Of cold air

and gloomy clouds

Such darkness on it

It let go the rain

Like the girl I see

Sitting next her paper

Ripping the pages 

out of melancholy

Water streaming

Down her face

Night castling a paradise 

And seeking refuge with dreaming.

I saw the girl

Writing in pain

Howling because of

Anguish

And all her hopes drained


I saw the girl
Staring back at me in the mirror.

A solitary, single, step, is where it began,
Travelling the road, we all must tread,
Letting the world know us, as we are,
Not just how we think we should be,
Compliant members, of our society.

We’re always learning from the past,
Guided to live and enjoy the present,
Our experiences creating the future,
Happiness, success: not destinations,
But journeys, devoid; of all limitations.

First, love oneself, cherishing self-belief,
Ignore jealousy, hurting with malice,
Celebrate, individuality of free-will,
Choosing, spontaneity, or even a plan,
A solitary, single, step, is where it began.

© Paul Chafer 2014

I'm not sure id find it in your heart
or your eyes.

your soul is something
I could never read

and though my own
lay woven in and out of lies

i expected more from you.
It was a crazy lie invented to occupy my loneliness

and  I almost had myself believing it
but there was one step I was too proud to take

I count myself so lucky
I didn't fumble when you needed me most

the cold in your eyes is what I deserve
but there is no coldness there.

I fumble because I know
it's not what I should still have to run to

And I can't look in there as long as I used too
its so **** hard

because its in my eyes and in my heart
I know you've seen it.

I almost destroyed it
like so many other parts of myself

so  this one thing I hold perfect
in honour of you,

singularly
my ***

though my heart
tore it's self in two.

I wonder why it is that you have not left my mind
Too far behind to even say goodbye
Little by little you were slipping out of my grasp
Until out of nowhere there was absolutely nothing left

When will you come back - we both know you will
When will you look into my eyes again and hold me close at your will?
When will we stay up again - rolling in the sheets
Bodies interlocked.
Eyes stay meet.
With the moon glowing bright
Until the sun sinks in
"I can never get any sleep when I'm with you, what am I going to do with you?"
This is my excuse for why you ran away

So many questions I've been waiting for you to answer
Shall I wait much longer?
They say "distance makes the heart grow fonder."
So why haven't you called?
Or do you not care at all?

Just tell me you care and I will be there
Am I making this up all in my head?
It's easier to think you just wanted to **** me instead.
But if this is true - why would you say the things that you do?

"If it were any other time in my life Stefanie, I would have chased you until the sun burnt out."
If you felt this way then how not now?
The sun is still shining and you're not behind me.

Ah, I see it was all a game
You conquered me and left me to shame
And now we can never be friends again and it pains me inside
To lose the friendship we used to have because of a sweet talking lie

I will love you forever, this I know
And I know you will think about me and our time together
Holding me in your arms
Kisses on my back
It has been a year full of tears
And I want my energy back
It is no longer yours to keep
I am tired of feeling weak

This is me letting go, until the sun burns out.

Can you see me from your distant presence?
I feel irrelevant
as you navigate your own way
through self-directed courses
under the vast sky
courageous, determined
In my mind I always believed myself to be
your faithful watchtower
Leading you safely from Life's perils into my secure surround
I ask, do you still trust me?
Restless,
I attempt to re-capture you with a glaring intensity
I anticipate, hoping you'd
notice
But you don't respond.
I feel sunken, an eerie darkness, as you steer away  
Your sights toward the moonlit horizon
And now it seems
we're
oceans apart.
Hopeless, I'm left standing
Alone
like a lighthouse.