your life
How can I trust anything you say
Because you keep on doing the exact opposite
You can't say you love me and entertain other ****** behind my back
You can't say you need me, when you have 4 other guys on your speed dial
You can't say you want me back, when you the one who gave up on us
When you the one who left
How do you expect me to believe you?

You leaving gave me an actual chance to go back and study every sign you gave and I ignored
And believe you me, it doesn't look good
It's like I was suffocating you
You told me to let you go, but when I actually did, you got mad at me, told me I never cared
Tell me, how was I supposed to stop you from leaving if I already done that 5 times before?
Why get mad at me, when all I did was abide by your instructions
Remember when I bought you that Jean jumpsuit form YDE, you told me I shouldn't because you never wear it, but you were all smiles, so u bought it anyway
And I was later to learn that you meant it when you said you weren't goona wear it, because you never did
So I learnt from that day that when you say something you mean it
See now why I did what you asked, and let you go?
Hope your next one understands you way better than I did

I thought maybe I owed you an explanation why I Can't come back to you
Why I won't be yours again
No, it isn't because I don't love you anymore
It isn't because I don't trust you no more
It isn't because you fell in love with another guy
It isn't because letting you go doesn't hurt
Because believe you me, this pain is unbearable
But the reason I'm letting you go,
The reason I'm doing what you asked
The reason I'm never coming back to you, is because you left.
You gave up on us.
It's because even after 4600 pictures and 3 years of being together, you still doubt my love for you.
You still don't know if you want to be with me.
Forgive me but I can't settle for unsure,
Hence it's why I gotta let you go..

She said she needed space
She needs some time to herself
To reflect, to think about things, to see
To see if she still needs you
To convince herself she still cares
To show herself she can live without you
She needed to explore other avenues
To see what she might be missing out
She doesn't need you, at least that's what she told herself
She doesn't wanna depend on you no more
She wants to test the waters outside, without you
She made up her mind
But did she even bother to consider your feelings?
All she seems to care is about her feelings
She played you again, didn't she?
And here you thought you are finally gonna get the courage to ask for her hand
It's okay, she will come back to you

I can't believe this!
She said she only needed time apart
She said she only needed some space to be herself
She didn't mention running towards any guys arms
She forgot to say "space's" real name is John
How could've you been so dumb?
How could she do this to you?
You trusted her
It's all okay, you have got to move on
Let the sun shine upon you once more

One day you will move on, and she'll get hurt outside
She'll run back to you with her tail between her legs saying she made a mistake
That she misses you,
That you are the one for her
She suddenly sees the value of you in her life

It's only because it didn't work out outside
Only because the grass wasn't greener
Only because she misses all the attention you gave her
All those long phone calls
All those play fights, and real fights
Only because her other guys don't see what you saw in her

It's only because someone else saw in you, what she didn't all those years
Only because you've healed form the heartache she caused
Only because you don't care no more
Only because you're happy again
Only because she is not the one saying "I do"
It's only because now she realize,
She played herself...

You know my name,
My background, my roots
You know my clan name
You know my family, my culture
You know my beliefs
You know my favourite colour
My favourite food
My favourite sport
My hobbies
My favourite music
My likes and dislikes
You know my goals, my dreams
You know what makes me tick
Yet, you don't know my Soul

You know all my allergies
You know all my so called flings
All my past relationships
You know all my friends
You know my favourite beer
You know what makes me smile
You know what makes me mad
And you even know my payslip

You know I don't like my pizza with pineapple
Lol, and you know I hate Amasi with sugar
You know my favourite soccer team
And you know I prefer Messi over Ronaldo
You know between left and right I'd go right
Between up and down I'd always look up and I won't go down
And you know between you and her I'd always choose you
But, you still don't know my Soul...